"You know when you said 'job', I pictured something slightly less..." A pig plopped down on the ground near my feet, splashing me with freezing mud.
"What did you expect? It's our first case. Besides, the imbeciles in this town have a knack for being clueless. It's almost as if they immediately forget that anything strange ever happens..." Gideon shrugged and returned to examining a piglet.
"What are we even doing out here? It's a farm!"
"Yes, however we've been called in to investigate strange behavior exhibited by the pigs."
"Ugh! They're not even doing anything!" Just as I finished speaking, all the pigs' eyes began to glow as they turned to look at the woods.
"This is it!" Gideon exclaimed. "Go Pines go!" He leapt over the fence, I tried my best but ended up tripping. We both broke into a fast sprint and raced into the woods.
"What do you think it is?"
"I have several theories!" We both stopped to catch our breath beside a fairly large tree.
"Well?" I asked between breaths.
"It could be something our someone using hypnosis. It could be a magical artifact luring their attention. Or, worst of all, it could be-" The roots of the tree beneath our feet suddenly opened, sending us into a free fall, and closed back up above our heads. Screaming, we fell about a hundred feet before landing in a pile of straw.
"Hatway ringsbay uoyay erehay?"
"What's going on?" I panicked.
"Who's there?" Gideon demanded.
"Uoyay areday isrespectray hetay astermay ithway hetay ewnay onguetay?"
"We need to figure out what language they're speaking!" Gideon said.
"Wait a minute..." I said. "Is that pig Latin?" There was an audible sigh from the strange voice.
"Fine. Can we-can we hit the lights guys?" A series of torches lit to reveal a cloaked figure on a stage, and many around us.
"Who are you?" Gideon questioned.
"Behold! The followers of the Ham!" The figure on stage raised its arms in the air.
"Is that supposed to be... threatening?" The figure sighed.
"Yeah." It cleared its throat. "I am Hamilton! Your new leader!"
"... No thanks."
"Let's cut to the chase, Hamilton. What are you doing to the pigs in Gravity Rises?" Gideon asked.
"It's simple, really. We're going to create an army of pigs to take over the world!" A chorus of squeals revealed what I'd been secretly fearing the whole time. The members of this society were Pig Hybrids.
"What do we do?" I asked Gideon. He grabbed his journal from his coat,and started flipping through the pages.
"Mud." He whispered.
"Huh?" He raised his mud covered hand.
"What's that?" Hamilton asked, taking a close look. He gasped. "Mud!" He squealed, causing a mass hysteria. Gideon flung the mud on his hand onto a hybrid, causing it to melt until nothing more than a pig was left.
Grinning, Gideon and I began flinging the mud on our clothes at as many hybrids as possible.
After several minutes, we noticed that Hamilton had been hit.
"Great work, Pines."
"Thanks, Northwest."