This was originally supposed to be dialog from a character I made but turned into a kind of rant about somebody specific who I'm not mentioning but whatevs
It's a bit long
Hey, I've been wondering.. how is the world? I've not seen it in a while. Is it pretty? I bet it's beautiful. I bet it's much better without me. A piece of me is up there somewhere. A piece of me will ruin it's beauty if it hasn't already. Not all endings are good. Not all endings are prosperous. Every ending is just something that happens once, one of life's sweet moments turned bitter when the cold icy grip of reality has hold of you and you can't breath. You're trying and trying so hard but you just can't. It isn't working, the ending isn't happy, and you yell to yourself "THIS CANT BE HAPPENING" but it is! And the warm cup of sugar has turned to a cold array of salt and it's bitter, it's bitter! It's so bitter you can't even taste it and you can't feel it and all of a sudden.... It's back to normal. But instead of the people you loved, you're with the person you used to love. And maybe that seems like a happy ending to you, but every happy ending has some sort of downfall to it. You think your real family liked it when you killed yourself to finally be with the person you loved? You think feelings don't matter because you don't know the people behind the screen? You truly think that emotions and self worth can be thrown to the wind because you can't see the person, or hear the person, or love them or cherish them or anything? Well that's wrong. Self hatred still exist, it doesn't go away as soon as you press the power button and go to sleep, you don't sleep that off. And I'm one of the people who wouldn't go to bed without having a small panic attack about the person I talk to on the phone but don't really see. I can't leave the room without knowing that when I wake up in the morning there's a slight my best friend wont. and I can't just let things go, that's not real. That's not what people do because we worry and we're supposed to.
And you'll say I do it too much, and you'd be right. It isn't healthy, but I'm happy and I'm doing all I can to save a life. The real struggle is trying to get them to believe that I mean what I say and I say what I mean. And then I also have to be happy to help convince the people I actually see that everything is fine and I'm healthy and doing all I can to survive. I'm not. I'm doing all I can to ensure other people survive. I'm doing all I can to make them remember why they were put on this earth. All I can to tell them I love them.
Nothing is easy. Nobody is free. The free man still has to obey laws..
I just want to see them. I just want them to smile, I just want you to smile. The people I love the most are hurting, and the people I love the most are dying all around me and I'm not shedding a single tear because I can see them and know they're going to a better place. But the people I love so very much with all I live and breathe are the people I can't see the status of or the faces of. The people that need my help the most but refuse to accept it because they "don't deserve it" but they do. With all my heart I give them what I have and my soul breaks a bit each time but it's worth it if I get to see another second of them. They matter more than me, their life has more potential. I just have to be here to tell them that. Nobody cares if I die, I only care about them. I'm the messenger, they're the priority. I dont give a crap about what they think of themselves, I know what I think of them. What they think of themselves doesn't matter. And usually what they think is wrong. Because I love them. I love them so much. If I met them in real life all I'd be doing is crying, but I already cry at the thought of seeing you so happy. The thought of hearing your voice but seeing you at the same time, telling you you're so beautiful, and how glad I am that you're alive and breathing. In that moment I wouldn't care if the world was ending, I'd have you. I'd finally have you.
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