~ Chapter (37):
Love your family like you love your guitar.
When asked in a magazine interview about the principals of a happy and successful life, Dave Grohl listed one of the best answers a musician can ever provide, he said: "Love your family like you love your guitar"
That was one of the mottos of my life, one I strived to achieve. People with the classic type of families are often too bored with their families, they're either complaining about their mother's endless questions, their father's protectiveness, or their brother's annoying habit of eating half of the food on the table.
For many, the whole activity seems pretty normal, waking up in the morning to the sound your mother's voice, the delightful sound of her laugh, the sweet delicious smell of breakfast. Having a normal family is a blessing that many seem to overlook, and as they say you never know what you've got until you lose it.
Only a musician would know the difficulty of following Grohl's little piece of advice. A musician's instrument, is his first and last love, his best friend, his loyal family, and most impotently, his true escape.
I had been trying to fix our dysfunctional family for so long, I wanted a classic family with a stable lifestyle, I wanted my mom to look after me when I was sick, instead of sending a nurse. I wanted them to stay home for more than a week, but they never did.
I tried to love them like my guitar, I really did, but they didn't love me like their big fancy company.
Having dinner at Liam's house brought all those feelings back, they were such a beautiful family, a family bound by love and loyalty, not by blood and name. It had been months since I had a home cooked meal like that one. Sure, Jordan cooked whenever he could, but it was nothing like the meal Mason had prepared. The table looked like a gorgeous painting, and the food was incredibly delicious. I should have been embarrassed with myself, eating like a hungry football player, digging into all varieties of cuisines. Even Skye had noticed, he laughed at me, and then he invented a fun game of piling up my plate with food. I didn't care though, I was starving, and I couldn't recall the last time I was allowed to have those types of food. Tacos. Munching on a taco was like a dance in heaven. I was so grateful for Mason, for all of them for that matter.
I was still the liar. I was the devil, and they were the angels.
"You know, I'm really glad that you're here, Selena," Jade turned to flash me one of the friendliest smiles I've ever seen, before she turned back to the sink and resumed scrubbing and washing the dirty plates.
After dinner, the guys grabbed a few drinks, then headed to the living room, and picked out a kid-friendly movie for us to watch. We agreed on splitting the cleaning tasks. She washed the dishes while I dried them, and with Jade's endless funny stories, there was no room for boredom.
"I'm glad I came," Smiling back, I pushed the towel over the wet plate. "I just wish I knew I was coming, I wouldn't have worn these damn shorts," I added, with a chuckle. I didn't even want to imagine how horrible I might have looked, standing next to a very elegant Jade. Following her role model's advice, she managed to pull off a chic look, while wearing a pair of jeans. Coco Chanel would have been proud.
Jade laughed and shook her head. "That's my brother, master of surprises."
"Master of great foods as well," I grinned, drying off yet another plate, before placing it inside the kitchen cupboard.
"True. Very true," she nodded her head in approval, and quickly turned off the tap water, wiping her hands on the back of her jeans. "I meant what I said, Selena," she said, a serious expression replaced her joking one. "That dinner was one of the best gathering we had in a long time, in fact this is the first time Liam brings a girl home in years," a smile tugged at the corner of her lips.
"Well, technically, he didn't bring me here. Mason was the one who dragged me here, without even telling Liam," I said, placing the last stack of plates inside the kitchen cabinet. "If anything, I sort of crashed your family gathering," I frowned at the realization. I wasn't invited to this house, and I practically imposed myself on them, because I was starving and I wanted to eat. And, that was entirely Mason's fault. If he had stopped for lunch before coming here, I wouldn't have stayed for dinner, and I wouldn't have put myself in this awkward situation.
Jade shook her head. "You didn't crash anything, and what is this family you speak of? It's only us,"
I shrugged in response.
Opening the fridge, Jade grabbed a can of diet soda, and popped it open. "I thought you already knew that Liam doesn't have any close relatives left, except for his annoying cousin bradley, and Stephen of course," she explained, taking a sip from the soda can. "But, I don't think Liam counts him as family. The only family you haven't met is Maggie, she goes to see her daughter in Sheffield on Sundays."
"Oh." I voiced out, not knowing what else to say. Something twisted inside of my stomach as I absorbed the new information. Liam had told me about his father's death, and about Kylie's murder, but apparently, he gave me the short version of the story.
"I thought he told you," she raised an eyebrow in surprise.
I shook my head slowly. "He didn't."
"Typical Liam."
A long moment of silence passed, before Jade started talking again. "My dad is one of Liam's biggest fans, he thinks of him as his other son, he adores him. They meet up every few days for a chat over dinner, and when their heads aren't buried in work, they meet up to play golf and talk for hours. It's amazing how those two can understand each other," her eyes shone brightly as she spoke, a tone full of admiration colored her voice.
"So, they're pretty close?" I asked, urging her to continue the conversation. I wanted to hear more of it, it was a totally different side of Liam's life, a side I didn't get a chance to know yet.
A smile appeared on her face, almost answering my question. "Like a little boy and his favorite teddy bear."
I let out a short laugh at Jade's answer. My lips went upwards, mirroring her smiling expression. It was, as if a heavy weight had been lifted from my chest. A sense of relief washed over me, Liam had a father figure in his life, a person who understands him better than anyone else in the world, a man whom will always support him.
Jade sat down on one of the kitchen stools, before running her hand through her blonde hair. "Liam had a rough childhood, he went through things . . so many horrendous things," her eyebrows pulled together, she seemed to be remembering unwanted memories. "He was all alone. He didn't have anyone, but Kylie. Not even us, Selena. We failed him terribly," she said, a pained look crossed her eyes.
"Failed him?" I questioned.
Shaking her head, Jade dropped her eyes to the tiled floor.
"I'm not following, Jade. What do you mean you failed him?"
A heavy sigh escaped her mouth. "After Liam's father passed away, my dad took an oath to himself, that he would take care of his best friend's children and protect them like they were his own. Everything was going to be okay, Mason and I were beyond excited, you know, our best friends were moving in to our home. I remember Mason decorating Kylie's room with drawings of cars, motorcycles and lots and lots of zombies."
I laughed at that. "Little Mason was obsessed with zombies too?"
Jade nodded, grinning. "Zombies and Bjork. He was quite the character."
"Bjork, and now Lady Gaga?" My eyebrows went upwards, feeling amused.
"Yep."
"Wow. I guess Mason was just born awesome then."
"Back then, we were so happy. But, my . . my mother, she didn't want them. Without my father's knowledge, she decided to call social care, and she put them in an orphanage. Separately," her voice rose a little, revealing more of the anger that colored her tone. "Poor Liam, he suffered the most."
"Oh my god," My voice came out as a shocked whisper. I leaned against the wall for support, allowing my mind to digest Jade's words. "Did . . did they hurt him?"
Jade's face went blank. "That's not my story to tell," she replied right away.
Feelings of uneasiness traveled through my body, unanswered questions swamped my brain. Why would a woman send little kids away? Was she really afraid, or did she hate them because of their mother? Was he physically abused?
"Heaves only knows what would have happened, if dad hadn't stepped in," her frown deepened, then, and it was clear that she was upset about something else.
"What happened afterwards? How did Liam and Kylie end up living in this house with their grandfather?" I asked.
Jade took a few more sips of her drink, she took in a deep breath, and clasped her hands together on the table. "My parents got a divorce."
"I'm sorry."
She shrugged casually, dismissing the subject. "With dad's help, Liam's granddad became Liam and Kylie's legal guardian, and they've been living here happily ever since," she said, giving me a weak smile.
"Your father is a gem," I stated truthfully.
"Thanks, but don't let him hear you. I reckon you'll make him blush," a toothy grin brought back the light to her face, announcing the return of the humorous, tongue in cheek girl.
In a way, she was so much like her brother, they both dealt with their emotions in a similar manner, hiding behind the colorful mask of jokes and bubbling personality.
"I don't know why I just told all that. Liam is my brother, I care about him, and I certainly don't want him to get hurt again," she ran her fingers through her hair again and sighed. "He has been broken too many times,"
I gulped nervously, not liking the way that conversation was going.
"When Kate left, she left a big hole in his heart, he was in a dark place," Jade looked rather dejected as she spoke. "And I honestly didn't think that he would be able to get over it," then her eyes raised until they met mine and locked them in an intense gaze. "But, ever since you arrived in London, his world changed, he's healthier, happier, and he's smiling more often. You're the reason he's getting better. You gave him a reason to wake up every morning, Selena."
You stitched up my broken heart. Liam's voice echoed inside of my head.
My head was shaking furiously, I could feel the deep frown reaching the bridge of my nose. "Don't say that, Jade. Don't say that, alright? That is so wrong. Liam has a son, remember? He has a freaking four years old son. If having a son doesn't give you a reason to wake up each morning, then I doubt anything else will," I stated, angry emotions seeping through my veins. "Good fathers aren't easy to find, they're not a commercial product that you can come across in any store, they're rare. But, from what I've seen, Liam is a pretty good damn father, and he loves Skye more than you can imagine-"
"Christ, Selena. Calm down, girlie. I know that Liam is a good father," she interrupted, sounding alarmed, her hands flung upwards. "Retract your claws cat woman!"
"Ha-ha. Very funny. Like brother, like sister," I rolled my eyes at her in annoyance.
Jade let out a loud wholehearted laugh, then she straightened up a bit and directed a warm smile towards me. "This's exactly what I meant, Selena. You're different, I mean how many girls would be furious, because a guy put them above his son? That's why you're amazing, you even captured little Skye's heart, that kid is a hard shell."
"We're just friends," I mumbled and shrugged.
"Friends?" She asked, arching one of her eyebrows.
"Uh-huh."
"Are you sure about that?"
I nodded once. "Yes, I'm sure, Jade. Liam and I talked about it before dinner, and he said he wanted us to stay friends."
A confused expression clouded her face. "What? He said that? Liam actually told you that?"
"Can you please drop it, now?" I begged, sending her a pleading look.
She frowned. "But, why? Why would he do that? After everything he went through, after he found you, why would he just let it go?"
"What? What do you mean?" I questioned, my eyebrows creasing in confusion.
Jade's eyes widened gradually, her body went rigid for a few seconds. "N-nothing!" She exclaimed, her hand flying to cover her mouth quickly, as if she made a big mistake.
"You said "After he found you". What is that supposed to mean?" I pressed, in an attempt to get an answer.
She swallowed, looking uncertain. "Liam said he met you on an airplane, was that not true?"
"Hm, yeah. It's true."
Standing from the chair, Jade finished the rest of her soda can and tossed it in the trash. "I really like you, Selena. I think you're a lovely girl, and you deserve the best," she said, placing a warm hand on my shoulder and giving me a sincere smile.
My face flushed at the compliment. "Thanks."
She dropped her eyes scanning the watch on her wrist as she read the time, a sigh escaped her lips. "I should get going, I'm meant to meet up with Lance, I'm already late," she said, smoothing the hem of her silky shirt.
"You're leaving me alone with them?"
Jade chuckled at my frightened expression. "Don't sound so disappointed, the boys will entertain you. But if I don't get to the model fitting on time, Lance will kill me."
"It's been wonderful chatting with you, Selena. I'm glad you met Liam, he awfully needs someone like you in his life, to watch over him, care for him, and Skye too. You can be the family he had always wanted," she said
"Jade . . "
"No, just listen. Please be careful, I don't want anyone to get hurt," she advised, then she attacked me with a hug and wrapped her arms around me tightly. "Take care of yourself, okay?" The request came out in a whisper.
A fog of confusion formed in my mind, so I just nodded, returning the comforting hug.
"Take care of my boys for me, Sel. I trust you with them," she gave me a last squeeze, before releasing me. "And don't let Mason trick you into carrying him to bed!" Jogging out of the kitchen, she yelled over her shoulder and sent me a last wave.
I trust you with them.
Her words pierced right through my heart, she trusted me, she trusted me with her family. How could she trust me?
The sincerity and honesty of her voice is what shocked me the most. Was I really such a good liar? If Jade managed to trust me that fast, then maybe I should have chosen a different career path, I should have become an actress. A lying manipulative actress. I was disgusted with myself, the horrible person I have turned into.
I've already ruined one life. Now, I was ruining a family.
I was ruining a family. .
A sudden wave of nausea hit my body, my insides twisted. Feeling slightly lightheaded, I grasped the edge of the sink in support. My hands started to shake involuntarily. Not now, heart. Not Now!
I couldn't breathe, I felt like my lungs were being crushed repeatedly. Breathe! Breathe! The room was shrinking and closing on me, I blinked a few times trying to clear out my blurry vision.
Damn it! Control yourself, Selena.
"Hey munchkin, what are you still doing here? I saved you the last piece of chocolate cake-" Mason's voice boomed in the kitchen as he stepped inside, but the voice disappeared instantly. "Selena?"
"Selena, what's wrong?" He asked, his footsteps sounded closer. "You look pale," he noted, his voice filled with worry and concern.
"I . . I can't-t b-breathe," I choked out the words, not having the energy to look up.
"What? Are you joking? Breathe, come on," Mason demanded, planting his hands on my shoulders, "breathe."
My head bobbed from side to side, I placed a hand on my chest, signaling to my heart.
"What? Is it your heart?"
I nodded and coughed loudly.
"Oh lord! Are you having some sort of an attack?" Mason questioned, entering a state of panic. "Oh shit. What do I do? I don't know what to do, I knew I should have attended those biology classes in high school. I can't believe it, Mr. Fisk with the long mustache was right after all, " he rambled.
A painful laugh made its way out of my mouth. I winced as I felt another series of stabs jabbing in my chest.
"You're laughing, that's good," Mason commented, his hands rubbing my stressed stiff shoulders. "Calm down, and take a slow deep breath. In and out. In and out," he instructed, his eyes locking with mine. "Think of something else, think of the chocolate cake that you've been craving for weeks. Or better yet, think of your precious guitar," he suggested.
Gathering all of my strength, I inhaled a sharp breath, allowing the oxygen to flow in my blood. "Okay. I'm okay," I mumbled, coughing a couple of times, "I'm okay."
"But of course, you're a zombie, you have no use for breathing."
I coughed once more then cracked a smile. "Thank you," I mumbled. "I seriously need to control these stupid attacks."
Mason sighed in relief, sticking his hands in his pockets. "What triggered this, Selena? Did Jade say something to upset you?"
"No, it's nothing."
"Talk to me, munchkin," he urged.
I threw myself on one of the chairs, my muscles relaxed immediately. I curled my legs and brought my knees to my chest, wrapping my arms around them securely. "She trusts me, Mason," I murmured. "Jade trusts me."
He arched one of his eyebrows at me. "So?"
Frustrated, I puffed my cheeks and blew out slowly. "Do you not remember who I am, Mase? I'm a liar, a deceiver. The most untrustworthy person in the world."
"Stop it, Sel. You promised. No more of that nonsense," Mason scolded, sending me a stern look.
"It's only the truth. I've had my share of destroying lives, and I'm not planning on doing that again," I said, propping my head on my knees. "I shouldn't have come here in the first place, I crossed another line tonight, and more people will get hurt," a sigh ran out of my lips. "Sometimes, I wish I wasn't on that plane with Liam, it would have been better that way."
Lies. Lies!
"You don't know that, and you certainly don't get to make this decision for the rest of us. If I want to be your bloody friend, I will be, whether you like it or not," Mason snapped, clearly angered by my suggestion. "Damn it, Selena, you can't just undo the few past weeks. Do we mean nothing to you, that you feel like you can just toss us around and move on?" He yelled, and glared at me.
"Mason--"
"No! I don't want to listen to it. It's rubbish, and it's not going to work,"
"What?"
"I know you, Sel. You are not going to succeed in pushing me away, you need to understand that no matter how dark it seems, someone will accept you for you are and pull you into the light. Or the two of you can simply enjoy being in the dark together,"
What did I ever do to deserve him?
"Oh, you're the best friends anybody ever had. And it's funny, but I feel as if I'd known you all the time, but I couldn't have, could I?" My lips stretched into a wide smile as I recited the quote.
"I don't see how. You weren't around when I was stuffed and sewn together, were you?" he mused, his eyes glinting with humor. "Quoting "The Wizard of Oz" isn't going to save you."
"You are such a geek, Mason," I giggled.
"Yeah, yeah. Now come over here and give your Martian twin a hug,"
My eyebrows shot up in surprise.
Mason grinned showing his bright white teeth. "Your brother answered your phone while you were asleep," he explained.
"You're the best," Without hesitation, I jumped into his arms, wrapping my own arms around his broad shoulders, my fingers clasped behind his neck as I gave him a tight hug. "You know, when I first told Hailey about my sickness, I was secretly hoping she would do the breakup routine, we would cry while watching the notebook, then we spend the rest of the night eating lots of cake. Cheese cake, chocolate, lemon, strawberry, any flavor you could think of," I mumbled against his shoulder.
Mason's chest shook with laughter, his arms circling around my waist, bringing my body closer to his. "Selena high on sugar . . now that, would be a sight to see," he teased.
"Shut up."
In a normal day, I would have pushed him away in two seconds, but with Mason, it was totally different. It was weird really, how close we had gotten in the past month. I still couldn't get my mind around the fact that I had only known him and Liam for just one month, how was that even possible? Especially, with all of the emotions I was feeling towards them.
When I was in high school, I had this fantastic music teacher, a cheerful person and a good listener, he believed in me when no one else has, and he was always there for me when I needed him. Mason reminded of him.
Except Mason was more special, like a magical species with a rare genetic sequence, he possessed great powers, an ability to help anybody break into happiness, break into joy, and laughter. Not only that, but he had the most important character of friendship, a character that wasn't available in many. Loyalty.
One thing I knew for sure was that one day a very -very lucky girl was going to come and steal Mason's heart, and if that girl even dares to crack his heart, she was going to face my ultimate wrath.
"That night, I learned that sometimes, no matter how close your friends are, they might turn their back on you when you need them the most," I sighed and closed my eyes, recalling that dreadful day. "Hailey's first reaction was a loud ear-splitting scream, then she stared at me for a couple of minute, she said she was sorry and ran. She just ran off without another word."
"And that girl claimed to be your best friend?" He mocked, with a hint of irritation in his tone. "Some friend, she is."
"Hailey was my person, she was scared -terrified. I know it was hard for her, but I just wanted her to tell me that everything was going to be fine, I wanted her to hug me . . l-like this," I said, my voice breaking at the end.
Mason squeezed me again, before he loosened his grasp and pulled away from me. "From now on, you have a life-time supply of hugs from your new best buddy Mason," he gestured to himself, and flashed me a toothy grin.
Chuckling, I shook my head at the blonde. "I like the sound of that."
"I think we should head back to the living room, especially if you want to eat your piece of cake before Skye stuffs it inside his stomach," he suggested
I let out a short laugh. "You'll have to bake me another cake, then," I told him, "oh, and make sure it doesn't have any strawberries in it, because Jordan is allergic."
"Oh, blasted! I'm sensing the vibes already," Mason pouted, "You're going to use me me, aren't you? You only want to be my friend because of the food, you sneaky little girl," he accused, putting on a fake saddened mask.
"You know you love it. Your own personal food critic," I sang playfully, looping my arm in his cheerfully as we walked outside of the kitchen towards the living room.
"This is utterly scandalous," he huffed loudly, attracting the attention of the room in an instant. Liam was currently being squashed into the couch by his son, engaging in what appeared to be a fight for the remote. And, from where I was standing, Skye was definitely winning the fight.
It warmed my heart to see Liam playing with his son like that, especially after everything the both of them went through. It was truly admirable, how he handled being a single father, how he managed to cope with the whole situation in an impressively small amount of time. Mason mentioned that Liam's life was almost ruined when Kate left him, particularly when he found out that she had ran off to another man. Naturally, Liam didn't take it well, he buried his head in work, shutting out all of his friends. He drank himself to sleep, passing out in bars every night, and picking up fights with anyone who crossed his way. Mason explained how a couple of knocks on the door, and a little baby with emerald green eyes in a basket, changed Liam and pulled him out of the pool of mess he was submerged in.
Looking at it from another perspective, one would see it as if Liam was saved by his own son. Skye was the remedy, the reason he woke up every morning, and Jade was bluntly mistaken to think otherwise.
Liam's head popped up from under one of the cushions that Skye was using to crush him with, his eyes snapped to our direction, traveling through our bodies, then stopping momentarily on our entangled arms, before they continued journey upwards and settled on my pale face.
"You're back," he said, sending me one of his most charming smiles. There it was again, that iconic opening line. It had become some sort of a customary greeting for him. 'You're back'. And the way he said it is what puzzled me the most, the longing tone of his voice, the relieved look in his eyes, it was like he was expecting me to run away at any second.
Yes, I ran away from him before, and I might do it again soon, but it was strange how he was always on edge, watching and assessing my every move.
Being the smart sneaky kid he was, Skye took advantage of his father's current distraction, he grabbed the remote and waved it in the air triumphantly. "Yes! I won. I won!" He jumped on the couch and screamed in delight. "Cartoons!"
"Nice going, buddy," Mason said, pumping his fist with Skye's lightly, then he strode over to the couch and carried him into his arms. "You know better than to endure sitting and covering your eyes and ears throughout another episode of that freakish show Dexter."
Liam threw a cushion in Mason's direction, striking the back of his head. "For your information, I was watching the Manchester derby, but you can have fun watching Scooby Doo now," he grumbled as he straightened himself to a more relaxing sitting position.
"Hey, Scooby Doo is cool," I butted in.
Liam chuckled. "Of course, I forgot you were Scooby's biggest fan."
"Yay! Silly is cooler than you, daddy," Skye clapped his small hands happily.
"Right on, kiddo."
"Come on, Mason. It's the Manchester derby, I can't miss this match, it's an important match," Liam whined.
Mason shrugged. "I don't care. Gooner for life, remember?" He stated proudly, taking a seat on one of the chairs. "Sucks to be a United fan, mate."
"Shut up," he said and shot him a glare, then diverted his attention towards his son, who had his eyes glued to the television, while clutching the remote tightly like his life depended on it. "Skye," he called out softly, "May I have the remote, please? There's a football match . ." he trailed off, "you love football too, right?"
Skye was too engrossed in his cartoon show to respond.
"Skye?" Liam called out again, but there was still no response.
I laughed, shaking my head at the scene that was in front of me, it was really funny how Liam was out of his fatherly persona, almost begging his four year old son to let him watch the game. After a couple of minutes of laughter, I decided to intervene and help the poor guy.
"Hey, Skye? You know what I think? I think we should record the show, and watch it later, together. Just you and I," I suggested.
"No! I want to watch it now."
"Come on, it will be fun. Just the two of us, like Batman and Robin. We can go on an ice cream hunting adventure."
His eyes glinted at the mention of his favorite superhero. "Okay, I'm batman! What's . . adventure?"
I smiled at his question. "It's when people do something exciting or unusual, just like a trip to the ice cream shop," I grinned at the little expressions on his face.
"I want ice cream!"
"Only if your dad is okay with it," I told him. "Deal?"
"Deal," he responded with a wide grin and an eager nod.
That kid was the cutest thing on earth
"You're quite amazing with him," Liam commented as I settled next to him on the comfy couch, my back and muscles were thankful for the sudden relaxation.
"Hmm," I sighed contently at the remarkable softness of natural cotton, and snuggled further into the big warm cushions. That couch was the most comfortable thing humans had made, it felt like heaven, and I wanted to lay there forever. "Your couch is what's amazing," I mumbled, shutting my eyes for a short rest.
Liam chuckled deeply, and switched back to the sports channel. "I'm glad you fancy the sofa."
"I bet she fancies this cake more," Mason said, his tone full of confidence. He placed a plate on my lap, I stared down in awe at the gorgeous dreamy chocolate cake, my mouth watered for the molten dark chocolate on top. I grasped the fork hesitantly, inspecting every detail of the lovely dessert like it was a foreign object. Most desserts were listed on the doctor's black list, because they weren't 'heart-friendly', but god knows how long I've been craving to eat this.
My eyes searched for Mason in reassurance, who was now sitting crossed legged on the love seat, making funny faces at Skye. He caught my eyes, and his eyebrow raised in question. Are you sure I can eat this? I mouthed. His lips curved upwards slightly, and he gave me encouraging nod.
Eagerly, I shoved a big piece of cake in my mouth, I couldn't stop the moan that resonated from my throat. The cake was unbelievably delicious, moist, rich, delicate, with an honest chocolate taste. I closed my eyes, a huge shot of endorphin released in my brain, generating a sensation of pleasure and joy. I read somewhere that chocolates provides you with the same relaxing effects of marijuana, no one wonder Eric Clapton is addicted to this stuff.
I continued to savor the rest of the cake, glancing at the screen to catch the score. United were down by one goal. Damn. By the second half, I was shouting at the players, especially the midfielder who was missing so many goal opportunities. Through the game, I felt that I was being watched, I tried to ignore it for awhile, but I ended up stealing a glance at Liam from underneath my lashes, I found him staring at me, his ocean blue eyes gazing right back at me. Embarrassed, I looked away immediately avoiding the intensity of his stare.
Why was he still staring at me?
Irritation bubbled inside of me. "What?" I asked directly, not bothering to mask the annoyance in my voice. "Do I have something on my face?"
Liam seemed totally taken aback by the question, that he froze for a few seconds, his eyes were a tad unfocused, but he soon recovered focusing his eyes sharply on me. "I'm sorry," he apologized, scratching the back of his neck nervously, "I was just thinking."
"About what?"
"I was wondering . . . how can you eat that cake? Aren't you worried about the possibility of fainting again?"
My heart almost stopped.
Mason's attention perked at that. "Wait, what? When did that happen?" He inquired.
"When we were on the airplane, the food they brought included a cake -a cheesecake, but Selena refused to eat it," he fell into a momentarily silence, frowning at the plate on my lap, "I insisted, and when she didn't change her mind, I did something very stupid, and she lost consciousness in a beat," he explained, "One bite -one small bite and she fainted," he added, a look of concentration plastered on his face.
"You fainted after eating a cake," Mason said, sending me a displeased glare. "What the heck, Selena?"
A heavy sigh escaped out of Liam's lips. "One thing I can't fathom is how can you eat it now, I thought you had diabetes,"
I swallowed anxiously. "I don't -I don't have diabetes," I stated quickly.
"But you-"
"That day on the plane, my blood sugar was too low due to my lack of food consumption during the exams," I interrupted, "my body adjusted to the low sugar diet, and when I took that bite, I sort of experienced a shock," I informed, a strand of hair that had escaped from my ponytail and I tucked it behind my ear.
Technically, I wasn't lying, everything I said was true. Except, for the fact that I was on a strict almost sugar-free diet, only it was because of my sickness, not because of the exams.
"Are you sure?" Mason asked.
I nodded stiffly. "Stephen mentioned that my blood sugar went back to normal in a matter of minutes."
After that, a terrible, awkward silence filled the room, everyone went quiet, and the only sound you could hear was the hushed sound of Tv. Skye was sprawled on Mason's lap, sleeping peacefully, it was already past his bed time, and he should have been in his bed by now.
As the silence prolonged, the atmosphere had reached the point of suffocation, and you could still feel the tension in the air. I fiddled with my fingers nervously, waiting for someone to speak and break the silence.
With a sigh, I let my eyes wander around the room leisurely, taking in every single detail. Cosy was the most suitable word to describe the style of that living room, a family room to the extreme. There was a large amount of framed pictures on every table, Skye was the most popular with pictures in different occasions, then there were photos of Liam and Kylie riding bicycles, racing a bunch of dogs, grinning happily at the camera with Mason's face popping in the back. I smiled inwardly at their closeness, and it reminded of my childhood with Jordan. An empty silver frame caught my attention, and I couldn't help but wonder why it was there. Was the picture removed for a particular reason, and whose picture was it?
"I don't believe you," Liam said abruptly, pulling me out of my trance.
"Huh?"
Liam shook his head, and mumbled something incoherent to himself, before he spoke again, his voice was dangerously low. "You're such a bad liar, Selena. I thought we have already established that," he said, his hand moved upwards to run through his hair out of habit, then he lowered it down and let out a frustrated huff. "You play with your hair, you twist your fingers, and your face shows all shades of red," he explained.
My brain refused to function properly, I wanted to speak -I needed to speak, but I couldn't.
He sighed. "It's quite baffling, how you insist on lying over and over again. You're just full of lies, aren't you?"
A startled gasp resonated from my throat, stunned by the cold tone of his voice. That icy tone only reminded me of that night at the party, the other side of Liam, the side I was trying to forget.
"Liam, stop it," Mason advised in a commanding tone.
"I don't understand why you can't just tell me. Talk to me and we'll figure it out, it's as simple as that,"
I shook my head. "It's not simple. It's not simple at all."
"Yes, it is," he insisted, "Listen, I know that you've been hurt, I know he hurt you badly. He betrayed you-"
"You don't know anything, and you certainly don't know him," I cut him off, angered by his bald accusations.
How dare he? He had no right to talk about Adrian like that.
"I know! I know that you're weak and insecure, you keep a safe distance from people, you're always putting up that barrier, afraid of granting anyone entrance. I know that each time someone threatens to cross your red lines, you do everything in your power to push them away. And, I also know that he triggered this, with all the pain he has caused you," Liam yelled, his son who was still sleeping, jolted awake crying. He kicked and screamed in Mason's arms, unhappy with the interruption of his sleep.
"Shut up!" I shrieked, shielding my ears with my trembling hands, and dropping my head between my shaky knees.
You're weak and insecure. You're weak, you're weak . . you'r weak . .
The words echoed in my head, reminding me of all the painful memories of my mother.
My phone started ringing, and I was intent on ignoring it, but the sound of the loud ringtone overflowed in the place, disrupting Skye's sleep and causing him more restlessness. Shakily, I pulled it out of my pocket, and checked the caller's ID, thinking it might have been my brother calling. Haley's name flashed on the screen.
My eyes widened in realization. I had planned on contacting her right after dinner, but I forgot. How in the world did that happen? Why did I allow myself to get so distracted? I should have called her back the minute that dinner was over.
Reluctantly, I stood up from the couch, clutching the phone in my hand. "I need to take this," I announced, referring to the ringing device.
"You're running again," Liam noted, a series of coughs rumbled out of his throat.
"I need to take this," I repeated myself, and grasped the phone tightly.
"You can call back later," he countered.
With a head shake, I inhaled a deep breath, in an effort of calming my hammering heart. "No, it's important."
"Quit running off like a scared rabbit!"
A scared rabbit?
"That's enough, Liam!" Mason snapped. "You're being a twat," he said, "I'm going to take Skye upstairs. I don't want to hear your shouts anymore, your son needs to sleep," with a last glare, he headed upstairs, carrying sky to his room.
Without giving Liam a chance to speak again, I took long strides towards the nearest exit, I pushed the door open and quickly stepped out into what seemed to be the backyard.
Backyard my ass! The garden was unreal, it was huge, full of colorful flowers. The trees were so coordinated, I could have sworn they were artificial, and the whole area looked like it was a picture cut out of a homestyle magazine. I guess, that was a glimpse of the life of rich and wealthy.
Locating a beautiful white family swing under an apple tree, I hastily made my way over to it. Sitting down, I clicked on the green answer key, and waited to hear Haley's voice.
"Hello?"
I cleared my throat to cover up a cough. "Hi."
"Selena, thank god, you finally picked up," she spoke with what sounded like an urgent tone.
"I'm sorry, I missed your call. I couldn't get through to the phone earlier," I explained. "Did something happen, Hailey?"
"No, I just . . ."
"Is everything alright?" I questioned. "Did you manage to find him?"
Hailey heaved out a sigh. "I wish that was true, Mom would finally be able to sleep again at night, but no I didn't find him," she said, disappointment apparent in her voice.
"What about Alex Evans? Last time we talked, you said you were going to meet up with him," I inquired.
"Actually that's one of the reasons why I called, I followed your advice, and I went to that bar you told me about. And, guess what? Alex was performing there with his band. He didn't recognize me at first, but when I asked him about Adrian, he claimed that he had no idea about his location," she told me.
"Of course, being the strong-headed and amazingly persuasive person you are, you knocked the truth out of his head," I said in a sarcastic tone.
Hailey chuckled lightly. "Oh, you know me so well, James."
My lips curled upwards at hearing her call me by my last name. Something we used to do all the time, before we drifted apart.
"Any who, the guy turned out to be a loyal jackass, he made it pretty clear that he wasn't going to tell me what I wanted to hear. Apparently, he didn't wish to betray his best friend."
"Okay, so did he say anything useful? A hint? A clue?" I asked impatiently.
"Nothing."
There was a long pause before she spoke again. "He wants something."
"What? What does he want?"
"He wants to meet up with you," she whispered softly.
"Alex told you that?"
"Yes, he made it sound like the two of you were friends,"
"I'm not sure if he fits the category. He was mostly your brother's friend. We performed together a few times in New York, but that was it," I frowned in concentration, trying to remember if I had seen him other than those three times in the club. "It's fine, though. Tell him that I said yes," I muttered, releasing a heavy breath, "I have a busy week, but I can squeeze sometime after practice. You can just send him my number, and I'll arrange it with him."
The charity concert was approaching, and I was on a very strict practice schedule. Jamie had already made it clear that I was going to spend the remaining days working on my performance. Honestly, I was excited about the recital, but I didn't want the rest of my vacation to be consumed by practice.
Yes, it was a packed week, but when it came to the people I care about, I could make time.
"You don't have to do this, Selena."
"I want to, Hailey."
"So, how are you feeling these days?" She asked, and I could almost hear a hint of true concern in her voice.
"I'm okay," I replied, "London has been kind to me so far, it's a beautiful city, and I've been enjoying every moment I have with Jordan."
"I'm glad you decided to tell him, I always thought it was wrong of you not to tell him. I mean, he is your brother after all."
Well, I told you first, and you walked out on me. I scoffed in my mind.
"I heard about the Cambridge concert, there are posters everywhere," she said suddenly. "Do you really think it's a wise decision, to perform for such a big public event? Don't get me wrong, I'm happy for you, it's an amazing chance, but what about Adrian?"
My eyebrows creased instantly. "Was it a wise decision to play with his mind? Do I ever make wise decisions?" I countered.
Hailey let out a soft sigh. "I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking straight."
"Listen, I know you're mad at me for doing it, Hailey. You're entitled to feel that way. No one understands, but it was the right thing to do. I was there, I saw the pain in his eyes, I saw how broken he was, he's been through so much, and it was all because of me,"
"I am mad, because of your stupid assumptions, and reckless actions. Have you considered what he might think when he remembers?"
I kept quiet, and looked down at the ground instead.
"Just think about it, alright? I'll send your number to Evans, expect a horribly timed call, the guy is practically an owl, and he doesn't own a watch."
"Okay, thanks for calling. I appreciate it."
"Take care of yourself, Sel."
"You too, Hailey," I muttered, ending the phone call.
A wave of cold wind struck me, sending a shiver all over my body. Still sitting on the swing, I curled up into a ball, locking my arms around my bare legs. The chilliness seemed to sober me up considerably, clearing up my clouded mind. My body relished the cold breeze as I let the cool air once again hit my body. I rested my head back, and stared up at the sky, treasuring the serenity of the night.
All of a sudden, a wide blanket was draped over my lower body, immediately radiating a consoling warmth against my skin. "It's a cold night," he commented, startling me by his sudden appearance.
"Truce?" He suggested with a hopeful tone.
I refused to answer or even look at him, I was too angry, and upset with him. The awful things he said to me, stabbed me in the core, and in all honesty I wasn't in any proper mood to see him.
Stealing a quick glance at him, I saw that he wasn't budging from his place. He was juggling two cups of coffee in one of his hands, while holding a big guitar case in the other. My interest peaked at the sight of my most beloved instrument, but I wasn't planning to reveal my curiosity and give him the satisfaction.
"Kylie loved this swing," he stated as I felt the cushion dip beside me, indicating that he had settled down on the swing, "It was one of her favorite painting spots, she would stay out here all day."
Maintaing the same posture, I stared up at the sky, prolonging the silence between us.
"I brought coffee," he announced holding out a steaming mug of coffee, which I accepted without muttering a single word.
Liam let out a frustrated sigh, seeing that I had absolutely no intention to engage in any type of conversation with him. "The silent treatment isn't going to push me away."
Another sigh escaped his lips, before he shuffled in his seat, slightly angling his body towards me. "Look, I know that you're angry -furious -even. I have said some very terrible things to you, they were awful, and hurtful. And believe when I say, I really didn't wish to utter those words to you."
I lowered my head a little to take a sip of the warm drink, indulging the sweet taste of melted chocolate in the coffee. One sugar, extra chocolate, and a touch of vanilla. It was perfect, just the way I liked it.
Copying my movements, Liam brought the cup to his lips, and took a couple of sips, then he continued articulating his speech.
"I understand that you're pretty upset with me, I hurt you badly, and you might as well hate me. But you should know . . ."
"Those things needed to be said, and I am not apologizing," he said directly with a serious tone.
"I'm not apologizing for my concern for you, I'm not apologizing because I did the right thing. I know I did the right thing. You needed to hear those words, and I had to make you listen. Someone had to step up for the role and open your eyes, and I know . . " He stopped to take a massive breath. "I've been watching you and Mason, and I've seen how close the two of you have become. Despite all the craziness and goofiness, Mason is a rock, he's the supportive type, his bloody words of wisdom would knock the hell out of you," he laughed lightly, the beautiful melodic sound of his laugh resonated in the air, and collided with the harsh howl of wind, producing a fleeting piece of music.
"However, Mason would never do what I did tonight. Life taught me that at some point, we've got to be harsh, we've got to be strict, even if we don't like it. My father, my m-mother, Kylie; and Kate, they all showed me that if I desired to keep the people I care about safe, I must be straight with them. And, if I had to be the bad guy, so be it."
The intensity of his voice worried me, and I nearly broke my silent stance to ask what he meant. I gulped down more of the coffee, hoping that an extra dose of caffeine would somehow solve my infinite problems.
"There are things that you can't share with me, for whatever reason you have, you're hiding stuff from me," his foot tapped on the wet grass in one continuous motion, for a minute there, it seemed as if he was tap dancing to the rhythm of my racing heartbeats. "I understand that it's a rather personal matter, and I may or may not be able to help you with it, but surely I'm not going to pressure you any further," he declared, with a calm tone. It was highly admirable, the amazing control he withheld over his voice.
His body shifted for the second time, his blue eyes seemed to darken a little as they lingered on mine for a fraction of a second, before mine managed to slip away. "Get this in your head, cupcake, each time you push me away, I'll pull you closer. I'm not kidding, so help me god, I will be ready with ropes and hungry dogs. I will stay in your neck until I crush all those freaking steel walls you've built around yourself,"
Cupcake? Did he just call me that? What the heck was wrong with him? First, a scared rabbit and now a cupcake? What does that even mean?
I was fuming inside, my blood boiled at his attitude. The whole Mr. know it all character was beyond infuriating, I hated how he acted like he was aware of what I was dealing with, what I was going through.
"I'm not taking any more risks -not with a person whom I care about. I can't sit back and let another person waste their life away like Kylie did,"
"I'm not your sister!" I snapped for the first time since we sat down on the swing. I was so angry at his repeated comparisons.
"I know that, cupcake," he mumbled, a smirk played at the corner of his lips. I watched as an adorable dimple threatened to appear on his right cheek, lightening up his face against the dark. "I also know that all of your attempts to save me will fail."
Then, he reached over to grab the guitar case from the ground, placing it on his lap; then he proceeded to open the case and pull out the instrument cautiously. The acoustic guitar was propped down on his right leg firmly, his left hand automatically went to the heatstroke, allowing his fingers to switch the tuning keys slowly, altering the amount of tightness of each string, and plucking the strings to make sure it has reached its perfect pitch.
The guitar itself was absolutely breathtaking, I could have recognized it anywhere, a gorgeous Gibson J45. I don't know how much time I spent assessing that beautiful instrument, or how long it took me to eat all the little detail of it with my eyes. I yearned to touch the shiny wooden body, my fingers itched to pluck each one of the worn out steel strings. There it was, at the heatstroke, Cigarettes burn marks! I couldn't believe what I was seeing, could it be the same one?
"Is- is that Lucy's cousin?" I asked, keeping my eyes on the marks.
Raising his eyebrows, Liam looked up from the guitar, and chuckled. "Whatever do you mean by that? Who is Lucy?"
I rolled my eyes at him. "Lucy is Eric Clapton's strat," I provided, "Is that one of his Gibson's?"
"Was," he replied nonchalantly, strumming a couple of basic chords. "I bought it in a charity auction last year."
Dumbfounded, I widened my eyes. "Those marks. The cigarettes," I whispered dreamily, tracing the marks with the tip of my index finger. "Wow."
Liam shook his head, the charming smile never leaving his handsome face. Then, his fretting hand was back on the neck, and he began his strumming journey. I sucked in a huge breath, the second those notes invaded my ears. It was such a captivating sound, warmer than a summer's sun, it was so hypnotizing. God! This is better than chocolate!
As I watched him play, I found myself imagining how good it would feel to run my hand over his cheek, slide it over the ghost of his stubble. Immediately, I cursed myself for having those kind of thoughts, but, he was so handsome, there were no arguments there, even without his hair.
Shaking those thoughts out of my head, I threw my head back on the swing, and closed my eyes, reminding myself of all of the anger I felt towards him that night. The man called me weak! He said I was a rabbit! A freaking scared rabbit! And, if it hadn't been for that phone call, I would have broken his darn nose. Then, the most amazing surprise happened, he started singing.
"I, I will be king. And you, you will be queen. Though nothing will drive them away. We can beat them, just for one day. We can be Heroes, just for one day," he sang softly, his deep voice reverberated in the air, and I fell in love with the baritone voice. The sound didn't resemble anything I've heard before. The whole experience was remarkable, soul enriching, and it was a David Bowie song.
"And you, you can be mean. And I, I'll drink all the time. 'Cause we're lovers, and that is a fact. Yes we're lovers, and that is that," he continued to sing, and I could hear the flawless rhythmic strumming of the guitar. My fingers tapped on my knee unconsciousnessly and boy I wished I had a guitar with me, so I could join in playing that fantastic song
A shuffling sound entered my ears, and I suspected that he shifted to face me again. His voice was closer, much clearer. Feeling the weight of his stare, I refused to open my eyes, waiting for him to look away. "Though nothing, will keep us together. We could steal time, just for one day. We can be Heroes, for ever and ever. What d'you say?" His eyes pierced into my face as he finished vocalizing the verse. I was adamant not to open my eyes, and pulled up the blanket to shield my chest from the cool air current.
"We're nothing, and nothing will help us. Maybe we're lying, then you better not stay. But we could be safer, just for one day," There was a noticeable change in his tone as he moved on to the next verse, his voice dropped an octave, sounding more deeper. At that point, my entire body was shaking, from head to toe. But, it wasn't because of the cold wind, it was because of the electrifying emotions that generated throughout every inch of my body. It was definitely better than chocolate, nevertheless, it was exhausting, and it was too much to handle. And by the time he had reached the end of the song, I was so emotionally confused, that I wasn't able to determine whether I was still angry with him or not.
"We can be Heroes. We can be Heroes. We can be Heroes. Just for one day."
"When I was at Skye's age, I used to think that my father was a cello, a big old cello," he chuckled, and leaned back to more comfortable position, "his voice was quite deep, rich, and so full of emotion," he explained in an adoring tone, then he pushed one of his legs back and sent the swing flying. "It was like magic, I would hear these different notes whenever he told me a bed-time story, and he was the best storyteller out there."
"One night, he told me that if I had wished to become a good man, I would have to fight my way through the bumpy roads of life, then he wrote it on his favorite hanky, and tucked it under my pillow. I didn't understand at the time, but that was the best advice he ever gave me. What I'm saying is that whatever it is that you're dealing with. You're going to need all the energy to fight it, you'll have to be brave and strong, and you have to realize that you can't continue running from your troubles--"
"I'm not running," I interrupted.
"Then, tell me! Tell me what's going on with you, please," he pleaded.
Lowering my head in agony, I let out a long deep sigh. "I'm fighting a losing battle, Liam. A civil war with no winner. There is no honor or pride in fighting such a battle. I'm only minimizing the number of deep painful scars I have to leave behind. You can't save me."
"From the moment I saw you on that plane, I knew . . I know you're a hard soul to save, with an ocean in the way," he said, as he took my hand in his, and held it gently, "but i'll get around it," he vowed, then he proceeded to place tender kisses on each one of my knuckles. His touch was intoxicating, the things those simple moments of contact did to me were unbelievable, and it terrified me to just think about it. It was wrong, it was so terribly wrong. I wanted to pull my hand away from his grasp, but I was too tired to even move a muscle.
Oh hell! He was using Florence and the machine lyrics against me.
"Stop . . ." I whispered as I tried to retrieve my hand, but it was completely hopeless. I was so exhausted, my mind was shutting down, and everything was hazy.
Why? Why was I feeling so darn tired? How was that even possible? I just drained a large cup of coffee! I should be up and kicking! Why was I feeling like this?
Liam wrapped an arm around my weak body, and pulled me closer to him. "Shush . . you're tired. Close your eyes, and go to sleep," he murmured.
"No . . . home . ." I whined in protest, fighting to stay awake.
"Sleep, my little heart-healer."
***********************************************
Phew! Long time no see, fellas. It's been a while since I wrote this amount of fiction, so I've been draining lots and lots of coffee, while listening to freaking arctic monkeys (In case you don't know, they're freaking fabulous). Anyway, I totally missed this, especially you guys! And . . . well. . Doctor Who rocks!
Love you all.