"Expect anything from anyone. The devil was once an angel." - Drake
Emptiness.
That's what I felt when I woke up the next morning to the sun streaming through the window, illuminating the room with an almost angelic haze. Next to me, Louis was still softly snoring, his freckled back the only part of him that was visible.
I stared at it, resisting the urge to run my fingers across his shoulder blade and the curve of his spine, memorizing all the parts of him that so few people would ever get to see. I wished that we could stay forever like this, just him and me. But forever was only for fairytales.
I planted a gentle kiss on his lower shoulder, him stirring gently before falling back into his deep sleep. I then proceeded to take off his tshirt, which I still had on, fold it, and set it on his chest of drawers. He would probably be wanting it back.
I pulled on my hoodie, zipping it up all the way, as well as my leggings. I most likely looked like a mess, but I was too worn out to think about that right now. I tied my hair up in a bun and left it at that.
From behind me there was a rustling, and I turned around to see Louis sit up, staring at me sleepily.
"Are you leaving?" He yawned, pushing his light brown hair out of his bleary eyes.
I nodded awkwardly. "Yeah i'm just going to head out."
"Okay." He flopped back down. "See you later."
I stared at him for a couple seconds, slightly appalled and hurt by his brisk send off. I wrapped my arms around myself and walked out of his room, down the hall, and out of the apartment, not looking back.
I was so upset, I wasn't even quite sure how to handle my emotions. Usually I was able to just box them up and hide them away in the parts of my mind less visited. But now it was as if they were leaking out of their barriers, flooding my brain, taking me over. The feeling was so overwhelming that I had to stop walking for a second to compose myself.
I loved him, I loved him so much. So much that I was willing to put myself through this, let him treat me like I was nothing, just so that I could be with him. One second of Louis Tomlinson was worth a lifetime of agony.
It was as if he had taken a knife and violently etched his name into my heart, leaving it carved so deep that even as layer after layer fell away, it would never fade. Maybe, after last night, things would be different. Maybe the letters on my heart would stop bleeding and finally scab over. Maybe now we could finally begin to heal.
I didn't want to be alone right now, I didn't think that I would be able to function. So instead of hailing a taxi, the second I got outside I walked towards the subway, the quickest and easiest way to get to NYU. It was a Sunday morning, so hopefully Perrie would be home.
I took the train uptown, stopping off at a Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf to pick up some chai tea and a poppy seed muffin for Perrie, her favorites. There was barely anyone out at the moment, so I didn't have to be too embarrassed about my appearance.
I followed a girl in a sparkly silver dress with her heels in hand, obviously doing the walk of shame, into Perrie's dorm. Being careful not to spill her tea, I took the stairs up to her floor and knocked gently on the door.
It opened almost immediately, a beaming Perrie standing in the doorway, dressed in a kimono and fuzzy slippers.
"Hey darling! What are you doing here?"
From the other side of the room I saw Sophia, who was curling her glossy mane of hair. She did not look pleased to see me. "Yeah Stella." She said, snobbily as ever. "You do know that it's like 8 in the morning, right?"
"I really need to talk to Perrie about something." I frowned, hoping Sophia would take the hint and leave.
"Soph, do you mind giving us a minute?" Perrie asked in a tone nicer than I could ever have achieved with her.
Sophia sighed and practically slammed down the curling iron. "Fine. But make it snappy y'all, Liam is picking me up for brunch in an hour and a half and I still haven't picked out an outfit."
"What a nightmare." I said under my breath as soon as she was out of earshot. "What has Liam gotten himself into?"
"Oh please." Perrie huffed. "Around him she's all pearls and curls and southern charm. It's nauseating." She rolled her eyes. "Anyway, what do you need to talk about?"
I set the breakfast I had gotten for down on her desk before plopping down in the swivel chair in front of it. "Well..." I began softly. "I went over to Louis' last night."
Perrie's eyes widened. "Oh no Stella." She said softly. "Oh please tell me you didn't."
"We slept together." I blurted, the cold hard truth finally slipping out.
Perrie looked pained. "Oh my god," She put her face in her hands. "I knew this was going to happen."
All of a sudden I felt sick to my stomach. "Perrie, what's going on?"
All she did was shake her head. "I can't tell you."
Now I was beginning to feel a full blown panic. "What do you mean you can't tell me?! What are you hiding from me?"
She looked like she was about to cry. "I didn't think you would sleep with him. I thought with Niall, and Derrick... I was praying you wouldn't give him the opportunity to hurt you."
"What are you talking about!" I yelled, about to start getting angry. "Why would I give him an opportunity to hurt me?"
Perrie took a deep breath before speaking. "Stella, what i'm about to tell you, it's not good. It's going to hurt you, a lot. If you totally hate me after, that's fine. I deserve it. I want you to hate me."
I remained silent, my heart beating rapidly.
"At Louis' housewarming party, after you left, he said something to Zayn that was sort of, well, unnerving." She began. "I've never seen him so angry. He said that he wanted to make you feel the way he did. That he wanted you to suffer." She stopped suddenly, closing her eyes. "I didn't think anything of it then, but then Zayn told me that Louis said he was going to ask you to come over. But before he even had the chance, you showed up at his apartment. You fell right into his trap. After you left that afternoon, he texted Harry and said he wouldn't be able to make it to dinner with him and the rest of the boys because he was expecting company."
"What?" I asked, confused. "Louis was drunk, and I stormed out. How could he know that I would come back?"
"Stella, honey, subtley isn't your strong suit. We all know that you're crazy about him. As for the drunk part, I once saw Louis drink at least half a bottle of strait vodka before walking into a meeting with management as if nothing was wrong. It's as if alcohol has no affect on him at all. But he knoes the effect he has on you. So he pretended to be drunk, got you to feel sorry for him, and then lured you in for the kill, like some sort of sick predator."
Tears began filling my eyes. "Are you saying that he slept with me as some sort of revenge for what I did to him with Niall? That's all it meant to him?"
"Stella, i'm so sorry." Perrie looked devastated. "He's messed up in the head, in his mind this all made sense to him."
I was in so much pain it felt as if I was slowly bleeding from the inside out. "So that's it? He doesn't want anything? It meant nothing to him, at all?"
Perrie nodded. "I'm so sorry." She said again.
All of a sudden, I felt bile begin to rise from my stomach. Just in the nick of time I managed to grab the trash can and vomit into it, beginning to dry heave once the contents of my stomach had been emptied. For five minutes I stayed with my head in the rubbish, trying not to sob as my body shuddered with heaves every few minutes.
"Stella, are you okay?" I could hear Perrie asked in a horrified tone, and I finally looked up.
"You knew. You knew about this, and you didn't think you could warn me?" I fumed.
Tears were slipping down Perrie's cheeks. "I didn't think, I didn't know, Stella, I would never do anything to hurt you! You're my best friend, you're family. I didn't want to believe that Louis would do something so evil to someone that I love so much."
"But he did!" Tears began falling from my eyes. "He did, and you knew he would, and none of you warned me. I slept with him, Perrie! I slept with him, and I fell back in love with him." I sobbed. "I love him."
"I know." Perrie said softly, sniffling. "I know."
"What did I do to deserve this? What did I do wrong?"
"Nothing!" Perrie said forcefully. "Louis, he's been hurt his entire life, it's all he knows! How to be hurt and hurt people back. He's a monster, but not one that you created in the slightest. He did that to himself, and he doesn't even realize it."
Her words were of no help to me. "So you've all just been sitting around, laughing about how pathetically hung up I am on him, haven't you? You, the boys, Sophia, Eleanor, you're probably getting a big fucking kick out of this."
Perrie looked as if I had slapped her. "What are you even saying? It's not like that at all!"
Before I even had a chance to respond, the door opened and Sophia reentered. "God, how long does it take for you two to have a..." She trailed off, taking in both of our tear soaked faces. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing." I shook my head, standing up aprubtly. "I was just leaving."
"Stella, no!" Perrie grabbed my arm, but I shook her off, not even looking back as I stormed out of the dorm room, slamming the door behind me. I didn't even stop to think until I was back on the sidewalk, heading back toward the subway station, ignoring the strange looks I was getting from passerbys.
I was still so nauseated my emotions hadn't even had time to register yet. Anger, heartbreak, oh the heartbreak, betrayal, devastation, they were all threats that lay heavily in the air. If I let them all in, they would destroy me. My body couldn't withstand another pain like the Niall incident, it would simply shut down. I couldn't let them infiltrate me. I had to do something, anything.
I whipped out my phone, dialing a number I had thought I would never call again. After a couple rings he answered, his voice drowsy and tired compared to the smooth, controlled tone I was so used to.
"Hello?" Ryder drawled, a hint of a southern accent peeking through. I had obviously woken him from a deep sleep.
"Ryder, it's Stella. I've been doing some thinking about your offer, and i've decided I want to take you up on it." I said before my mind could even comprehend the enormity of the decision I was making.
All of a sudden, he was alert. "Angel, is this really you? Because those are words I would have never thought would come out of your mouth."
"Yes, well." I said cooly, in a eerie drawl that rivaled his. "I've had a change of heart."
"May I ask what spurred this change of heart?" He countered.
"I no longer have one." I deadpanned.
He laughed darkly. "Well, well, well. It seems as if Angel is no longer a fitting term for you, love. But it's about time. We've all been waiting for you in hell."
"Hell's all that there is in this world." I whispered. "There are no angels, or heaven. There's just people like us, who create more people like us."
"It's a sad truth beautiful. But one i'm glad you've finally come to terms with. Welcome to the dark side Stella Parker."
I pressed the end button, dropping my phone into my pocket. Welcome to the dark side indeed.
Ryder was right, the old Stella, the angel, she was gone. Dead, as far as I was concerned.
She was going to hell, and she was taking everyone down with her.