Malarie's POV
Two Days Later: Christmas Eve
I impatiently and excitedly bounce my foot up and down in the backseat of the Uber car, just wanting this car ride to be over already. Then again, I want to savor these couple of moments before I am back at home with my family. Yes, I am finally allowed back into the house. It only took Jason 13 days to actually say it; note my sarcasm. Although, I am still so very grateful to be going home. I missed each and everyone very much. Especially my children; it hurt me deeply to leave them like that.
As Lee, my Uber driver exists the freeway, I fix my attention on the many of gifts I have gotten for my parents, siblings, my children, the guys, Pattie... and Jason. I think I went a tad bit overboard with the presents. But I do not care, I love giving gifts on special occasions. There are 10 trash bags filled with wrapped Christmas gifts I have gotten for everyone, all stuffed in this escalade truck I requested.
"Oh no. I am so sorry, Miss. I think I have the wrong address?" The elderly Asian man speaks nervously, making his accent even more adorable. I look up to see what he is talking about, and then I realize what he is referring to; all the mansions on this block. I lightly smile, looking at my home. "No, you are fine. This is the right address, sir." I assure him, giving him a light pat on his shoulder.
"What? Really? This is your home?" He gasps in astonishment. "Yes, it is." I chuckle, unbuckling my seatbelt.
"Wow! It's very big... and nice. How many bedrooms here?" He adjusts his glasses on his nose, looking at the property with big eyes. "It's ten bedrooms and ten bathrooms." I giggle at him pretending to pass out.
"Amazing. You are very blessed to have such a home, miss." He looks at me in the rear view mirror, bowing down in what seems like a curtsy. "Thank you, but it was all my husband's doing. I just live here with him." I don't mean to respond sadly the way I do, but it just comes out that way.
"It's still a blessing. To not only him, but you as well." He points out, making me smile and nod at his words. "Thank you." I smile bigger now, leaning up to shake his hand.
"You are very welcome. Do you need help with your bags again?" He turns around and points to all the bags around me. "Yes I do, but it will make it easier if we go inside the main gate. My husband keeps it locked all the time." I grab my phone out of my purse, and quickly dial Jason's number.
"Okay, that's fine." He turns off the car engine, while I wait for Jason to answer. "Hey, will you please open up the gate? Well I have a lot of bags to bring in, that's why. It will be too much of a hassle with me and my Uber driver to go in through the side gate, Jason. He's helping me take out my of bags. Please, I will not bother you anymore today. Okay, thank you." I hang up the phone, giving Jason an eye roll for being difficult with me.
As I am about to tell Lee about waiting a couple of minutes for Jason to open the gate, it makes a creaking sound and opens up earlier than what I was totally expecting. I am so shocked by Jason's actions of being on time, I inwardly clap and congratulate him. I bet he only opened it up quickly so he can be nosy and look at whose bringing me, and what I actually have.
"Lee you can just go straight through the gate, and park by the steps. You are very lucky, no one seems to be here. There's usually cars parked all right there." I point to the open and naked looking parking area. Even our outside garage and parking area was vacant. "Wow, really? Let me hurry so no one will take up the parking space." He jokes, which causes me to laugh at his attempt at a good joke.
He turns on his car again, and begins to drive through the huge iron gates keeping my home hidden from any onlookers. Once he reaches the front part of the house, he turns off his engine and hurriedly jumps out of his truck to help me again. He's so tiny and adorable, but wow is this dude strong.
"Thank you so much, Lee." It's like as soon as I said that, the front double doors opens up and reveals Jason coming out towards our way. "It is no problem, miss." He smiles at me, and gets straight to pulling the first bag out the passenger seat.
"What is all of this stuff?" Jason frowns in distaste as he stands in the doorway, not making any type of an attempt to help the little man. "It's presents I got for everyone." I jump down from the back seat door, attempting to pull out the bags from my side.
"Where do you want this, honey?" Lee struggles to hold up the bag with care, waiting for me to answer. "We can take it insi–" I am interrupted by Jason scoffing and shaking his head.
"Nah, you can sit them right here." No one is coming into my house; just sit them here." he points in front of him, speaking angrily and rude at the same time. "O-okay." He makes my poor Uber driver nervous, as he sits down the bag in front of Jason cautiously.
"I will get the ones in the trunk for you." He rushes towards the trunk area, while I still continue to struggle with this one bag on this side. "When you are done Lee, can you help me with this one?" I look at him as he pulls out another bag, with a nod to his head.
"Yes of course, darling." He gives me a small smile, showing his little brown teeth. "Oh hell no," I hear Jason say quite loudly.
"Nah, man, I can help her out. Beeilen Sie sich und bewegen Sie Ihren alten Arsch von meinem Grundstück!" (Just hurry up and get your old ass off my property!) He speaks in another language, truly sounding pissed off. "He is just trying to help me out, it's not like you were." I roll my eyes, as I see him walk towards the other side of the door, and pull out two bags and throw them by the door.
"Be careful, Jason! I freaking have stuff in there that can break! Just don't help, if you are not going to handle my gifts I got for everyone with care." I raise my voice, making Lee jump from the trunk area, and make Jason rolls his eyes and begin to mumble stuff under his breath in his little foreign language. "Jetzt halt die Klappe, du schönes Stück Scheiße!" (Shut up already, you beautiful piece of shit.) He slams the door shut from the other side of the back door, and comes over to my side to help out me out.
"If you can pull the bag out, I can take it up to the door." I half turn my head to Jason, then back to my hands on the bag. "Just move, I got it." He utters so rudely to me, but he kind of makes it hard for me to move. He traps me between the open car and his body.
"Fine," I attempt to move away from his chest being firmly pressed into my back. Not to mention he's not saying anything, except breathing heavily. "Why is your heart beating so fast?" I whisper, turning my head to the side, growing extremely nervous at the speed of it pounding into my back.
"Weil mein Herz wegen dir schneller schlägt, deshalb! Du bist so unglaublich hübsch und beschleunigst es! Geh einfach weg!" (You fucking made it race that's why! You are so fucking beautiful, and it's speeding up! Just go away!) He screams in my ear, and snatches me away from him, while he grabs both of the bags and leave them at the door. He even nicely– or so I thought–helps out Lee with the rest of the bags. "Get off my damn property old man, I already grabbed the rest!" He shouts at Lee, causing him to jump and run to his car, and speed out of the gates of our home.
I am not too sure how long I stand in the middle of the vacant parking lot in utter disbelief, and extreme embarrassment of Jason's actions, but I do it any way. I am in complete sadness, and I know I am the one making Jason react so grumpily.
"What in the hell are you still standing out there for?" I am startled by Jason's voice from behind me, causing me to turn around to see him leaning up against one of our pillars. "Oh. I um, I was just thinking." I turn around and walk up the stairs where all the many of bags are nowhere in sight.
"I took them all in, I'm not that much of an asshole. It is supposed to rain tonight, and I don't want my kids gifts getting wet." I guess he read my facial expression. He shrugs uncaring-like, gesturing me inside impatiently. "Thank you." I look at him once, before walking inside our home.
"Yeah." He mutters a one word reply, closing and locking the door. I can even hear him setting the alarms. "I'm going to go see the kids." I let him know, as I begin walking through the quiet house. Very odd, if you ask me.
"They are not here." His voice stops me before I can step a foot onto the stairs. "What?" I turn around to him quickly, looking at him staring at me with his hands in his jeans pocket.
"They are not here." He repeats himself, this time a bit slower as if I didn't hear him the first time. "I heard you, but why? You told me they would be here, you said I could finally see my babies. Where are they, Jason?" My voice is shaky, and my spirit begins to break even more than what it is already.
"I know what I said, although before you see them we have to talk. About us, about you, about me, about everything that has recently transpired." The way he sounds, tells me right off that he's being serious. "Where are they though?" I not wanting to, I let a few tears fall out of my eyes.
"They are with Pattie and Cal, at the park down the street." As soon as the words leave his mouth, I dart past him towards the front door. "HEY!" I can hear him yelling while I attempt to type in the code so the alarm will not sound, and have cops come over.
"NO! I didn't tell you where they were, just so you can leave out on this overdue conversation. Hell no!" He grabs me by my waist form behind, pulling me in the direction of the living room. "Stop, I have to see them! Let me go, Jason!" I cry, trying to fight against his pulling motions on me.
"Will you quit refusing me? We have to fucking talk this shit out, because I am one minute from being done with you. Like officially done with you. I have the divorce papers and everything, just waiting for you to sign them. Shit, we are going to be the next Kim K. and Kris Humphries up in here. A whopping 26 days for Jason and Malarie." I stop my struggling in his arms, finally being pulled up to my feet. I don't say anything about him helping me up by breast, even though I wanted to. "I need to see them." Crying some more, I realize he continues to walk ahead of me, not caring about how sad or depressed I am feeling.
I sniffle lightly, attempting to calm myself and my waterworks down. I blow out a breath, and fan my hands in my face, truly trying to seize my emotions. Once I feel I am calm enough, I walk in the direction of the living room.
When I make it inside I see Jason sitting on the couch with his head in hands, rapidly bouncing both of his legs up and down. I clear my throat letting my presence be known. It works, because he stops his constant leg bounces, and looks at me while he clears his throat.
"Well get your ass over here," He rolls his eyes and waves me over, as he sits back against the couch cushions and places his feet on the glass coffee table. "Damn, you act like you are learned delayed or something." I do not take offense to his harsh words, I simply walk over to the couch and sit ways away from him.
"I am not learned delayed, Jason. I'm just being quiet." I do not have any energy to argue with him; clearly that's what he wants me to do. I will not give into him. "Okay, go. Let's get to talking." He urges me, hitting the arm of the couch.
"So now you are giving me an opportunity to explain to you? I have been wanting to explain since the day everything spiraled out of control, but no, you didn't give me a chance to. I guess everything is on your terms, huh?" I sass him a bit, only because I am pissed off about having to explain now. I wanted to explain myself days ago.
"Watch your attitude with me, Malarie. I am not playing with you, so stop your annoying ass complaining, and just start fucking talking already! I do not want to get angry; we both know I am not me when I am pissed off." He points in my face, almost in a warning tone. It probably is a warning; the look on his face tells me it is.
"David and I ran into each other–" I am stopped and interrupted by Jason of course. He is always cutting me off. "When you both were fucking each other for who gives a damn, did you even think of me? Did you think about our children?" His domineering voice is raised and uproarious, causing me to nervously shake.
"Yes." I answer him honestly, receiving a loud smack from his lips, and a face that displays bullshit all over it. "You are fucking liar, and I don't believe you. If I would've known it could–you would cheat on me, I would have never married you in the first place. Maybe I should have called up one of my exes for some wild fuck session. I think I'll call one of them right now, maybe I'll even invite all of them over." The harshness of his words hurts terribly, and I'm sure he knows it too. He laughs obnoxiously, and shrugs his shoulders as if he doesn't care.
"Please don't do that. I am not lying to y–" I am again cut off by him, this time by a loud yawning noise from him. He even feels the need to burp and fart, blowing and fanning his stinky smells my way. "Were you ever going to tell me?" This question is not loud and demanding like the others, it's more sad and depressed filled.
"Yes... and no. Yes, because I have been feeling extremely guilty about what I have done. It has made me paranoid and nervous; it j-just wasn't the time to tell you yet. No, because I knew you would react the way you are acting now. I did not ever want to hear you say you don't love me, and that you hate me. Unfortunately I have, and it sucks big time." I avoid contact with his eyes, not at all being dishonest with him, but having to do with him looking at me too intensively to stare back. "I don't believe you. I cannot believe you. I would have never ever imagined you doing something like this; cheating on me. It's just not in your nature– or so I thought it wasn't– to do something like that. You are– were– faithful." He shakes his head in disbelief.
"I am faithful." My voice cracks, and the stupid freaking tears begin to spill out my eyes. "You are? Get the fuck out of here! You are not faithful, never will be!" He stands up punching at the air, then sits back down to glare at me.
"You let that motherfucker put his dick inside of you! You let him kiss you, hug you, rub you, and talk to you. You are an adulterous woman, Malarie. Just face it already. When he was fucking your brains out– his words not mine– I hope you felt guilt, I hope it was eating up at you. And you know what?" He looks at me, but doesn't give me time to answer him.
"I hope you saw my face and thought of me the entire time, loading guilt on to that stupid brain of yours. I also hope you thought of the children, and the little lives you are about to ruin. I am so divorcing you and I am fighting for full custody; they don't need a whore for a mother. Ugh, I cannot even stand to look at your damn face. You. Make. Me. So. Sick." He pushes himself off of the couch with anger, and storms out of the room.
My head hangs down lowly, as intake all of his cruel words into my head. I know I shouldn't let what he said get to me, though it does. I am very sensitive– a huge crybaby– when I am being talked about. I have never been strong with hiding my feelings, especially if I am sad or depressed. What Jason said was nasty and so very mean.
I try my hardest to fight back the temptation to pinch my wrist, wanting to attempt to be a bit stronger than usual. Then again, I know the feeling of physical pain mends my emotional and mental pain. I guess it won't hurt– it will– to pinch my wrist just once.
"Just one time, to calm my nerves." I mumble to myself, before I pinch at the inside of my left wrist. I wince and seethe in pain, only having to do with it still hurting from me scratching and pinching at it last night. "Ow." I pull away from my arm, and then smile in content.
I keep smiling for a couple of seconds, until I realize I let Jason talk to me in such a terrible manner. I didn't even stick up for myself, I just let all what he said get to me. I stand up to my feet in my own anger, wanting to give Jason a piece of my mind. He will not talk to me in that way.
I storm out of the living room and towards the staircase, where I stomp my feet up every step, wanting him to know I am on my way up to speak with him. I will tell him every single thing, and he will listen to me. He's not going to run me or this relationship we are in. It is supposed to be 50/50. Even though it seems otherwise.
"Jason we have to talk." I push open our bedroom door, making it slam against the wall. "I'm on the phone." He waves me off, and continues to talk on his cellphone.
"Huh? It's no one. So maybe we can hang out tomorrow, after my kids open up their Christmas presents." He talks away on his phone, still not acknowledging me. "I said, we have to talk right now!" I raise my voice, causing him to look at me and roll his eyes, before he gets back on his phone call.
"I told you it's nobody, okay? Damn, just chill, we are still going to meet up. Yeah, so what are you wearing?" He flirts, clearly speaking to another woman. I am not going to lie, it hurts to watch him flirt in front of me. "Shit, send me a picture then." That's it! He licks his lips, and goes on to bite down on the bottom lip.
I rush over to where he is sitting back against his many of pillows, and snatch his phone out of his hands. He course makes a sound in protest, while staying where he is on the bed.
"Give me my cellphone, Malarie." He calmly asks, as he holds his hand out to me. "NO! I said we were going to talk, and you are too busy on the phone with other women." I look at him livid as hell, before I place the phone against my ear.
"Hello!" I spit out, wanting to know who he's talking to. "Will your overly annoying ass shut up, and put Eric back on the phone? He doesn't want you, so stop trying to get back with him. He told me y'all was done for about a year now." Eric? The girl on the other line thinks she knows something, clearly she doesn't.
"Look here you little wench, don't ever call this phone number again. You think you know it all; you don't know shit! Eric? Who the hell is Eric? It sure in the hell is not my husband's name. Yes, you heard me right; husband! Therefore he is spoken for already, and on top of it all he has five kids... with another one on the way! Again, don't call this number again." With that I hang up the phone, along with blocking and deleting that ignorant woman's number. "You are pregnant again?" I turn around to see Jason smiling in happiness, while I stare back at his changed mood in confusion.
"Hell no, you damn idiot!" As soon as I confirm that I am not, he looks sad for a second, but then goes back to being mad at me once again. "That's good, it probably wouldn't be my baby anyway. Why the fuck would you lie?" His sentence is full of mixed emotions. He's clearly upset about it.
"I wanted to let that little hussy know you have a wife and kids!" My voice goes up another octave, letting him know I am serious. "Now shut the fuck up, and listen to what I have to say! Do not interrupt me either, Jason. Just do me this favor for once, and try to listen to me with those small ears of yours." I shout and stomp my foot, wanting to get my point across.
I swear I see a slight smirk playing on his face for about a millisecond, although I am not sure if my eyes are playing tricks on me or not. I shake my head to rid any jumbled up thoughts of mine, getting in the way of me explaining everything once and for all.
"Yes, I admit I had something with, my ex-boyfriend... David Stevens," I begin, seeing the glare and anger begin to wash over Jason's face. "But, it is NOT what you think..." I hear a scoff come from him, causing me stop.
"Yeah, it's totally not what I think." The sarcasm drops from his words, making me pissed off at his lack of wanting to believe me. "I am trying to tell you the damn truth! WILL YOU JUST SHUT UP ALREADY?" I grow frustrated, throwing his cellphone at his leg, which causes him to hiss in pain.
"Watch it, Malarie!" He harshly points at me, while he clenches his jaw, and rubs his sore leg. "Fine," I shrug, folding my arms over my chest.
"It's not like you haven't hurt me before. But I will stop; at least one of us has self-control in this unhealthy relationship." I mouth off smartly, knowing I am ticking him off.
"You are overdramatic. You act as if I have done permanent damage on you. All that I have done to you, have healed up and gone away. So stop bringing up that past and move on." He waves me off, and then breaths through his nose deeply. "I am living the damn passed with you all over again recently! You mentally damaged me, Jason. I am a fucked up piece of mess, because of you! I have endured all types of abuse. Should I say what type?" I smirk a little through the pain, questioning his silent pissed off presence.
"I guess that's a yes. There has been sexual abuse– I have been raped by you three times... if you want to add the finger rape; then four times. Oh yeah, let's not forget about the anal part of all of this. Hmm, then there is the physical abuse– slapped, punched, kicked thrown, dragged, shook, pinched, and your favorite recently; chocking me. Ooh ooh, and what about the emotional abuse? You put me and my spirits down with your hurtful words, you threaten me all the time, you yell and scream at me, you belittle me, you curse at me, and you make me afraid of you. You like it when I'm scared of you; it gives your stupid ego a boost. It makes you feel more in charge of me, and that's not right." I pause for a second, just needing to intake a shaky breath.
"All what I did to you, it happened almost four years ago. You have to let it go. You damn right you're afraid of me; I am Jason McCann. I could do just about anything to anyone." He shrugs uncaringly, as well as shooting me a cocky smirk, like the jackass he is. "But you nearly killed me 13 days ago! How am I going to let anything go, when you are acting like a neurotic person again? I thought you were supposed to be working on a salubrious lifestyle." I end my ranting at him with a sigh, watching how the smirk doesn't even drop from his face.
"First off, don't call me a neurotic person. I know I have my issues, but don't call me out of my name. I know what that word means, and I dislike being referred to as that. I am being very serious with you, Malarie, don't make me angry. Second of all, I wasn't going to kill you. Trust me, if I really wanted to kill you, I would have done it already. Thirdly, I am trying to live a healthier lifestyle, but with you stressing me out... it's hard." He burps as he finishes up, along with feeling the need to fart and fan it over my way.
"You are disgusting." I roll my eyes at his rude bodily functions, just looking at his still smirking face. "You are disgusting too; I mean you did whore around with an ex-boyfriend." I swear, lately every word that comes out of his mouth is truly harsh.
"I didn't whor–" I cannot even finished my response, all having to do with him jumping off the bed and rushing over to grab ahold of my face roughly. "Yes you did. Stop lying to me, I am so sick of the fucking lies." He stares into my eyes furiously, causing those stupid tears of mine to ease out of my eyes.
"Jason I swear I am not lying," I begin to cry more, this time placing my hands over his on my face. "I was driving from my school to the grocery store; I had to pick up some items for dinner that night. When I was midway through all the groceries on my list, I bumped into his cart with mine. You know me, I am always quick to apologize... so that's what I did. I didn't know it was him until he called my name. At first I thought my eyes were acting up, but they weren't." I pause, still doing that hiccup thing I do when I'm crying and upset.
"Well." He takes his hand off my face and waves it in an elaborating-like manner. I grab his hand and place it back on my face, and begin to talk again. "We talked for about five minutes in the chip aisle; mostly catching up with each other as old friends. Jason I did; I promise I made sure to tell him I was seeing someone– you– and that we had two kids at the time- Natasha and Jacob. He didn't seem mad or fazed about it, he only congratulated me, and offered we should exchange numbers. I not thinking agreed to that, but only because I assumed we would be talking to each other as just friends." I stop my talking, still crying as Jason and I stare at each other.
I could have sworn I felt his thumb just barely caress my cheekbone, but then again probably not. He still is holding my face in a rough manner; keeping my eyes directly on his. It's like he is really trying to read me through my eyes. Or he's actually trying to tell if I am telling the whole truth or not. Maybe it's all above, I am never sure with Jason.
"We talked on the phone, texted each other, and FaceTimed one another for a little over two weeks or so; this was around the time I had that restraining order put out against Seth. Do you remember that guy you caught holding me against the counter at Natasha's birthday party? It was earlier this year?" I see his jaw clench, and his grip on my face grows a bit firmer as he nods his head yes. "Good, okay?" I drop my gaze from his infuriating eyes, but he brings my attention back up to him when he tilts my head back a little.
"Continue." That one word comes out demanding and in what seems like a warning tone. "One day when we were taking on the phone he suggested we meet up to have lunch together. I told him I couldn't, because I had children. He begged and begged for me to come to lunch with him, and finally after like the thirtieth time I finally agreed. So I asked if Cal could babysit for about an hour, only because your mom wasn't there to do so. He didn't mind, especially since I have been telling him about me getting back in contact with David. That's why Cal looked so surprised when you questioned me in that room, when he heard David's name." I am shaken a little bit by Jason, getting an annoyed eye roll.
"When in the hell do I find out you fucked him? That's all I want to know, so I can be done with this conversation." His impatience comes out to play, making me nod my head in clear understanding. "I met up with him, and we did have lunch for about an hour. I knew I needed to go back home to the kids, but then he suggested we hang out some more. I refused about three times, and then finally again I said yes, because it's so hard for me to say no to people.
So we went to a local park across the street from restaurant, and we sat on the grass and talked. At that time I was still very lonely from missing you, I was looking for comfort and someone to talk to. David so happened to be the person at the right time, and I told him almost everything except for your gang activity and killings." I whisper the last two parts, watching how Jason's eyes widen. "I began to cry," my voice and my eyes start to tear up. "And he comforted me; being the first person to comfort me so lovingly like you used to do in a very long time. For a minute it felt as if you were holding me and caressing me... and soon enough his lips were on mine, and my lips were on his." I let out a stupid sound as I try to control my cry escaping, yet that doesn't help and it comes out.
"So you fucking kissed him back, Malarie? Even when you told him you had a boyfriend and kids? Why? For how damn long? Was there tongue?" He fires off the questions, still holding my face firmly as ever. "Yes, I just said I kissed him back. I-I don't why, I guess I was depressed and missing you. There wasn't tongue... that time." He snatches his hands off my face, and brings me exceptionally closer to him by grabbing my butt.
"No tongue that time?" He says it extremely slow, causing me to tear my eyes away from his and shake in his grasp. "Yeah." I nod, still looking away from.
"Don't turn away from me, woman up!" He takes his hands off my behind, and harshly turns my face back towards him. "Okay." My bottom lip wobbles, as I awkwardly stare back at his burning gaze on me.
"I pushed him away once I realized what I– what we were doing. I knew what I did was wrong, I knew that. So I got up off the grass and rushed off to the parking lot. He followed me, and kept trying to tell me to wait. I did not listen and I kept walking to my car," I sniffle, nodding my head the memory. "As I was just about to close my door to drive off, he places his hand there and apologized to me over and over again. He swore up and down he didn't mean to kiss me, and that it wouldn't happen again. I didn't believe him right away, and I was still reluctant. But then he pinky promised me; something we used to do back in high school. I was dumb and I believed him; until he tried to kiss me again. That earned him a slap to his face, and I sped off leaving him there in the parking lot clutching at his cheek." I halt my words and look up and Jase, just wanting to make sure he's still listening to me. He is.
"Go on." He shakes me lightly, the lightest since I have been in trouble. I am hesitant to start talking again, not sure how he will act if I tell him every single detail. Though I make up my mind, when he softly wipes my falling tears away from my face.
"About a week later I see David again. This time at my school... in my Business Communications class... sitting right next to Seth. Shocker right? I didn't even know they knew each other. I ignored both of them, because they both tried to make moves on me in the past. Plus, I had a restraining order put out against Seth, so I assumed he wouldn't bother me. He was staring at me the whole entire class period, Jason. That to me is kind of bothering me. I just tried to ignore him, and David, who was chuckling and whispering things to Seth about me." I clutch his hands on my face tighter than ever, trying to stay calm.
"I couldn't take the stares and the faint chuckles from them anymore, so I left class early. I knew a friend– a girl–who lived on campus, so I rushed to her dorm room. It wasn't too far from the Business Major, building." I blow out a shaky breath, looking up at a nervous looking Jason. His cocky facial expression has changed drastically, he's really listening now. "I reached her door and knocked twice, hoping she would answer. She didn't, so I pulled out my cellphone to call her. That's when I heard a wolf whistle, and those familiar chuckles in the distance. They both were at the far end of the hallway staring at me strangely, so I took that as a threat and took off running. I heard their footsteps quicken, so I knew then they were running too." I unclench my hands from holding his tightly, to fan my watery eyes.
"Baby?" He looks at me nervously, calling me a pet name for the first time in forever. "Mal, baby, tell me what happened next." His voice breaks, and I begin to breathe heavily. I thought I closed all these past emotional doors, and hid them away perfectly. I guess not; I hate opening up old wounds.
"Malarie, please baby, please tell me what happened next." He softly grasps my face, and I push him away in refusal. "Now you act like you care! You were just calling me a slut, a whore, a bitch, dirty, disgusting, nothing, and taking me away from our kids! But guess what Jason, I was raped! So I guess it does make me all those thing!" I scream at him, all while I back away from him, and tug at my hair in frustration.
I chuckle a bit crazily-like as I look at him, and finally say, "By not only one man," I laugh some more. "But two. TWO, Jason! I was not fast enough to get away from them, so they caught me and did what they had to do to me in an unlocked faculty bathroom." I slowly walk over to the bed and take a seat, looking down at my hands.
"I didn't scream, I didn't yell, I didn't shout... but I did sternly say no and stop!" My voice is raised and uproarious, as I talk to myself... or Jason if he's still listening to me. "They did not listen to me and kept going. Why don't rapists listen when we say no? David kept on telling me it was what I wanted, and that he could feel the sexual tension between us at the park... but I didn't want it. Seth agreed with him and said the same thing, but I still didn't want it. When I tell you they kept on repeating that to me as they harmed me, I almost started to believe them– I think I did believe it. Yet I knew by me not enjoying it, that told me my true feelings. When they fingered me; they said I liked it and wanted it. When they gave me oral; again they said I wanted it and loved it. When they were "pounding" into me, they groaned that I really loved it and enjoyed it. That wasn't the case, I truly hated it– all of it." I stare at the wall with a blank stare, as I feel the bed dip down beside me.
"Fucking shit, Mal." I hear Jason's voice crack, and I am pulled into his arms. I am so numb, I do not feel anything. "Why didn't you tell me, huh? Why didn't you say anything? I was so cruel to you every time you would come visit me at the prison." He shakes me furiously, beginning to cry out of anger.
"You were trying to better yourself, and I didn't want to be a burden." I too, begin to cry with him. "I thought you cheated on me; you didn't, Malarie. Why would you say yes? Why would you ever say you cheating on me when you didn't, huh?" He lifts up my head, probably wanting to suck out the answers from me.
"They kept telling me I was cheating on you, because I wasn't screaming and fighting them off." My response is barely audible, as I answer his question. "Why didn't you fight back, or scream for help?" He rubs my back affectionately, while I sniffle all over the place.
"I think I was too afraid and in shock to do anything. Plus, in my mind I was hoping somehow you could like feel my pain or something, and bust out of prison and save me. But I guess that only happens in those cliche vigilante movies." I shrug, and reach up to wipe away his tears. "You know I'm going to kill both of them, right? In the most gruesomely painful way too." He bluntly speaks me, looking down at me sadly and angry at the same time.
"Yes." I whisper, knowing there is no way to talk him out of this. "That raping shit is nothing to let go. I know I have done it on several occasions to women, and I know what I did was extremely wrong. I should have been dead a long time ago for doing that. But what Sloth and Dipshit did to you; they have to pay. They will pay, okay?" He wipes at his tears roughly, placing a soft peck on my forehead.
"Okay," I respond lightly, rubbing at my tired eyes. Then something important comes to my mind. "Jason! Jason, I promise the twins are in fact yours. I promise you that, please, please, believe me. After I was rap– harmed by them, I got checked at the doctors for any diseases. They both used condoms... but I still went to the doctors, to be on the safe side. You have to believe me." I sit straight up, looking straight into his eyes.
"Hey, hey, hey, calm down. I believe you, alright? I started believing you when you swore early on, and anyways I got a DNA test done. Jasper and Ariel are in fact mine. I just really needed to be sure for myself, even though I already knew you were telling me the truth." He shrugs, looking down at his left hand. I look down too, not seeing his wedding ring. "Where is it?" I touch the tan line from the ring that was once on his finger.
"I threw it away." He yawns, looking down at his hand. "What?" I gasp in shock, feeling a bit sad.
"I am kidding, Malarie. It's in my underwear drawer with those divorce, and custody agreement papers. "I see," I nod once, feeling a little at ease.
"Do you really want to divorce me, and take full custody of the kids?" I look up from my eyelashes, watching him sigh tiredly. "No, not really. To be honest, I just got those to make you feel bad for "cheating". I still think this can work. I do still believe in us, even if we are in this terrible, bipolar, unhealthy relationship." He shrugs again, lightly tracing over my wedding ring I haven't once taken off.
"Will you put on your wedding ring?" I dare to ask, seeing how he looks at me sadly. "Not just yet, alright?" He looks pained to say it, but I nod anyway.
"Will y-you ever put back on your wedding ring?" I stutter over my words, attempting to hold back my tears. "Yes. Look, I think I need some fresh air. I'll call Cal and Pattie to bring the kids home. I'll be back a little later." He leans over and lightly kisses my head.
"Does that mean you'll be back later on tonight?" My heart suddenly begins to break even more, if that's possible. It's shattered in trillions of pieces already. "I'm not sure, I just have to let some steam off." His voice is strained and laced with a fury.
"Why do I feel like you are going to leave me again?" I begin to cry and watch Jason stop at the doorway. "I'm not, I just have to unwind for a little while. I promise you I won't leave you... ever." As soon as he says that, the tears fall from my eyes for the thousandth time today.
"Don't promise, Jason. Last time you promised and you broke it. Please just stay home, I know what you are trying to do. Just wait to get them back, okay? Just wait to get your revenge on them." I stand up from the bed and plead with him, but it's no use. "I love you, I'll always love you. I'll be back a little later, get some rest." He softly kisses my nose, before he walks out of the bedroom and soon enough out the front door.
That afternoon he did not come back later on, or later on that night; he stayed out. I texted him and called to see if he was okay, and luckily I got a response. It was a simple yes, but I wish it could have been more. I couldn't keep on worrying about him too long, because I was too indulged in conversations and the presences of our beautiful children.
They were so extremely happy to see me, and I was very happy as well. Nothing but hugs, kisses, giggles, and lots of talking is what we all did once we saw one another. It has been the absolute highlight of my entire day... as well as seeing Jason too. I am not sure if he truly believes all of what I said to him– she says he does– or if he's testing me for something more. There is nothing more to say, I have finally said all of the hidden horrifying truth to him. I know he hated to hear it, but he wanted to know. He had a right to know.
I hope he does deal with Seth and David, just not now. Although, I hope it is soon; very, very soon.
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- The long awaited chapter 62 has now come to an end. See? Doesn't waiting make it more better and intense?
- Alexis