(Luna's Pov)
It was hard to sleep so it seemed. I maybe got a few hours of sleep and I guess my brain decided to wake me up at 3am so that's cool. I tried going back to sleep but being in the dark and silence made the voices in my head loud again...so I just lied on my bed in nothing but silence and stare at my ceiling till the sun came up...
My brain just loves reminding me that my mom's dead, my dad's in jail, Iris never really liked me, Joe is always working and stressed and Barry...well not only is he busy with 2 jobs but he's completely abandoned me...we don't hang out like we used to, he doesn't really ask how I am and whenever I ask if we can hang out or talk he says he's busy and that hurts...
Dad told us to stick together and Barry promised...HE PROMISED...He broke that promise and broke my heart...he's my big brother...he's supposed to love, protect and take care of me...but no...while he's having fun working and saving people and hanging with his friends, he doesn't care in the slightest bit that I am dying on the inside, that his poor little sister hurts herself and cries herself to sleep and has nightmares...he doesn't care that his little sister is broken...
My heart pounded as tears welled up in my eyes...It hurts...loneliness really fucking hurts...I lost everything and everyone and no one cares...no one fucking cares...My life was fine...My life was perfect...I had the best family I could ever ask for then one stupid thing happened and it ended up in catastrophe...my mom dead, dad in prison, and Barry abandoning me...All in a few year span...you know what that does to a little girl? It breaks them and well...here I am a 20 year old girl still so fucking broken...
Tears fell from my face as I let out shaky breaths. I clenched my fists and dug my nails into my skin to feel something else than this fucking pain. My heart raced and body started to tremble...I hate this...I hate feeling this way and thinking back to everything but it hurts...
It hurts so much and I've tried therapy, I've tried meds and none of it worked so I just stopped trying...I don't wanna feel like this forever...12 years of fucking pain and suffering...12 years of pain, loneliness, trauma, anger and selfharm...12 fucking years...how does that just go away?
I turned and clenched my pillow tightly and sobbed in it. My body trembled as my head and heart pounded. My face hurt, my body hurt, everything hurt and I'm so tired and don't wanna do it anymore...I just can't...
(A Few Hours Later)
After a while, I managed to stop crying, it was 6am as I called in sick for work because I just can't today...I wanna see mom and just talk to her and even tho she's dead, I know she'll listen...I just need to get out today and think...I sighed as I've been in my bed for hours just watching the sun slowly come up. I yawned and sighed as I sat up and rubbed my face tiredly.
I hopped out of bed stretching and yawning. I went to my bathroom and looked in the mirror seeing I looked like shit. My hair was all over the place, my face was pale, my eyes were bloodshot and red and puffy along with the rest of my face...I just looked so dead man...I mean that's how I feel really but that's nothing new. I sighed as I turned on the shower and stripped out of my clothes and hopped in letting out a small sigh as the hot water felt nice...It just washed away all the tiredness, stress, and everything else.
After my shower, I turned off the water, hopped out and wrapped a towel around myself and headed back to my room. I dried off, put on clean undergarments and hopped in jeans and a cropped hoodie. I sighed as I slid on my shoes and quietly headed out of my room and downstairs hearing someone in the kitchen assuming it was Joe.
I heard running water assuming he was making coffee. I quietly headed out of the house and let out a small sigh not bothering with anyone because I just can't today. I was greeted by the bright sun and cool wind which felt nice. I took a deep breath and decided to head to a café for liquid energy and a flower shop to get flowers for my mom.
When I got to the café that's not my own, I ordered some coffee then headed to the nearest flower shop to grab some roses because those were always mom's favorite. After that, I started walking to my mom's grave. It wasn't far really and I didn't feel like driving because I enjoy the fresh air...
When I got to mom's grave, I sighed as my heart felt heavy...it was like all the memories and emotions came back...it all hit me like a tidal wave...I sighed as I looked at her headstone... 'Beloved Wife and Mother' Nora Allen 1959-2000 I smiled sadly as my breathing started to get a little shaky "Hi momma" I whispered,
I sighed as I sipped my coffee and set the flowers on her grave and sat next to it "I wanna say how are you and I always kinda expect you to answer but I know you can't" I said as I felt the tears already welled up "I got roses again. I know they are-were your favorite" I said as I felt the tears fall down, I chuckled sadly "I'm sorry Mommy...I don't mean to be upset but it's just when I come here it's like all the memories and flashbacks come back and it just knocks me out all over again" I said and sighed as I sipped my coffee and looked around seeing many other graves and trees and nothing or no one else around.
I sighed "I wonder how heaven is...I used to think it was all on clouds and all blocked by big bright golden gates...and whenever you wanted something you just snap you fingers and you get it...but now...I don't know what I believe now but all I know is you're probably looking down on me now and if you are...I'm sorry...I'm sorry mom...I don't want to be like this but I don't know what else to do" I explained as I choked on sobs.
I sighed and wiped my face and sipped my coffee "I just don't know what to do...First you, then dad...now Barry...he abandoned me mom...He broke dad's promise mom...he abandoned me" I whispered as more tears fell from my face. I looked up at the bright sun and blue sky "It's hard for the world to be beautiful when there's so much bad in it and with you and dad gone and Barry abandoning me...all I see is grey" I whispered and sipped the rest of my coffee.
I sighed "I don't know how to do it mom...I don't know what to do...I can't keep doing this each and everyday and have everything just turn out the same...What do I do?" I asked, even though she can't respond...I sighed and leaned against her headstone...
I frowned "I wish you were here mom...I wish I was with you and dad...I miss you guys so much...I miss waking up to you and dad laughing and smiling in the kitchen and being so in love and the way you guys held me and gave me all the love and affection and the way you guys gave me everything and took me everywhere...Now I have nothing and Barry nor the others care...well aside from Joe of course but still...why do bad things happen to me? You were my parents; you were my everything...and god took you away...he took you from me and left me with nothing...what's his plans? Why me?" I rambled and sighed as tears fell from my face...
I shook my head and choked on sobs...I just wish they were here man...they didn't deserve this...I don't deserve this...I sniffled and sighed "speaking of dad, since I'm off work, I might as well call and see if I can see him" I said as I got out my phone and called the correction facility he's held in and made myself an appointment.
I sighed and kissed mom's headstone "I have an appointment to see dad...I'll talk to him about all of this and see what he thinks...I love you mommy...I miss you so much" I whispered as I got up and sighed and headed back home to get my car because the facility is quite a ways away from home.
When I got to the facility, I parked my car and headed in. I told the front counter I was seeing my father Henry Allen. They took me to the room where I could be face to face with him thru a glass and talking on the phone. I took a deep breath and sighed as I walked in and saw dad. I couldn't help but smile and also cry because he didn't deserve this...he doesn't deserve this.
He looked at me and smiled sadly as well. I took a deep breath and sat down as we picked up the phone "Hi baby" Dad said, I choked on sobs "Hi daddy" I whispered, he frowned "baby, please don't cry" he said, I smiled and shook my head "I-I'm sorry I-I'm just so happy to see you" I said and sniffled as I wiped my face and sighed.
Dad smiled sadly "I'm happy to see you too honey, but don't you have work?" he asked, I chuckled a little "I managed to take as sick day" I said, he chuckled softly "how come?" he asked, I sighed "to see you and mom" I whispered, he frowned and nodded "I miss her so much daddy. She didn't deserve that and you don't deserve this...why did this have to happen" I said as my voice got hit pitched.
Dad put his hand on the glass which made me do the same "Oh baby, I know, I miss her too and I don't know why this happened but I promise you everything will be okay" He said, I shook my head "it won't daddy. It's not okay. I lost everything and no one cares besides Joe...Iris hates me and Barry doesn't care anymore...he broke his promise daddy and he abandoned me...He doesn't care that I'm broken" I explained and choked on sobs.
Dad had tears in his eyes "oh baby, I'm so sorry. I'm so so sorry. Next time I see Barry I'll make sure to give him a piece of my mind. Just please stop crying honey. I'm okay, everything's okay" He said, I just sniffled and clenched my fist tightly "How was seeing mom?" he asked,
I sighed "It's like I get hit back with everything that's happened and every good times we all shared...all it...just gone...she's gone, you're here, Barry abandoned me...I have no one daddy...no one...I don't understand what god's trying to do...I don't understand what I did to deserve this...I lost everything and everyone" I said and sniffled,
Dad sighed "Baby you know you still have me and Joe and you always will. I don't know what's going on with Barry but I promise I will talk with him. You didn't deserve this baby and I don't know what God's trying to do...stuff in life just happens and I don't know why but it does...but I promise you that me or Joe are not going anywhere" He said sternly.
I just nodded "I just don't know how much longer I can take...everyday is just the same day and the world is so bad that all I see are greys...everyday just gets harder and harder and I don't know what to do...what do I do daddy?" I asked,
He sighed "Maybe you should talk with Joe, maybe see a counselor. I know things are hard baby and I'm sorry. I wish I was there for you and I wish I could help you but there's not much I can do right now but tell you what I think you should do...you just gotta keep holding on baby okay? It's not going to be forever. I promise" He said,
I just nodded "But I can't worry Joe" I whispered, Dad smiled softly "He loves you honey and he would do anything to make you happy" he said, I just sighed and nodded as a bell went off "I gotta go baby. But I love you so very much and if you need anything else you know I have all your letters and I write you back" He said,
I just smiled and nodded "I love you daddy" I whispered, he just smiled "I love you too my baby Luna" he said as he got up and headed back to his cell. I sighed as I got up and headed out of the room...Yea, forgot to mention that when dad went to jail, I always wrote to him, always and he always wrote back, always...
When I got back to my car, I yawned as all that crying made me exhausted and I just wanna crawl in bed and sleep for the rest of the night. I sighed and rubbed my face as I started up my car and headed on home.
When I got home, I parked my car, hopped out and headed inside which thankfully no one's home. I trudged myself upstairs to my room, kicked off my shoes, tore my clothes my off and hopped in my pj's and crashed on my bed and passed out...
(NEW CHAPTER, HOPE YOU ENJOYED. I realized that meeting Leo on chapter 2 wasn't my thing nor was it good so sorry in advanced but enjoy!)
(2400 Words)