CHAPTER 7:
Milliana.
When he left he simply gave me a glance and told me we'd talk later before leaving. It wasn't until long after he left that I realized what this meant. He had met her. He was her father. No matter what happened or how far apart we were, we'd always be somewhat together. A part of me thought, don't forgive him, don't give in and most importantly keep him away from Ariella. But that wasn't right. I needed to forgive him so we could be the best parents for Ariella. I didn't want or feel the need to be petty with him, surprisingly, all I cared about was Ariella and lord knows I'd do anything for her.
I didn't know what to do now. What could I do? Would he want to be apart of her life? Apart of our life? Would he try to take her from me? Did he mean what he said when he told me he wanted me back? How would I ever be able to trust him again? Would I ever be able to move past what had happened in the past? Would we ever be together again?
I tossed and turned all night, these questions spiralled through my mind causing a sleepless night.
I never thought this would happen to me. I never thought I would get divorced and have a baby without him there with me. When I pictured my life as a child, it was all happiness all the time. I guess that was naive of me.
I know that if he wanted custody he could get it easily, but I wouldn't go down with a fight. He had more money than I did and the access to much better lawyers. I wanted to run away again. Go farther so he couldn't find me so easily. Then again, Ari needed a father in her life. I could never live with myself if I deprived her of her father after she had met him. Not that she would remember really, she was only nine months, but I would know. I would know I kept them apart. God, I felt so conflicted I didn't know what to do. I decided to call Nailah, she'd help me. After three rings she picked up. "Hi, Milli!" She greeted cheerily. At least one of us was in a good mood.
"Nailah, I need your help. He met Ari." I could hear the beating of my heart in my ears. Every time I thought about him finding us and meeting her, I felt dizzy, lightheaded.
"Who met her?" She asked, confusion in her voice.
"Rafa."
I heard her gasp. "How did he find you?" She cried, shocked. "You moved almost an hour away!"
"He was at the club, he saw me and followed me home. He heard Ari cry and, well, he went to my room and carried her." I explained, running a hand through my hair in distress.
I decided to leave out the part where he kissed me. Nailah would go crazy and so would I. Just thinking about that moment we shared made me feel hopeless because I wanted more. I needed to forget about it and push all that away. He said he wanted to be together, but how I could I possibly trust him after what happened? Just because I wanted him in Ariella's life didn't mean he needed to be involved in mine.
"Wow, Milliana, does he want custody?" She asked and I heard papers being shuffled before a quiet sigh.
"I don't know." I said worriedly. If he took my baby I didn't know what I'd do. Everything I did was for her. "What do you think I should do?"
"As much as I want to help you, this is your decision but know I'll support you no matter what." She told me, and I could hear her honesty.
"You're right, I need to figure this out on my own. Thank you, I have to go, bye." I wanted to groan, but she was right it had to be my decision. I didn't want to put something like this on someone else. "Remember, you are strong and you can do this. Have faith in your ability to do the right thing. Love you, bye." She said and hung up. I threw my phone down and sighed.
I needed to go talk to him and get everything out in the open. But I needed to know what I wanted first. After an hour of deliberation, I decided that I wanted him to be Ariella's father, but he didn't need to be apart of any other part of my life. I forced myself to leave my home before I chickened out. This is for Ariella not me, he'd just be the father. I had to think about my precious baby girl and what she would want. She deserved a father and I knew Rafael would be an amazing one. I was going to put my feelings aside, I was going to let him in. At least into Ariella's life. She needed a father and there was no way I would be selfish enough to not give her one.
I figured I should dress nice since I was going to visit him at his company. That, and because a part of me wanted to show him what he was missing. So I wore a tan chiffon blouse with a navy blue pencil skirt. I put my feet into navy blue pumps and packed my things into my navy handbag. I took Ari with me as no one could look after her. I put some nappies into the buggy as well as two milk bottles and a few toys. Heading out of my apartment, I took the train down to Luciano Enterprises which took me 30 minutes.
Opening the huge glass door, I looked around and it looked just like it did a year ago.
Walking to the reception, I asked the receptionist if she could tell 'Mr Lucian' Miss Willows was here. Within 30 seconds I was in the lift going up to the top floor. I walked to his office and just as I was about to open the door a woman slid in front of me. I looked at her and almost felt jealous, she was drop dead gorgeous. Her big brown eyes complimented her tan skin and her brown long silky hair made me want to hate my dull locks. She undeniably could apply makeup better than me and her sense of style made me think she just came out of a vogue magazine.
"Unless you have a meeting, leave." Oh wow, she looked like a nice person but her tone was so rude, almost territorial.
"Sapphire, this is a guest, I'll take it from here. I suggest never to talk to her like that again or you'll be fired." I heard him say with authority. Sapphire squirmed and obeyed my ex immediately, even throwing him a smile. I frowned but turned back to him, letting him guide me into his office.
"Hello, Ana, how are you and Ariella?" He asked, giving Ari a smile.
"We're fine, you can hold her if you want." I hesitantly handed her to him. His eyes lit up and he took and cuddled her to him. It was undeniably adorable. My heart fluttered with joy but I wasn't here for that.
"I wanted to talk about custody, I'm allowing you to be in Ariella's life for her sake, that is, if you want to be." I took a seat in one of the chairs across the desk from him. This was a business meeting after all.
"Yes, thank you. But Ana I want to be in both of your lives." He looked me dead in the eye, as if he was trying to prove to me that he was being sincere. But I didn't believe him, I couldn't. I was too scared to trust him with my already broken heart, I was scared to give it to him again because before I could blink he'd break it. Just like last time.
"It's never going to happen, Rafael. I can never be with you again." My voice turned morose for a moment and I dropped my eyes.
"Ana, I will have you again. Just remember that." He vowed determinedly. His words had my heart pounding like crazy. Ignoring his last statement, I replied, "I'm leaving for work." I pushed myself to my feet and grabbed my things. He held Ari closer to him. "Wait, leave her with me." He insisted, whilst looking down at her with a soft smile.
"Are you sure, I can get a sitter--" I began saying.
"No, I want to spend time with my daughter." He interrupted. He looked at Ari with so much adoration in his eyes.
"Okay... well... just make sure to bring her back before nine pm." I couldn't seem to say no when he was looking at her that way. She seemed so at peace. "I mean it, nine pm."
He brushed me off, "Yes, yes. I'll drop her off, just call me." I was reluctant, but I had to give him a chance sometime. If I was serious about letting him be apart of her life, babysitting for a day was a good start. I wished it was for less time, but the situation presented itself.
I swallowed, "Please keep her safe."
He looked back up at me, "I will." He promised. After saying our goodbyes, I walked away. Surprisingly able to breathe, able to think properly.
When I was with him he just took over my mind, heart and soul. The rest of my day was okay. I went to work and as promised, Rafael came by to return Ariella just before nine am. I couldn't deny that she looked incredibly happy.
Turning the lights off, I went to bed cuddling Ari and slept with my mind on him.
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Edited by rachellewriter
Milk and Honey or The fault in our stars??
Edited√