I woke up feeling extremely jolly. It's freaking Christmas and I get to spend it with one of my favorite people in the world. And also one of my least favorite but I'm not gonna get into that because he's not gonna ruin my holiday. My dad isn't here so there's even less negative energy coming my way. If need be, I can avoid Luke the entire party and just enjoy myself.
I got out of bed and went to shower to get ready for the day. Ashton would be over to get me some time after noon and I still had to wrap the gifts I bought and go over to Dylan's to give him his present and spend some time with him and his family.
I examined myself in the mirror before heading downstairs. I grabbed wrapping paper and a gift bag and headed to the living room to wrap the presents and bag Michael's. After I was done, I put them all by the door, except Dylan's, and left my house to walk to his. I'd either get home before Ashton came to get me or have him pick me up from Dylan's and stop by my house to grab the other gifts.
I arrived at his house and knocked on the door. He answered and greeted me with a warm smile.
"Merry Christmas, Avery." He smiled as he hugged me.
"Merry Christmas." I smiled. I walked inside and he closed the door behind me. "This is for you." I handed him his gift and ventured further into his home.
"Avery!" A voice called and I then felt a pair of arms and legs wrap around my legs.
"Merry Christmas, Jamie." I chuckled as she let go of me to properly hug me. I loved his little sister as if she was my own. Her adorable pig tails and big smile was enough to make anyone love her.
"I thought I heard you." His mother, Lynn, beamed as she came towards me with her arms open. She brought me into her as I wrapped my arms around her also in a tight hug.
"Merry Christmas, Lynn." I smiled as I pulled away.
"Merry Christmas, Avery. Will you be staying for dinner?" She asked.
"No, sorry. I'm going to a Christmas party with my boyfriend." Being able to refer to Ashton as my boyfriend will forever cause butterflies to erupt in my stomach.
"Boyfriend?" She raised an eyebrow. "Who's the lucky guy?" She asked.
"His name is Ashton and he's the most amazing guy. He's sweet, romantic, talented, funny, and so freaking cute." I could've gone on and on about how great he is.
"Well he sounds amazing." She chuckled. "And he obviously makes you happy."
"Yeah." I nodded with a smile.
I had a ton of fun at Dylan's. His father came downstairs after a while and we spoke, I played with Jamie, and Dylan and I had a bit of time to talk. I told him about my first date with Ashton and he seemed to approve.
"He's definitely an improvement." He said. "Luke wouldn't have done anything like that."
"The relationship was also fake." I reminded him and rolled over on his bed.
"But you treated it as if it was real." He pointed out.
"Yeah well...shut up." I laughed. "Not in the beginning, I hated him then."
"Do you hate him now?" He asked.
I guess that is the question, do I hate him or not. It's like I'm supposed to because I'm sure he hates me after those things I said days ago. But I don't feel like I hate him, I still love him. He still creeps into my thoughts when only Ashton should be on my mind. Even after everything we said, I don't hate him and I don't think I ever will. He holds too special of a place in my heart.
"I'm gonna take that as a no." He sighed.
"It's like I'm supposed to hate him 'cause I'm sure that's how he feels about me but I can't bring myself to actually feel it. We were supposed to stay friends but we got in that stupid fight. What do I do?" I groaned.
"Just think about something that made you hate him in the beginning and hold onto that." He suggested.
"I constantly think back to those days and I don't see any valid reason for me to hate him. We just had a few bad run ins and I based my hate off of that but that's not good enough."
He shrugged and laid back.
"You're not helping." I whined. "What am I gonna do?"
"Hey, no one said to go fall in love with some jerk who's not gonna return the feelings. What's there to love about him anyway?" He asked.
"He's cute, talented, funny, and sweet. But it's not even the physical things that make me love him. It's the little gestures or always knowing what I'm thinking and feeling or how his simple touch can make me feel things I've never felt before." I said.
"For someone's who's finally with the guy she's liked for some time now, you sure do have a lot to say about his best friend." He said.
"I know and it drives me crazy. I can't stand this distance between us. If we were friends, we'd at least talk and I'd feel a little better because I could connect with him. But he made his feelings pretty clear already." Thinking back to all those cruel things he said to me caused my heart to ache. He was angry and angry people are honest so he meant every word he said.
"Maybe if you just apologize, he'll forgive you and you guys can be friends so your needs can be satisfied. That or confess your true feelings for him and hope he feels the same way." He said.
"I'm gonna go with the first option." I said, getting off his bed. "Thanks for listening to my rambling, Dylan. You always keep a level head."
"That's what I'm here for." He chuckled.
"I should get going. Ashton will probably be at my house soon and I need to swing by and pick up the presents."
"I'll walk you down." He rolled off his bed and walked me downstairs. I said Merry Christmas and goodbye to his family before he walked me outside and to the end of his driveway. "Have fun and remember what I said. You don't have to run off and apologize if you're not ready but I think the sooner the better. I'd rather you guys not talk because you know how I feel about him but you care about him for some reason so I'll support you."
"Thanks," I smiled, "I'll talk to you later."
"Later." He said and kissed my cheek. "Oh, and here's your gift." He handed me a box I didn't even notice he was holding.
"Thanks." I smiled, waving at him as I left and headed home. He really did help me, although it will be a challenge. It'll be hard for me to apologize first when he's the one that started it all but I'm willing to do it if it means we'll be friends. But what if he really doesn't? What if he used the fight as a way to end our friendship because he never really gave a damn about me?
I shouldn't think like that, of course he cares about me. If he didn't, he wouldn't have faced his fear and rode roller coasters with me or climbed a tree and brought cookies. He wouldn't have given me all of that advice or let me confide in him if he didn't care. So him caring isn't what I need to worry about, it's him forgiving me.
I said terrible things just to upset him as much as he upset me. I know now it was wrong but I was caught up in the moment and couldn't do anything about it. But if I'm willing to go up to him first as ask for forgiveness, that'll make him more lenient, right? He'll see that I'm making an effort and willing to move passed the mess.
When I got home, I went upstairs to freshen up a bit. After I finished up, I went downstairs and heard a knock at the door.
I opened it, smiling at my visitor. "Hey."
"Hey, babe." Ashton smiled, planting a kiss on my lips. "Merry Christmas."
"Merry Christmas to you too." I grabbed the presents from behind the door and handed him his box. "This is for you."
We walked to his car and got in. Before he pulled off, he ripped the wrapping paper off his present and beamed at the sight of it. His reaction made me feel good and I knew I made the right choice.
"I know you don't have a set right now but I'm confident you and the guys will make it big." I said.
"I love them, Avery, thank you." We leaned in to hug me the best he could with the divider in between us.
"I thought you'd like them." I smiled.
"I guess it's my turn." He said and reached in the backseat and brought a little gift bag to the front with him and handed it to me.
I reached in and pulled out a little box. I opened the box to see a pair of earrings.
"Ash...these are...they're beautiful." I managed to get out.
"I'm glad you like them." He smiled.
I pulled the visor down so I could use the little mirror to put then in, examining each ear when I was done.
"I love them, thank you." I leaned over and pecked his lips.
He started up his car and drove to Michael's house. As excited as I was, there was still many things for me to be nervous about. Brooke and Ash don't know Luke and I pretty much switched them out and Michael and Calum are gonna think it's weird how one day they saw us with each other and now with two different people who were previously together. The party could either go very well or be a confusing, jumbled mess. I just want us to have a good time and there be no conflict. That isn't too much to ask, is it?
It was a while before he parked in front of a house that had other cars in its driveway and along the street. I grabbed Michael and Calum's gifts when I got out and went around the car to grab Ashton's hand as we walked up to the front door.
He twisted the knob and pushed the door open. We stepped inside of the beautifully decorated house and he led me further inside. There were a lot of people, obviously I didn't know any of them, and I followed him through the crowd, greeting anyone that spoke to me as we passed. We finally got to what I guess was some sort of sitting room where Michael and Calum were.
"Merry Christmas, guys!" I said excitedly as I approached them with open arms.
"Merry Christmas, Avery." They said in unison as they took turns hugging me.
"I got these for you." I handed them each their gift and sat on the arm of the couch as they opened them.
"Thanks." Calum said, holding up his shirt.
"Yeah, thanks." Mike said, holding his bottle. "I'll dye it when I can."
"You're both welcome." I smiled.
"Isn't she great?" Ashton said, kissing the top of my head.
"Yeah..." Calum's voice drifted off. "Are you two-" he motioned between us. Well it's obvious they haven't seen Luke and Brooke yet.
"Yep." Ashton nodded.
"What happened to you and Brooke?" Michael asked.
"She broke it off with me. She confessed to me she kissed Luke and had started feeling for him again." He shrugged.
"And that made you hook up with his ex." Cal's question came out more as a statement.
"Anyone want something to drink? I know I sure do. Babe, could you go get me something, anything, to drink?" I asked.
"Sure." He nodded and left the room. I knew something like this would happen and I could feel their eyes on me. I finally turned to face them. "Before you say anything and jump to conclusions, let me explain." I said.
"What's there to explain? We saw you dump Luke and now you're with Ash. Who goes from one guy to another that fast?" Calum asked.
Brooke.
"It's not like what you may be thinking. I really like Ash, I'm not with him to just make Luke jealous or anything." I said. "I'm not like that, I promise." Okay so I did it once but that doesn't count.
They looked at each other and then back at me. I hope this doesn't ruin our friendship, I really like them.
"We know, it's just you and Luke made such a great couple. You made him much happier than he claimed to be when he was with Brooke." Michael said.
I'd like to think he liked me more than her but that's not gonna help me get over him.
"Thank you." I smiled. Maybe the evening will go smoother than I thought. I've already eliminated one conflict and now there's only one remaining.
Ashton brought us drinks back and I sipped it as the guys started talking. We were joking around and having a great time and things were going great until all attention turned to the couple that had just arrived.
"Merry Christmas, everyone." Luke said as they ventured further into the room, sitting in the love seat on the opposite side of the room.
Everyone said their hellos and more gifts were exchanged. Conversation went back to normal and I did my best to avoid looking at him. I wanted to do what Dylan suggested and apologize as soon as possible so we could go back to being friends but I couldn't do it in front of everyone and I wasn't even sure what to say. An apology shouldn't be this hard but maybe I was more afraid of the outcome versus actually apologizing. He could forgive me and we have our great friendship again or he could reject it and say even more hurtful things to me. I don't want to keep going on like this, I just want things to be the way they should be.
-
As time passed, I met a lot of their family members and ate a lot of really good food. I loosened up a bit and no one brought up that Luke was with Brooke and I was with Ashton again which I really appreciated. I'm sure there was a lot of speculation swimming around in their heads but as long as it didn't come out, causing a problem, I was fine with it.
Everyone was gathered in the living room now to listen to the guys sing a few Christmas songs. I sat off to the side as they played and sang, Ashton glancing at me and shooting a smile my way every now and then.
I enjoyed listening to them sing. They're all so talented and each of their talents together created something so beautiful.
Everyone clapped for them once they wrapped things up. Ashton made his way over to me and I planted a kiss on his lips.
"You guys were amazing." I smiled.
"Thanks, babe." He smiled. "If you'll excuse me, I've gotta use it. I'll be back." He slipped into the crowd to find a bathroom and I went to the table where the food and drinks were to pour myself some punch.
When I turned to make my way back to the room we were all hanging out in before I ran into another body, luckily not spilling the red drink on me and ruining my sweater.
"I'm sorry," I finally looked up to see who I had bumped into, "Luke." My mouth had suddenly become dryer than it was and my heart started beating faster.
"Oh, Avery...hey." He said nervously.
"Hey." I managed to get out. We were so awkward around each other it was like we had actually gotten out of a real relationship. "Y-you guys were great."
"Thanks." He nodded. We barely held eye contact. I guess now was good a time as any to give him his overdue apology.
"Luke, I-" just as I was about to let it all out, Brooke came over laughing.
"Oh my God, Luke, you've got to come listen to this story Mali-Koa is telling." Then she finally looked at me, acknowledging my presence. "Oh hi, Avery."
"Hey." I waved lamely.
"Am I disrupting something? If so I-" I cut her off.
"No, you're fine. I was just leaving." I left them before anyone else could say anything and went back to the room and sat on the couch. Apologizing now probably isn't the best time anyway. I haven't had any real prep time and the house is full of people. Maybe if I could muster up the courage, I can convince him to meet me somewhere to talk or something.
"There you are." Ashton smiled as he sat next to me.
"Here I am." I said, trying to seem as upbeat as before.
"You seem a little off, are you okay?" Apparently I'm not as great at faking it as I thought. "Is Luke being here upsetting you? If so we could leave."
"No no no, I don't want to ruin your fun. It's just a little weird but I'll be fine, I promise." I smiled for assurance and he put his arm around me, bringing me closer.
"Okay." He nodded and kissed the side of my head. I snuggled into him more as he turned on the television and put on Polar Express.
-
"I really had a lot of fun, thanks for inviting me." I hugged Mike. Him, Cal, Ash, and I were standing around Ashton's car saying our goodbyes.
"Of course and thanks for the hair dye." He smiled. "And I wanted to give you this." He went over to what I guess was his car, opened the door and dipped inside, and came back over to us. "Merry Christmas, Avery."
"Thanks, Mikey." I smiled and unrolled the poster he gave me. It was a Panic! At The Disco poster and I hugged him again. "How'd you know I listened to them?"
"Lucky guess." He shrugged and chuckled.
"My sister helped me pick this out for you." Calum said, handing me a little bag.
I moved the colorful paper and saw some perfume, body wash, and scented lotion.
"Thanks, Cal." I hugged him.
"No problem." He smiled.
"We'll see you guys later." Ashton said, opening the door and getting inside. I went around to the passenger side and got in, putting on my seatbelt and waving to them as he pulled off.
We had a random conversation as he drove me home and when we arrived, he walked me to the door.
"I really had a lot of fun." I smiled.
"Our first Christmas together was pretty great if I do say so myself." He chuckled.
"It was." I nodded. "And it kind of wore me out. I'll see you tomorrow?"
"You can count on it." He placed his hands on my waist and leaned down to kiss me. If I wasn't holding anything, I would've wrapped my arms around his neck to bring us closer together. "Goodnight." He said when he pulled away.
"Goodnight." I pecked his lips one last time before unlocking the door and heading inside.
I went straight up to my room and put my gifts on a chair to hang up and put away later. I changed out of my clothes and into a navy blue silk romper and braided my hair before getting into bed. It was only a little passed ten but I was pretty tired and nearly had myself settled when I heard the doorbell ring. I groaned to myself and got up to answer.
Maybe Dylan came over to see how the party was. Although the could've just called or let himself in since he has a key. I don't see why Ashton would come back unless he had a little unfinished business. The last person I wanted to see was my father. He did leave his keys here so it's possible that he's knocking on the door.
I opened the door to reveal not Dylan, Ashton, or my dad, but Luke.
"Hey." I said, clearly confused.
"Hey, can I come in?" He asked, shifting nervously.
"Uh, sure." I stepped aside to let him in and closed the door. "So what are you doing here?" I asked.
"I don't think we finished up our conversation from earlier." He said.
"You mean all the awkward staring and simple sentences?" I joked as an attempt to lighten the mood. But he did have a point, we did have to finish up from earlier, although it would've been nice if he had called first.
"I'm sorry for just dropping in like this but I had to talk to you." He said. "I can't take this anymore."
"Can't take what?" I asked.
"I've been trying to figure out the best way to say all of this, but let me start off with saying I'm sorry. I was so wrong for saying all the shit I did, it was so uncalled for. Our friendship means too much to me and I don't want to lose you forever. If you could find it in your heart to forgive me and give me a second chance, I promise that I won't let you down."
"I'm the one that should be apologizing. I said all those things to hurt you because your words were hurting me and I know it was wrong but at that moment I didn't care. I didn't mean any of the awful things I said so I hope you can also forgive me." His apology caught me off guard but it helped me open up and say the things I needed to say.
"So friends?" He seemed a little unsure.
"Friends." I stuck my hand out for him to shake. I would've much rather hug or even kiss him but given that I'm trying to get over him, I thought both of those actions wouldn't help.
He took my hand and shook it, letting his fall to his side once we let go. We both stood there, unsure what to say. It was great we made up and all but now what?
"So I'll, uh, catch you later?" He asked.
"Yeah, I'll see you later." I nodded. I walked him to the door and watched him get in his car before closing it and going back upstairs to my bed.
That wasn't as hard as I thought it'd be, I don't know what I was fretting about. All I had to do was speak from the heart and I did just that. Things are finally how they should be between us; we're friends and I couldn't be happier. Now I won't have to always think about him like I do. He was always in my head because we weren't on good terms and I thought he hated me. But now that we've made up, I can enjoy my relationship with Ashton and still have Luke around, as a friend of course.
I hope this was a good decision. I don't want Ashton to think anything terrible now that I'm friends with my "ex" but I don't strike him as the jealous type anyway. And it shouldn't be much of a problem since my friend is also his friend.
Now everything is finally how it should be, I have an amazing boyfriend and great friends. Things will be even better once I get over Luke. Us being friends is enough for me. That's how he sees me so I need to start seeing him that way and stop lying to myself. I can't fully give myself to Ashton unless I get over what I feel for Luke. I don't know how I'll do it but I'm gonna figure something out.
I pulled the covers up and closed my eyes, letting sleep overtake me. Things will work out, I know they will.