With the sweet word, the masks fall off and Laura shows her true colours. For the first time, she loses her composure in front of an audience, her face draining of colour as she just gapes at the judge, like waiting for him to tell her it's just a joke. For a moment even I fear that's what will happen, but the verdict is clear and unchangeable and when that sinks in Laura's mind, she screams.
The woman stands up in one motion, fast like a blur, the chair falling back with the force of the movement whilst she slams her fists against the desk, the scream piercing in the ears of all the people present in the room. Her eyes are wild and crazy, and for a second her expression reminds be of a rabid predator, a creature that'll jump to my neck and kill me.
"This is a joke, isn't it?" Laura cries out, glaring at the judge but he ignores her, so now she turns to her lawyer. "You said we'd win! That no matter what they showed we could turn it around. YOU SAID IT!"
Because Laura wasn't a prisoner per se, she isn't wearing handcuffs so when the lawyer is about to say something she just backhands him with all she's got, the sound of flesh against flesh hard and violent, making more than one flinch.
"You incompetent foolish rubbish. You'll pay for this," she threatens her lawyer, forgetting where she is because at such display of violence and clear threat, the police officers making guard come to take her away, also taking her to fulfil her sentence.
I watch the scene with a detached feeling, like I'm not really in the room watching all this happen, as if all this was just part of a dream.
"It's done," Will calls then and only then I wake up and realise he's by my side again, his hand holding mine very tightly. "She'll start paying for all she did. It's over now, Blanca."
I turn to focus on his face, letting the words wrap me and lull me in a sense of peace and safety. Will is right, it's over and now Laura will go to jail and pay for all her crimes, not just the attempt murder but also conspiracy to attempt murder and all the corruption to fake my dead, and the embezzlement with the company.
She'll stay in prison for many years. And with her have fallen many others, including Dean for accomplice and murder attempt.
When my body catches up with what happened and understands it's really over, we won and the nightmare has ended, I lose all my strength. It feels like my muscles have turned in gelatine and relief is too heavy for them, I can't hold myself. Will is fast to catch me and cradle me against his chest, rubbing his hands on my back soothingly.
It takes a while for me to fully believe it's over, that the rial really took place and justice was served, which is inspiring. I had lost hope in the system, and was terrified it would come to slap us again, but we used everything we had to back up our case and fight our cause, succeeding at the end.
For the rest of the trial day, I'm in shock and too exhausted to do anything else. The pressure and anxiety worn me out and I can barely keep myself awake. Will is always by my side, holding me and reminding me it did happen when I wake up from a nap. Then Nora is the one telling me I don't need to go to work today and that I need to rest, too.
"You've been asking too much to yourself and you'll break if you don't stop for a bit. Stay home with Will today, we'll take care of the rest," Nora encourages me and reluctantly I agree, mostly because with Will's arms wrapped around me and cocooned in his warmth I really don't want to move.
I give myself one day to be with Will, although we don't do much aside from cuddling. We don't even talk too much but there's something so comforting that comes with being with him, his company more revitalising than anything else.
"It's been hard, hasn't it?" He mumbles by the end of the day, when we're both sitting crossed leg on the carpeted floor, food on the coffee table while a movie plays on the flat humongous screen. "You've been working so hard, on the company, the trial. At least you're done with something."
"Yes," I agree, feeling odd that I don't have the trial and Laura to worry about anymore. It's like there's a whole where all that anxiety used to be and I don't quite know what to do with that space. "Now I just have the company to worry about. That feels odd."
"What about worrying about yourself, too?" Will suggests, his expression worried. "You've lost too much weight, Blanca and sometimes you look like you'll break down. I know you want to do your best for the company, but that doesn't mean you have to neglect yourself to accomplish your goal."
His words hurt, not because they are like a scold, but because it reminds me I have also neglected him. I brought him with me and I have barely seen him, yet he is now worrying about me, telling me to take care of myself and my health instead of asking for some time for him. Now that one of the biggest issues in my life has been dealt with, there should be room for him, but instead of suggesting that, he is only requesting for me to look after myself.
"I'm sorry," I mutter then, feeling so guilty that if I take another bite I'll throw up everything.
"It's okay, just promise to look after yourself better from now on," Will answers with a smile but I shake my head.
"I mean about neglecting you. How long has it been since we came here and this is the longest we've been together," I point out and his expression loses the smile. "I'm sorry I haven't had time for you."
"Hey, don't look at me like that," Will hurries to say, leaning forward and putting the food in our hands aside, just to cup my face in his. "I didn't come here to go on dates or have couple time. I came here to support you and be here if you needed me. And I did that, so there's no need to apologise. And being for each other, even when we don't have time to actually be together, it's also being together."
"It's still not fair," I complain. "You're here for me and help me and hold me when I need you, but what do I do for you? I can't even make room to be with you and soon you'll go back to university and I'll still be busy with the company. Is this even a healthy relationship?"
"Of course," Will answers confidently. "Because I might not need you to be my rock now, but I know that when the time comes, you'll be there for me. And I'm sure you'll be exactly what I need in that moment. Blanca, that is a relationship, knowing and trusting the other person will be there for you and that the mere knowledge puts you at ease."
"What if when you need me I'm still too busy and I can't be there for you?" I question, dreading that moment.
"It won't happen, because even if you're busier than now, if I need you, you'll be there for me even if you can't be next to me. I just know it'll be like that, so don't you worry about that."
"How can you be more confident than I am about that?"
"Because I see you from a perspective you can't," he replies with a smile that only twists my heart.
He is confident in something that terrifies me. I don't want to be a bad girlfriend, I don't like neglecting him but I fear that's what I'll keep doing if we stay together. I'm terrified I can't make room for him in my life and that this will continue being unfair and unbalanced. Will gives so much to me and I can't reciprocate fairly, I can't give back as much as he does. I can't be as confident as he is and I feel so lacking and guilty about it.
"It's not fair to you, and you deserve better," I insist but he shakes his head.
"I deserve what I want and that's you, Blanca. And instead of feeling so guilty, why don't you try trusting yourself a bit more? You're so capable so give yourself some credit, okay?"
I sigh, the guilt still constricting my heart but I still allow Will to pull me in his arms and hug me tightly, because I need him and I want to be selfish, taking from him more than I give in return. It's for that reason that I kiss him back desperately when he presses his lips against mine, holding on to him for dear life, practically clinging to him. My hands grab his clothes so tightly, keeping him to myself even when I don't feel like I deserve him, I don't deserve this. I still press myself so close to him and kiss him deeper, tears pricking in my eyes, the guilty tears falling anyway, but Will kiss them away and holds me so dearly.
I love Will, I truly do, and I know he's too good for me and I should do more for him, or to make this even because only even trades succeed in life, but I can't right now and the worst part of me still takes as much from him as he offers. In a way, I feel like I'm taking advantage of his generosity, but I can't help myself.
Maybe, after all, I am a greedy monster.
I must be because I take everything from Will that night. Every kiss, every caress; I allow myself to get intoxicated in his scent, warmth and taste. I pull him as close as it's physically possible and in return, I bare myself completely to him. I give him my heart and my body even when I know it's not enough, that he still deserves more. He deserves my time as well, but I still fail at giving him that.
That night, as I fall asleep in his arms when it's only the two of us in the big bed, his skin against mine, warm and so comforting in the intimacy that it's to lie like this with him, I think how to make room for him, but even if I make plans, I don't trust myself. I fear I'll get drawn and trapped in work again in my greed to change everything soon and fast, and Will is going to slip through my fingers.
The guilt doesn't leave me when we wake up, but I don't feel as vulnerable as the night before. I have a better hold of my emotions and I start to assimilate Laura is really in jail, she's not a danger to me or anyone else again. With the dawn of a new day, I can try to close that chapter in my life and continue with what I'm supposed to.
"You're going back to the office today, right?" Will asks and even if I expect to see disappointment for that, I can't find traces of the emotion in his features.
"Yes," I confirm, at which Will only smiles, encouragingly.
"Do your best and eat all your meals," he presses, and to reinforce his words, he sets a plate with my breakfast in front of me. He woke up earlier just to make it while I was taking a shower and getting ready for today. "Don't skip any because you're too busy or I'll go there myself and feed you."
I know he says it in a joking manner and that manages to make me smile. "Then I'll purposely skip my meals."
Will chuckles, ruffling my hair affectionately before he just steals a peck. "Maybe we can have lunch together. That'll really would force you to eat your meals and stop losing weight. And it's a good way to spend time together before classes start."
That last sentence makes my stomach twist. Will doesn't even study in London so with the start of the new term we will not only have little time to see each other, but we'll also be miles apart, making it even harder for us.
I don't comment on that and only voice my agreement and desire to have lunch with him. Then I get a text from Mark telling me he's here to pick me up to go to the office, so I have to bid farewell with Will for the time being, although there's the promise to see each other in a few hours.
He walks me to the door and I'm about to cross it when I remember something I didn't say and I should've, many times already.
"Will," I call and he only looks at me expectantly, waiting for what else I have to say. I chew on my bottom lip while I stare at him with my heart racing in my ribcage. I might not have time for him, but I can at least be honest and let him know how important he is to me. "I love you."
Will doesn't look surprised, of course he doesn't because he probably knew I felt like that before I did, but he looks happy and pleased when he smiles and takes a step closer to me, grabbing my hands in his.
"I know, it's why I am not worried about us, because I've always known your feelings and how much you care about me," he replies, pulling me a bit closer. "And I love you, too. Very, very much, Blanca."
I take a deep breath, letting his words ease some of the anxiety and guilt that has been choking me. Grateful and moved, I close the distance between us and give him a parting kiss, sweet and as loving as it can be. When we break the kiss, he's smiling in the most dashing way I've ever seen.
"See you at lunch," he calls and I nod my head, stepping back with my own smile.
When I turn on my heels to walk up to the waiting car, I feel a bit better about this guilt. I might not be giving as much as Will deserves, but at leas I honestly love him and it's mutual. I guess that's enough to start working around this relationship and how to make it fair and healthy.
And with that new hope, I resume with busy life.
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Chan! Bel has updated and has great news. The final chapter is written, which means you won't have to indefinitely wait for it. I'm hoping to post it next week or maybe sooner, depending on how eager you're about it *wink wink*. There'll also be an epilogue and about the next book in the series, I'll start officially posting it on January 1st.
That said, I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Let me know on the comments!
Bel, xx