As Long As I'm With You
Masuyo kong binuksan ang pintuan ng silid na matagal ko ng hindi napasukan.
It's still the same. That spotlight and the grand piano in the middle of the stage. I wonder if mayroong pumapasok dito. I bet no one would ever dare to enter here. The darkness here is too overwhelming. The seats were just too creepy.
Diretso akong tumuntong sa entablado. May puting telang nakapatong sa grand piano na wari'y takip para maiwasang madumihan.
I missed this. I missed how my life works back then. Darkness embracing me upon seemed to be so good compared to what light is giving me right now.
I always want a simple life. Less drama, less shit. But I just can't have one, can I? Maybe this is how life works. We just have to deal with it.
No matter how it pains and agonizes you, you still have to keep going. Because the world will never stop rotating just for your sick fuckeries in life.
And that's what I learned. Really. The world don't give a fuck about your loneliness. It's yourself whom you can trust and hold on until the end.
I heaved a sigh and sat on the chair. My fingers made their way to the keyboard and I closed my eyes. To be totally engulfed by darkness.
(Play: River Flows in You (piano) by Yiruma)
This is my kind of life. Ganito ako. Ito ako. Bulag at ignorante sa lahat ng bagay. Truly, innocence is a bliss. And it could be taken away in just an instant. How I wish I could turn back time. How I wish I could be this happy.
No drama. No shits. No light. Just darkness.
"I want to move on. So bad. Believe me I tried." Napatigalgal ako at napatigil sa pagtipa ng marinig ang boses na iyon. I never expected that he'll come here. Did he follow me?
Of course. Life always give me lemons.
What do I expect? Light will bring him here of course. Just to torture me. Yes, I planned and I want to hear him but not now. Pakiramdam ko hindi pa ako tapos kay Jameson. I want him to understand first my situation before I could go straight to Alec.
"Then you did not tried hard enough." I answered. Those pair of deep and mysterious eyes. They were like a maze. Na kapag tinitigan mo ay tila nakakaliyo at nakakawala ng sarili. Nakakasira ng sistema.
"I guess so." He replied and walked towards me. Inayos ko ang upo ko at sinakop ang upuan.
Like seriously, Demetria? Why on earth would you think that he'll sat beside you?
I remained calm and composed completely ignoring my pounding heart and my screaming mind.
He stop midway. Siguro'y napansin niya ang pag-ayos ko ng upo at pag-spread ng bahagya ng aking mga hita para sakupin ang upuan. Ngumuso siya at naglakad palapit sa'kin. He stopped right in front of me.
Sinarado niya ang takip ng keyboard at saka siya umupo doon. Tumingala ako sakaniya at ang nakakaurat-sistema niyang tingin ang sumalubong sa'kin.
"Maybe you're right. Maybe I didn't tried hard enough." He said. I pursed my lips and tilted my head.
"Or... You never tried because there's really nothing to move on to. Right?" I added. His brows furrowed. Ganoon na lamang ang tahip ng aking puso ng makita ang mukha niyang halos hindi na maipinta dahil sa galit at pagkainis.
"Are you questioning my love?" Diretsong tanong niya. "Are you accusing me for not loving you truly?" He added.
Umiling ako. Maraming salita ang nabubuo sa utak ko ngunit sa dami ay hindi ko alam kung paano ko ilalabas ang mga salitang nais kumawala.
"You don't expect me to believe all those things after all your heck of lies." I said calmly. It's true. This is one of my many reasons why I am hesitant to talk to him. I'm unsure if everything I took seriously back then, were just games for him.
"Damn it, I never lied to you!" He said furiously. Hinihingal siya sa pag-diin ng bawat salita sa'kin.
"And you never told me the truth either!" I responded quickly. Totoo. Hindi man niya ako pinagsinungalingan, pinaniwala niya naman akong totoo lahat ng iyon.
Bumuntong hininga ako at ipinikit ang mga mata. I should remain composed and unbreakable.
"That doesn't mean that I never loved you. Fuck! Kung sanang laro lang ang lahat ng iyon, hindi ako mahihirapan ng ganito! Sana nga laro nalang! Sana nga kasinungalingan nalang para walang nahihirapan! Para walang nasasaktan!" Sigaw niya. Hindi ko idinilat ang mga mata ko.
Damn. Natatakot ako na kapag binuksan ko ang mga mata ko ay magtitiwala kaagad ako sa mga sinasabi niya.
"Open your eyes, baby. Damn it. Open your eyes." He whispered almost whimpering.
I felt his thumb smoothly and gently brushing my lids. Ngunit iwinaksi ko ang mga kamay niya. Matapang akong tumayo at nakipagtitigan sakaniya. Eye to eye.
I shot him daggers through my eyes.
"Then tell me the truth! Tell me everything!" Hamon ko. He smiled. Even though I could sense his irritation building inside him.
"Fine!" Aniya.
"If telling you everything means proving my love, why not?" Natahimik ako doon. Hindi ako nagsalita at hinintay siya.
"You know, Brit's family and mine's were close since we were young. Naging magkasosyo ang mga business namin lalo na noong panahong si ate at ang kuya niya ang naging magkasintahan." Hindi ako umimik kaya nagpatuloy siya. I already know this story.
"Ate and Lucious broke up before. Tagilid ang negosyo namin, Tria, kaya kinailangan namin ang tulong ng pamilya nila. Nakipagbalikan si ate dahil na rin sa utos ni Papa."
"Along the way, she met your brother. What Brittany told you is that she used him, but no. Sinabi lahat sa'kin ni Brittany ang lahat ng sinabi niya sa iyo. Believe me, they loved each other. That time, I never saw her that happy. Na totoo lahat ng ngiti niya."
Ngumiti siya. "I even saw the younger Tria." Aniya. Bahagyang nanlaki ang mga mata ko ngunit hindi ako nagsalita.
"Nalaman ni Lucious ang lahat kaya't... 'yon. I know, Tria. Na walang magagawa lahat ng paghingi ko ng patawad. Na hindi ko mapapawi ang lahat ng sakit na naramdaman mo noong mga panahong namatay ang kuya mo. But, I will still say sorry and forever be sorry." I swallowed hard just to clear the lump in my throat. Damn.
"Are you telling the truth?" Alinlangang tanong ko pagkatapos ng katahimikan.
"I never lied, Tria. Always know that." Tumango ako at tahimik ng ipinalandas ang mga luha pababa saaking mata. That's what I want right? The truth.
I hate Alexa but I feel sorry for her too. If she really loved my brother then I guess I am not the only one who's up for all the agony.
"Hey.." He said. Weariness is dripping in his voice. He lifted my chin and so I opened my eyes. Tahimik niyang pinunasan ang mga luha ko gamit ang mga daliri niya.
"Please, Tria. I know I'm not worthy anymore for your love and your trust but if going to hell means being worthy enough, then I'll do it. Just please. Don't ever question my love." He said. Matindi akong napalunok. Umiling siya at bahagyang pumikit.
"Do you still love me? You still love me. Right?" Diretso kong tanong. He smiled widely and so do I.
"I always know my girl would ask something so obvious." I blushed by his answer. Oh, god. It's an indirect answer telling me he still loves me.
"Of course, baby. And I'm going to prove it. Now." And without hesitations I felt his soft lips brushed against mine. Ipinagdikit niya ang nga noo namin at tumigil siya. He's smiling kaya't ipinikit ko ang mga mata ko.
"Is that how you prove your love? C'mon. Are you gay?" Inis kong wika. This is what I hate about him. When he kisses, they were shallow and teasing and frustrating and fuck this shit!
He smiled even wider by my statement. "Why would I kiss you hard? Hindi pa tayo. I respect that." Aniya. Umiling ako nakipagsukatan ng tingin. He's smiling. He's enjoying my view, right? 'Cause here I am, so damn frustrated.
Suminghap ako at umiling. "I love you." Sabi kong nagpakunot sa noo niya. I'm serious.
"I love you." Ulit ako. This time, siya naman ang suminghap at galit akong tinitigan. What is wrong?
Umiling siya na parang nahihirapan.
"What--!" I shrieked when he lift me up. Karga niya ako at tinungtong sa side ng piano at doon ako pinaupo. Ngayon ay mas mataas na ako ng kaunti sakaniya.
"Fuck my respect." Was all he said before kissing me aggressively. I gasp for air. I can't even breath properly. Idiniin niya ang batok ko kaya't napahawak ako sa balikat niya. His tounge is a like a lost child seeking for his mom on every corner of my mouth. He knows how to kiss so well.
He bit my lower lip. Tumingala ako nang naramdaman ko ang mga halik niya sa leeg ko. He kissed me thoroughly. Fuck. Nawawala na ako sa katinuan.
All I think about now were his kisses. Violent, hungry and aggressive kisses. Nakagat ko ang labi ko nang naramdaman ko ang mga kamay niya sa tiyan ko. Drawing circles over my abdomen.
I want this.
"Fuck.." Aniya at tumigil. Napadilat ako at tiningnan siya. Nakatalikod siya sa'kin habang nakaharap siya sa wall at hinihingal na inilagay ang mga kamao niya doon.
I swallowed hard. What did I do? Am I not a good kisser?
"What's wrong, Alec?" Hindi siya sumagot kaya't mas nag-alala ako.
Bumaba ako at lalapitan na sana siya nang hinarap niya ko.
Napanguso ako habang tinitingnan siya.
He lifted his right arm and avoided his gaze at me. "Is that enough to prove my love? I don't want to take you here." My eyes grew wider and I before I could stop myself, I laughed hard by what he just said.
"Ano?" Inis niyang tanong. Tumatawa ako at umiiling na nilapitan siya. Nakakunot pa rin ang mga noo niya. Kinagat ko ang mga labi ko para mapigilan ang pagtawa.
I tiptoed and embraced him from his neck. Hinila ko siya para bumaba siya ng kaunti dahil hindi ko siya abot. I pursed my lips before whispering in his ear.
"I don't mind if you take me here, or in a garage, or inside your car or even in a parking lot. You are going to make me reach heaven, anyway." I said at tinalikuran siya. I giggled when I heard him gasping and whining silently.
"Naughty girl." And I laughed by that.
Now, I am ready do face anyone who comes along the way. As long as I'm with my most beautiful nightmare.
***
-Tenshi