"What about this one?"
"Nora, it has mini-credit cards on it," I say.
She shrugs. "I mean, you might as well let every boy you invite into your dorm room know that you are a gold-digger."
I laugh and take the comforter out of the shopping cart. "I just need something simple, okay?"
"Fine," she mumbles and continues looking around. "Aw, what about the one with the flamingos?"
"No."
"The pineapple?"
"No."
"Okay, well, your roommate is not going to be happy with you." She checks out a comforter with a giant lion on it. "Who is your roommate anyway? Do you know yet?"
"Yeah. Her name is Britt. We've messaged each other a little on Facebook. She seems nice. And super smart."
Nora nods. "Good. You'll finally be with your people of high intellect."
"Yeah, with people who don't pick out comforters with the lyrics of a David Guetta song on them."
She sticks out her tongue. "You should be more thankful that I'm even helping you shop! It's the first day of winter break and I should be hanging out with my friends!"
I smile and pick out a paisley patterned comforter. "Honestly, Nor, I think I'd rather do it by myself."
"Just like you'd rather do everything by yourself," she mutters under her breath.
I stop rolling the cart to stare at her. "And what's that supposed to mean?"
She shrugs and spins around in the isle, her hands touching everything as she passes. "I don't know. It's just..." She stops walking to turn and face me. "You can sometimes get in your own head and refuse to let others in to help you. And-and I get it, considering everything with your mom and stuff."
"I'm don't refuse to let others help me."
She raises her eyebrow. "Yeah? What was it that Elliott wanted to help you with? Your future?"
"That's different! I wanted to get into Brown on my own. I didn't need help from anyone else," I say proudly. "I mean, we're in this grocery store shopping for college because I worked to get in second semester and I got the scholarship from the school. Brown didn't call me just because my boyfriend paid for it. I don't think I'd want to go if that were the case."
"I know," she says. "I was just using that situation as an example."
"Well," I pause to look at a lamp, "that doesn't really apply."
"Whatever you say," she mutters to herself, probably thinking I couldn't hear her.
I ignore her comment and keep going on to shop. I ask for help all the time. I asked Jonas to help me pick a color scheme for the dorm yesterday. I asked Clarissa to help me plan out what to say to the boss when I quit. I asked Amy for any good movie suggestions. I ask for help all the time.
We finish shopping and bring our cart to the checkout. My smile fades when I see who our cashier is.
"Are you the only guy who works here?" I ask, placing a picture frame on the conveyer belt.
Yogi smiles. "Seems like it, doesn't it? How've you been? Heard that you're leaving for Brown soon. Congratulations."
I nod and keep unloading my stuff. "Yeah. Thank you." I set the heavy comforter down with a grunt. "How are you?"
He shrugs and slides my items through the scanner. "I've been better. No one hangs out around the cliff anymore because it's too cold at night. I'm getting lonely."
"Oh. I'm sorry to hear that, Landon."
He winces when I call him by his real name. "Uh, I haven't seen Elliott around in months. What's up with that?"
"I wouldn't know," I say. "I thought he was still hanging around."
"Nope. Isn't it part of your role as his girlfriend to know these things?"
"Maybe." I place the last item on the conveyer belt. "But I'm not his girlfriend anymore."
Yogi raises his eyebrows in surprise. "What? The golden couple is no longer together?"
"Nope."
"What happened? Is it because you're leaving for college?"
I shrug. "Elliott just wanted to end the summer fling."
Yogi stares into my eyes, as if trying to read my soul or something. "I got two words for you, Ivy: bull and shit. That's bullshit."
"I agree with him," Nora says with a smile, handing me the pack of skittles she wants to buy.
Yogi points to Nora. "You want to go on a date sometime?"
"No," Nora says flatly.
"Okay," Yogi says and claps his hands, turning back to me. "But Elliott didn't think of your relationship as a summer fling, Ivy."
"Well, that's what he said, so-"
"Well, that's not what he meant, so," he mimics. "What else did he say?"
"I don't know. Something about how he wasn't happy anymore." I run a hand through my hair. "I don't know what else. I've tried to block the conversation out of my memory."
Yogi shakes his head. "That doesn't make any sense. The last time I talked to Elliott he couldn't stop talking about how much he loved you. I think he actually said, 'she makes me happier than you eating pot brownies.' Let me tell you, Ivy, that's a lot of happiness."
I smile. "Okay, well, things changed."
"And a summer fling? No way. He always talked about his future with you." Yogi sighs. "I'm smelling some serious bullshit up in this convenient store."
I hand him my card to pay for the things. "Once again, things changed." I sign my signature on the screen. "I guess you were right after all, Landon. I was just in his way."
"No!" Yogi cries. "No, no, no." He leaves his station to follow Nora and me out of the store. "You changed him for good, Ivy. He's a better person. He cares about his family and his friends so much more."
"He dumped me. End of discussion."
"No, it's not end of discussion. You need to talk to him about it. He-he has to have some other explanation."
"Whatever, Landon," I sigh. "Bye."
He shakes his head, looking defeated. "I won't let my one true pair sink in this twisted sea of lies." He sticks his finger in the air. "I won't!"
"Oh my God, he is so high right now," I mumble to Nora and start packing the trunk of her car.
Nora laughs and waves to Yogi as he walks back inside the store, seemingly on a mission. "I mean, what he said wasn't complete nonsense. I actually agreed."
I groan. "Not you too! Come on, Nora. Elliott broke up with me. He broke my heart. I'm trying to move on."
"But you're not moving on," she argues, climbing into the front seat. "You're still moping around after over two months! Two months! And it's not like you haven't had a chance to move on. Levi was practically begging you to marry him."
I roll my eyes. "Levi doesn't know what he wants, Nor." I buckle my seatbelt. "And for the record, I'm not moping around. I always have a great time. And I'm so excited for college."
"What did you expect from Levi, huh? That he'd just wait around for you for months? Guys don't chase after girls like Elliott did with you, Ivy."
"I didn't expect Levi to wait around for me," I say. "I'm happy that he has a girlfriend now. She seems sweet."
"You're not even a little jealous?"
"No. Not at all."
She nods. "Right. Perfect. Because that shows me just how much you still aren't over Elliott."
"Why would that have anything to do with Elliott?"
Nora sighs heavily. "Levi liked you...a lot. He was sweet to you and funny and weird. Basically your perfect man. And then suddenly he just stops chasing after you and moves on. He has a new girlfriend. You couldn't care less. That's just messed up." She shrugs her shoulders. "Unless you're still not over Elliott. Then that would make sense."
I squint my eyes, staring at her in disbelief. "I am over Elliott. I'm sorry that I want my friend to be happy, Nora. Levi is a great guy, but I only saw us as friends."
"Absurd!" Nora cries out, holding the sides of her head. "I can't be hearing his! My gosh, woman, you're still in love with Elliott Kennedy!"
I cross my arms over my chest and look down at the floor of the car. "So what?"
Nora smiles. "Nothing. I'm just glad to hear you admit it."
"The good memories just shine over the bad ones," I explain. "I think about our best moments, and I want to be in his arms again. I try to ignore the bad ones because those hurt too much. I just want to stop hurting."
"I think you should talk to him."
"What? No. That's not a good idea. I can't compose myself around him," I say. "Plus, he's still sort of a jerk. I'd just get mad and start yelling."
"He's not a jerk, Ivy. He's my best friend's best friend," she says. "I hear things. I think you should talk to him."
"What kind of things do you hear?" I ask suspiciously.
"Reasons," she says vaguely. "A whole lot of reasons."
I drop my jaw. "What? Nora, you know why he broke up with me?"
"I'm not sure," she admits. "I wouldn't be able to promise you that what I heard was true. Flynn was pretty drunk when he told me. Oh my gosh." She laughs. "A drunk Flynn is so funny. He just goes on and on about-"
"What did he tell you?"
She sighs. "Please, Ivy, talk to Elliott. I told Flynn I wouldn't say anything to you. And I know that it goes against the girl code, but also following the sister code, I have to do what's best for you always. It's best you talk to Elliott before you talk to me."
I look down at my hands in my lap. "You really think it's a good idea?"
She just gives me a knowing look.
I frown and look out the window, rain starting to fall. "Hm. The weather is telling me it's a bad idea. I think I'll talk to him some other time."
"Today, tomorrow, next month," she pauses for emphasis, "you'll eventually talk to him."
I nod and pick at my chipped nail polish. "Do I text him? I mean, going to his house might seem a bit too eager, right? I could call...but he probably won't even answer and-"
"Ivy, stop overthinking it. It's just Elliott."
"Yeah," I sigh. "The same Elliott who dumped me out of the blue and just stood there while I told him how much I loved him." I shake my head. "But at the wedding...oh, I don't know."
"What happened at the wedding?"
"He gave me this look," I start, struggling on how to explain it. "I don't know. It just.. It was like he was telling me that he was in love with me. I know it sounds stupid, but I felt something when he looked at me like that."
Nora smiles softly. "It doesn't sound that stupid, Ives. Just a little crazy." She laughs and pushes my arm lightly. "Kidding!"
"Yeah, yeah." I unbuckle my seatbelt when we pull into the driveway. "Maybe you'll understand one day when Flynn looks at you that way."
"Maybe."
When I step out of the car, I hear Ethan call my name. I turn my head and wave to the little boy while he grabs the mail. He runs across the street to our driveway.
"Whoa, you didn't even look both ways!" I say, my motherly instincts coming out once again.
He shrugs. "Do you want to come over and play?"
"Uh..." I look for Nora's help, but she has already disappeared inside with my excuse of needing to unload the car. "Uh, sure."
He takes my hand and pulls me toward his house, stopping to look both ways this time. We walk in through the front door and he takes the mail to the kitchen where his mom is sitting.
"Hi, Mrs. Kennedy," I say.
"Ivy! How nice to see you!" She smiles down at Ethan. "Does Ivy want to be here, buddy? Or did you kidnap her?"
"A little bit of both," he says with a cute giggle. "Come on, Ivy. I want to show you my new game!"
I smile and wave to Mrs. Kennedy with my free hand as Ethan tugs on the other. We go down to the basement where Mikey and Addison are playing ping pong. Elliott is playing a video game with Jonas, the two yelling at one another.
"My turn!" Ethan screams, jumping on Elliott's back. "My turn! My turn! My turn!"
Elliott flops on his side and Ethan begins punching him. The little boy is a lot more aggressive than I remembered. Jonas stands up and turns his head, finally noticing me.
"Ivy!"
Addison and Mikey stop playing, surprised to see me downstairs. "Ivy!"
"Ivy?" Elliott looks up at me while Ethan still has him in a headlock.
"Hi," I say a bit awkwardly now that everyone is staring at me.
Elliott stands up with Ethan in his arms, dropping the video games controller. "Hi."
I look away, unable to look at him much longer. It just makes me feel sad.
"Me and Ivy are going to play Kung Fu Panda," Ethan announces. "Can you turn it on for us, Liott?"
He nods and changes the disc in the PlayStation with the one with a giant panda on the cover. Ethan runs out of his brother's arm to grab my hand. Elliott smiles, his eyes locked on mine.
I look away and sit down with Ethan. Jonas stays sitting on the floor, handing me one of the controllers. Elliott takes a seat on the couch, even though I thought he could tell by the look on my face that I wanted him to go upstairs. Addison and Mikey continue playing ping pong, having their own conversation in their own little world.
It's hard to concentrate on the video game with Elliott sitting right behind me. My mind is carefully planning what to say to him, how to say it to him, and when to say it to him. I might as well rip the bandaid off as soon as possible. Plus, Nora will finally stop nagging me if I just talk to him. I mean, I'm already in his house right now, so I might as well go for it.
"Ivy! Get your head in the game!" Jonas screams, ripping the controller out of my hands and taking over.
I look over at Mikey, who is already looking back at me. He's mouthing the words to the High School Musical song already, slowly starting the choreography.
Addison hits him in the face with a ping pong ball.
"Don't hit me! Hit Ivy! She's the reason I'm like this," Mikey argues, stepping side to side and quietly humming the song.
I laugh. "Self-control, Michael."
"Are you even familiar with the concept of that?" Addison asks, placing her hands on her hips and cocking her head to the side.
Mikey sticks out his tongue. "Are you even familiar with the concept of that?" he mimics her voice, his tongue still sticking out.
I smile and drop my gaze to Elliott. He's on his phone, his free hand on his jaw to hold his head up. I take a deep breath before standing up and moving to sit on the couch, a good two feet away from him. He looks up from his phone and lifts his hand as a wave. I tilt my head towards the stairs to telepathically tell him we should go upstairs.
He points to himself and mouths, "me?"
I roll my eyes and hit his leg, almost too easily falling back into a comfort level with him. "I have to pee," I announce, trying to make it as discreet as possible.
"Congratulations," Jonas mutters, frantically hitting the buttons on the controller.
I head upstairs and stop on the stairs to give Elliott one last look. I vaguely here his excuse when I get upstairs. Mrs. Kennedy is still in the kitchen looking at mail. She doesn't notice me until Elliott comes upstairs as well.
"Oh! What are you two up to?" she asks, mainly directing the question at Elliott.
He shrugs. "We're eloping."
I roll my eyes and assure Mrs. Kennedy that he is just joking. "Can we talk for just a minute?"
"Yeah," he says and stares at his mom. "Uh...Mom, that's your cue to go upstairs."
"I'm busy, son. Go outside."
"It's raining!" he exasperates.
"It'll make it all more dramatic. You two will have a The Notebook moment of some sorts," she says, her eyes glued to the mail.
Elliott shakes his head in disbelief, but still goes to the backdoor and opens it for me. "Ivy will probably sue you if she gets sick from this, mom."
"Talk to my lawyer," she sasses.
I laugh and walk outside where it is only slightly drizzling. It's warmer today, for the winter time, but the rain makes it feel like I'm going to get frostbite. Elliott closes the back door, shoving his hands in his shorts' pockets. I sit down on the patio chair, nervously preparing myself for this talk.
"So." Great start, Ivy. Really. I'm impressed.
"So," he repeats.
"Uh..." I look down at the ground as the rain drops discolor the brick. "I saw Yogi today at the store."
"Yeah? I haven't seen him in awhile."
"Me neither," I state the obvious. "He...he's pretty upset about the breakup."
Elliott nods, a small smile on his face. "That would explain all the angry texts I got from him."
"Right." I cross my fingers together and admire my hands. "Well, he just doesn't understand why you broke up with me, and honestly I don't either and I've been trying to just forget about it and pretend like I'm not confused at all and that I can just accept it, but I really can't. It's not easy to move on when I'm having a hard time comprehending what went wrong in our relationship because, well, you know how I felt and I just-"
"Ivy," he stops my rambling.
"Sorry."
He shakes his head. "No, you don't need to apologize. I...uh...I was under the impression that you had moved on with Jean Boy."
"No," I sigh. "Jean Boy moved on with someone else, which is totally fine with me. I'm not upset about it at all."
"You don't seem upset."
"But I am bothered," I say and stand up from the chair to pace. "Because I should be upset that Levi has girlfriend, but I'm not. I mean, he liked me a lot. I liked him, but I couldn't stop thinking about..." I trail off, stopping myself from rambling again. "Why did you break up with me?"
Elliott looks thrown off by my question, though he should've seen it coming. "I told you already."
"I'm sorry if I'm having a hard time wrapping my mind around the fact that you just looked at me like a summer fling, Elliott." I take a deep breath, meeting his gaze. "We both know it wasn't just fling."
"Yeah, well," he smiles softly, "what was your first clue?"
"Why did you lie?" I ask, a frown on my face.
He shrugs. "I-I don't know."
"I am so confused here, Elliott," I say. "Please just be honest with me. Like, did you cheat on me with Carter? I-I promise I'll only be slightly mad." I offer an awkward smile and stick my pinky out as a promise.
He shakes his head. "God, no, Ivy. I would never cheat on you with anyone, especially not with Carter."
"Then what was it?"
"I don't...I can't say. I don't want to hurt you anymore than I have." He licks his lips, dropping his head. "I lied to protect you in the first place."
"I don't need your protection!" I laugh cold-heartedly.
"Yeah, I know," he bites back. "I know that you're completely independent, Ivy. You're too fucking independent to even let me help you, your boyfriend, the one person who is there to help you through anything!" He lifts his hands up in defeat. "There. You're too stubborn. That's why I had to break up with you."
I nod, holding back any emotions I'm feeling right now. "Okay."
I should've known. Of course it was my fault all along. We had a talk about me letting him in, letting myself be vulnerable to him. He needed that in our relationship. I was so closed off when it came to things with Brown and my mom. I just wanted to deal with things by myself. That's how I am.
And that's what Nora warned me about.
"It hurt me too, you know," he says. His shirt is soaked from the rain, the fabric sticking to his toned abdomen. I only stare for a few seconds. "Because I had to stand there like a fucking idiot while you told me how much you loved me and I didn't get to tell you how I felt, and, yeah, I fucking love you!"
I stand still, my stomach dropping. Elliott drops his hands to his sides. His eyes stare deeply into mine, the passion and anger and frustration shining like one of those billboards in Times Square. I am too stunned by the directness to react.
"I love you! I never stopped loving you!" The faintest of smiles falls on Elliott's face as he steps forward to grab my arms, the rain cascading down his face like fake tears. He screams, "I wrote you everyday for a year!"
I look at him in complete disbelief. Is he crazy right now, making a joke out of the moment? And why is it that I am so completely in love with this man? I hate him so much. "You are so irritating!" I rip out of his grip, spinning around to regain composure. "Why did you let me stand there like some sad, hopeless girl...if you loved me...why would you do that?"
"I just couldn't say I loved you too. I was breaking up with you." He shrugs. "I wasn't ready to get the award for worst-breakuper-ever."
"Stop making jokes!" I snap.
"Okay, sorry that I'm tired of feeling so shitty all the time."
I sigh and wipe under my eyes, my mascara most likely running down my cheeks from this rain. "Well, so am I."
"I know."
I hold my right arm and look at Elliott, unsure of what to say. We both still love each other, but getting back together seems toxic. I'm sure he's been trying to get over me, just as I had been with him. He doesn't want to be with someone so closed off, so unable to be helped. This is my fault, the reason we're both hurting so much.
"What now?" he asks the question I've been wondering myself.
"I don't know," I admit. "I guess we try to move on."
"Is that what you want?"
No. "Yes."
"Okay."
The rain has slowed down to a mere mist, leaving chills on my arms. "It's best for both of us. I'll be going to college soon, and you'll be able to meet someone not so stubborn."
He smiles. "Maybe. I've never been the best at dating."
"Neither have I."
We stand in silence for a bit as the rain comes to a complete stop. The sun peeks back out, as if a sign from God that things are going to get better.
"We should get inside," he says, pulling his shirt over his head and twisting it. The water drips on to the patio, making a puddle similar to the puddle that is my brain as I stare at his abs. He notices me staring, and a smirk finds it way on his face.
I blush and clear my throat, stepping into the house and standing on the mat in the kitchen. Mrs. Kennedy looks up from the mail at our dripping bodies.
"Jonas, mommy needs some towels!" she yells to her son in the family room. "I did this to myself," she mutters to herself, taking Elliott's wet shirt out of his hands.
Jonas comes into the kitchen with a pile of towels. He stops to stare at the two of us. "What is this? Did you go outside to perform a sacrificial rain dance routine?"
"Shit, Jo, you know us so well," Elliott says and takes a towel, drying himself with it quickly.
Jonas hands me a towel and I throw it over my shoulders and attempt to dry myself through the damp clothes.
"Do you need some warmer clothes?" Elliott asks me.
"Uh, I'll just change back home."
He nods and walks with me to the front door. "So, when do you leave for Brown?"
"The second week in January," I answer, bringing my hand to the doorknob. "I go back earlier than the other kids to get ready with everything."
"Oh. Cool."
"Yep." I open the door and step outside, cold once again.
Elliott leans against the doorframe, his shirtless body on display. "You know, if you're not doing anything on New Year's Eve, you should come over. Flynn is throwing a party here since his parents are staying home with his little brother."
"Yeah, maybe." I smile. "In case we don't see each other, which is unlikely seeing that we're neighbors, happy holidays!"
He nods. "Happy holidays."
I turn around and speed walk back home. Without saying anything to anyone, I go upstairs to take a long, hot shower. The water burns my frozen skin at first, feeling oddly relieving at the same time.
In the shower, I am finally able to take in my conversation with Elliott. I break down crying out of shame and disappointment for it being my fault, just as much as it was his, if not more. It's so contradicting to still be in love with him when I know he broke my heart. But now I know I also broke his.
Elliott just wanted to help me, but I wouldn't let him. I didn't let anyone help me. I thought I didn't need it. I thought I could do this all alone.
Why do I do that? I don't have to do anything alone. I have Nora. I have Jett. I have Addison and Jonas. I have Mrs. and Mr. West. I have Flynn. I have Mikey. I had Elliott. I lost him because I couldn't see that I wasn't alone anymore. I never had to fight any battle alone, not since this summer.
Sitting on the floor of the shower, the water hitting my back as I am hunched over and crying, I feel absolutely numb. I sit and sit until the water turns cold. I turn off the water and step out of the shower.
I wipe the fogged up mirror so I can see my reflection. My eyes are red from crying, and I know Nora will quiz me about everything as soon as I step out of the bathroom. I put the toilet seat down before sitting on top of it with my towel wrapped around my body.
There's a pounding on the door. "Yo, sis, I gotta pee!"
I stand up quickly and open the bathroom door, running around Jett to get to my room. I change into a large sweatshirt and yoga pants. My comforter looks so inviting and warm, and I can't help but jump into the bed and sleep for hours and hours.
I wouldn't have been able to help it, but Nora and Jett easily stopped it. They make me get out of bed after not even ten minutes. Jett wants to make a cake for his secret Santa person, who he refuses to tell us the name of. I guess he thinks Nora will spoil it somehow, and I don't exactly blame him.
"So, how'd things go with the ex?" Nora asks, cracking an egg on the side of the bowl.
"Uh, they went okay," I say with a shrug. "I mean, not super well, but it wasn't horrible. I just...we just...you know."
"No, I don't know. What was his reason for breaking up with you?"
"That I was too stubborn," I answer. "That I never let him help with things like college or my mom."
She nods and throws the egg shell in the trash. "Anything else?"
"Not that I can think of." I grab the vanilla extract from the cabinet. "Well, he also told me that he loved me."
"For real?"
"Yep. He even used a swear word for emphasis," I say and hand the bottle to Jett.
"Which one?" Jett asks curiously.
"The Z word," I joke. "But yeah. It was a bit intense. And we were in the rain."
"Oh! So The Notebook!" Nora laughs. "How'd you end things?"
"He awkwardly invited me to his New Year's party." I lean against the counter. "That I won't be going to."
"Uh, I'm going, so you have to come too," Nora says pointedly.
"You can't make me."
"Oh, just you wait, Ivy," Nora sings, a mysterious glint in her eyes. "Just. You. Wait!" She flies out of the kitchen.
"Nora, you have to help with the cake!" Jett cries. "Don't leave me here with Ivy!"
I raise an eyebrow. "Excuse you?"
"Come on, you know your the worst pastry chef around town," he sighs. "Hate to be the one to break it to you. It's probably the real reason Elliott broke up with you."
I stick out my tongue and flick some flour at him. He raises an egg, but I grab on to his arm so tightly that he knows not to even test me.
"Do I look like I'm in the mood?" I ask testily.
"No. Please forgive me, O my dearest sister."
I roll my eyes and let go of his arm. "Is Jonas in your secret Santa group?"
"Nope," he answers, pouring the cake mix into a pan.
"Oh. Are you two still friends?"
"Yep."
"Why don't you hang out anymore?"
Jett throws an egg at my randomly, screaming, "think fast!"
I don't think fast and the egg cracks all over me and my freshly cleaned body. I keep my voice creepily calm and say, "you better run. Fast."
~~
AN:
lol randomly weird ending to a randomly weird chapter
oh boo hoo Levi moved on. face it, ladies. that's life. I'm just keeping it real. not every man out there is as special and wonderful as Elliott Kennedy.
also @ y'all who hate Elliott... ???? he CLEARLY broke up with her for the right reasons! he couldn't tell her about Carter blackmailing him because Ivy is a stubborn ass bitch who ain't gon take no help from no boo! she wouldn't have gone to Brown if Elliott told her the truth which is why things are just SO difficult so please stop hating on the poor man but alsO don't go hating on Ivy
I'm super protective of my children
remember: Elliott with two t's. i don't see how this could be so difficult for everyone. im going to make a total to see how many people spell it the wrong way during this chapter. it amuses me.
this author's note has been sassy and I didn't notice until I double checked it and honestly I thought I was in a good mood but I am feeling quite testy much like my home girl Ivy
#teamIviott #teamJonett #teamFlora #teamLeviandsomegirl #teamMaddison #teamEthanandKungFuPanda #teamMartizza
who's your otp???
•comment•vote•enjoy•