Do it...
Beyoncé's amber eyes gazed into the mirror on the bathroom wall. She stood with nothing on her body but the droplets of water that had survived her climbing out of the bath tub and she let her hair fall onto her shoulders where it stuck to her skin.
Do It...
She continued to watch herself. She couldn't even remember what the voice was telling her to do anymore, all she remembered was that one upon a time it was her own voice. Her 12 year old voice. It started out different but over time it changed into something darker, something deeper, something so bizarre that she didn't even recognise it anymore. That's when she started calling it the ghost.
Do it...
She placed her hands on the side of the sink and leaned forward so that she was looking down at it. The sink was dry until her tears showered it and blood ran down from her wrists into it. "Why?" She whispered. Beyoncé gripped the sides of the sink hard and continued to cry. She didn't mean to cut her arms, it was an accident. She was in the sower when the voice came back, reminding her of how dirty she had become. She lusted. That was the kind of dirt you couldn't get off no matter how hard you scrubbed.
Whore...
Everything bad was because of her. More specifically, her and her attraction to those she ought not to be attracted to. First, her parents died and then Angie died. Angie's death was certainly because there was a part of her that begged to feel Carter deep within her and things were only getting worse. This morning when he had left to go to work he kissed her on her forehead but she so desperately wanted him to kiss her on her lips. Those lips that had never had the pleasure of someone else pushed to them in hopes of intimacy and bonding. She raised her finger to her lips and then looked in the mirror again.
She wanted to kiss him and that's how they died, that's how it all happened and she knew it.
Do it...
She looked at her arms and was immediately taken aback by the sight of the scratch marks. She didn't like physical pain, she just couldn't get away from it. Beyoncé leaned over to the end of the counter and took Carter's robe before wrapping it around her body and sighing. "Why are you back?" She whispered, she knew it wouldn't reply. It didn't work like that.
Do it...
She thought she was happy. She thought things were changing and in a way they are because now it didn't seem as if the whole world was against her but instead she was. Just her, no one else. Just her in her crazy head. "The more I blame myself the more you spout your bullshit" She told it, "I don't know what you want" She walked out of the bathroom slamming the door behind her. She looked around Carter's room hoping he would pop out of no where and make it all stop but of course he was at work as he said he would be. Off helping all those people who needed his help but far away from the one person who required his help and his help alone. She walked down the stairs and paused by the living room where she had left the TV on but that wasn't what caught her attention. The box still sat on the table with they Key in front of it.
Do it...
"So that's what you want me to do" She whispered, "No, Angie's my best friend. I can't" She went to walk away from the room but she stopped as if she had walked into a brick wall and once again she heard,
Do it...
"Not this time" She continued on, removing herself from anywhere near the sacred box and walking into the kitchen to grab something to eat. She pulled the bread knife from it's section in the selection of kitchen knives and admired the blade before cutting a piece of bread from the loaf,
Do it...
She flipped the knife in her hand and stabbed it into the bread in one swift movement then breathed out heavily in anger. "Shut up!" She screamed, "Leave me alone!" She pulled the knife out and threw it hard across the room so that it's blade penetrated the door and it stayed in that fixed position. She sighed and closed her eyes looking away from it and soon enough it fell from it's position and hit the floor. She robbed her temples wearily and for a moment everything went silent. No ghost. No TV. No noise at all.
Just silence.
She breathed slowly with her eyes held closed. She couldn't remember a single thing except for the moment the cold breeze ran through her body and she turned to see the man in her room. She did see the man didn't she? She was so sure of it, so completely sure that she struggled to comprehend how there was no proof of him being there but she knew what she saw and that was it. She just wished there was a way for them to go back in time and watch it all over again, see who had done it because she thought it was him. She thought it was the man who they all claimed didn't exist. To them he was a figment of her imagination, a person she created in her head to get away from the guilt of killing her parents, a personification of the bad inside her. It made sense, the voice that was once her own somehow turned into the ghost. So maybe her actions turned into the ghost too and that man she saw was nothing but her ghost. She shook her head and flew her eyes on, "No" She whispered, "I saw him." She walked over to the knife and picked it up before placing it in the dishwasher along with other things she hadn't washed yet then took her slice of bread before buttering it and eating it plain like that. She really wasn't very hungry, she just wanted a snack and seeded bread was always her favourite.
She walked into the living room and her body fell onto the couch where she looked up at the TV and rolled her eyes at the news. She didn't know why she always put it on the news, it was a bit depressing to say the least.
"-December 20th will be the final court day for the year in the trial of Beyoncé Knowles in the death of Mathew and Celestine Knowles almost 11 year ago. Sources say that the jury will be hoping to make a verdict despite the verdict date not being set until some time late next year as evidence struggles to support-" She changed the channel and found herself watching the real housewives of Atlanta for a while until the doorbell ran. She laughed just a little and paused the TV knowing sure as hell that she was not opening the door, that was the last thing she was going to do.
"Beyoncé!" A voice called, she turned her head to the door quickly and continued to listen, "Girl I know you're in there, open the damn door. Don't try me bitch" She chuckled at Alex and shook her head a little before standing up and walking over to the door wrapping the robe around her just a little tighter. She pulled the door open and there stood Alex and Vivica with big smiles on their faces,
"Shouldn't Y'all be at work?" She asked them with her hand on her hip,
"You should appreciate us a little more" Vivica said as the two walked into the house past the almost naked woman and she closed the door behind them. "We have taken time out of our busy schedules to come and see you, Miss I-Don't-Give-A-Shit-About-No-One" Beyoncé rolled her eyes and laughed a little as the three of them walked into the living room and found seats facing each other around the table in the centre,
"I appreciate you" Beyoncé chuckled, "I just wasn't expecting you, now will you tell me why you're here?" The two women looked between themselves and then looked back at her with wide grins.
"Well Monday is a hectic day for everyone, kids going to school, husbands going to work-" Vivica went on to say before Alex interrupted her,
"Well, Husbands going to work is the same as kids going to school" She chuckled and the three women laughed despite the fact that Alex was the only one who even had a man while Vivica and Beyoncé were both single.
"As I was saying" Vivica rolled her eyes at her practical sister, "It's a busy day and yet you've got nothing to do" Beyoncé shrugged a little and sat back in her seat. "We're not going to let you sit around her all day for the next few days. By December 20th everyone will be at home and work free and things will be great but until then we've got to get you out of the house and living like a normal person" Alex nodded her head along with Vivica but Beyoncé shook her head at the two of them and said,
"There are a few things wrong with this plan of yours" She then went on to say, "The next two days are just me and my lawyers talking about the case, I have a lot to talk about with them and so really I'm only bored today. I like to have time to myself, everyone needs some alone time and to bounce off your final point" She leaned forward toward the two women, "I'm not a normal person so I can't live like one" She shrugged again and the women groaned,
"Do you hear how boring that all sounds?" Alex asked her, "Bey, we're right in front of you baby and you gotta seize the moment" Beyoncé laughed at Alex's words,
"Seize the moment?" She repeated, "I'm half naked and y'all turning up on people's door steps with your foolish ideas about doing something. Now that I think about it, do you even know what it is that you want me to do with you?" She looked between the two women who hissed in realisation then looked at her,
"So maybe we didn't think that far ahead" Alex admitted, "But we can go out, get some food. Chill" She suggested. Alex looked at Beyoncé wiggling her eyebrows a bit but she just shook her head again,
"It's cold outside and I don't want to put a bra on" She admitted honestly, the women laughed and agreed with her so she suggested, "I've never exactly had anyone to chill with but I guess ya'll could stay here" She looked at them worried as if she had just blurted out the most absurd thing in the world. To her it was a bit strange, she's never chilled with anybody like that so she didn't know if that was what you did. Considering that she only really just met Alex and Vivica she didn't know if there were rules to relationships that she was breaking or something.
"No that's a good idea" Alex agreed, "We can watch movies, eat food we probably shouldn't eat, complain about eating the food we shouldn't have ate after we eat it and talk about how shit life is" Vivica and Beyoncé looked at Alex with worried eyes before looking at each other and the three busted out laughing shortly after.
------------------------------
"Bey!" Vivica called from the living room. Beyoncé and Alex were in the kitchen throwing the pizza box away while she waiting. Vivica had proven herself to be the lazy one out of the three, "What's this box thing? The wooden one" Beyoncé sighed, not sure of how to answer the question and yelled back,
"It's just something I was given when Angie died, I guess there were some things no one wanted and the family decided I should have. They all sorted out her things and such, he special things went to her mom, he clothes went to charity mostly." Beyoncé and Alex were done in the kitchen so headed back to the living room where Vivica placed the box back where she found it and sat back down on the couch.
"You and Angie were close?" Alex asked her as they sat back down.
"Yeah" Beyoncé nodded her head, "It's kinda like you two" She pointed out, "Your mom basically adopted Viv and you're sisters like that. You're not blood related but where it counts you are related in a sense, you're as close as it gets to family." Beyoncé fiddled with her fingers a bit as she thought about Angie, "Angie and I were cousins but where it truly mattered: she was my sister. She adopted me when everyone else kicked me to the curb" She looked up at the two women who smiled sympathetically so she rolled her eyes just a little with a light chuckle, "Don't look at me like that. I don't want pity" They nodded their heads and then Vivica threw a lollipop over to her,
"Well, now you've got us too" She said as she unwrapped her lollipop and placed it in her mouth with a warm smile. Beyoncé began unwrapping hers and looked between the women suspiciously,
"You're not doing this because you fee sorry for me right?" She knew that as soon as they replied she'd find out the truth, just because she was changing it didn't mean she couldn't read people anymore. That was a skill she'd never lose.
"Of course not" Alex said genuinely, "You're our girl" Beyoncé nodded her head with a smile then looked at Vivica who grinned at her too.
"Que emotional music" She said, the three were laughing again and they continued with their day without a care in the world.
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Carter walked through the front door and was hit by the smell of cinnamon and apples. He squinted his eyes suspiciously as he looked around the house and then yelled out, "Bey!" and soon he saw her head pop around the corner with a smile on her face and glowing bright eyes.
"Hey!" She ran over to him and hugged him quickly before looking over his attire and guessing it was cold as hell outside because he sure was wrapped up. "I was baking" She told him. He nodded his head in approval wanting to hurry up and taste the treats she made when she looked at him nervously and said, "I wanted to talk to you though" He looked at her confused and she continued. "I have a few things that I've never told anyone but I need to tell you because I want your help, uhhh your office?" She didn't know if he'd treat this as if it were a session, she didn't want it to be but it seemed logical.
"No, not my office. Is the oven off?" He asked her, she nodded her head so he went on to continue, "All right, come with me" He took her hand and the two of them walked upstairs where he lead her into the bedroom and she stood in the middle of the room watching him as he took off his jacket and scarf and shoes. "Take a seat" He advised her, she went over to the bed and sat down on the edge of it not sure of what he was doing. He got his clothing down to a more comfortable level with his shoes off, socks on, pants on but belt off and his shirt on but the sleeves were rolled up and the top few buttons were undone. He then climbed on the bed behind her so she turned to look at him and saw him laying down. He opened his arms for her to come and lay with him so she rested her head on his chest and felt his arms wrap around her body. "Talk" He told her,
"Like this?" She looked up at him and he nodded,
"You're not my patient" He reminded her, she smiled and then got a little more comfy and began talking.
"After my parents died I tried so hard to remember what had happened that the same phrase kept repeating itself in my head" She began, "It just kept saying 'do it' and it was my voice. I didn't know what it wanted me to do, it could have been anything. I assumed it was the voice that told me to turn around and look at the house, that's how I saw that man but something just wasn't right. It wasn't a malicious type of 'do it' nor evil, it was just me kinda coaching myself on. Ya know? Like when you're about to do something you give yourself a little bit of an ego boost" She looked up at him just to see if he was largely affected by her words but he did't seem to be. "Well, over time the voice changed. It became evil and it didn't sound like me anymore so I called it the ghost. It felt like it was the thing that tied me to the death of my parents and it wouldn't let me go. Sometimes it was there, I'd hear it randomly and other times it wasn't. When it wasn't I'd ask myself where it went and then it came back. Like a cycle. I had forgotten about it until a few days ago and today while I was in the shower it came back. The same words 'do it' but this time it called me a whore and-" She cut herself off then looked up at him, "Carter, I don't self harm. Please don't think I'd do that to myself" She looked at him worried and his eyes immediately flew to her arms where he pulled up her sleeves and looked down at the scratch marks,
"What did you do?" He asked her in as calm a voice as possible,
"It kept telling me that I was dirty because I wanted-" She stopped herself, she couldn't say it, she couldn't possibly say it. "I wanted something I can't have and it took control of me and kept scrubbing at my skin trying to get the dirt off and this happened. I didn't mean for it to happen, but then the voice was gone." She looked up at him and he gulped just a little,
"What did you want?" She looked at him confused and he further explained, "You were in the shower when the voice came back. To understand it we need to know what triggered it, what did you want?" She couldn't get the words out. Instead she just looked at him and lost her breath,
"I uhhh" She bit down on her lip and looked away from him,
"You know you can trust me" He moved closer to her and the feeling of his breath brushing on her skin caused her core to pulse as she looked up at him and sighed,
"You" She answered briefly, "I was in the shower and I wanted you" She gulped a little and the two of them stared at each other for a bit.
"Before your parents died, that night, what was the thing you wanted?" He wasn't going to focus too much on what she had said when he was trying to help. He'd think about it later but for now he had a job to do,
"I don't know" She paused then went on, "There was a particular person of whom I wanted to kiss" She said, noticing the commonality between the two. "That's why the voice came back" She looked up at him and he smiled,
"Yes, it's you telling yourself that it's wrong to feel an attraction toward people because in your mind it leads to death but that's not true. Stop depriving yourself of happiness" She nodded her head to his words and looked at him with big eyes,
"Then what is it telling me to do?" She asked him,
"Kiss him" He suggested. She looked at him and the two stared at each other for a moment but she shook her head still staring at him,
"I can't" She whispered,
"Why?" Carter asked,
"I've never done it before" She shyly blushed but held eye contact with him until he raised his hand to her chin and leaned a little closer.
"Then he'll have to kiss you" He brushed his lips against hers and her eyes closed softly...
-Thank you for reading! Things are looking kinda cute between these two... oooo
1) What is the link between love, lust and death through Bey's mind?
2) What is the Ghost? What is it telling her to do? Why does it exist?
3)Who is the person she wanted to kiss when she was 12?
4) How long will it be before someone opens the box? Who will it be? What's going to happen?
5) Is the man real? Did she really see this man in her house or is it all the delusions of a 12 year old?
6) Is there a part of her that thinks she did kill them but can't remember it? Is that justified? What affect does this have on her? Why does she say she's innocent?
7) What do we think about Vivica? What do we think about Alex? Vivica, Alex and Bey dynamic? What is it that makes them good for her? How do they treat her?
8) It would have been easy for Carter to suddenly turn on her after hearing about the ghost because it does make it sound as if she killed her parents (I'm not saying she did or didn't) so why didn't he?
9) OOOOOOOO THEY KISSING?!?!?!?!? What do we think? What's gonna happen?
10) Did bey kill 'em?
11) What do we want to see next (There's a court day and Bey is going to meet Carter's friends so don't type those)
12) Any questions?