I lay on my bed as Bess showered, scrolling through Twitter. The cool bedroom air clung to my damp skin - I'd opened a window a few minutes before to let some fresh air in. I hadn't changed, yet. I pulled the sheets up over my legs.
Bess came in a few minutes later, wrapped up in a towel, wet hair strung along the bare arches of her back. She glanced over her shoulder at me as she picked up the dress from the back of the chair. The towel dropped, settling around her feet.
She turned to me, a smile flirting at her cheeks. 'Like what you see?'
I made a 'mhm' sound and pulled out a smile. She frowned, pulling on a loose shirt of mine from the floor. She crawled onto the bed, sitting next to me.
'Hey, is everything alright?' She asked, rubbing a hand along my back. 'You seem a bit out of it.'
'Yeah, I'm fine,' I said, rolling over to face her. Her damp hair hung around her face. I couldn't tell her the real reason I was feeling so shit. She's about 5"8' with a smile that ate up half her face. 'Just a bit of a headache.'
She pouted a little. 'Do you want me to go grab you an aspirin?' I shook my head no and she stood reluctantly, going over to the piano where my hairdryer was sat next to. She crossed her legs in front of the mirror and started doing her hair, the sound of the hairdryer filling up the room. I went back to my phone.
A few minutes later, there was a soft knock at the door. I tugged my duvet up and called out, come in. Phil poked his head in.
'I'm heading off to pick up Meg,' he said, a little awkwardly.
I tried to ignore the sting. 'I like your shirt,' I said. 'It's a nice colour on you.'
Phil got excited. 'Thanks! It's super snazzy, right? Meg and I decided to go matching.'
I frowned. 'Matching?'
'Yeah! She's wearing a pink dress, so we're going to be matching.'
'Oh,' I said, and I couldn't help but sound a little bitter. 'Isn't that what couples do?'
Phil shrugged. He sounded defensive, which was unusual for Phil. 'No. Friends can match too.'
I made a click sound with my mouth. 'Okay. Well, we'll see you there, I guess.'
'Bye Phil,' Bess perked up. He waved at us before closing the door, silence settling over the room. I decided to stand, try and get my mind off things.
I pulled out my moth shirt, but Bess pawed at my leg from where she was sitting. She stood up, tugging it from my hands.
'You know I don't like that shirt,' she said, putting it back. She rummaged for a while before she pulled out another one, this new blue one she bought with me a while back. 'Here. This one's way nicer.'
I frowned. 'I love my moth shirt.'
'I know, I know, but this one looks so much better on you,' she insisted, holding it up against me. She looked up at down. 'Yeah. With those new white shoes especially.'
I took the shirt and changed, and Bess beamed at me before turning away and changing into her own dress. After we'd dressed, she slipped her arm through mine, and we headed out to the party.
It was already in full-swing by the time we got there. The BONCAs had wrapped up yesterday, and this was a kind of after-party-to-the-after-party. Because of this, some people were hungover from last night and were going for the 'Hair of the Dog' treatment.
Bess squeezed my arm excitedly as we walked through throngs of familiar faces, various people stopping to congratulate me for my awards from last night. Bess grinned up at me. She seemed to lap up all the attention, which for some reason frustrated me.
Just as we passed through into the main room 'Dancing in the Moonlight' came on. There was almost a collective sigh - everyone loved this song. Everyone. I was about to go say hi to Marcus when there was a loud, familiar laugh from nearby, and I watched as Phil and Meg tumbled through the crowd and into a more open area.
'Phil!' Meg cried, her voice bubbling over into a giggle. 'You're going to trip me!'
They didn't even see us as they sped by, where Phil dragged her through to the bar. They were laughing madly as he leant over and ordered something. Meg bent over, wheezing, and Phil gave her a massive, friendly whack on the shoulder, only causing her to laugh more. I looked away, jealousy nipping at my insides.
'Oh, who's that with Phil?' Bess said, squinting. She stiffened slightly. 'Is that Meg?'
'The matching outfit kind of gives it away,' I said, and she forced on a smile.
'We should go say hi,' she said, tugging on my arm. I pulled back.
'Why?' I said, annoyed. Bess was not very good at hiding the fact she wanted to scope Meg out. For some reason, the thought of the two of them together made me uncomfortable. 'I'm happy here.'
'Don't be such a sook,' she said, and we started walking over. 'It would be rude if we didn't.'
I reluctantly let Bess lead me over to the two of them, her arm tucked in mine, hand wrapped around my bicep. I could feel the slight press of her nails through my shirt.
As we approached, I saw Phil nudge over a cream-topped shot glass to Meg, and they stared each other in the eye, counted to three, and then chugged it. Meg coughed, cream up against her nose. Phil laughed at her.
And there it is again, I thought to myself. The jealousy. Friends, remember Dan?
Bess looked a little startled by Meg's cream-nose, but Meg was too busy hacking up a laugh to notice. Phil turned to us, the grin still in his cheeks.
'Oh, hey guys,' he said a little breathlessly. 'We were just getting...blowjobs!'
Meg burst into another round of mad laughter, pushing Phil's shoulder with one hand, and then using it for support. Phil grinned, cream on the tip of his nose. Meg heaved herself up and reached over, swiping it off with her thumb.
'It's the shot name,' Meg clarified, licking the cream from her thumb, and then from her own nose. 'Baileys and whipped cream. Best shot I've ever done.' She gave me a lazy smile, a kind of slow, slightly drunk smile. Her eyes moved to Bess. 'This must be Beth.'
'Bess,' Bess corrected, extending a hand somewhat cautiously. Meg giggled with an oops before giving Bess' hand a big shake.
'Much happiness to you both,' she said, clasping Bess' hand, and I shook my head, smiling.
'I think that's what you say when people are getting married, Meg,' I said, and she shrugged like this was no issue.
'Psh, same diff. Well, not really. But anyway. Yes. Phil and I are going to go explore the pool area because I like pools,' she said, grabbing Phil's hand. 'Philip! To the pool.'
Phil gave her a mock bow and a giggle. 'Of course, m'lady. After you.' Meg gave us another wave before tugging Phil off in the general direction of the pool area.
Bess still had the startled look when she turned to me. She brushed down her dress, letting out a slight laugh. 'Well. I don't think I have anything to worry about.'
I pulled a face. 'What the hell is that supposed to mean?'
'She's not exactly your type, Dan.'
'How would you know my type?'
Bess's eyebrows drew together a little. 'Well, you're dating me, aren't you?'
'That doesn't mean you're my type.'
Bess looked like someone had whacked her across the face with a frypan. I realised what I'd said and back-peddled. 'Shit, Bess, that came out wrong, I meant-'
'You meant what?' She asked angrily. She glared at me, eyes wide, lip trembling. 'What, Dan? You meant what exactly by that comment?'
'Um, I meant that there's not only one type of girl that I like,' I explained, fumbling over my words. I swore to myself. 'That still sounds wrong.' Shit. 'It doesn't matter because I'm with you! Not anyone else.'
Bess shook her head, storming past me. I tried to follow her but she was already gone, swallowed up by the crowds. I rubbed my eyes. Fuck. You really fucked up this time, Dan.
I spent a few minutes searching for Bess until my phone buzzed. I looked down at the text.
Besslz
I caught a cab home. I'll talk to you tomorrow.
I grimaced. Tomorrow was going to be a shitstorm. I ran a hand through my hair and bumped into Joe Sugg, who I gave a brief smile before heading off to get a drink.
Yes Dan, alcohol solves all your problems, I thought sarcastically to myself as I took a vodka shot. Just go ahead and down that vodka shot. Maybe that will magically make Bess un-mad at you.
I ordered another and then sat back against the bar, my throat burning. That was enough for a while. I kind of wanted it to hit me, like a big, brick, vodka-flavoured wall. I needed something to smack me in the face right then, because in all honestly, I felt as if I were drowning.
Even your metaphors are shit, a voice whispered angrily inside my head. You don't hit drowning people with brick walls, you tit.
For some reason, I decided it was a good idea to go and find Phil and Meg. I remembered them saying something about seeing the pool, so I headed out to see if maybe I could find them. Even then, I wasn't sure what I was going to do when I saw them. Do some more smiling and pretending I'm fine? Right. Just like the other 99% of my life.
I stepped out into the brisk night, the outdoor area kept warm by various heating lamps dotted around. Heels clicked on tiles and drinks hovered in hands, dresses catching the light in just the right way. Phil and Meg were over by the pool, sitting close, shoes off and feet in the water.
I was walking over to them when Phil reached an arm around Meg, and she let out a soft sigh, falling into his shoulder. I stopped walking. I felt as if all the stars in the sky were on fire, raining down around me, and here I was, in the centre of it all. I watched, frozen, as Phil pressed a kiss to her head, and then her cheek, and then Meg's head lifted, her hair against one side of her face. It was like you see in the movies - Phil's eyes watched hers, and hers watched his, and it was like there was no one else. The stars were burning again. Their heads drifted closer until-
Nope. I was already walking away. Fuck the stars. Nope nope nope nope nope big bag of fucking NOPES.
I took the stairs down to the ground floor, ordering myself an cab. I had been thinking maybe I could come to terms with this. Maybe we could all be friends. Maybe this would stop hurting so much, eventually. Maybe this could patch itself over.
I guess I thought wrong.
yes i know this is cliche
yes i am not proud of that
yes you can see the plot coming a hundred miles away
bUT
it's cute tho
(like you)
am i smooth or WHAT
why am i still single i have no idea look at these moves
okay seriously bye
xx