What the hell was he doing?
Steve had acted on impulse, feeling so many emotions running through him that he just didn't know how to process them all. Sharon's reaction had felt like a stab to the chest, though she had every reason to be mad.
'Son of a bitch!' She'd yelled at him, eyes filled with a sudden rage that he'd never seen in her before.
It doesn't mean anything! he had wanted to yell at her as she stormed off. Him and Bucky, it was all for a bet. To get money for their wedding. And Steve had just lost it. He felt as if his heart, as delicate as a glass sculpture, had just been dropped, hitting the ground and shattering into trillions of little shards. He felt Bucky pulling him closer and he didn't resist, hardly registering the words of, "Oh, baby..." that had tumbled out of the brunettes mouth. He didn't react, feeling the tears start to slip. Maybe those words were just what he needed right now.
"Shh...Baby, it's going to be okay."
He felt Bucky press a gentle kiss against his forehead; his hand running through his hair. A sudden warmth rushed through his chest and he'd quickly pulled back, lips gaping slightly as he stared at Bucky for a brief moment. He knew what he was feeling all of a sudden was just a reaction to Sharon, yet...
He had to be sure.
Just a reaction he reminded himself, surging forward to kiss Bucky.
Which brought him to his current question:
Rogers, what the hell are you doing?
Bucky had faltered, taking a moment before he'd started to kiss back, but when he did... God, Steve felt like he was soaring. He pressed into the kiss, deepening it while vaguely registering Bucky's soft moans: Little intakes of breath that made his heart flip. He breathed in deeply, feeling the other man's lips, so soft against his own. Bucky kissed him with so much passion and emotion, almost as if he'd been dying of dehydration and Steve was a golden chalice filled with the purest water. Bucky's hands found their way to Steve's hair, tightening against his blonde strands, lips parting slightly to grant access to his toungue-
And that's when Steve crashed back into reality, plummeting back to earth like a meteor hitting the ground. He pulled away in one swift movement, breathing heavily as he watched Bucky try to follow the kiss, pupils blown wide as he met Steve's mirrored gaze.
"Steve..." He murmured, voice hoarse with a trace of desperation in his tone.
"Fuck," He breathed, slowly standing up, hands shaking. He took a step back feeling like he was about to collapse. He stole a glance back to Bucky and couldn't do it anymore. The rush of emotions he was feeling was overwhelming. It felt like he was looking up at a huge wave, bearing down to crash over him, it's sole purpose to drown him. "I...have to go," he heard himself whisper, feeling tears welling into his blue orbs.
He had to get out of there.
Letting out a shaky breath he turned around, not even feeling like he was in his body as he walked out of the cafe. There was no way he could go back to the hotel...
Natasha. The one person he could go to for anything.
He yanked his phone out of his pocket, dialing her number as he began walking in the direction of the hotel's taxi service.
She picked up the phone on the third ringing, murmuring a distracted "Hello?" through the receiver.
"Nat..." He murmured, voice strained as he forced back the tears. He slowly sat down on a bench, and all at once the tears started, streaming down his face as he began to softly sob into the phone.
"Steve?! Oh my God, are you crying?"
Steve let out a shaky breath, nodding numbly. "I...Can you come get me? I just...please..." He wiped his face, swallowing before dropping his face into his hands. "My life just went to shit and... I really need a friend."
"I'm on my way. You're at the hotel, right? I'll be there in 5 minutes Steve, just hold on for me, okay?"
A few minutes later she pulled up and Steve didn't waiste a second, getting into her car quickly and shutting the door behind him. At this point the tears had stopped flowing, though they had left him feeling numb and empty.
"Do you want to talk about it?"
"Just drive..." He murmured softly, gaze transfixed on some invisible point in the distance.
Natasha nodded, starting the ignition back up and beginning the drive to her apartment.
***
"Steve..."
Bucky watched Steve as he walked away, feeling like a dog that had just been handed a treat only to have it torn away from him as soon as he got the smallest taste.
He weaky got up out of the booth, suddenly finding it very difficult to breath. Had his heart been ripped out of his chest? It certainly felt like it. He didn't think he could take any more heartbreak. He'd reached his limit. Bucky took a few steps forward, a dizzying feeling rushing over him; his breaths coming in quick, short gasps. He quickly reached out, grabbing at the counter as he doubled over, the room suddenly become a blur around him. It reminded him of a mixture of paint on Steve's art palette as he painted the Brooklyn landscape.
Steve.
That was Bucky's last thought before darkness quickly overtook him.
***
They arrived at Natasha's apartment in only a few minutes, though Steve was lost in his own mind, hardly aware of anything that was going on around him.
"We're here," Natasha murmured softly, gazing at Steve who continued to stare ahead, not yet registering her words. She let out a sigh, turning the car off and stepping out. She walked around to the other side, opening Steve's door. "C'mon, let's get you inside."
Steve finally nodded, snapping himself out of whatever mindset he was in, long enough to follow Natasha as she led him inside while keeping a very close eye on him. He was so fragile right now, and Natasha feared that he would break any second.
"i'm not going to ask you to talk about it if you don't want to, but...I want you to know that i'm here for you, alright?" She unlocked her door to her apartment, following Steve inside.
Steve let out a shaky breath, sitting down slowly on the couch. "I need to get it off my chest," he murmured, smiling gratefully when she chose to sit down beside him, gently rubbing his back in silent encouragement.
"Do you know about the bet?" He asked after several long moments of silence, though his voice came out hoarse and unfamiliar to his own ears.
"Tony told me, yeah."
Steve nodded, biting his lip in contemplation. "I don't know what's going on anymore, Nat." His voice came out in a soft whisper, unable to stop the tears as they broke free once more. "I shouldn't have gotten myself into this..."
Steve told her everything. How they'd both been playing their part in this bet, sleeping wrapped in each others arms each night. Making breakfast for each other, going out on dates...
"And then this morning we went out to lunch at this cafe down by our hotel," He continued, swallowing as he felt his pule rate pick up at the memory, still too fresh in his mind. "It was going fine, until...Sharon of all people shows up!"
"Did she know you were there?"
"I never told her anything about the bet. After my bachelor party i basically went radio silent. She didn't even know Bucky was in town."
Bucky.
That name felt like a fire lighting up in his chest. Whether it was the warm, welcoming fire that you lit up during winter, or a destructive wildfire that burned down entire forests...he wasn't sure.
"So what happened?"
Steve didn't notice he'd zoned out once more, rewinding the events from just a few hours ago in his head.
"I told her." He murmured quietly. "And she didn't take it well." Steve fell silent, thankful that his tears had dried up at last. He had never been such an emotional person. Couldn't even remember the last time he'd cried, yet here he was with, only moments earlier, with tears streaming down his face. "It really hurt her, though how could it have not? Finding out that your fiancé hasn't been replying to your texts and calls because he's been dating a guy on the slight chance that he could be gay?" Steve shook his head, letting out a soft laugh though his voice was devoid of humor. "It sounds a lot worse then it did in my head."
Natasha hummed in response, her hand still placed gently on his back. "So are you calling off the bet?"
"God, i wish i knew."
Natasha narrowed her eyes in confusion, looking over to meet his gaze. "You don't think..."
Steve said nothing. Her sentence was left unfinished, but it didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out where she was going with it.
"I don't know."
He didn't know if he was gay.
"After Sharon left," He continued, a soft sigh escaping his lips. "I...I kissed him." He felt his throat closing up at those words, having to struggle to get them out. "I don't know why i did it. Probably just so overwhelmed, and then I realized something as she was walking away... I didn't feel anything. I could have easily just gotten up and followed her, we would have fought, but it would have worked itself out. I could have, but...I didn't want to. Thinking back on it, i never felt anything when we kissed or made love. It just..." Steve paused, running a hand through his hair. "God this is going to sound awful. It always just felt like some obligation. I've always thought i was in love with her, until...until..."
"Until what?"
"Until we kissed..." he breathed out, subconsciously touching his lips, the ghost of Buck's mouth sending chills up his spine. "And i finally felt something. And it scared the shit out of me."
It was Wednesday. They were only on day 3 of the bet, and Steve knew he was losing.
The next morning after he woke, he would open his phone to see multiple missed calls from the local hospital.