Ahsoka watched Anakin pace back and forth in front of her. He was just as frustrated as she was, but she had come to terms with the fact that there was nothing more she could do.
"You're not helping."
"I'm sorry, Snips." He sat down beside her. "I just don't know what to do."
"It's okay, I don't either."
The bell sounded, and Ahsoka knew it was time. She reluctantly stood up and stepped on the platform for her hearing. Above her were each of the Council members. There was no way she was going to convince them to believe her. All of the evidence pointed to her being guilty. The dark side clouded everything. The last few days had been a blur to her.
"Padawan Tano," Master Yoda began, "serious charges have been levied against you. How plead you?"
"Not guilty, Master. I would never take the lives of innocents. The values of the Jedi are sacred to me." That much was true. Hopefully, they would see that.
"There is evidence to the contrary," Master Mundi said. "You were alone with Letta Turmond when she died. Can you explain this?"
No, she wanted to say, I'm still trying to work that one out. "Someone used the force against her."
Master Plo spoke next. "Which brings us to Ventress. Can you explain your association with her?"
She knew where this was going and didn't like it. They had already decided what was to become of her, whether they were aware of it or not. "We had a mutual understanding. I thought she was helping me."
Master Windu crossed his arms. "Did she help you acquire the nanodroid weaponry found when you were apprehended, the same devices used in the bombing of the Temple?"
"No!" It bothered her that they all assumed she knew all along exactly where to find the nanodroids. They didn't see her kill any of the officers or lay a finger on Letta. "I was set up and deceived as you are being deceived now!"
"The question is, Padawan Tano, who is deceiving us? Ventress, you, or someone else?"
"I am not deceiving you! I would assume Ventress is, but I can't be sure. My senses... clouded..."
"Clouded by the dark side, these thing are, Padawan Tano. Dangerously clouded. But not just surrounding you, surrounding many things in these times."
She could feel her master's anger. "You've already made your decision, haven't you? This meeting is just a formality!" he shouted.
Master Yoda sighed. "Reached a decision, we have. Though, not in total agreement, are we."
Well, that's good. At least I'm not going to die yet. Her eyes met Obi-Wan's. She could sense his disagreement with the whole situation. He knew it was wrong to betray her, but the rest of the Council didn't see it that way.
"It is the Council's opinion," Master Windu started, "That Padawan Ahsoka Tano has committed sedition against the Republic, and thus, she will be expelled from the Jedi Order."
She knew it was inevitable, but hearing it become true was an entirely different feeling. Her eyes opened wide, processing what it meant. Everything she had worked her whole life to build was gone. She couldn't imagine herself as anything but a Jedi. The Council had no qualms about turning its back on her, even though she had done nothing wrong. And it stung.
Everything said after her trial was a mess of broken sentences. She couldn't remember what was said or what was going on, but she found herself in a alone cell once more. Guards stood outside the door, making it impossible to escape. Besides, there was no point. There was no where to go and nothing to find anymore. She collapsed back on the bench and cried herself to sleep, not caring about who heard.
-:-:-:-:-:-:-
Ahsoka woke up on the floor of Lux's apartment with a start. She had been dreaming, but she couldn't remember what about. Her lekku were buzzing, unappreciative of being fallen upon so suddenly. She sat up slowly and rubbed her temples, hoping it would go away.
Lux moaned and sat up in bed. "Ahsoka?" he called out, still half asleep. "Was that you?"
Don't mind me. I just totally fell out of bed, she thought.
The silence seemed to wake him up a bit more. When it registered to him that she was on the floor, he slid out of bed and sat beside her. "You okay?"
She shook her head. The buzzing was dying down. Lux started gently massaging her back, making her relax. He didn't say anything, but she could his concern. The fact that he knew when not to pry was one of the many things she loved about him.
"Can I ask a dumb question?" he asked.
"Better than anyone I know."
He chuckled, kissing her lekku. "Are you happy?"
"Am I happy? I suppose so, yeah." She wasn't really expecting that.
"Do I make you happy?"
"Of course you do, love." She turned and kissed him softly. "I can't imagine my life without you."
He smiled, continuing to massage her. "What about Master Skywalker?"
"Yes. He's like family to me. He makes assignments more enjoyable for myself and the clones." Anakin was the older brother she never had. They shared strong bond not easily shaken.
"And the Jedi Order itself? Does it make you happy?"
She hesitated before answering. "Sometimes. Seeing the people I work to protect living full and free lives definitely does. I enjoy what I do. There are some things, though, that I don't like. Our relationship, for one, shouldn't be against the rules. You can't stop people from living their lives, and strict rules only make people more sneaky. Why do you ask?"
"No reason in particular." He stood up behind her and helped her up. "Times are changing, Ahsoka."
She took a step back. "What do you mean?"
"This war has gone on long enough, and people are starting to see that. There are protests all over the galaxy against the Jedi. I need to know that you risk your life every day for a worthwhile cause."
Taking his hands, she took a step closer. Lux was acting really out of character for no apparent reason, and it was worrying her. "Hey, is there something going on that I need to know about?"
He let out a heavy sigh and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close. Tucking his head between her montrals, he simply held her. "I can't lose you to this war, Ahsoka, not after I my mother and father. Every time I see you, I have to act like it's the last time because someday, it will be."
She looked into his eyes. "Lux, I—"
He cut her off by kissing her passionately. Ahsoka was more than happy to oblige, kissing him back with equal fervor. This time, though, she could feel his emotions coming into play. He would never admit it, but he was afraid of the prospect of her death. She came to the realization that deep inside, she was just as afraid of losing him as he was of losing her. And fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, and hate leads to suffering...
There was a reason attachment was forbidden. Its purpose wasn't to limit the Jedi but to prevent them from spending their lives in a prison of sorts. She was trapped by love, and there wasn't a thing she could do about it.
She pulled away, not able to meet his eyes. "I should go. My master is expecting me back soon." Reluctantly, she left his arms and draped a cloak around her shoulders. "And I think we should stop seeing each other for a while."
"What?" He took a step back and sat down on his bed. "What do you mean?"
"There's something I didn't consider when we decided to this. I have to sort it out on my own," she said, her back to him.
She could sense his contempt. He wore it plainly across his face, not even bothering to conceal it. "Why? Am I not good enough for you all of a sudden?"
Tears began to well up in her eyes. "No, Lux, that's not what I said at all. I love you dearly, but I don't want to wreak havoc on the entire galaxy. It's bigger than just us now."
He shook his head. "I knew this was a bad idea from the start. I should've listened to my brain instead of my heart because clearly my heart knows absolutely nothing."
"No, just listen! I'm a Jedi, you're a Senator. This isn't how it was meant to be for anyone. There are consequences for this that aren't even related to that. Well, maybe they are related, I don't know. The point is, I love you so much I'm becoming blind. We're becoming blind. I need to step back for a second and get my head back on straight before I get in way to far over my head."
He sat silent, his eye glued to the ground. "Alright, I get it. Duty comes first, and Jedi aren't allowed to form attachments. Fine." He ran a hand through his hair. "Fine, fine, fine. See you around, Commander."
"You don't mean that," she pleaded to him.
He stood up and left the room, leaving her alone. She collapsed to her knees, her face buried in her hands. Her sobs ripped through her body, yanking her heart out of her chest. The world around her became a blur, her senses completely dulled. There was no color, sound, smell—everything became nothingness.
She took several deep breaths to calm herself down. "See you around, Senator."
-:-:-:-:-:-:-
Ahsoka gasped and sat up in her cell, panting like she'd just outrun a battalion of clankers. Of all of her experiences, why had her brain chosen to dream about that? It didn't matter, anyway. What was done was done, and there was nothing she could do about it. Besides, Lux hadn't even tried to contact her while she'd been imprisoned. If he didn't want to talk to her, it wasn't her problem.
She could sense Anakin and Padme outside her door, so she sat up at tried to make herself look somewhat presentable.
After Anakin had gone to look for evidence himself, she and Padme spent the remainder of the day working on her case and chatting about life in general.
"So, now that the hard part's out of the way, how have you been? Is Anakin treating you alright still?" Padme asked.
"To be honest, I've been better. Much better. There's just so much going on right now that I can't make sense of. Anakin has been his same old self, which has been helpful." For the first time since her last meeting with Lux, she smiled a genuine smile. "And I still end up saving the day, usually."
Padme laughed. "He is a bit reckless, isn't he?"
"Senator Amidala, that is an understatement if I've ever heard one. How did you two meet, anyway? He doesn't talk about his past much with me."
She smiled as an ocean of memories flooded her thoughts. "You know I was the Queen of Naboo long time ago, right? Well, when we were invaded by the Trade Federation, Master Qui-Gon and Master Kenobi protected my handmaidens and me. Our ship was damaged, so we had to make an emergency landing on Tatooine. While there, we went to explore a bit to find a new hyperdrive. There was this one place that had one, but there was no way we were going to pay for it. The shop owner owned Anakin as a slave. Long story short, he was a podracer, there was a podrace, he won and sold the pod, and we were able to afford the parts we needed. Master Qui-Gon freed him and took him to the Temple for training, and here we are now, twelve years later."
The Senator smiled again, as if reliving the past. Ahsoka took her hand, sensing nothing but love. "I knew it," she mumbled. To her credit, she was much better at hiding it then Lux, but she was no force-user. That's probably the reason Anakin had been able to hide it from her and the rest of the galaxy for so long.
"So, Ahsoka, how is he?"
"Didn't I just answer that?"
She shook her head. "No, not Anakin, the boy."
Her whole body tensed a the mention of Lux by someone other than Anakin. She should've guessed he would tell Padme, but it still came as a bit of a shock. "Anakin told you?"
She nodded. "He did. And so did Mr. Romantic in person."
"Really?" She crossed her arms.
"Yes, believe it or not, he did. He talks a great deal about you. You mean a lot to him, Ahsoka."
She uncrossed her arms as her cheeks turned slightly pink. "And did he mention what happened the last time we spoke at all?" Her hand found its way to her neck, where the choker from their first dance still sat.
"He did."
"And?" she motioned with her hands for her to continue.
"I'm not going to give you the answers. I had someone tell me a long time ago when I was your age that the belonging you seek is not behind you, it is ahead. Don't dwell as much on the past. You can control your future, so if you want to be with him, I think it would be worth a shot to talk to him about it." She winked and gave Ahsoka a hug. "For the record, I think you guys are super cute together and so does Anakin."
"Thanks, Padme. I just got so carried away with the big picture that I forgot the details. I suppose I don't have to worry about you telling anyone, since the Council conveniently rid me of that problem."
"Hey, it'll work itself out, right? The force works in mysterious ways, I'm told. Try to get some sleep tonight. I'll see you bright and early for the trial."
A/N: Soooooo how's everyone doing this fine afternoon? Having a good week so far? I hope so ;)
I'm thinking maybe one or two more chapters for this book, but I'm not sure. I originally thought this was going to be a simple Christmas one-shot, but apparently my fingertips think otherwise. I might write an epilogue, too. It depends on how long the next chapter is. There will be feels, by the way. I forgot to mention that before this chapter... whoops...
I'll see you soon, and may the force be with you.