I woke up the next day and did my usual morning routine that included making sure his clothes were ironed and that he had his breakfast and the morning paper.
Once I was done with him, I began to get ready for school. I showered and washed my hair and brushed my teeth afterwards. I went into my room and sat at my vanity to blow dry my hair and after it was dry, I braided it 'cause I didn't feel like straightening it today. I got dressed and put makeup on my face to hide the scar on my cheek. I made sure I was completely ready before grabbing my things and heading downstairs. Luckily for me, my dad left so I didn't have to worry about Ashton coming to get me while he was here.
I stayed on the living room couch until I got the text that he was here. I went out to his car and he greeted me with a smile.
"Good morning, princess." He said, kissing my cheek when I got in.
"Good morning yourself." I smiled.
"Did something happen yesterday that made you leave?" He asked as he backed out of the driveway.
"No," I shook my head, "our teacher didn't show up so we went to lunch and I didn't feel like finishing the day." It wasn't a complete lie, but I couldn't exactly tell him everything 'cause I'm still trying to sort a few things out.
"As long as you're okay." He nodded.
He took my hand as he continued to drive, intertwining our fingers. I smiled to myself as I looked out the window. His simple statement shows me he cares. Maybe it was just common courtesy but I'm hoping he does care and that all of my doubts yesterday were from all the stress I was under. I don't want things to end between us so soon. We're just starting and I want to see where we'll end up.
We got to school and headed in after parking. We were holding hands and silent while walking through the halls.
I didn't know what to say, really. With Luke, there weren't lulls in our conversations, just awkward tension but you know why I'd be a little awkward around him. We would talk about any and everything and never get bored. With Ashton, I really don't know what to say. We can have a normal conversation from time to time and then we both fall silent, unsure of what to say next. I don't want to give up so early but if we can't communicate, what's the point in staying together?
Am I really trying or am I just looking for excuses to break up with him. I've wanted to be with him for so long and now that I have him, I'm not sure if we should stay together. If I didn't have feelings for Luke I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be thinking all of these things now. I think all this means is I have to try extra hard and stop searching for reasons to end it all.
I glanced up at him every now and then but he wasn't looking back at me or straight down the hall. Instead, he was looking everywhere else; more specifically, at other girls. And then I looked at the girls he was looking at and they'd smile or wink at him. The fact that he was looking at other people while he was with me hurt my heart and made me angry at the same time.
"You know what?" I spoke up, pulling my hand from his grasp. "There's quite a bit of time before class starts and I've got some stuff to do. I'll see you later, okay?" I needed to get away from him before I say or do something that I'll regret later.
"Okay then, I'll see you later." He nodded. He leaned down to kiss me but I quickly walked off, hoping he'd take the hint that I wasn't happy. What kind of guy smiles at other girls while he's with his girlfriend?
That makes me really question his character. He says he really likes me so it should only be me that he's smiling at. I don't want to sound selfish or clingy but I think I can right now given the situation.
As I approached my locker, I was surprised to see someone there waiting for me. It wasn't the usual Dylan or Luke, but Brooke.
"Good morning, Avery." She smiled as I stopped right where she was to put my combination in.
"Hey, Brooke." I didn't even try to hide my confusion. Why was she at my locker?
"I just wanted to say that my attitude towards you was completely unnecessary and I'm sorry. I just," she shrugged, "I guess I was jealous." She sighed. "You and Luke were so close and I'm guessing the two of you still are and it felt a little weird to me. We're supposed to be friends, all of us, and I shouldn't have let myself get out of hand like that."
"It's okay, I can see why you felt like you did. You felt threatened because he was getting close to an ex." I nodded.
Gee, I wonder why that sounds familiar.
"I kind of sound like a hypocrite, don't I?" She chuckled.
"Don't be so hard on yourself, I completely understand. I accept your apology and we should just move past all of it." I said.
"That sounds great." She smiled. "So I'll catch you later?"
"Yeah." I nodded.
She shot me one last smile before spinning on her heels and heading up the hall.
I closed my locker and leaned against it. It was great that she apologized to my face and all but what Ashton did earlier still hurt me and he doesn't even know it. I had to get all that I was feeling off my chest and the only one I could talk to about it all was Luke.
I took out my phone to send him a text. I knew that since Brooke was here, he was here but I didn't exactly know where and I don't feel like walking all around the school looking for him.
Me: I really need to talk to you. When can we have some time alone?
I went out of the app as I waited for his reply and then the notification soon came down.
Luke: Meet me under the big tree in the courtyard during lunch.
Me: Okay, see you then.
I closed my phone and wandered the halls to clear my head before I had to go to class.
-
After first period let out, I was surprised to see Ashton leaning against the lockers across the hall. While it was something I've been waiting on him to do, I didn't let that blind me. I was still mad at him for what he did earlier so instead of approaching him with a smile, I acted as though I didn't see him and made my way to my second period.
I heard a little shuffling behind me and I felt a large hand grab my arm and turn me around.
"Can you please tell me why you're mad at me? I don't like that you're giving me the cold shoulder." He said.
And I didn't like that you were drooling all over those other girls!
"I don't want to talk about it right now." I said. Mainly because we were in the middle of the hallway.
"Then when can we talk?"
"Later." I stated.
He held a sad and defeated look that made me want to pepper his face with kisses and forgive him right then but I contained myself.
"Okay," he sighed, "later then." He quickly leaned in and kissed my cheek before letting me turn and continue my journey to class.
I smiled to myself as I sat down. Giving him the cold shoulder seemed to affect him. I don't want to make him hurt but I wanted him to at least feel how I felt. Being ignored by someone that's supposed to care about you isn't fun and I'm sure he's learned that by now. And he came to me because he was hurt and concerned so that means he really does care, right? He would've carried on like nothing was wrong if he didn't.
"Try not to do too much today, she's here." Dylan mumbled as he sat down. I turned my attention to the front of the room and there she was, my favorite English teacher sitting at her desk.
I don't know what it is this lady has against me, but I swear I'm the only one she ever calls out.
As class progressed, I made sure to stay silent and that wasn't hard because all I could think about was the talk Luke and I were about to have in an hour. It wasn't on my mind because I'd be spending time with Luke, although that was a reason I was happy, but I'll be able to talk to him about my concerns with Ashton and he'll be able to give me the best advice. He's bound to know something since they're good friends.
Do I include today's incident also? Well of course I should, it relates to the issue at hand that is if Ash and I really are a good match. I don't know what I'm expecting him to say at all. Do I want him to tell me to break up with him? Is he gonna talk to Ash himself? Will he just tell me to work it out with him so nothing happens to our relationship? I don't know but I shouldn't continue to think about it when I should be paying attention to what this witch is saying at the front of the room.
When the bell rang for lunch, I walked out of the room and bid Dylan farewell and headed to the bid tree in the courtyard as Luke instructed. I sat on the bench and waited, watching kids go in and out of the building and a few got in their cars to head somewhere else for lunch. I finally saw the smiling blond walking my way and I couldn't help but smile at him too.
"Hey." He greeted, sitting down and pulling me in for a hug.
"Hi." I breathed, trying to contain myself.
"How's your cheek?" He asked as he pulled away, examining both sides of my face, probably looking for the cut I mentioned on the phone yesterday.
"It's fine, I used makeup to cover it up so I could avoid any unwanted questions."
He nodded. "So what was it you wanted to talk to me about?"
"It's about Ashton." I sighed. "I wanted to talk about him yesterday but the time didn't seem right given what had happened. But yesterday, I don't know, he seemed a little different somehow. We weren't really communicating and then he doesn't walk me to my classes. I know that's not really a huge deal but it's a small gesture any boyfriend should make in my opinion. And then this morning I caught him looking at other girls." I felt a lump form in my throat when I finished. Stating everything aloud made it hurt even more.
He was silent after I explained everything and it made me nervous. "So what do you think?"
"I felt like this would happen but I thought he'd be different when it came to you." He said more to himself than to me.
"What do you mean? What would be different?" I asked.
"Ash...has a problem with commitment. Not like marriage or anything but just dating. He doesn't stay with one girl too long because that's too much for him. He likes a bit of everything."
His words tore right through me. I was trying to refrain from crying before, but now I couldn't control the tears that were rolling down my face.
"Please don't cry." Luke said, bringing me into a hug again.
"How am I not supposed to?" I raised my voice. "You're telling me my boyfriend is getting bored of me and will probably dump me soon!" I wasn't mad at him, I was upset over the whole situation.
"Don't think like that." Luke said, pulling away and placing his hands on my shoulders to look me in the eye. "I could be wrong, maybe he's changed because of you. I'm just speaking from experience."
"So that means it'll happen." I sniffed.
"There's a chance it won't." He said, taking his thumb and wiping the tears under both of my eyes. "You could be the one to change him like Brooke was the one to change me."
I blinked back a few more tears that were threatening to fall. "Do you really think so?" I didn't want to sound like some bitch that couldn't live without her boyfriend but I made the decision to really work hard and keep this relationship going.
"I know so. You and Ash just need to sit and have a chat about everything and you'll both work through it."
"I'm sorry you had to see me like this." I chuckled, burying my face in my hands. "I don't know what came over me, I couldn't help it."
"It's okay, as long as you got it all out." He chuckled, rubbing my back and causing me to smile.
I wiped my face before looking at him again and I smiled. "Thanks for helping me out, you really opened my eyes to some things."
"Like I said, I'm always here for you." He smiled.
"So you think Ash and I will work out?" I asked.
"Of course, you guys are perfect for each other."
That wasn't the answer I wanted to hear. I didn't expect him to confess his undying love for me but I didn't want him to say that.
"Good." I nodded with a smile.
There really is no hope for you and I, is there?
-
After school, I was finally ready to face Ashton. I didn't talk to him all throughout chemistry but now he was about to drive me home and I thought that'd be the best place to have our conversation anyway. Talking to Luke earlier really helped me sort everything out in my head and I knew all the points I wanted to make. Hopefully this all works out.
We got into his car and silently rode to my place. I saw him glance at me every few seconds out of my peripheral vision but I acted as though I didn't notice. I knew I was torturing him and I felt bad for doing it but he deserves it 'cause what he did earlier was wrong.
Once we arrived, he parked his car and got out with me and walked to the front door.
"Are you ready to talk now?" He asked as I pulled out my key.
I nodded and unlocked the door, pushing it open and stepping inside. We went to the living room and sat next to each other on the couch. I slid my bag off my shoulder onto the floor and turned to look at him.
"Can you please tell me what I did to cause you to become so upset so quickly?" He asked.
I sighed. "It wasn't just from earlier today, but yesterday too. Yesterday you weren't paying much attention to me. I don't mean to sound like a clingy girlfriend but it's like you were elsewhere when you were supposed to be with me. And then earlier when we were walking through the hall, you were smiling at the pretty girls and that honestly broke my heart. I was right beside you and you were looking at them. Why would you do that, Ash?" I felt so stupid because I could feel myself begin to cry again.
"I honestly don't have an answer." He shook his head. "But it was stupid of me. I guess I was in my own world that I wasn't paying you attention and I'm sorry about that. And this morning...I shouldn't have done that. You're the only girl I should be smiling at because you're the most beautiful human being I've ever laid my eyes on." He placed his hand on mine. "I can't stand you being mad at me. I'm really sorry, Avery."
As sweet as his apology was, I wasn't through with him yet. "I know your reputation and how you handled your relationships in the past. They never last long because you can't stick with who you're with. Do I have to worry about that now?" I asked.
"Of course not, you're the only one for me. I know it may not seem like it given what happened yesterday and today, but you've changed me, Avery. I'm not that kind of guy anymore. It's you, always has been, always will be." He smiled.
"You mean that?" I asked, sounding hopeful.
"Of course I do. I promise to always care for you, respect you, and be there for you. You're all that I want, nobody compares to you." He was holding both of my hands at his point.
"I forgive you then." I nodded.
"Thank you." He smiled. "And I swear I'll keep my promises."
"Good." I smiled.
He leaned forward to kiss me, letting go of my hands and wrapping them around my body to bring us closer. I brought my hands around his neck, tugging at the curls back there and earning a moan from him. I slowly began to fall back, our lips never breaking contact, and he was hovering over me. He then moved from my mouth to my jaw and down to my neck, biting and sucking on the skin there. The hem of my shirt was then pushed up and I felt his hands caress my bare stomach. I could tell where this was going and I was beginning to grow uncomfortable.
"Ash..." I mumbled, his lips coming back to mine, cutting off my sentence.
"Hm?" He hummed against my mouth.
"S-stop." I barely managed to say. He kept going, his hands pushing my shirt up even more until my bra was exposed. "I said stop!" I nearly yelled, pushing him off of me and sitting up so I could fix my clothes.
"What's wrong?" He asked.
"I told you to stop and you didn't." I huffed.
"Why would I? I thought you were enjoying it."
"I was but then I wasn't. I mean, I knew where it was going and I didn't want to do that. You just promised you'd respect me and you weren't just now."
"Well I didn't realize you'd be so much of a prude." He mumbled.
"Excuse you?" I asked angrily.
"I'm leaving." He said, getting off the couch and I soon heard the slam of the front door.
I can't believe him. He just promised he'd respect me but he just broke it by not stopping when I told him to. How could he? And then he called me a prude just because I wouldn't give myself to him like any other girl probably would've.
I wasn't just angry about this, I was also sad. He didn't respect me like I though he would. We had just got through a bump in our relationship and he tried to fuck me like all that I had just said meant nothing. Do I really mean anything to him or does he just say things that'll make me feel good? Does he see me as a human or just an object to seduce and fuck any time he wants? Now my doubts and confusion are growing and I don't like it.
Apparently he's not the guy I thought he was. He's showing me his true self little by little and maybe it's time that I do end things before I end up getting hurt. It's probably best that he did leave before I could do something that I may regret later.
Maybe I'll try talking to him again tomorrow. Maybe he said what he said without thinking and wants to apologize. I want us to work, I really do, but it shouldn't be this hard.
Should I bring Luke into this? He already talked to me earlier and gave me advice but it sort of backfired. But he's one of the people that knows Ashton best and he'll probably know how I should handle this.
I can't do that. I can't run to Luke every time I have a little problem with Ash. This is our relationship and I've got to figure out how to fix it on my own. Bringing other people into it only adds conflict and I don't need any of that right now.
Tomorrow it'll just be me and him. As long as we're both making an effort, we'll get through it.