Dear Mr. Pessimist,
Did you have fun tonight? For the first time in years I felt as if nothing in the world could touch me. I was happy, I felt safe. So what do you think? Did you like my Safe Haven?
With Love,
Syd
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox
I sat in my car, tapping my fingers against the steering wheel with my heart pounding against my chest in anticipation.
What had made me think that Bennett was going to come. He probably had more important things to do then spend his Friday night with me.
"Hey." I screamed, my hand flying over my chest as I whirled around to face Bennett standing outside my window, his knuckle frozen on the window.
"You scared the crap out of me." I gasped, climbing out of the car, "Call or text next time." He smiled a little but didn't respond. I followed him until we were standing at the foot of the hill.
"You're kidding me, right? You want to climb up this hill?" I nodded, starting to walk up it, glancing behind me with a laugh as I waved the small picnic basket in my hands in the air.
"You coming or not, Mr. Pessimist?" He looked ready to roll his eyes as he stomped up the hill after me. Once we reached the top, I turned around and laughed at how out of breath Bennett was.
"I take it you don't exercise very often." He shook his head, throwing his hands on his knees as he hunched over and tried to catch his breath. I moved to the top of the hill and sat down, setting the basket gently beside me.
"Not anymore." Bennett replied once he was able to catch his breath. He slowly sat down, his head resting on his knee as he stared at the view in front of us.
"I didn't think you were actually going to come." I said, knowing better then to ask him what his response had meant. He shrugged, glancing behind us at the cars.
I had been coming to The Hill for as long as I could remember. It had been the place where I came to think, to try and get through my problems. Jessie had joined me a few times, so had my mom. Once Zey had put me in the hospital, I had just stopped coming entirely.
"I had nothing better to do." He replied, "I just would have been sitting around and thinking about how shitty my life is and drowning my pain in alcohol." I didn't know what to say, so I reached into the basket and pulled out a sandwich, holding it out to him.
"I'm good." He muttered.
"Bennett." I said with a mother-like tone, "I've been working with you for over a month and I've never seen you eat. Come on." I nudged him with a smile, and after a second of hesitation, he took the sandwich.
"No wonder you're so skinny." I mumbled to myself, seeing the dirty look he gave me out of the corner of my eye.
"You could use a little meat on your body yourself." He shot back with a quiet laugh. He stayed quiet for a few minutes before speaking up again.
"I'm sorry about what I said the other day and-"
"It's cool, Bennett. You don't have to explain." I interrupted him.
"So, I just found out my dad's a little less of a piece of shit then I thought. My mom said that she was the one that kept me from him, he never left." Bennett blinked in surprise, his eyes finally starting to narrow after a second.
"What? Who the hell keeps their child from the father? Then lies about it?" I stared ahead of us, at the glistening city lights.
"I don't know, Bennett. I-"
"He still had years to fight for you, why didn't he?" He cut me off, bitterness finding it's way into his voice.
"I don't know. Maybe because I wasn't a boy? Maybe because I had been so brainwashed by my mother that he was afraid I'd lash out."
"But you would of, right?"
"Probably." I answered honestly, rubbing my forehead. "I don't want to live a life like that Bennett. I don't want to have all the money in the world, to have everything I want. I don't want to me on billboards and benches. I just want to be happy." He nodded.
"And I don't care if the man I marry is a billionaire. My kids are going to work, they're going to earn money themselves and see what it's like to live their life like everyone else. They will never get handed a silver platter." I didn't know why I was saying it to him. Did he really need to know how the hell I wanted to raise my kids?
"God, where were you when I was still a decent person, Sydney?" Bennett whispered, his eyes glistening with the same bitterness that was laced in his voice.
"Bennett, stop-"
"All I ever wanted in my life was someone that actually gave a shit about me. Me. Not who my Mom is, not about how much money I have. I just wanted someone that cared enough to stick around." He stared distantly ahead, his head resting on his arms, which had been crossed over his knees.
"When I met Hannah, it was a freak accident." He smiled at the memory, "I was walking home from work and I saw her hanging out on the streets with a few other chicks. So I walked over and started talking to her, I was nervous. I was nervous talking to a fucking whore." He glanced in my direction with a sigh.
"She was standoffish at first, telling me I was a kid, that I was too young to be corrupted, to be dragged into her lifestyle. Of course I ignored it, fought the way my parents looked at me when I brought her home, to the bakery to hang out. She was so beautiful, someone like her didn't deserve to be on the streets. So I offered her money, told her that I'd pay for whatever the reason was that she was on the streets." I could feel my stomach churning as I listened to Bennett's story, feeling something inside me finally jump with joy that he was finally letting his guard down.
"I didn't know it was because she had a kid already." He said with a snort, "A two year old. A two year old that was living with her parents while she was out there selling herself. I gave her the money, Sydney. Thinking that it would help." He paused, "But it didn't. Even after the first time we had sex, I could tell she was gone. She had been so far in her world that there was no way for her to escape it. I tried to help, I tried to drive her out of there, back to her daughter. I. . . I. . . fuck. Why am I even telling you this? It's not like you care." He stood up and buried his hands in his hair.
I pushed myself off the ground and walked over to him after a second, grabbing both of his hands in mine.
"Bennett, look at me." He met my eyes, his own pooling with tears.
"I know you loved her, and maybe somewhere deep down she loved you too and she was afraid of you getting hurt. She was afraid of dragging you into her way of life, as you said. But Bennett, she's gone. You can't leave her hooked up to that machine, you can't torture yourself everyday knowing that she's not going to wake up, and if she does, she'll be completely different person." I took his face in my hands and shook my head, "And I'm positive that she wouldn't want you sitting here and holding on to her, Ben." He looked ready to cut me off, but I slipped my hand over his mouth and went on before he could.
"Hear me out, listen to me, Bennett. I know no one has listened to you since her death, I remember it on the news. But it's been over a year, you need to face the fact that she's not coming back." I could feel my eyes starting to sting with tears, "Take as long as you want later, but you need to let them pull the plug. You can't go on living this way." I could see Bennett cracking, his hands gripped my wrists tightly.
"It wasn't your fault. It was an accident. Stop feeling as if it was. And Bennett, I'm here for you. Whenever you need to talk, feel alone, I'm always going to be here. Even after this summer, I'll always be one call away." He shut his eyes, bringing my hand to his cheek again. I felt a lump forming in my throat when I felt a tear fall on to the tip of my finger.
"I don't want to hurt you. I hurt everything I touch, Syd." He whispered, his eyes still shut.
"You can't hurt me, Bennett. I've been hurt so many times that I don't even feel it anymore. So do your worst, I'll still be here in the end."
*
Bennett followed me back to the house, stepping out of his car to join me in the driveway once I was out of mine. I let him walk me up to the porch before nodding down at his car on the street.
"You should probably get going." I said. He shrugged, taking my hand in his own and running his fingers along my knuckle.
"Thank you, Sydney. For tonight, for not giving up." I nodded, surprised when he pulled me into a hug.
A familiar feeling stirred inside the pit of my stomach as I laid my head against his chest, taking in the scent of the expensive cologne he was wearing. I pushed the feeling aside, stepping away.
"Like I said, I'm here, Bennett." He leaned forward, as if he were going to kiss me, but his lips landed on my forehead instead.
"I'll see you around, Sydney." He said quietly, backing down the steps with a crooked smile. I returned the smile, waving.
"Yeah. Drive safe." He nodded before walking down the driveway and to his car. I waited until he was down the street to turn around and walk into the house.
I felt a whole new feeling wash over me when I found my father sitting on the couch, my mother and her boyfriend on the recliner. I was about to turn around and walk back out the door when my mom grabbed my wrist and said the four words I had been dreading to hear.
"We need to talk."
***AN***
Hope you guys enjoyed!
Let me know what you thought!
Did you feel for Bennett's story? What do you think Syd is going to say to her dad?
~ChasingMadness24