16. Heartbreak Between Us
"You love a person when you don't hate them for breaking your heart."
•°•°•
Jake's POV:
I liked her. I liked Claire. I still couldn't believe it. I kissed her, and the fact that she kissed me back only made my hopes rise far higher than should be. Maybe I could have a chance with her.
I was eager to see her today. As soon as I reached school I hopped off my bike and went to my locker. Brian and Sam were already there.
I think my enthusiasm was evident because Sam raised his eyebrows at me and asked, "What happened to you, bro? Did you get laid yesterday?"
I scrunched up my nose in disgust. "I am not a fuckboy like you. I don't use girls. I don't know why I'm even friends with someone like you." I said, shaking my head.
"Same," Brian said.
Sam chuckled and slapped my arm. His slaps are deadly, I tell you. "Ow! Don't do that." I said as rubbed my arm which he had slapped.
"You two love me and you two also need to grow up! You are seventeen and still not had sex!" He gave me a disbelieving look.
"Brian is a virgin too. And I told you that I can't have sex with just any girl. I mean I should first like the girl!" I was a little shy when it came to getting girls in bed. Sure, I can flirt a little and know how to make a girl feel special, but I can't make the first move if I want to sleep with them. I'd forever be anxious if a girl really wants it and if she finds me appealing enough. And another reason why I can't just sleep around with tons of girls is because I can't find it in myself to do it if I don't even have feelings for her. It doesn't feel right.
Although I had such views on things, it didn't mean that I thought any bad of people who find it easy to sleep with many people. I knew some people in my class thought I was gay because of this but I wasn't and I was thankful I didn't feel the need to prove anything to them.
"Ugh! Shut up. Early in the morning you have to discuss our sex lives?" Brian whined from beside me. He slammed his locker shut and glared at Sam.
Sam laughed loudly. His voice boomed all over the locker room and some people stared at us. But he was oblivious to it. "I sometimes wonder if you two are gay. You'd make a great couple though."
"Shut up. I don't know about Brian but I'm not gay. Even his lips are virgin." I said. Yeah it was true. Brian was like the good boy of our group. He didn't do drinks (but sometimes we forced him to), sex or even kisses. I think he really is gay.
"I am not gay. I like girls," Brian stated quietly.
"What do you mean by his lips are virgin? Even yours are, right?" Sam asks me.
I chewed on my lip to keep myself from breaking into a grin. Not any more. I had my first kiss last night. With Claire. But was she okay with the kiss? I hope she was not mad at me, because I really liked her a lot.
"Hello, lover boy?" Sam waved his hand in front of my face. "Who is she?"
I bit my lip again, something I do when I'm nervous.
"Claire," I mumbled.
"Really?" Brian asked, his eyes showing how much excited he was.
"Yeah, I kissed Claire. Saturday night."
"I'm proud you've grown up!" Sam slapped my arm again. I'm really going to kill him someday for that.
"Did she kiss you back?" Brian asked me.
"Yeah she did," I know we were gossiping like girls now. Heck, I was even blushing a bit.
"Um...I'm going to class," I said, turning towards my first class. I couldn't control my cheeks from turning red as I remembered my first kiss. It played in my mind repeatedly.
My first class was History. I shared the class with Claire.
I felt like a nervous wreck again. I hope she wouldn't kill me for what I did to her on Saturday night. But if she didn't like that I kissed her, she wouldn't have kissed me back. Maybe she liked me too.
I entered the class. Claire still hadn't come. I slid into my seat. Claire sits beside me in this class. I hope that wouldn't change after that night.
Soon enough she walked in and scanned the classroom till her eyes met mine. Her eyes widened and she dropped her gaze immediately. I was disappointed. Our stare didn't even last for two seconds.
Even from the distance, I saw her cheeks taking a shade of light pink. She was blushing. She looked so cute when she blushed. It made me want to kiss her again. I wondered if I would ever get to kiss her again.
She walked towards me. Okay. She was coming to sit with me. So everything was okay.
But it was not. She walked past my seat and as my eyes trailed at what path she was taking, I was again disappointed as she took a seat quite far away from me.
Yep. It was not okay. I was such an idiot. I shouldn't have kissed her.
I felt pain. Pain that she was not sitting with me. Pain that she probably thought of me as a guy who only used girls. Pain that she didn't like me back. But mostly, pain that maybe I ruined our friendship too.
The class started and the teacher babbled about something to us. But I couldn't concentrate.
I decided to apologize to her after class. I would beg her to forgive me, maybe even bring some flowers to cheer her up so that she would forgive me. If not something more, I at least wanted to remain her friend. I would accept that. She didn't feel the same way towards me. And I respect her choice.
As soon as the class got over, I quickly picked up my bag and walked towards her. But however, she had different plans. As soon as she saw me walking towards her, she quickly placed her bag strap over her shoulder and quickly walked away from me.
Okay. She wanted to avoid me. I thought she needed some space. That made me feel bad. But I still got lunch period to talk to her.
The rest of the classes went on rather slowly. More slowly than usual for me. But finally lunch break came and I hopped out of my seat from my class and strode over to Brooke's class. I know girls like to talk to their best friends if something happened no matter if it was good or bad.
Brooke walked out of her class a minute or two later and waved at me as she saw me. Behind her was Brian. They had the same Chemistry class together.
"Ugh, Jake! What a douche of a friend you have." She said, referring to Brian. I chuckled. She had no idea what he really wanted to be with her like. That idiot wouldn't admit but I knew better. They looked cute together.
"Yeah he is a douche. Now Brooke I want to ask you something really important. You will help me, right? You promised me," I said quickly.
She raised her eyebrows at my serious and urgent tone. "Sure I will. What is it? Is everything okay?"
Brian whined beside her about how he's not a douche but neither of us paid any attention to him and he finally decided to shut up.
"I think Claire has probably told you this but I'll tell you again. I kissed her Saturday night. And I don't know if I did the right the thing or not. She is avoiding me today. We haven't talked a single time throughout the whole day and I think that kiss had cost me our friendship!"
Brooke's eyes had turned the shape of saucers somewhere in between my speech. She nodded her head a few seconds after what I told her. Then she shook her head as if to clear her thoughts. "That's why Claire was quiet today. I don't know what's up with her but you should talk to her. She likes you too but I think she's confused and careful. You know about her past, right? Jesse used and then dumped her."
I nodded at her. Yeah, Brooke had told me what had happened. At that time I was so angry and I wanted to do nothing but beat the crap out of this Jesse dude.
"Talk to her when she comes to the cafeteria. First tell her that you are sorry and you didn't mean to kiss her against her wish. Then tell her that you like her, got it?" I nodded again at what she told me. "And if she rejects you, don't be upset. Just accept it and say that you want to remain friends with her."
"Okay."
"And don't mention it to her that you know her past. She'll be angry at both of us. And I don't want to lose my only best friend because of you. I shouldn't have told you anything about her. I'm so stupid. So don't tell her."
"Don't worry. I won't," I assured her.
"Good. Now come on let's go to the cafeteria. I am so hungry. I didn't have breakfast today because I was so late to school and I also had to pick up Claire." Brooke sighed, placing a manicured hand on her stomach.
I would explain things to Claire. She was a great girl and from what I knew of her, she wouldn't be angry for too long. Eventually she would forgive me. I was two hundred percent sure.
~
I nervously played with my hamburger. I kept looking towards the door. When was she going to come? I was not hungry. I wouldn't be able to eat until I talked to her.
We were seated at our usual table. Sam, Brian, Josh, Tyler, Darren and Brooke were doing what they were doing. But I wasn't paying any attention to them.
Was she even going to come?
I was playing with the spoon on my plate when I heard someone gasp and I looked up to see it was Brooke. She was staring at something behind me. Confused, I turned around in my chair.
Claire.
But when I saw what she was doing, I froze. I felt something break inside of me. My heart. It was as if it came down crumbling into tiny pieces.
I saw Claire kissing a guy. I stared at her. Was this her way of telling me that she's didn't like me? She could have told me herself. There was no need to show me the kiss. As I looked at the guy, I immediately recognised him as Jesse Winters. The bastard who used her.
I was baffled. Why would she kiss the one who used her?
Claire disconnected her lips from Jesse's and looked at our table. Our eyes instantly locked. But she dropped her gaze and looked at the others instead. Why was she doing this to me? What had happened to her over the weekend?
She held hands with that asshole and casually strode over to our table as if it was nothing.
She sat beside Brooke, again far away from me. I didn't say anything. I was too shocked. I felt Brooke's eyes on me. She leaned over to Claire's ear and whispered something which I clearly heard.
"What is this, Claire?! Why were you kissing Jesse?! Don't you know what he did to you?" Brooke's voice was loud enough for us to hear. Jesse heard it too but decided to ignore it.
I looked at Jesse. He also sat at our table and looked oblivious to Brooke's outburst. Well, he tried to act like that.
I saw Claire's expression harden. "It's none of your business, Brooke. This is my personal life. You don't need to know what happened to me," she said sternly.
Was this really Claire? She couldn't be. I had never seen her talk to Brooke in this way, in the thirteen months I had a crush on her.
Brooke looked equally surprised and horrified at Claire's behaviour.
That was it. I couldn't take it any longer. I pushed back my chair rather roughly and it fell down making a loud noise. Some eyes turned to look at us but I could care less. I was much in the mood to get out of the freaking room than giving a crap about what others thought. I could feel the others' stare bore into my back. I quickly strode out of the cafeteria.
Claire's POV:
I watched as he disappeared out of the room. What was I doing?
I felt terrible for doing that to him. He really did like me. Well, liked. I don't think he liked me anymore. Especially after what I have done. Stupid Claire. You had to kiss Jesse when you knew Jake was looking at you?
I hated myself so much right now.
But it was the right thing to do. I liked Jake. He is funny, cute and kind. He was so much better than me. He didn't deserve me. He didn't deserve a whore like me. He could do so much better.
I looked down at my lunch. I didn't know what to do now. I had screwed up everything.
I heard Brooke's chair shift beside me. Away from me. Oh Brooke, I was so sorry. I didn't mean to behave like that with you. Or Jake.
I felt a hand slid under my skirt under the table. I froze. I looked over at Jesse who was seated beside me. He winked at me. I gave him a tiny smile. I felt his hand go further up and under.
I had to admit. I felt a bit uncomfortable. I slid my own hands under the table and removed his hands from my thighs. He looked at me and I gave him an apologetic look. He turned away from me and began chatting with Josh and Tyler.
Great. Now he was angry too.
Good job Claire. You made everyone angry at you.
Jake's POV:
Okay. Don't be a coward. She was not going to eat me up. I can do this.
I sighed. I hoped she would listen to me.
After the cafeteria drama that I witnessed, I tried to avoid everyone. Brian, Sam and especially Brooke. I didn't need to avoid Claire. She made it easy.
The whole day I locked myself in classes. Tried paying attention to what the teacher was teaching.
But eventually at the end of the day, I finally convinced myself to give another shot at trying to talk to her and clear things out. If she wanted us to remain only friends, I would be only friends with her, no matter how much I hated the sound of it.
I just had to try.
I was in the parking lot with Brian and Sam. They didn't bring up the cafeteria thing for which I was very thankful. I bet Brian had told Sam not to say anything about it to me.
School had ended. Claire and Brooke had still not left. I think Claire was waiting for me to leave so that she could avoid me. Like that was ever going to happen. I could wait here for her the whole day. At some point she would give up and come out to talk to me.
After another ten or fifteen minutes later I finally spotted her hurrying towards Brooke's car. I saw Brooke a few steps behind her and I signalled her to not to leave and that I had to talk to Claire. She nodded.
By this time, Claire was already sitting in the car. I went up to her.
"Brooke! Let's go!" She said frantically as she saw me coming towards them.
"Claire, I want to talk to you," I said as soon as I reached the car.
"I don't want to talk to you! Let's go home!" She looked at Brooke.
"I'm sorry Claire but we won't leave until you talk to Jake," Brooke said calmly. "I'll give you two some privacy." She said and walked towards the boys.
"Claire. Get out of the car. We need to talk. Please." I pleaded
"No! Whatever you have to say, say it here. I'm not getting out." She gritted out stubbornly.
"You have no choice. I won't talk unless you are out. The quicker you get out, the quicker you get home."
Hearing this she looked even more annoyed. She was so cute.
She sighed and got out of the car, shutting the door roughly behind her.
"What is it?!" She almost yelled at me.
"Claire. I like you. I know that-"
Before I could say anything further, she cut me off, "And I hate you."
It hurt. The words coming out of her mouth hurt. I took a deep breath. I liked her for over a year. That was not going to go away in just a day. And especially not because of those four words she just said to me.
"Listen to me. I'm sorry for kissing you. I understand that you didn't want that. But I really like you Claire. That's why I kissed you. But if you don't feel the same toward me, it's okay. But please don't ruin our friendship. It means a lot to me." I practically begged for it.
I waited for her reply. She sighed.
"Jake. I don't like you. I love Jesse. And I don't want to be your friend after what you did. I like you too but if we remain friends, it will not be easy for me. It won't be easy for you to move on too. That kiss will forever be on my mind. And I don't want that. Already there are some complications in I and Jesse's relationship and I don't want you to complicate it more. It's best if we aren't friends. I'm sorry if it hurts you but that's what is best for the both of us. Don't talk to me again." She said with a blank face. It hurt even more when she said all those things emotionlessly. Like what I had said, practically poured out my heart in front of her, didn't affect her. Like the kiss meant nothing to her.
Not even friends.
I liked her for more than one fucking year and that was what I got?
She started to leave but I grabbed her hand and turned her around to face me. She looked down at our hands.
"Let go of my hand," She said in a small, broken voice.
"I know what Jesse's doing. He's using you again. Don't fall for his trap again, Claire. He doesn't deserve you. He is just using you for sex, like the manwhore he is. Don't fall for that douche's trap," I put my finger under her chin and made her look up at me.
Her forehead wrinkled and she looked at me with angry eyes. Did I say something wrong? As far I knew, what I said was the cold and cruel truth.
She pushed my hand back and took a few steps away from me. "That's my boyfriend you are talking about! He is the sweetest person I've ever known. You don't know him. Don't you say like that about him again. I love him! Not you! Understand? You can do much more better than me. And he truly loves me. And I think you are the manwhore here!"
She called me a manwhore? I didn't sleep with a single girl. There were countless times where a drunk girl would literally throw herself at me at the parties Sam threw, countless time where girls would try to force me into a kiss, only to pass out in my arms. I never took advantage of them in their inebriated state. I always made sure they got home safely and that no girl was harassed at parties. I always cared about every girl, lent a shoulder to cry on to unknown girls who I almost always accidentally happened to find crying at a party. I respected every girl. And just like that I respected Claire. It was more than okay with me if she didn't like me back. It were her feelings. I couldn't make her like me.
But what she was saying flared up my suppressed anger. I knew Jesse was no better than me. He used girls. He liked to think of himself as some kind of a most desirable bad boy girls wanted. How delusional that little shit was.
I was done with being patient. She thought he is better than me? She thought I was the manwhore?! She didn't have the slightest idea about what she was getting herself into by being with Jesse. He was just going to do what he did to other girls.
"Fine then. I never thought you could be so desperate for love that you'll sell your body for it! Well I got news for you! You ain't getting any love from him! You're his fuck buddy. Believe it or not but that's the truth! Have fun you two! Go fuck with your manwhore for whom you're ready to be a bitch to all of us." I snapped, my anger finally breaking free from the control I had over it.
No sooner had the words left my mouth when I felt her hand get in contact with my right cheek. She slapped me. Hard.
"You stay out of this! You don't have the right to comment on my relationships. Stay out of it. And freaking stay away from me! I hate you!" She didn't bother for my reply and stalked towards the car and sat in it.
Brooke came running at the scene. She probably must have watched the slap. How humiliating.
"Are you okay?" Brooke asked me.
I nodded and without another word I turned around and dashed to my bike. I needed to get out of here. Away from Claire so that it wouldn't hurt as much as it did now.
Without a glance backwards I sat on my bike and drove off. I got a glimpse of the boys staring at me with worried expressions but I ignored them.
"Are you going to stare after him?! Freaking let's get home!" I heard Claire shout at Brooke.
I cared about her. And what I said a while ago was just out of anger. I didn't mean what I said about her. But what I said about that asshole Jesse couldn't be more true.
I felt my vision getting a bit blurry.
I didn't know what to do next. I knew that I deserved the slap. Still it hurt that she hated me.
And I didn't even know where I was going. I should probably go home where I would be alone, like I always was.
~~~
This chapter was all about Claire and Jake. But hey, the next chapter is all about Brian and Brooke (well, hopefully). What should their ship name be?
This chapter is dedicated to i_am_superwoman1 for making that beautiful cover at the top. Seriously, it's so good. Thank you so much, I loved it. (m_a_bookworm was my previous username).
There's more love, hatred, jealousy, friendship, dark pasts, fun, betrayal, anger and what not coming up.
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