So guys! Here is the chapter we have all been waiting for! The revelation! It took me 5 hours, and lots of going back and changing things to get this chapter right, so I hope it explains everything OK! Please please, comment your views and thoughts about this chapter! It would mean a lot! Also, comment any ideas about the rest of the story please! Currently I'm debating on whether or not to start a new book, like a part 2 to this, because technically, this book was all about Harry's secrets, so it's up to you guys :) Anyway, please read and enjoy, I really hope it all makes sense now! Love you all, and please comment at the end!
WARNING for mentions of homophobia
Over in Louis and Harry's room, Louis had walked in to the sight of Harry rummaging through his suitcase on the floor. Harry had got there before him, as he had gone to take Niall his phone, which had fallen out of his pocket during his race to the room with Josh. He silently closed the door, not wanting to distract Harry from what he was doing, and made his way over to the bathroom, quickly brushing his teeth before stripping and slipping into his side of the bed.
Harry suddenly stopped searching, obviously finding what he was looking for, before folding up all of Louis' clothes again and stripping. He sat tentatively on the edge of the bed, clutching the desired item to his chest, and Louis scooted up behind him, wondering what was wrong. Quickly, he realized that it was the diary that Harry was holding, and, noting that Harry would probably want to go at his own pace, placed a hand on his shoulder tenderly, to show he was there and listening, but not in his face. After a few minutes of silence and Harry flicking through the pages, he took a deep breath, and began to speak.
"I was 11. I met this boy that I really liked, Tom his name was. Back then, I had no idea what being gay meant. I didn't know that it was seen as wrong, or weird, or abnormal. All I knew is that he was cute, fit, good looking, and that I wanted to kiss him just like I wanted to kiss girls.
We became good friends. We used to spend all our free time together. We would have sleepovers every weekend, play some kind of sport on the field every school night, do our homework together. But I never told him that I liked him, you know, and that I wanted to kiss him.
Anyway, it was his birthday party in June, near the end of the school year, and we were playing true or dare. I got dared to kiss him, so I did. I thought... I thought that because it was a dare, that it wouldn't mean anything. That he would just see it as a joke and that the rest of the people would as well. But he didn't. When I leaned in to kiss him, he shoved me away and called me a fag. The rest of the group started sneering at me, and laughing, calling me names, like gay, fag, weirdo. That day I lost my best mate, and for the rest of the year, I just got laughed at.
I never told my mum back then. I was too embarrassed. No one would dance with me at the school disco, because apparently I was diseased and that they could be around me. I was so relieved when I went to a different secondary school to them all at the end of that year. But I could never get it out of my mind."
Harry paused for a moment, tears welling in his eyes, and Louis pulled him into his arms, cradling him and silently vowing to kill everyone that had upset him, especially that Tom. After a few moments, Louis decided to speak up, knowing that this would be the best time to ask the important questions.
"Harry, babe, you didn't deserve that. Any of that. Is that why... Why you stopped talking to me?" Louis asked, feeling Harry still in his arms at the question.
"I... Yes... And I'm so sorry Louis, I never ever meant to hurt you. Ever since then, I knew that I preferred guys over girls, but I continued to date girls because I was too scared of the same reaction, especially as I had managed to get into the popular group in secondary. Every guy that I fancied in secondary, I never said a word to about it, because I didn't want a repeat of before. And I didn't want the same to happen with you. " Harry replied, the tears now falling down his face as he clutched the diary tighter to his chest before continuing.
"As soon as I met you, I knew that I liked you, as in fancied you. You were smart, funny, good looking, an amazing singer, you have an amazing personality, and truthfully, I have wanted to kiss you ever since I met you in the bathroom that day. When we got put in a band together and you jumped into my arms, I was so happy. I thought that maybe you liked me back and that we could be together. But then I remembered about what had happened before, and we just clicked as best mates so easily and quickly, and I didn't want to ruin the best friendship I have ever had.
So I kept it quiet. Then I told my mum, as you have probably read in here, and she told me to tell you, because you would never push me away. But she still didn't know about what had happened before, and whenever I worked myself up to do it, I had flashbacks and caved in. All the flirting and everything, it gave me confidence to be myself around you, that's why I would always flirt back. Yet I still didn't say anything.
Then you got with Eleanor, which I accept was partially my doing, but you seemed so genuinely happy with her, so I gave up. I realized that you could never like me back, and I tried to get over you, and not let you realize that I was jealous. Then we had an interview, and a fan was holding up a Louis loves Harry sign, and I decided I would speak to you after the interview and tell you the truth. But then the interviewer asked you about El, and you said how you and El were going strong and were really happy together, and I couldn't take it. I lost all confidence to tell you, but I just couldn't get over you.
That was the first night, when I stormed upstairs and wouldn't talk. I wrote it all down in here, actually, I had been writing in this every day, but that night, I spilled my guts out before you came upstairs. I cried, sobbed, wept about it, and when you finally came up to ask what was wrong, i knew that I would tell you everything if I spoke. And that's how it started.
Every day, it just got harder and harder to be around you without telling you everything and breaking down every time I spoke to you. The more I distanced myself, the more things I found I liked about you. Your hair, your voice, your eyes. The way you sometimes talk in your sleep, the way you like your tea in a morning. That night when I snapped at you, I was so so close to just telling you everything. It killed me, seeing you hurt. But I couldn't take the risk of losing you as my friend.
I wrote, every night, saying how much I wanted to tell you, the things you had done that day that made me smile and fall in love with you even more, the posters that gave me courage, and the questions that crashed it down.
When you guys kicked me out, when you were stood there talking to me, I really wanted to tell you then. But again, I didn't take my chance. The reason I ran away from you when I came from the bathroom was because I thought you had heard me in there. I was spilling my guts out to the mirror, and I thought you had heard me and that I had ruined everything. I heard you, that night. I left you the diary to explain, or to give you some explanation at least, because I was too much of a wuss to tell you myself. I nearly jumped into your arms when you came to the car, but honestly, it gave me the break I needed. I sent the jacket and the T-shirt back with Paul because I wanted you to know that I was thinking about you, and that I was there if you needed me.
After I left, I had time to figure things out and I nearly got the courage to text you, telling you, but backed out and accidentally sent a blank message. When you texted me back, I realized you had began reading the diary, and I got nervous. I realized you were trying to say you would help me get through it, but with you still being with Eleanor, or so I thought, then I knew I had to try and get you to stop prying before I ruined everything. Yet you still didn't give up on me.
The night when I bumped into you at Nando's, after I carried you in, I realised how much I had missed you whilst I was away, and I wanted to savour being with you again. So I stayed, I slept with you, and held you, because I needed to be near you. When I woke up in the morning, nerves got the better of me again, so I left again, but Liam caught me before I did, and confessed his feelings for Zayn. I nearly confessed to him then, well, I gave him a hint anyway, which I think he may have figured out later on.
I saw the Larry Stylinson headline the next day, and saw how much the fans actually noticed. A little stalkerish honestly, but I knew I couldn't keep it up much longer. I didn't want to be away from you. Then Zayn rang me, and told me how me leaving and how I was acting was affecting you all, and I nearly broke and came back home there and then. I nearly broke Liam's promise, and then ended up causing an argument between Liam and Zayn by covering up for him. Then you sent me the photo of them together, and told me about you and El, and that was when I decided I was giving up fighting. I thought that Liam had told Zayn, so then I got the courage to tell you, but I still didn't know how.
Then you sent me the picture Niall had taken of us together, and I realized how much I wanted to wake up like that every morning. I planned it all out, that I would tell you before the interview, if we had time, and I was going to go through the diary and explain everything. When I saw you, I felt like I never wanted to leave your side again. I just enjoyed lying watching a movie with you like old times. Then, when we, you know, ended up getting close, before we were interrupted, I knew that I would tell you. Then you beat me to the punch and we ended up together anyway, and I nearly kicked myself for not doing it before.
When we found Niall, and I saw him being called a faggot, it just brought everything back up, and I knew how much it hurt before, and I just hated the thought that Niall would go through what I went through when he had finally just got with Josh. It was worse for him, mine was just verbal abuse, his was physical. Then I nearly told you in the waiting room, but I was angry at myself because Niall got it worse than me.
Last night, I just wanted to show you how much I loved you, I just didn't realize a simple kiss would have that much effect on me! Anyway, the reason I'm telling you now is because I wanted to explain everything to you before we went any further. I love you, Louis Tomlinson, and I apologies for any hurt or pain that I have caused you, and I'm sorry for not telling you earlier, and I hope that somehow I can make it all up to you."
Harry finished and turned in Louis' arms, staring into his eyes.
"Harry, thankyou. Thankyou for having the courage to tell me everything, and I promise that you don't have to make anything up to me. I totally understand why you did everything, and I'm just so sorry you had to live through that, because nobody should have to. But all that is in the past, and we are together, and that's all that matters, right? Because I love you too, Harry Styles, and I will never stop loving you. " Louis replied, taking the diary from Harry's hands and grasping Harry's hands between his own.
"I will never stop loving you either Lou" Harry said back, and they leaned in and kissed, letting all emotions and relief pour out of them.
They both ended up under the covers eventually, holding eachother tight, before Louis asked him one more question.
"Haz, are you going to tell the others about... you know..? Because they were all worried about you" Louis said, as he ran his hand through Harry's hair.
"Yeah, but I think I might just give them the diary to read. Save me pouring my heart out again" Harry replied, and Louis nodded in approval before drifting off to sleep in Harry's arms, knowing that he would do everything in his power to never let Harry get hurt again.