I gasped as the bullet pierced my mother's forehead, killing her instantly. Carl wrapped his arms around me as I bit back a sob, the sudden anxiety making my chest ache. Olivia was my mom and the only family I had left. She'd been a single mom ever since my dad walked out on us when I was 5. But that was alright. We struggled through together.
And even once the outbreak started and world fell down around us, we still struggled through together. But now I was alone. I didn't have any more family. My dad had died a long time ago for all I knew. Now I had no one. No one but my boyfriend, Carl Grimes.
I buried my head in his chest, his warmth enveloping me as the hot tears slid down my cheeks. I could hear his heart beating fast through his soft faded t-shirt as he watched the exchange between Negan and his dad. I'd had enough of this! Negan had ruined everything! He deserved death! A whimper escaped my lips as I thought of my mom's face again.
It wasn't fair. None of this was fair. Carl's hands ran up and down my back soothingly and I nuzzled my face into his neck. Soft lips pressed to my forehead as he held me tighter.
"It's okay. Everything's going to be okay. I won't let him get away with this." he mumbled against my skin, his hot breath making me shiver.
I closed my eyes as he held me, his warmth and softness giving me peace if only for a second as Negan and his men's footsteps faded away in the distance.
"Carl!" a voice I knew to be Rick's shouted.
Carl realesed me and I held back a frown as he walked down the steps of the front porch, leaving me cold as a bitter breeze blew past me. I pulled my sweater closer to my body as I watched Carl and Rick talk. We needed to fix it. We needed to end it. This "arrangement" we had with Negan couldn't continue. I'd just lost my mom because of him!
And countless others had lost people too, I thought as I glanced at Spencer's bloody body lying on the ground. Rosita had gotten up from where she'd been knocked on her back by one of Negan's thugs and was now hovering over him, silent tears trickling down her skin. This wasn't how it was supposed to end. Not for her, not for me, not for any of us...
Later that night after everyone else had already fallen asleep, I was still wide-awake. My blue eyes gazed out of my window and I counted the stars in the night sky. How could everything have gone so wrong? It wasn't supposed to end this way! Mom and I were supposed to be here for each other but now...now I was alone. And I didn't know how to cope with that.
Tears filled my eyes but I blinked them back. I couldn't keep crying. What good was it doing me? It was only making me weak. At least...I'd always seen it as weakness. Mom had always tried to convince me that crying was a good way to let out your feelings but I'd never believed her.
But now...now maybe she really was right. A single tear escaped my eye and I brushed it away quickly. I couldn't stay here alone tonight. My thoughts would eat me alive. Throwing the blanket off of me, I got up out of my warm bed and tread across the cold wooden floor of the house. The hallway was dark and shadows jumped out at me but I shrugged it off.
Things like that didn't scare me anymore. Not since the walkers came... I padded over to the room across from mine and I stood in the doorway hesitantly. Carl lie fast asleep in his bed, his back turned to me. His Sheriff's hat rested atop his nightstand leaving his long brown hair visible as he slept. I opened my mouth to speak but then bit my tongue. Maybe I shouldn't wake him.
Sure, he was my boyfriend and I know how much he loved me but...sometimes it was still hard to let out my feelings. I'd always been closed off from everyone and for a long time, I believed that was the best way to live. If you didn't reveal your feelings, didn't get attached to anyone, never told anyone you cared - then you wouldn't get hurt. But that had never been true and I guess deep down, I'd always known that. But I didn't want to be alone after everything that had transpired today. All of a sudden, Carl turned over in his bed and groggily, he opened his eye. He blinked a few times before a concerned expression crossed his face.
"Hey...you okay?" he asked, suddenly alert.
I started to nod 'yes' but then shook my head. I was not okay. I was far far beyond not okay. The tears I'd been holding back all night finally broke free and I let out a strangled sob. Carl's eye softened and he lifted up the blanket, gesturing for me to climb in. Gratefully, I walked over to the bed and slid in beside him. Instantly, he gathered me up in his arms and I buried my head in his worn t-shirt.
"I just want this to end with Negan," I cried and I felt his fingertips run up and down my back comfortingly.
"I know, baby...I know," he said, his voice soft in the darkness.
"It's not fair. Why does he do this to us? Why is he so cruel?"
Carl pressed his lips to my forehead gently before replying.
"I don't know why he does it. But I will tell you one thing. This has to stop. We can't continue on like this. Negan can't control us forever and it ends now," he said, looking deep into my eyes.
I knew he meant it too by the seriousness of his tone.
"I promise you, Negan will get killed. And I'll be the one to do it."