I glanced up at the sky through the hazy train window, my teeth rattling around in my jaw. I looked down at my shoes. I wondered if they were the right shoes for this kind of thing. It had been a long time since I'd been to any zoos.
I was meeting Dan and Phil at their hotel room in the middle of the city, this big fancy one outside another park. Nerves danced around in my stomach. I hated this - this anxiousness. I wish I could tell myself to stop being so stupid but it really wasn't that easy.
I think I was also nervous because of the whole 'generically pretty' thing. I wasn't sure whether to take it as a compliment or not. I had a feeling that Dan had nothing but good intentions, but it still stung a little, especially after last night, with the almost-not-there brushing of calves and ankles. I shook my head as the train shuddered to a stop, the doors sighing with a big exhale as they sprung open. Outside it was uncharacteristically warm - sun beamed down, less bleak than most of the days this week. Wind tugged at the edge of my shirt. The sound of a bike passing rattled past on my left. A group of kids laughed in the distance.
It didn't take long to find Dan and Phil's hotel due to the navigational genius of Google Maps. I stopped in front of the intimidatingly tall building, glancing up. Its shadow loomed, and I looked up at it through pieces of my hair as the wind blew through. I passed through the automatic doors, greeted by an immaculate inside of polished marble floors and fancy-looking lights. If lights could look fancy.
And standing there fiddling with the edge of my jacket I felt a little nervous about seeing Dan, mostly because of everything earlier this morning. It wasn't a big deal. I knew that. But it still hurt, if only a little. At least he thinks you're pretty, even if it's because you're generic, I thought to myself. I took a seat on one of the couches lining the reception area, feeling a little out of place being the broke university student.
I sat on my phone for a few minutes, scrolling through Facebook, having the odd chuckle at any particularly hilarious memes. After fifteen minutes, I was starting to get a little bored - I looked up, letting a puff of air out through my lips. I glanced around the lobby, catching the receptionist's gaze for a moment. They smiled politely and turned back to their computer.
The lifts opened and the sound of chatter leaked out, and I looked over to see both Dan and Phil walking out, in the middle of a conversation. Phil said something and Dan laughed - that big, full, heavy laugh. He was smiling when he noticed me.
'Hey, potato girl,' he said as they approached me. I smiled, but it was a little stilted - so was the hug. I felt awkward. I could feel Dan looking at me as I turned and hugged Phil.
'So, off to the zoo!' I said overly enthusiastically, and Dan could definitely tell something was up. I felt his eyes on me the whole walk out through the lobby and into the day.
'Coffee first?' Phil offered, and I nodded.
'Sounds like a plan, Stan.'
I was about to head off with them to grab the coffees when Dan said, 'hey, Phil, how about you wait here and call an Uber or something? Meg and I can grab the coffees.' I stiffened.
Phil looked between us, but didn't seem to expect much. 'Alright,' he said, smiling. Dan smiled back before the two of us turned, heading off down the road to a coffee shop a short walk away.
'Hey, about this morning,' Dan gushed as soon as Phil was out of ear-range, 'I'm really sorry. I'm an absolute git. I didn't realise what I was saying until I'd said it.'
I brushed off his apology. 'Dan, it's fine, really,' I said, shaking my head. 'I'm being stupid. Overreacting.'
'I'm still sorry,' Dan said, tucking his hands in his pockets. He had to slow down a little to keep up with me. 'And I was wrong.'
'What?'
'About you being generically pretty. You're not at all.'
I made a sound something like a scoff. 'Oh wow, thanks, that makes me feel so much fucking better.'
Dan shook his head, eyes wide. 'No, no, that's not what I meant.' He closed his eyes, obviously frustrated with himself, rubbing his forehead with his palm. 'I mean there's nothing generic about you, Meg. At all. You're the least generic person I know. You're totally different from everyone else in the best way possible.'
I blinked, slowing down as we reached the coffee shop. 'Thanks.'
Dan smiled with half his mouth. 'It's alright.' He started off into the shop, but just before he begun walking, he glanced back at me, grinning. 'Oh, and you're very cute.'
I blinked again.
I was trying to convince Dan to feed the emus and it was not going well. He had the bag of feed in his hand and he hovered by the fence, but out of beak-range.
'I think I'll just stick with the kangaroos,' Dan said, eyeing off the big, brown eyes of the emu as it stared at his bag.
'Come on,' I insisted, nudging him forward. 'Look at it. It's so cute and hungry.'
'I'm sure they get fed.'
I rolled my eyes. 'That's not the point. Just give it a go.'
Dan stepped forwards reluctantly, hand filled with grain, and offered a hesitant arm. The emu cocked its head before leaning in, drilling its beak down into Dan's hand. He yelped, jumping backwards, while I laughed my ass off.
'Oh my god, that was fucking brilliant,' I said between my laughs, holding my stomach. Dan laughed with me then chucked the rest of the feed in his hand at me, causing me to squeal.
'You suck,' he said, cheeks still full with his laugh, and I poked my tongue out at him. Phil had just returned from his bathroom break, rubbing his hands on his jeans.
'Hey guys!' he frowned when he noticed me, covered in emu food, and Dan, grinning. 'What happened?'
'My hand was nearly penetrated by an emu,' Dan said, and I pulled a face, wiping food from my shirt.
'You could have used literally any other word than 'penetrate',' I said as we started walking off to where Dan and Phil were going to hold a koala.
'Yeah but none of them are as visceral as penetrate.'
I nodded my head from side to side. 'True, true.' I pointed to some kangaroos lounging in the sun, eyes half-closed. 'You want me to take a picture of you with the roos?'
'Yeah, alright,' Dan said, passing me his phone. He waved Phil over. 'Oi, you too Philly.'
'Philly,' I muttered to myself with a smile, opening the camera app. I took a few shots of Dan and Phil tentatively perched around the roos, cautious of going too close, perhaps after the marathon of boxing-kangaroo videos Dan had admitted to watching earlier.
After I'd snapped a few photos Dan jogged over, stopping behind me, his head hovering over my shoulder as I swiped through the photos. 'Oh, that one's nice,' he said, one hand snaking around and pointing at my screen. 'Wait, go back - yeah. That one.'
'It's cute,' I told him, passing his phone back. He smiled at me. 'You should post it somewhere.'
'I'll tweet it,' he said, and I grinned.
'Oh, where it all started.' I shuddered. 'God, I was so cringe. I want to strangle past-me through my twitter screen.'
Dan shrugged as we started walking over to Phil, who was still attempting to interact with the kangaroos. This interaction was more or less him reaching a hesitant hand out until one of them moved, at which point he sprung back until having another attempt.
'Well, if you hadn't been so persistent then I never would have gotten to meet you,' he said. He bent in a little so Phil couldn't hear. His warm breath flushed against my ear. 'Which would have totally sucked.'
I watched Dan's back as he continued over to Phil. And I was thinking about all that, about chanced meetings and how easy it would be to not have Dan in my life, and I realised then how fragile everything is. Relationships, friendships, all of those kinds of things - it is all based in one, single moment.
I smiled at my shoes before I walked over and joined the two.
AN
Okay so I realised this is in past tense when the rest of my story has been in present tense but I really can't be fucked to edit the entire thing so SORRY PLS FORGIVE ME
Also I'm very very sorry for this late AF update pls forgive this too hope it was good enough
Have a merry christmas my friends xx