“Hi, Fred.”
“Hello, Dakota.”
“How are you today, Fred?”
“I’ll make it out alive,” He shrugged. “What about yourself?”
“The lunch today wasn’t very tasty,” I informed him. “Have you had lunch yet?”
Fred shook his head. “Nope. I’ve been looking at the birds all morning.”
“You have to eat, Fred,” I informed him. “Or they’ll think that you’re anorexic.”
“I’m not anorexic,” He denied. “I’m a drug addict. You’re the anorexic.”
“Touché, Fred,” I laughed, sitting down on the metal bench beside the old man. I mean, he wasn’t that old, he was only like, 45 I think but he looked a lot older than he really was. We were outside in the courtyard of the rehabilitation place where I liked to spend my afternoons after I’d eaten lunch. It was a big courtyard and there were a lot of people out there, enjoying the sunlight. There were a lot of benches and there was actually even a swing set that nobody ever used except for me sometimes. There were nurses walking around too, helping out with the patients who got angry or decided to try and kill themselves- which happens a lot.
“Did you save me your pudding cup?”
“No,” I scoffed. “They had chocolate today.”
“Maybe I’ll go get some lunch then,” He sighed, looking longingly at the doors that led into the main area of the center which held the cafeteria and doctor offices and then hallways that led to elevators and stairs that took you up to where all of our rooms were. It was like a nice hotel that you couldn’t leave and that served crappy food and required two therapy sessions a day.
“It might just be worth it,” I smiled at him. “I think I might almost miss the pudding here.”
“Are you leaving soon?” He asked me abruptly.
I nodded. “Yeah. They’re freeing me on Saturday, so tomorrow’s my last full day.”
“That’s a pity,” He sighed sadly. “I’ll miss you around here.”
“You’ll get out too someday, Fred,” I assured him.
He shook his head in the negative. “Nah, I like drugs too much.”
“Then why are you here?” I laughed.
“Court ordered,” He sighed. “It’s either this or jail, and they have pudding cups here.”
“Were you a drug dealer, Fred?” I wondered curiously as I started kicking around a rock that was resting peacefully under the bench that we were sitting on.
“Yep,” He confirmed, looking up at the tree that towered over the bench where there were a few birds dancing around the branches. It was March, so spring was starting and there were a lot of birds flying around and for some reason, Fred loved birds.
“Did you ever kill anybody?”
He nodded again. “Yep.”
“More than one person?”
He shook his head that time. “Nope, just one. I’m not a monster or anything, Dakota, I just like drugs.”
“Have you ever fallen in love, Fred?” I asked him.
“Yeah,” He sighed. “But she’s dead now.”
“Did you kill her?” I wondered with a gasp.
“No,” He laughed. “My brother did.”
“Your life is very messed up, Fred,” I informed him with a long sigh.
“Says the anorexic,” He snorted carelessly.
“I’m better now,” I assured him with a nod. “That’s why they’re letting me go home.”
“Right,” He nodded but he seemed very unconvinced, even though I was telling the truth and everything. “Have you ever fallen in love, Dakota?”
“Nope,” I sighed, adjusting myself on the uncomfortable metal bench.
“Really?” He questioned. “Aren’t teenagers supposed to fall in love all of the time?”
“Well, there was this one guy, and he made me think that I fell in love with him, but then it wasn’t.”
“That seems to happen a lot, yeah?” Fred grunted.
I nodded in agreement. “Yeah, probably.”
“Miss. Dakota,” I heard somebody chirp my name and when I looked up, I saw one of the nurses standing in front of Fred and I with a rolling cart full of drugs on it. “I have your afternoon pill here.”
“Great,” I chirped sarcastically. “I really love drugs so much.”
She smiled at me and handed me two small cups- one with two pills in it and one with some water in it. “Well, you’re almost done. Just a few more days.”
I sighed heavily and took the pills and the water, throwing them down my throat. “I still really don’t like the pills,” I whined. “They make me groggy and horny and it’s annoying,” I muttered.
“Have a good day, Dakota, and you too, Fred. Don’t forget your appointment with Dr. Baylen at three, okay?” She reminded me with a pointed look that a mother would give her child.
I nodded in agreement. “I honestly wouldn’t miss it for the world.”
The nurse laughed at my sarcasm and then she jumped a little bit as if she was just remembering something. “Oh, I almost forgot. You have a visitor waiting for you in your room.”
“A visitor?” I echoed in confusion. “I’m not allowed to have visitors though.”
She shrugged. “I guess Dr. Baylin is giving you a pass for today. Maybe she thinks it will be good for you to see somebody that you really know.”
“Do you know who it is?” I asked her.
She shook her head apologetically. “Sorry, Dakota, I don’t.”
“Okay, well thank you,” I chirped, standing up from the bench as she nodded and then started walking off with her cart to the next patient who was on her list for their afternoon dose. “Same time tomorrow, Fred?”
He nodded, still looking up into the tree at the birds. “Yep, I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“How many birds have you counted?” I asked him curiously.
“I don’t count the birds,” He denied. “I just watch them.”
“Okay, Fred,” I laughed. “Goodbye.”
He muttered a farewell back and then I followed the sidewalk back up to the building and then I went back inside, being washed in the air conditioning, which was a high contrast from the Alabama spring outside. I waved at the reception lady, but she was on the phone so she didn’t notice me, and then I walked over to where the elevators were that led to the dorm-like rooms where the patients stayed.
My room was on the fourth floor, so I pushed the right button and rode up in silence, since there was nobody else in the elevator with me, which was good. It was really unfortunate to get stuck on an elevator with a mentally ill person, or so that’s been my experience. The first time I was on the elevator with somebody else, that person was suffering from severe anxiety and had a complete meltdown when I said ‘hi’ to her. The second time, the man was a psychopath- literally- and he threatened to kill my whole family, including my dog (which I don’t have, obviously). The third and final time that I was on the elevator with somebody else, she talked to me the whole way up about how she thought that she was Jesus reincarnate and that everyone should worship at her feet and if we didn’t, we’d be going downstairs after we died, and it was pretty scary, actually. Almost as scary as the psychopath.
I used my room key that was attached to a bracelet on my arm to get into my room, but I took my time opening the door because I wasn’t sure who was going to be on the other side. It could have been Owen, which would have been amazing, because I really missed my brother in the almost-two weeks that I’d been there in the rehab center, but it could have also been Todd or Braeden. I guess it could have been my dad too, but I didn’t think that it was him because I talked to him on the phone right before lunch, so he would have told me that he was coming to visit.
I finally opened the door all of the way and saw, with a lot of confusion, that it was Caleb that was visiting my room. He was sitting at the empty desk on the right of the room, looking very bored. My room was very boring looking just like all of the rooms there. The walls were cinder block and the floors were tiled and it was all a gray-ish color. On the left, there was a twin sized bed and on the right, there was a desk and a chair and that was it. It was a very small room, and I was very glad that I only had to live in it for two weeks, or else I’d combust or something.
“Um, hi,” I muttered slowly, closing the door behind me and brushing some of my unruly dark hair behind my ear.
Caleb looked over at me with slightly wide eyes and then stood out of the desk chair and offered a small smile. “Dakota, hey.”
“What are you doing here?” I wondered bluntly.
“I, um, I just wanted to see you is all,” He assured me. “You look… well, better than I thought you would right now.”
“Oh, I feel great,” I chirped. “I feel fantastic, really. Did Braeden send you?”
“What?” He laughed. “No, of course not.”
“Was it Todd?”
“Dakota, no, it-“
“Owen?”
“Nobody sent me,” He assured me.
“Really?” I wondered skeptically.
Caleb hesitated before sighing heavily. “Okay, well they all kind of asked me to come, but I really do want to see how you are myself too.”
“What does Todd want to know?” I asked curiously, sitting on the edge of my bed.
“He just wants do know if you’re still mad at him, I guess,” He shrugged. “I don’t know, I don’t want to get in the middle of it or anything, that’s just what he said, to ask you if you were still mad at him.”
“Does he know that I get out on Saturday? He couldn’t wait just wait a few more days?”
“I think he wants to know before you get back- you know, so that he knows what to expect and everything.”
“And Braeden?”
“He just wants answered, Kota,” Caleb sighed. “I’m not one for empathy, but the poor guy is just really confused.”
“Okay, well you can tell Todd that I still really don’t want to talk to him, but I’m not mad at all, and you can tell Braeden nothing, because I don’t want him to know any more than he already knows.”
“Don’t you think that’s kind of inevitable?” Caleb wondered.
I shook my head. “No, I don’t think it is. I don’t want him to know anything that he doesn’t have to know and this isn’t something that he has to know anything about.”
“You’re making things so complicated, you know,” He sighed, sitting down beside me on the bed.
“I’m a girl- it’s kind of what we do,” I informed him with a nod.
“Right,” He laughed. “But seriously, just think like a guy and you’ll be a lot happier, I think. Todd cheated on you and that’s shitty, so don’t like, get back together with him or anything, but just be friends with him like you used to be because I mean, why not, right? You’re not going to be very happy if you just hate everybody. And as for Braeden, just tell him the truth and if he treats you differently because of it then fuck him. Not literally, but you know what I mean. And as for Marnie? Well, I can’t tell you what to do about her because I don’t do girl drama.”
“So basically, I should just be nonchalant about everything?” I asked Caleb.
He nodded. “Yeah, it’s a much simpler lifestyle.”
“Dr. Baylin, that’s my therapist, she says that I should be honest with people,” I told him. “She says that I need to learn how to forgive people easier.”
He shrugged. “I’m obviously not a doctor, so I guess that’s a good idea.”
“I’m coming home on Saturday,” I told him, even though I was sure that he already knew that, I just felt like saying it again.
“Yeah, I know,” Caleb informed me. “They’re planning a ‘welcome home’ party for you as we speak.”
“I don’t want a party,” I shook my head. “Why should I get a party for coming home from a rehab center? That’s completely ridiculous.”
“They’re happy to have you home, Dakota, that’s why they’re celebrating.”
“You know, I think that you would like to meet Fred,” I chirped happily. “But, he’s not allowed to have visitors. I’m not either, but for some reason, they decided to break the rules for you. You’re a rule breaker.”
He laughed and then shrugged. “I was able to sweet talk the nurse a bit, but I didn’t technically break the rules. Anyway, who’s Fred?”
“He’s a drug dealer who’s killed somebody and he has a brother, who killed the love of his life. It sounds very exciting.”
“He doesn’t sound like a pleasant guy,” Caleb chuckled softly.
“He is,” I assured him. “He’s kind of funny too.”
“Sure, Kota, whatever you say,” He sang.
“I have a therapy session at three,” I told him. “I can’t miss it or they’ll keep me here longer.”
“Well, it’s only two so we have a little bit more time.”
“I don’t even know what to talk about, though,” I sighed. “Well, actually there is one thing that you can tell me.”
“And what’s that?” Caleb wondered.
“How did we do at the competition? Do you know?” I asked him curiously, since the only two people that I was allowed to have phone calls with were my dad and Owen, and whenever I asked either one of them about it, they scolded me for even worrying about how the dance team placed at nationals, which is a big deal to me, but they just didn’t get it. I tried to call Nikki once to ask her, but they caught me before she answered the phone, because there was a nurse there at all times monitoring phone calls.
“They won second place,” Caleb assured me.
“Well, that’s not bad,” I piped. “Who won first place?”
He shrugged cluelessly. “I don’t know, some team from Montana, I think.”
“That’s good,” I yawned, feeling the side effects of the drugs taking over. Like I’d told the nurse, they really made me groggy and tired a lot and then I’d get the three H’s, which is what other patients call them (Hungry, Hormonal, Horny).
“Are you feeling okay?” He asked warily when he noticed my yawn.
I nodded with a small laugh. “Yes, Caleb, I’m fine. Even crazy people get tired sometimes.”
“You’re not crazy,” Caleb sighed heavily, running a hand through his blonde hair. “You’re just… I don’t really know, but you’re not crazy.”
“That’s nice of you, but if I wasn’t crazy, then I wouldn’t be at a mental rehabilitation center with therapy twice a day and horny medicine.”
“Horny medicine?” Caleb echoed.
I nodded. “This medicine is driving me crazy, and I don’t understand why.”
He smirked, his inner teenage boy coming out. “Maybe you miss Todd more than you think.”
I shook my head and scrunched my face in distaste. “No, I don’t miss Todd. I mean, not anymore of course. Don’t you think he’s such a jerk? He told Braeden that I was anorexic sophomore year. I mean, who even does that?”
“But you were…” Caleb muttered in confusion. “Weren’t you?”
“Yes, but Braeden didn’t need to know that because he wasn’t here then and it isn’t any of his business at all.”
“Oh, so that’s why you won’t talk to Braeden? Because he knows about what happened a few years ago?”
I nodded in confirmation. “That’s exactly why.”
“Dakota, everyone knows,” He sighed. “It’s not exactly a secret, and nobody else has ever treated you differently, have they?”
“Actually, they have,” I refuted. “Everyone treats me like I’m a ticking time bomb or something, and eventually, I’ll relapse. Which obviously, they had reason to believe because here I am, relapsing and whatnot. And Braeden will do that too, he’ll always ask me if I’ve eaten and if I’m hungry and all of that other crap that everyone else does and I just don’t want that.”
“Okay, well I’m a guy, Dakota,” Caleb told me as if it wasn’t something that I already knew. “And I can tell when a guy likes a girl.”
“I know that Braeden likes me- or liked me at least,” I sighed. “That doesn’t change anything though.”
“It does,” He argued. “If you just like, talk to him and stuff, I’m sure you’ll figure things out. And you probably like him back. I wouldn’t know of course, but I think you do, and so work it out and it’ll be fine.”
“Who knew you were such a romantic?” I giggled teasingly.
He shook his head in strong disagreement. “I’m not a romantic at all, I’m just a good wingman.”
“So you’re just doing this for Braeden?” I wondered with raised eyebrows.
“No, I’m doing it for both you and Braeden. Well, and Todd and Owen because they both wanted me to come too, because your dad wouldn’t let Owen come.”
“Yeah, well just tell them all that I’ll see them on Saturday, save for Todd.”
“You’re not going to talk to him?”
I shook my head. “Nope, I’m not.”
“I thought you said you weren’t mad at him though.”
“I’m not. But I’m not his friend either and I just don’t want anything to do with him at all.”
“Okay,” He sighed, standing up from my bed. “Well, I’ll let you take a nap or something before your therapy thing and I’ll go now.”
“Okay,” I muttered, standing up as well so that I could walk him downstairs to the exit of the building. I wouldn’t be allowed to go outside with him though, because he would have to leave out the front door but I was only allowed to go out the back door, since that’s where the courtyard was, and it was fenced off so that nobody could leave. Like Fred, some of these people are under court order, so they’d try to escape if they could, which is why that place had really tight security.
“I’ll see you at the party,” He chirped, offering me a small hug as we got downstairs.
“Yeah, I’ll see you there,” I called to him, waving at him as he walked out the automatic sliding glass doors.
“Is that your boyfriend?” Somebody asked from behind me.
I turned around and saw somebody that I had never seen before. She was an adult, it looked like, and she had these really buggy eyes and she really freaked me out.
“Um, no,” I muttered.
“He is the most attractive,” She cooed creepily.
“O-kay,” I said slowly, starting to walk away from the creepy lady towards the therapy area where there were a bunch of offices for the different therapists. There were a lot of addiction therapists, which is where Fred obviously goes, and then there’s a bunch of other doctors that have their own specialties like anxiety and phobias and stuff like that, and then there’s the eating disorder therapists, which is where I go.
My therapist’s name is Dr. Baylin and she was really nice, which I think all therapists are, because they wouldn’t have very many patients if they weren’t nice, I don’t think. I found her office with ease, since I had to go there twice a day for the past two weeks, and I entered the room since the door was already open.
“Hello, Dakota,” She chirped with a wide grin as she noticed me walk into the room. “Come have a seat,” She invited, motioning towards the chair that was across from her desk. She wasn’t sitting at her desk though, she was sitting in another chair beside mine and we were facing each other.
“Hello, Dr. Baylin,” I sighed with another tired yawn.
“What would you like to talk about today?” She asked me with her clipboard ready.
I thought for a moment before opening my mouth and responding. “I’d like to talk about a boy named Braeden.”