As someone in a film I will never admit to enjoying once said, "when you get bit by a snake, you have to suck all the poison out."
And that's what I had to do. I was going to follow in Cady's footsteps and suck all the poison out of my life.
I started with Bess. We met at a cafe by the river, and when I got there she was at a table by the window, sunlight glimpsing her head, big, heavy sunglasses pushed up over her hair. Her eyes found my almost instantly. She looked like she'd been crying.
I took the seat opposite her, and she stared at me, thin-lipped, before tucking her hands over each other. I think she was waiting for me to say something.
'I'm sorry,' I said. I figured that was a good thing to open with. 'I really am, Bess. What I said the other night was stupid and inconsiderate.'
Bess nodded slowly, letting her eyes lower to the wooden table. She was silent for a moment. Eventually she asked quietly, 'am I really not your type?'
I reached forwards and wrapped my hands around hers. 'I don't have a type, Bess. I like you because of who you are and not because of some pre-destined set of features.'
She looked up, stare critical. 'And you're not lying?'
'No.'
She let out a small breath, perhaps in relief. 'Okay.' She nodded to herself. 'Okay, I can work with that.' She reached up and plucked her sunglasses off her head, letting them rest on the table. She ran a hand through her hair. 'So, is she your type?'
I blinked. 'Who?'
Bess gave me a you-can't-be-serious look. 'Dan, you know exactly who I'm talking about.'
'Um, right, yes,' I said, clearing my throat. 'Uh, I'm not sure. Like I said, I don't really have a type.'
'Yes, fine, but you're attracted to her, yeah?'
I paused, Bess' eyes drilling into me. I figured it was better to tell the truth than lie. Lies had never gotten me anywhere good, and I had a feeling that wasn't about to change. 'Yes,' I answered truthfully.
Bess' eyes slipped close as she let out a long breath. 'Great,' she murmured, rubbing her temples. 'That's great.'
'It doesn't mean anything's going to happen.'
'I know, I know, it just makes me feel like shit,' she said, letting her hands drop, folding them again. The sun was sinking further down, and it shone through part of her hair now. One of her eyes was brighter blue in the light. 'I don't know if I can be comfortable with you being friends.'
I pulled a face. 'You're kidding, right?'
'Not really,' she said. 'I mean, you can be friends, but if you're hanging out all the time, just the two of you, I don't know how I'll feel.'
I stared and Bess and she stared at me. 'Fine,' I said eventually. Bess gave me a quick smile, and then glanced down at her watch.
'Good. I'm glad that's sorted. Now, I've got to head off. I'm meeting Louise at 3 to film.'
Sorted. Like this was some kind of business agreement. I tried for a tight smile anyway. I kept on reminding myself that it was me who was sucking out the poison - no point dishing some more out.
I stood up with her, and we hugged before she hurried out the door to hail down a cab. I paid for her coffee and then walked out into the London afternoon, where the clouds bore down like a thick and impenetrable curtain. People hurried past bundled under thick coats and scarves, faces down as the rain started to come - only slowly at first, colouring the pavement darker grey, until I was in the full of it, my hands reaching for my coat hood.
Next was Phil. That was relatively easy - we did share an apartment. I didn't exactly have to track him down. I let myself in and he was on the couch, spread out in his pyjamas, eating cereal. I almost rolled my eyes. How predictable, Philip.
He glanced up at me as I passed, giving me a slight smile before turning back to his anime. I dropped the bag of groceries I'd picked up by the kitchen and then joined him in the living room.
'Can we talk?' I asked, and Phil looked at me for a long moment before reaching over and pausing the TV. He patted the seat on the couch next to him, so I sat down, sinking into the cushion.
'There's a lot I want to say,' I started, Phil's blue eyes looking between me. I swallowed. 'And I don't exactly know where to start. Um, I guess, the thing is, you're my best friend, and I care about you more than anyone else in the entire world. I know I've been an absolute prick these past few weeks, and I guess, what I want to say, is that I miss you.'
Phil's expression softened. He reached in and gave me a big hug, his hair against my face. I squinted, part of his hair in my eye. When he pulled back he gave my shoulder a squeeze.
'I've missed you too, Dan,' he said. 'Really.'
I rubbed my hands on my jeans, a kind of nervous habit. 'Well, I'm glad that's all off my chest,' I said. 'Also, one other thing.' I couldn't help myself. I could feel myself blushing as the words stumbled out. 'So, the other night, I saw you and Meg at the pool, and when I say that I mean I saw you kiss, and I just want to say that I'm totally fine about it. And yeah. So. Yeah. Cool.'
Phil stared at me for a moment before bursting into laughter. I watched him like, what is up with this guy? Phil shook his head once his laugh had bubbled out. 'Oh, God, Dan, we didn't kiss.'
I frowned. 'Uh, I saw it, so yeah, you did?'
Phil shook his head again. 'No, no, we didn't kiss. Or I guess technically we did. But we were laughing about it straight afterwards. It was a totally in-the-moment thing. Like, hey, this is romantic, let's kiss! Sort of like how you feel like you've got to eat a Magnum slowly and slightly sexually because of the ads and it, you know, just feels right. And then we both realised how stupid it was and laughed about it.'
'So you're not dating Meg?'
'No! We're just mates. Like I said, a sort of in-the-moment thing. We were drunk. Nice lighting. I don't know. It sort of felt right, and then it didn't, so we stopped.'
'Oh.' I blinked. 'Oh. Right.'
Phil nodded a little awkwardly. 'So that's all settled then?'
'Yeah.' I grinned. 'Yeah. I'm glad we figured everything out.'
Phil smiled his signature Phil smile. 'I'm glad. I've missed being your friend, Dan. Really.'
I bent forwards and wrapped him in a brief hug. 'Me too, Phil, me too.'
And, of course, then there was Meg.
I met her outside her dorm. She was wrapped up in a big red parker, short hair sitting against her shoulders. Her breath came out in a cloud. She squinted at me as I approached.
'I don't have much time,' she warned as I reached her. She glanced down at her wrist. 'Like, three minutes. My train's leaving soon.'
'I know,' I said, digging my hands into my pockets, feeling the cold reaching down my throat and flushing into my lungs with each breath. She looked between my eyes, critical, the brown staring back at me from between her eyelashes. 'I'm here to apologise.'
'Apologise? Didn't we already do this, Dan?'
'I've been a dick,' I said anyway. 'A real, true, piece-of-trash twat. And I know that. So this is me, saying sorry, and wanting to be friends for real.'
Meg watched me, somewhat cautiously. I could understand why she would be reluctant. I'd screwed her over each time she thought I was coming back to her.
'Okay,' she said eventually. She put on a fierce expression and punched me in the arm. 'There. That's for being a twat. Now we're even.'
I grinned. 'Aren't you late to a lecture?'
Meg's eyes grew wide. 'Oh, shit.' She scrambled for her bag, chucking it over her shoulder. 'See you, Dan.'
And then she was off, down the street and fading into the masses.
this is just getting progressively more shit
ugh
i'm just not super happy with it at the moment so i'm sorry if i update late/updates are bad
i'm sure i'll grow to love it again soon :/ i feel like everyone goes through this with their stories anyway
sorry guys, hope you like the update xx