*Avery's POV*
I know Luke and I's plan is coming to an end soon so I figured if I started distancing myself now it won't be so hard to forget about him. It's so obvious that him and Brooke are supposed to be together 'cause they make each other happy. I didn't mean for him to assume that he did something wrong or that anything is his fault but it's the only way for me to get over him. I know I'm constantly changing sides wether I should embrace what I feel or suppress my feelings but I've made up my mind now. Having hope that he may feel the same about me isn't doing me any good.
It's so weird how all of this happened. We wouldn't even be friends if he hadn't messed up with Brooke. He says he cares about me and all and I believe him but he doesn't care about me the way I care about him. He cares about Brooke way more, hell, he probably loves her. There's no point in hoping anymore. It's best that I give up now and focus on Ashton.
I finished making dinner and went to make sure everything was set up for my dad since he'd be home any minute. Maybe I can sort of get back in his good graces if I butter him up a bit. There's no reason for me to be distracted now.
My heart began to beat faster when I heard the garage door come up. After the weekend I had had, I just wanted things to go smoothly from now on, well as smooth as they'll ever be.
The door opened and closed and I heard him on the phone. I didn't know who it was but he sounded a bit angry and it wasn't long before he hung up and slammed his phone down.
I mentally prepared myself before I walked back into the kitchen. "H-hey, dad."
He looked at me. "What do you want?"
"Nothing. I was just saying hi." I don't understand why I was born if everything I do is wrong. "Who was on the phone?"
"That's none of your business. Where's my dinner?" He snapped.
I went to quickly make him a plate and met him back in the living room with his food and beer. After I sat them down he shooed me away and I went to the kitchen to enjoy my own meal.
I can't wait till I get out of this hellhole. I want to go far away so I'll never have to see him again. The most he does for me is provide me with a roof over my head. He doesn't show me any love or care. The only thing he loves is his money and beer. He lives to get drunk and refuses to get help. I understand he lost someone he loves but he let that change him.
I love Luke but I haven't let him change me, nor will I change when I stop loving him. But something like that is easier said than done. I want to, no, I need to stop loving him but it's so hard because he's incredibly special. This is just like me to care about someone so much but they don't give two shits about me. I'm always the idiot to fall in love. Maybe I'm in love with the idea of being in love. That could explain why I get so attached to any guy that catches my eye.
But I've never loved anyone the way that I love Luke. I like Ashton a lot but I don't love him. I liked Evan a lot too but again, I wasn't in love with him. It's just something about Luke. It's like we have this connection that only I feel apparently. But I feel something every time we touch or kiss. I feel chills and fire all at once. It's an amazing feeling and only he makes me feel this way. But it's wrong of me to feel like this about him. He doesn't feel the same and no matter how many times I tell myself this, it doesn't change how I feel. He cares for Brooke and since we're kind of friends, it'd be wrong for me to have feelings for her guy, although I have kissed Ashton a few times, but that's beside the point. I can't keep wasting my time on him. That's why I feel distancing myself will do me some good. I just hope it doesn't mess up our friendship.
-
I had barely slept all night and was not in the mood for school but I didn't want to miss anymore days so I sucked it up and got up to get ready.
I don't know why my night was so restless. But I do know that I sleep a lot easier with Luke's body pressed up against me.
No, I can't think that way. Imagining him with his arms wrapped around me and humming a song to get me to sleep is not gonna help me get over him. No matter how much I enjoy it, it's bad for me.
I threw on a pair of leggings and one of Dylan's hoodies before grabbing my stuff and heading downstairs. I went to the kitchen to whip up a quick breakfast for my dad and took it up to his room, receiving the usual rude behavior. I went back downstairs and grabbed a bottle of water before heading out the door and to Luke's car. I braced myself as I opened the door to get in and closed it before strapping in.
"Good morning." He said. His tone wasn't as cheery as it usually is, probably because I've upset him with my aloofness.
"Hey." I stated. Although I was concerned for his feelings, I couldn't let myself care too much or it'll be even harder to get over him.
The drive to school was silent but this time it wasn't a comfortable one, but held more tension. I don't know if it was because of me or him but I didn't like it.
We got out of the car and even with his stiffness he came around and grabbed my hand. We walked into the building and to my locker but to my surprise, he didn't stay for long.
"I've got some things to do before class, I'll see you later." He stated and walked off before I had the chance to respond. I was a little saddened that he didn't at least kiss my cheek.
I know I said I wanted some distance between us but this isn't what I meant. I didn't think my coldness towards him would drive a wedge between us so quickly. But it doesn't matter. If he wants to distance himself from me then it must be for the best.
-
After first period let out, I didn't see Luke across the hall like he usually is and my heart kind of fell. Now it looks like it's my turn to worry. I didn't mean for us to disconnect so suddenly. I just thought that by doing this it'd be easier for when we fake broke up. I won't be able to see him as much, kiss him, and we won't have anymore of our little sleepovers. Even though all of it wasn't real it felt real to me. And I'm stupid for feeling this way 'cause look where it got me.
I walked to second period alone and I bumped into Ashton along the way.
"Hey, Avery." He smiled that beautiful dimpled smile of his. It was almost enough to make me forget about Luke. Almost.
"Hi, Ash." I forced a smile.
"Are you okay? You look a little down."
"Yeah I'm fine. It's just that Luke has been a little distant today, that's all." I shrugged.
"Someone like you shouldn't be treated that way." He stepped closer to me and tucked a piece of my hair behind my ear. "You're special and you deserve all the attention."
He made me blush and I almost forgot we were standing in the middle of the hallway.
"Well I should get to class, I'll see you later."
"Later, babe." He leaned forward and pressed a quick kiss on my forehead and walked away.
A small smile spread across my face as I watched him leave before continuing on to my English class.
"Hey, Dylan." I said as I sat in my seat next to him. We had a substitute today which meant a worksheet and free reign to do whatever.
"Morning, babe. What's up?" He asked.
"Nothing much." I shrugged. "Do you mind if I sit with you and Nick at lunch today? I don't think I can really be around Luke right now."
"Did he hurt you?" That always seems to be his first assumption when I bring up a problem between me and Luke.
"No, of course not. It started out with me distancing myself from him to try to make it easier to get over him when we broke up. He was concerned and everything like he usually is but today he's the one being cold and I don't like it." Now that I was saying all of this out loud I probably sounded lame.
"So you guys are breaking up soon?" He asked, sounding hopeful.
"Well yeah, at least I'm sure. We haven't talked about it but I have a feeling. He and Brooke are getting close and Ashton and I are getting close so it's only a matter of time." I shrugged.
"It's about time, I don't like him."
"You've made that pretty obvious." I chuckled.
"So what are you gonna do? Are you gonna keep putting the distance between the two of you or what?" He asked.
"Well I think it's for the best. I don't want to lose his friendship but I am gonna miss everything about our relationship."
"Yes, the fake relationship that means nothing to him."
I crossed my arms over my chest. "Well you didn't have to put it that way." I know he's got a point and I've made that clear to myself plenty of times but hearing it from someone else made it sting and seem more real.
"Just being honest." He shrugged. "I don't want you hoping for something that'll never come true. I don't mean for this to sound so terrible but the sooner you see it the better."
"I know." I nodded. I appreciate he's looking out for me and he's got a point. There's no point in wishing for something that'll never come true. It'll only set me up for disappointment and heartbreak.
We got started on our work about halfway through class, continuing to talk about anything that didn't relate to Luke. I didn't want to continue to bore him with my problems and he's said all he's needed to say. The sooner I forget about what I feel for Luke the better. We'll still be friends but I won't think about him the way I do now, I won't need to. Soon I'll be with Ashton and I'll finally get something I've been wanting for a long time.
When the bell rang, we got up and packed up our things, turning in our work at the desk before leaving the room. He slung his arm over my shoulders as we walked to the cafeteria together. We approached the double doors and headed inside, going straight towards the line to get our food before going to the table he and Nick always sat at.
"Hey, Avery." Nick smiled as we sat down, me across from him and Dylan to his right.
"Hey, Nick. I hope it's not too much trouble that I sit here today." I wasn't thinking about how awkward of a third wheel I'd be when I asked to join them.
"It's no big deal." He shook his head and took one of Dylan's grapes.
We ate and talked, them doing most of the talking and I was listening. I observed how they interacted and how often they smiled at each other and I was growing a little jealous. I want something that's as special as what they have. Their relationship is cute, sincere, and most importantly real. I'm sure I'll have that with Ashton once we're together. He seems to care about me more than Luke does.
"Avery?" I looked around to see Calum coming my way.
"Hey, Cal." I beamed. He sat in the seat next to me. "These are my friends, Dylan and Nick." The three of them shared a quick greeting and Dylan and Nick continued with their conversation. "So what's up?"
"I could ask you the same thing. How come you aren't at the table with Luke, Mike, and I?" He asked.
"Oh, well Luke was acting a little off earlier and I thought it'd be best that I give him a little space." I replied.
He nodded. "Well he's fine now." He gestured to the table and I saw a laughing Luke, nothing like what he was earlier. "Why don't you join us?"
"No thanks." I shook my head. "I think it's best that I stay here. I'll see him later anyways."
"Is everything okay between the two of you? If you don't mind me asking." He said.
"Yeah, we're fine." I nodded.
"Good 'cause I like you guys together much more than him and Brooke," he stood up, "but don't tell him I said that. He was crazy about her at the time but you make him a better person. I'll see you later, Avery."
"Later." I said as he began to walk back to the table he shared with his friends.
It hurt me a little to see him laughing with them when he was so cold to me.
It doesn't matter how I feel 'cause he'll never return those feelings. I just need to let it go and focus on breaking Ashton and Brooke up.
"Earth to Avery." Dylan said.
"Yeah?" I shook my head. "Sorry, I must've zoned out."
"You good?" He asked.
"I'm fine." I nodded and picked up one of my fries to nibble on.
After lunch, we threw our trash out and exited the lunch room.
"I'm gonna walk Nick to class, I'll talk to you later." Dylan said.
"Okay." I said and headed the opposite way to my third period.
-
I was dreading chemistry for the first time in a long time. I didn't want to sit next to Luke if he was gonna have a bad attitude all period. Unless that was only this morning and he actually is better now then I guess it won't be so bad.
I walked into the class and he was already at our shared table typing away on his phone. I took my seat and remained silent, not really sure if I should say something first or not. But I decided against it because I could feel a negative vibe radiating off of him.
Mr. Hilton started class and we did our work, not making any eye contact or saying a word to each other. I was really beginning to believe that I did something other than give him the cold shoulder yesterday. He's never acted this way with me before, except for when we hated each other, and I don't like his demeanor. I miss the cute, caring, bubbly Luke I fell in love with.
The class dragged on and I couldn't have been more grateful to hear the bell ringing. I packed up my things and followed the crowd of students out of the room. Luke had already disappeared but I decided to go to my locker and just meet him at his car. He's not mad enough to leave me, right?
After exchanging my books and Ashton flirting with me a bit, I left the building and headed towards the parking lot. Like I thought, he was sitting in the car waiting for me and I got in and strapped myself in before he pulled off.
There was much tension between us and it made me highly uncomfortable during the entirety of the short drive. When he pulled up in front of my house, I couldn't even muster a simple goodbye before getting out. I headed to my front door and I heard his car door open and close.
"Are you gonna tell me what's up?" He called.
I turned around. "What do you mean?"
"Why were you being so distant and cold to me yesterday?" He asked.
Well I obviously couldn't tell him the real reason. "I-I don't know what you're talking about. I wasn't acting any different yesterday than I'm acting right now."
"Oh cut the bullshit, Avery." I was taken aback by his tone. He hadn't talked to me like that in so long. "You had me feeling as though I did something wrong."
"Well I could ask you the same thing. You've barely said two words to me all day and when you did speak, your words were cold and empty." I said.
"It's because I was pissed off at you. I thought we were at the point where we could tell each other any and everything but you still hold back. Why is that? And don't give me some shitty answer." He demanded.
"Sometimes I may be in a mood and it's none of your business. I don't have to tell you every aspect of my life, Luke. You should've learned that by now."
"You're right. You withhold much of your life from your friends so they feel like they don't truly know you." I felt like he was referring to my scars and me not telling Dylan and I became more upset than I already was.
"Like I said, it's none of your business what goes on in my life. I'll tell you what I want to tell you and when I want to. If I don't say anything, don't worry about it." I balled my fists in anger.
"I'm your friend and I worry about you more than you think." He said.
"Well we wouldn't even be friends if you hadn't roped me into this stupid deal!"
"Roped you into it? If I remember correctly, you were willing to work with me so you could be with Ashton! So don't act like I forced you to do anything you weren't willing to do!"
We were both raising our voices and I already knew this wasn't gonna end well. Either he'd hurt me again or one of us will say something that'll ruin our friendship.
"You were so desperate to be with him that you'd fake date me to get him to like you." He continued. "How pathetic is that?"
His words really stung but I fought back the tears. I didn't want him to see that he was getting to me.
"You wanna talk about pathetic? Who's the idiot that's trying to get his ex-girlfriend back after she clearly moved on?" I shot back.
"I just wanted to know why you were being such a bitch yesterday and you've turned it into this argument! No wonder no one wants to be friends with you, you're so hard to deal with." He snarled.
I could tell I was gonna cry any minute now. I bit my lip and took a deep breath before continuing.
"You know what, you're right, Hemmings. Why would anyone want to be my friend? I'm an emotional bitch with a shit ton of baggage. Honestly, I don't even know why we're friends. If you hadn't fucked up in the first place, you'd be with your little girlfriend and things would be how they're supposed to be, with you and me hating each other!" I yelled.
"I can't wait for us to "break up" then!" He yelled back. "I'll finally be rid of you and I'll actually be happy!"
"You haven't changed a bit, you're still a narcissistic asshole. I thought there was some good in you but I was terribly mistaken." I scoffed and shook my head.
"Since I'm such a terrible person, you can ride your shitty bike to school tomorrow and everyday after that. I'm done with you, Avery." He said.
"Finally, something we can agree on." I crossed my arms.
"I can't believe I ever-" he shook his head, "whatever you bitch." He turned and got back in his car.
"Fuck you too!" I yelled as he pulled out and sped down the street. I rushed into my house and slammed the door, finally letting the tears fall.
What have I done? We got into a another argument that ended terribly. I knew someone would say something bad but I didn't stop. I kept throwing cruel words at him and he did the same to me. I guess these were all the words we didn't say. They didn't just come out of nowhere. Apparently some bottled up thoughts and feelings were finally revealed and it showed that we're seriously wrong for each other, even as friends. I already knew it wouldn't work out but I didn't realize it'd be this bad.
I journeyed further into my house and noticed my dad's briefcase in his chair. After calling out and not receiving a response, I concluded he went out to screw his assistant again and probably wouldn't be back until morning.
I'm glad I've got the house to myself again, it'll give me time to think. I'll think about how big of an idiot I was for saying all that stuff. I probably hurt him as much as he hurt me without even knowing it. I knew we'd never truly be together but I had always hoped we'd be friends but that's obviously not happening now.
Because of my idiocy, I lost the one person I'll probably ever be in love with.