Hello guys! Happy New YEAR!!!! Okay, so just wanna say, I planned to upload this like, 2 days ago, but as I said, my net has been SOOOO freaking bongos. Anyway, I'm glad I'm celebrating the new year with an update! :D haha
Just wanna share, we had our traditional reunion (which was usually at my grandma's sister place cause it's her birthday) but this year, we had it at our house! I missed hosting parties -__- hahha It was funny though cause she called us only hours before coming and she's like, "Hey, it's gonna be my birthday on new years, and I'm inviting myself over to your house to celebrate. I already told the WHOLE family that we'll have it at your place so no big! See ya!"
Weird right? hahhha XD SO! I hope you all had a splendid new year! I know I did with all the fireworks and lights!
Hope you've had your fill of Jace on the previous chapter! This one's also gonna be about him, but I assure you you'll have mixed feelings about this :P Watch out for it!
Please do take your time to read my IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT chapter and comment :P I really do appreciate everyone who's taken the time to comment! Here's a pic of Jace with his cute little doggie ------>
With that said, I'd love it if you pin, like, heart, VOTE, and comment on this chapter :) I really do love your insight so please, comment away!
With Love, Onion :)
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~Chap 26: Turbulent Tides~
~Carter’s POV~
Well, I was still pretty dumbfounded with the events of the day to actually process the fact that I’m in the passenger’s side of a truck. And Jace was driving beside me. Oh, yeah… maybe I should speak now.
“Where are we going?” I found myself asking. I couldn’t really recall entering the truck and leaving school.
“My place.” He chipped.
“Okay.” I said, looking down at my hands. Oh yeah, that’s where his hand was just a few moments ago. I shook the thought out of my head. “How did we get out of school?”
“Ray’s my friend. He’s part of security.” He replied as he took a turn. We were now exciting a pine tree covered part of the road and entering some sort of intersection. I don’t really know. I’ve always been bad with road signs and directions. Yes, another point for Andrea Carter.
“Oh.” I said, looking out the window again. “Can I call our friends?”
“Yeah, why not?” he asked, a little confused.
“Oh.” I repeated sheepishly. “I thought you were kidnapping me?”
“What?” he paused, looking at me.
“What?” I imitated, trying to copy his tone.
“Carter, are you okay?”
“Yes. What about you?”
“Yes.” He answered, mirroring my expression. And that was the end of our conversation. We drove for about a good thirty minutes more before I started to feel my but ache. Well, that’s a welcome distraction. In fact, I’d welcome any kind of distraction.
I noticed the change of scenery we were now passing and looked at the cornfields around us. There were a couple scarecrows we crossed and I couldn’t help but shudder at the thought of them coming to life to chase us like in that scary Jeepers Creepers movie. I pulled my scarf closer as I shuddered at the thought.
“You okay?” Jace suddenly said, breaking the silence.
“No. I mean… wait, what?” I squeaked, surprised at my broken reverie.
“Damn it. I knew it was reckless of me to bring you along. I should just turn around and bring you back.” He said, leaving a crack in his usually composed and indifferent shell to reveal a little hint of uncertainty.
“No, don’t. Sorry, I’m okay, you just surprised me. I was thinking about the scarecrows.” I admitted awkwardly. “Keep driving. I could use an escape of my own.” I blurted, surprised at my word vomit. Well that was definitely uncalled for. “Besides, we’ll run out of gas if we turn now.” I added in an attempt to cover my earlier slip.
“Okay.” He replied, slightly relaxing his tensed posture. “I thought you were gonna call the others?” he asked as we turned at a corner.
“Oh yeah. I forgot…” I pulled my phone out and started punching down Liam’s number, then thought twice about it and decided to text him instead.
Hey Liam, I’m cutting classes for the day. Don’t worry, I’m with Jace. I’ll call you later okay?
“Not calling?” he asked, turning to enter a rustic looking neighborhood, complete with the colorful wooden houses and flower pots. I nodded in reply. “Oh… Listen,” He paused, trying to figure out his words. Wow, Jace McLunder, speechless. That’s another first.
“Yeah?” I asked, keeping my gaze forward.
“I’m sorry about earlier.” He mumbled. A mumbling Jace McLunder? Another first.
“What for?” I asked, uncomfortably shifting in my seat. Oh boy, here comes the inevitable conversation we’ve been avoiding since the trip! Keep your calm Carter, keep your calm. When all else fails, feign nonchalance! That always worked… right?
“For saying the things I said. You know, about you and me.”
“Oh, that.” I said evenly. Okay, is it me or is it starting to get a little too hot in here. Darn you knitted scarf! But is it really the scarf, or is it just this conversation? “It’s okay. I guess I don’t really mind. Out of curiosity though, can I ask why you said it?”
I saw his hands tighten around the steering wheel. “Well, I’ve been hearing rumors lately… rumors about you.” He said between gritted teeth. I could tell he’s getting pissed.
“Oh, that.” I repeated lamely.
“I didn’t want anyone thinking of you that way… especially Spencer.” he struggled to say.
I couldn’t help but put a consoling hand on his arm. “Well we showed him, right?” I dared to joke in an attempt to lighten the heavy mood. Luckily, I saw the ghost of a smile tug at the corners of his lips.
“We sure did.” He smiled, failing to hide it. And since this is Jace, his smile left as soon as it came. He was now back to straight face Jace. Hey, that rhymed. “Anyway, that’s why I told everyone I won the competition to have you. So everyone would stay away.”
“Oh…” I gasped inaudibly, not really sure how to handle the whole revelation. Jace cared about what people thought about me, and it appears that he wants to protect me from my pervy followers. Okay, so I’m gonna go ahead and assume that he cares about me.
“Please say something.” he said, looking visibly strained. This was starting to get very awkward for us obviously. “Are you mad at me?”
“For what?” I asked incredulously.
“For kissing you.”
Well, that shut me up. Of course I couldn’t get mad at him! What stupid fool would get mad at someone who would actually risk his whole reputation and possibly, his orientation just to help his lame-ass friend from a nasty, petty rumor? Yeah, not me. I didn’t mean to be silent, but I guess being forced to remember the kiss we had entails that effect. From a peripheral, I saw him look at me as the car slowed down. I willed myself not to look for I know what I’d see, but my betrayer eyes looked nonetheless. Darn you eyes! I’ll get back at you some time!
If I hadn’t had Jace’s offhand face committed to memory, then I wouldn’t have had noticed the torn look in his eyes. It was sad seeing him look so out of his comfort zone so that finally granted me the ability to speak again. I sighed.
“No, I’m not mad at you.” I said with a weak smile. “I don’t think I ever will be.”
“But what about Liam? Or Tyler? Or Sasha?”
“What about them?” I asked, clearly confused why their names were popping up.
“I thought you were interested in either one of them?”
“What?!?” I gasped so loud, I choked on my words. He swerved a bit before regaining his control on the wheel. Oops. I coughed and tried to regain my breath. “Why would I be interested in them? They’re my friends!”
“Well, I saw you with Sasha and Liam at Tyler’s party. And I saw you again with Liam on your Gramps’ birthday. You were with Tyler too. I thought maybe you were with them or something. Besides, I may not look like it, but I’m pretty updated at the gossip in school—one of the perks of being unnoticeable. I know things about you and those guys.”
“Oh crap. You do have a point.” I said, nervously biting my nail. “Well, in my defense though, I only kissed all of them cause of Truth or Dare, or some other silly game. Liam just kisses me cause he’s a flirt like that. And Tyler’s just… well, I don’t know, we were pretty tipsy that one time, and he’s always been the vulgar mouthed one, so it wasn’t that unexpected of him...” I thought considerably. “As for Sasha, well, she’s one pretty adventurous girl. Our video can tell you that.”
“I see.” He said. “Since that’s not the case, I hope you try to forget the way I acted. It was unacceptable. I acted on impulse without even considering your thoughts about it. I’d understand if you cut off your ties from me now. I’d rather you would.”
“Whoa.” I paused, putting a hand up. “What are you even saying? First, you chivalrously defend me in front of all of those people while probably risking your reputation, and you expect me to be an ungrateful twat and just cut off ties from you cause my opinions weren’t considered? C’mon Jace, give me some credit here!” I exhaled in exasperation.
“I never meant it that way.”
“I know…” I sighed. “It’s just that, you gotta stop thinking so low of yourself when you’re doing, and being the exact opposite okay? You should give yourself some credit! You were only thinking of me and so what if kissing me to prove that point to them was what you came up with? You were being selfless and you shouldn’t torture yourself for being such a good person. Don’t do this Jace. Don’t push me away. I may be a small, and I may not seem much, but I won’t let you do this cause I’m your friend and that’s what friends do. They stick together. You stuck with me, so I’m staying with you whether you like it or not.” I said in one breathing.
I can’t believe I just said all of that to Jace McLunder. That was pretty reckless and probably leaning towards the begging-to-get-beat-up side of things, but I don’t care. I meant it, and he should realize it too. From the looks of his dumbfounded expression, I’m pretty sure he was just as surprised as I am.
“Carter I…” he said, at a loss for words.
“You don’t have to say anything to that. Just, at least reflect on it okay?”
“Alright.” He said, an unreadable expression on his face. We breathed for a while and I used the cute old houses to calm me down from my random outburst. “So what are we gonna do about, you know… us?” he asked, whispering ‘us’.
“Jace McLunder, are you ashamed of me?” I feign mock hurt. “You say ‘us’ like it’s a dirty word. Shame on you.”
I can’t believe he actually chuckled at that. I joined him too. It was a nice sound, his laughter. It’s so innocent…. so raw... he should laugh more. “Seriously though.” He added with a faint smile.
“Well, I don’t know. I’ve never really had a boyfriend.” I said, and then mentally corrected myself with ‘I’ve never really had a boyfriend—as a guy’.
“Me too.” He agreed.
“I say we wing it and see how others take it. It won’t be easy though, so I’m telling you now. I’d understand if you cut off your ties from me now. I’d rather you would.” I cooed in a lame attempt at copying his voice.
“Well, it’s a good thing a small person once told me that friends stick together, whether they like it or not. So conveniently for you, I’m not going anywhere.” he joked. I can’t believe it, Jace was capable of joking! And a pretty witty and appropriate one at that!
We passed a few houses more before we stopped at this really cool looking powder blue house filled with all types of different flowers at the front porch. There was this awesome swinging bench that had comfy pillows. Above the door read ‘Home is where the heart is.’
“Want to get some lunch?” Jace said as he closed the engine. “I know you’re hungry, you’ve been sounding off your stomach every three houses or so.”
I clutch my stomach defensively and glare at him. He raises his hands up as he stepped out the car. Well would you look at that. Someone’s in a good mood. I then saw a sixty-something year-old man step out of the screen door with a dog bowl and vaguely hear Jace call him Pops.
“Well isn’t this a pleasant surprise.” The old, kind-faced man said. “Martha! It’s your boy Jace! C’mere!” I looked at Jace as he walked over to give his grandfather a hug. He then leaned down and tickled a brown dog’s tummy. Oh, he loved dogs. His grandma went out the door and hugged her grandson lovingly. That is too cute! I saw Jace motion for me to walk towards them and I couldn’t help but feel like a privacy trespasser ruining their reunion. Reluctantly, I approach them.
“Pops, Mops, this is Andy Carter, one of my friends.” Jace smiled.
“Pleased to meet you Mr. and Mrs…” I trailed off, not knowing what to call them.
“Oh please son, call us Bill and Martha.” His grandpa smiled as he gave me a loving pat-hug hybrid while his grandma gave me a kiss on the cheek. Aw, cute grandma kisses!
“We were wondering if you have two more seats at your table.” Jace asked.
“Oh, of course we do! Sunday’s not a family day for nothing right?” Martha grinned.
“Mops, it’s only Friday.” Jace laughed.
“Oh! Well what are you doing here then? Don’t you have classes?” she inquired, and then added. “Did you have another one of those days?”
I noticed Jace straighten at that. “Oh enough of this nonsense, Ma. How about we get them in? It’s pretty cold and Andy here looks like he could use something warm.” Bill said. Okay, so maybe my choice of hipster wear was a bad idea after all. I take off my beanie out of proper guest manners, and of course, to salvage what’s left of my pride from my hobo hipster disaster.
The house looked as cozy as the outside. It looked like one of those dainty yet rustic Sylvanian family houses with its polished white wood furnishings that looked all warm and safe. Kinda like Jace. I felt my mouth water as I caught scent of some divinely well prepared Osso bucco.
“I’ll just change into something and I’ll be right down, okay Pops?” Jace said before going upstairs. “Make yourself at home Carter.” He called off.
“You have a nice home Bill.” I smiled as I helped him light the fireplace. Martha was off scooping some of the veal and vegetables into bowls. Yummehhhhhh…
“Thank you, Andy. It was nice of you to come with our boy here. He rarely has any friends.” Bill grinned. I could personally attest to that. “In fact, I think you’re the first one he ever brought here.”
“Well, we have an intimate and loving circle of friends, Jace and I. You should meet them sometime.”
“That’d be great. It would be nice seeing him get out more. He wasn’t much of the charming types such as yourself, son.” Bill chuckled as he led me to the pictures atop the fireplace. He thought I was charming! I looked at framed pictures of a young Jace with younger looking versions of Bill and Martha. I laughed at his cop shirt and micro-mini shorts look complete with the hat, shades, and cuffs. I looked over at the other pictures and saw a pretty good looking couple that resembled Jace in several ways.
“Are these his parents?” I asked Bill.
“Yup.” He smiled nostalgically. “This was the last photo we had of them before they died.”
“What?” I gasped, yet another unfortunate word vomit. “I mean, I’m sorry to hear that.” I added with a mental slap at myself for being so darn stupid.
“It’s alright. We sort of learned how to cope with it through time.” He smiled at me. “It was Jace I was worried of at first, but he took care of himself quite well. He’s always helped me with Martha even though some days, her Alzheimer’s was just too much. He’s a good kid, that Jace.”
“Of course, you’d show him the cop picture.” He said as he strode down the stairs.
“What? You look adorable in that kiddo!” Bill grinned.
“C’mon now young men, it’s time for supper!” Martha said, which Jace lightheartedly corrected as lunch.
Even though Martha’s Osso Bucco was to-die-for, I still couldn’t help but reel at the information I learned about Jace… I never knew he was an orphan… well, he had two awesome grandparents, but still, it must’ve been pretty sad cause he looked so young at that picture… I couldn’t even wrap my mind around it. Maybe that’s the reason why he’s so guarded and indifferent when in school. Now it makes me feel double bad when I remember how he used to get into several fights before and was feared for it. He already had too much on his plate, too much hurt and loss… It sucked royally to know that he had to deal with the ostracizing as well.
We looked at old photo albums all afternoon and I watched as Martha relayed the stories on the pictures. Bill had to sit behind her to put thumbs up if it’s true, or thumbs down if it’s false. I let myself chuckle at our private little game. In the end it was a total of 42 true, and 27 false. Not bad considering Martha’s sickness… Jace patiently corrected his Mops and I couldn’t help but smile at seeing this caring side of him.
I then tried to call Liam as promised, but the signal here was kinda crappy, so I settled for a phone call with Rose so she could relay the news to my friends. Yeah, I can’t believe I used another one of my ‘phasing problems’ excuse to get her to help me come up with excuses. We finally came to the conclusion that I wasn’t gonna come home until tomorrow. The loving couple insisted I stay since it’ll be too dangerous to travel at night. Besides, I really like it here and I could use the warmth of Bill and Martha to comfort me from my problems. I know, I’m a phony, and a liar, and I hate it. She enthusiastically told me not to worry and I crumbled a little more inside. I’ll repay her, I swear.
We then watched some old black and white movies and had dinner afterwards. I was pretty sleepy by then so Jace let me borrow some of his clothes and we clumsily, slept on his little bed. I couldn’t really remember hearing someone walk in, but I woke up in the middle of the night covered in a warm, fuzzy quilt that smelled like baby powder, petals, and vaguely of a piney scent. I then woke up to the sweet smell of waffles shaped like smiley faces with fresh berries and a brand new tooth brush with a note that said.
Figured you hadn’t brought one of these. Hope you slept well! Enjoy your Breakfast Art! Love Martha.
I didn’t brush last night, so I’m afraid I have morning breath. I stealthily walked out of the bed and brushed my teeth before walking back to bed. Apparently, my clumsiness woke Jace up.
“Hey.” He said, squinting his eyes.
“Good morning.” I said as I took advantage of the space he just vacated and cuddled the fuzzy quilt.
“You like the quilt too huh?” he said in amusement as he sat up. “I used to never sleep without that, literally. I’d stay up all night when it was being washed until eventually; they didn’t wash it at all.”
“Oh.” I said, bolting right up. Well that wasn’t a very welcoming thought. He laughed.
“Do you wanna eat here or do you wanna join Pops and Mops.”
“I like the way you say Pops and Mops. It sounds like a jingle.” I laughed. “But to answer your question, yes, I wanna eat with your lovely grandparents.”
“Alright then. You go on ahead. I’ll make the bed.”
“I think it’d be weird for the visitor to go wandering around the house.” I said, scrunching my nose like that witch in Bewitched. “How about you go and I’ll make the bed?”
“Okay.” He replied as he picked up the tray. “Meet you down stairs.” I smiled in reply.
I made the bed in an attempt to get my thoughts together. It was really weird waking up with Jace there. I was so used to seeing Cam beside me that it caught me by surprise when it was Jace I saw. Well, I guess I’m just a little disoriented with everything that’s happening. I did a quick inventory of what’s happened so far. So Jace got rid of those petty rumors about my alleged whoredom. Oh yeah, and now he’s my pretend boyfriend, and he (kidnapped) brought me to his place to help me escape. And then there’s always my psycho stalke—wait, no. I refuse to think about it in this safehouse. It’d be wrong. Besides, I came here to escape, and it’s just what I’ll do.
After fixing the bed, I straightened myself in front of the mirror and smoothed Jace’s jumper and boxer shorts. It smelled just like him, that weirdly manly mix of pine and Jace. I then went down the stairs and was welcomed with a laughing trio. Martha pinched my cheek lovingly as I sat down and gave me a plate of waffles.
“Did you have a good night’s sleep?” Bill asked as he drank some coffee.
“Yes I did Bill.” I smiled. “Oh, and thanks for the quilt last night. And for the toothbrush too.”
“You’re welcome Andy.” Martha grinned.
“You should’ve seen how he nuzzled that ancient thing this morning.” Jace said after popping a berry in his mouth. I glared at Jace and he laughed along with his grandparents. Oh gosh, this is so embarrassing…
“For the record, I wasn’t nuzzling it; I was feeling its surface.” I corrected, and they laughed some more. Well, feeling Jace’s spit absorber to be precise.
~Jace’s POV~
The day went by smoothly and Carter helped Mops cook some lunch. I was watching them laugh while remembering the old pictures they showed him from my photo albums as they mashed some potatoes. So I guess bringing Carter here wasn’t such a bad idea after all… Mops seemed to like him and it’s always nice to see her laughing.
In the end, Carter ended up turning the leftover Osso bucco into some cottage pie. Pops loved the ingenious take on leftover food and I have to say, it was genius. Not to mention, really delicious. Pops joked about being jealous of the person who ends up with him. Upon hearing that, our eyes temporarily met, and I broke it off immediately with another spoonful of the cottage pie.
After all, I was in a sense, that person. I can’t help but feel embarrassed with the way I acted yesterday… I didn’t know what came after me, but it was something that felt strangely right. No one had the right to think that way about him and I guess that just pissed me off. I don’t know… there’s something about Carter that seems to affect me in the most unexpected ways. Well, maybe because he’s the first person to ever treat me like a normal person. Like he wasn’t afraid of me…
I grew up having everyone seeing me as the orphan or the troublemaker, but he didn’t mind any of that. He gave me a chance and I guess that was all I needed to actually make an effort to give this whole thing a shot. I may not be getting the whole friendship thing right, but he’s still sitting in front of me so I guess I must be doing something right.
After our meal, we both did the dishes while Pops and Mops watched some old black and white films.
“Hey Jace.” He said as he wiped the dishes dry. I raised a brow in inquiry. “The swing outside, is it functional?”
“It is.” I replied. “Why, do you want to try it?”
“Yeah! I’ve always wanted to try one of those bench swings.” He said excitedly.
“Sure. Though it’s cold outside…” I considered. “Why don’t you change into your jeans while I make some hot chocolate?”
“Ooh, sounds good!” he chirped as he practically skipped up the stairs.
“Bring the quilt if you want.” I called out. For someone who had a pretty tainted reputation, he sure did handle things so well. I never was really that good at keeping my emotions in check. Heck, all those fits of anger were probably one of the reasons why everyone stayed away from me… but Carter handled all those rumors about him so well… I never would’ve suspected all the talk that was happening if I hadn’t heard it myself.
I was setting the mugs down on the table in front of the swing when Andy came wrapped in my quilt and his scarf.
“Cool! You made them with those little marshmallows I love!” he beamed as he sat down next to me. He covered himself with half the quilt and handed me the rest.
“Oh.” I replied as I took the mugs. “You can have mine then.”
“No, no, no… those are your marshmallows.” He strained, peering over my cup. He looked like he was really battling some heavy internal conflict, so I decided to just spoon the melting marshmallows in his mug. “Really?” he asked and I replied with a shrug. “Thanks!”
He crossed his legs on the swing and our knees touch briefly. I couldn’t help but flinch on impulse, seeing as I wasn’t really accustomed to any form of body contact until Carter came along. I tensed a bit, but reminded myself that it was only normal. Astonishingly, my mind went back to the kiss we had yesterday. It was rather weird, seeing as I’ve never imagined my second kiss to be with a guy… I never really liked guys—if I liked anyone at all—and now I know that Carter probably didn't as well. I can’t help but I wonder what he thought about it though.
“Uhm Jace?” Carter said meekly.
“Hmmm?”
“I’m sorry about your parents.” He says unceremoniously.
“Oh.” I whispered, a little off guard. Pops probably told him… I considered talking about it since I’ve never really talked about the death of my parents, but since I already did a couple of things I never thought I’d do with Carter, then why not? “It’s okay. It was a long time ago when they were killed.” I added.
“They were… killed?” he gasped. I never talked about this with anyone, even Pops and Mops, but I guess, looking into Carter’s genuine eyes of concern, I felt like I didn’t really have a problem with telling him. And so I opened up…
“Yeah. Back when I was seven.” I said as he maintained his silence. “They went out to go on a date for their anniversary, on the way out of the restaurant, they were mugged and then they were… uhm… shot.” I said slowly, going through the memory of the police narrating the story to me when I was seven.
“Jace, I’m so sorry.”
“It’s okay Carter, don’t feel bad. Like I said, it was a long time ago.”
“But you were so young then…” he whispered, looking into his cup. “How did you deal with it?”
“Well, it was tough at first...” I thought out loud. It was really hard not to feel so at ease with him… reluctantly, I tried to open up to the feelings I thought were already gone. “Not seeing my parents… I cried a lot. Then, one day, I just stopped crying.”
“How come?” he whispered as he held my hand consolingly. Surprisingly, I let him hold on to it. He squeezed my hand as if in support, and I squeezed it back.
“I thought it didn’t make sense to mourn anymore when the tears I shed clearly wouldn’t bring back the ones I’ve lost.” I found the words spilling out my mouth. Oh Carter… what are you doing to me? Why are you making me feel so… so divergent?
“Was it hard? You know, shutting it all off?” he asked. I gaped at him in surprise, seeing as I never told him about the whole, numb void I made myself fall into. He just looked intently back at me, and that’s when I realized… he gets me.
“Well, not really. I knew I had to be strong for Pops and Mops. After all, it was not only I who lost my parents. They also lost their son.” I continued. “So there, I took on my parents’ role and started caring for them… I prioritized them over my emotions, so I shut it off. At times, I think Mops is lucky for having Alzheimer’s you know? Sometimes she’ll just forget about all the hurt and the loss like it’s nothing.”
“Well, this is just me but… I think it’s still good that you can feel the pain of the loss. I’m no masochist believe me,” he says, holding his hands up. “But I guess it’s in knowing pain that you get to experience appreciating all the good stuff. Without knowing what hurts, you wouldn’t know what feels good.”
Well, that was a new way to look at it. “You know, for someone so small, you definitely have something going on in your mind. If only I knew you earlier.”
“Maybe you wouldn’t have had gotten in as many fights?” he wondered.
“Maybe.”
“Can I ask you why you entertained them? The fights, I mean.”
More and more, I wanted to open up to him. He felt like safe ground… a calming sanctuary… this was all new for me, but I just knew then that I trusted him.
“Well, kids at school used to make fun of me during parents day cause Pops and Mops would be the ones to come. They said I had old parents… it was really petty, but it still made me very mad.”
“Well, I’m with you on that! Bill and Martha are definitely not old! They just have a lead in years.” He huffed, his cheeks turning red. “But please go on, I’m sorry. Children can be so mean at times.”
“Eventually, there came a time when I got so mad, I had a fight with one of the bullies.” I said, looking back at the distant memory. “I was really short back then, so obviously, they beat me up. That went on for a couple years. Some days weren’t as good and I had to be sent home cause I was bruised up so bad.”
“Is that what Martha meant when she said ‘those days’?” he air quoted.
“You got that huh?”
“Sorry…” he said guiltily.
“Don’t worry.” I added quickly. “But to answer your question, yes… Things got better before high school though. I started training in MMA and eventually, knew how to defend myself.”
“Did you also do it to… you know,” he paused, looking uncomfortable with himself. I waited patiently until he continued. “Prevent whatever happened to your parents from happening to you?”
I blinked at him in utter shock. Now I’m the one who was uncomfortable. “In a way, yes.” I admitted.
“Who’s Spencer by the way? You seemed like you knew him before.”
Oh, he caught that too. “I did. I trained MMA with him. He was this sort of compulsive kid who wanted to get the best, and be the best in anything. He was kind of obsessed with competition. We had some sort of rivalry, but most of the time, I won. That’s probably why he has a personal grudge against me.” I narrated.
“Well that explains why he seemed so needy.” Carter mumbled. “I knew he didn’t play on Ashley’s team. He probably just heard about the contest and wanted to win it.”
“He could be obsessive like that.” I confirmed. “I’m sorry you had to deal with him.”
“It’s okay, it wasn’t your fault. Besides, you saved me from him, remember?”
I nodded. “Can I ask you something? It’s been playing in my mind for quite a while now.”
~Carter’s POV~
“Yeah, sure.” I blinked, furrowing my brows in nervous anticipation. Jace was really, well, unexpected to say the least. I never knew he was hiding so many painful memories in that mask of indifference… I just didn’t know how to react…
“Why did you talk to me?” he asked, refusing to meet my eyes.
“Well, I didn’t have a partner in PE… and you were the only one there, and I remembered you from French.” I admitted sheepishly. “To tell you the truth, I was kinda scared. No offense.”
“None taken… I usually had that effect on people anyway.” He commented wryly. “But why did you keep on talking to me? You know, even if you were scared?”
“Oh…” I trailed off. Uhm, I didn’t really know the answer to that. During our first moments as partners, I surely was deathly scared of the Jace McLunder. There were even times when I thought he’d hit me. But even if I thought all those judgmental notions about him, he never did mistreat me or anything. He was distant, true, but he wasn’t cold. And then I heard of his reputation, and then saw the way people looked away whenever he came… it was sad… I felt bad for Jace. I didn’t really pity him…. I wanted to give him a chance… “I guess you just seemed a little misunderstood… I just wanted to give you a chance.” I finally brought myself to say.
“You thought I was worth a shot?” he seemed surprised.
“More than a couple shots, actually.” I smiled faintly. “You know, you need to get this out of your head… the whole I’m-not-worthy thing you got going on. It doesn’t suit your bad boy image.” I laughed.
He looked like I was speaking Martian. “Honestly though,” I added soberly. “You need to cut yourself some slack Jace. You are one of the most caring, truest friends I’ve ever had. No nasty bullies, or obsessive Spencers, or even…” I trailed off, not really wanting to go there, but my gut told me that I should. It sounds imposing, but I thought I should say it. “Or even bad memories from your parents could take that away from you.”
He just looked at his hands. “I just thought that maybe… I didn’t deserve anything… I wasn’t worth a shot cause I wasn’t able to save my parents.”
“Jace, that wasn’t your fault.” I said firmly.
“But look at me now. I can beat those muggers to a pulp if I wanted to. If I only did MMA earlier… if only I… I could’ve saved them…” he rambled on as he looked at the hands on his lap.
All rational thought left me and I flung my arms impulsively to comfort him. “No. Please stop this… don’t do this to yourself Jace. Don’t blame yourself for something you couldn’t have prevented even if you tried… you were so young back then.” I mumbled.
I hugged him like that, until I felt his hands press slowly, reluctantly on my back. He then touched my head and confusedly asked. “Why are you crying?”
I was crying? I pulled myself away from his chest. Oh fudge, there was a wet smudge in the middle of his hoodie. Embarrassed, I wiped my tears with my scarf. “I didn’t know I was. It’s just pouring and I can’t stop it.” I sobbed, unsure of what was happening to me.
“You don’t have to feel sad for me.” He said as he uneasily stroked my head.
“But it’s so unfair!” I whined, losing all sense of etiquette and care for physical appearance. “Why do the good guys have to deal with all that messed up things and crap, when all the demented people can feast on the misery of the good guys?” I said again. I didn’t know now if I was saying this to comfort Jace, or myself…
“True, I’ll give you that.” He agreed. “But maybe bad guys exist so we could see the good guys come out. Kinda like when you came along.” He said, using the same concept I used to explain the benefits of pain.
“Sometimes you just want it to end, you know?” I sobbed. Fudge, another word vomit.
“Well, yes but—wait, this isn’t just about me now, is it?” he asked, grabbing me by the shoulders to look into my eyes. I refused to meet his gaze as I shook my head in denial. “Carter, stop. You’re the one who told me to stick together right? How can I be here for you if you won’t tell me what’s wrong?”
That’s when Jace McLunder rendered me speechless. Why? Why did I have to have so many caring and loyal friends? I really don’t think I deserve any of this when I’ve been lying to their faces all this time… I bawled a little more.
“Carter.” He sighed as he pulled me into an embrace. And then I felt it again, the warm safety that he seemed to reverberate. I just wanted to cry all my sorrows away, to stay in this house with Bill and Martha’s welcoming love, to stay in Jace’s arms as he consoles my embarrassing, sobbing self. “Please tell me?”
I didn’t want to say it, but I was at a moment of weakness. Jace had a point. I couldn’t go around talking about relying on friends when I can’t even rely on him. I’d be a first class hypocrite if I did… reluctantly, I agreed to finally spill. “If I tell you, you gotta promise you won’t treat me any differently, or you wouldn’t act in a different way and that you’ll keep it a secret. Got it?”
“I’ll try my best.”
“No, you have to promise me.” I insisted, detaching myself from him. His shirt was just too wet from my tears. I had to do a little damage control before it gets soaking wet.
“Fine, I promise.” He surrendered. And that’s when I spilled everything.
~Car ride home~
My eyes were a little bit heavy from all the crying I did today. I felt as numb as my eyes really. For one, I was relieved that I was able to tell Jace what I’ve been really feeling, but on the other hand, I felt slightly bad that I had to bring another one of my friends into this void. I looked out the window as I held on to the packed lunch Martha insisted we bring home.
They were very understanding when they saw me and my bulging tear-blinded eyes. They made sure I was really okay before they let us go. Finally, we ended up promising to visit with Cam and the others. Speaking of Cam and the others, I found my phone buzzing nonstop with the flooding of texts, missed calls, and voice mails the moment we got signal. It was a pretty bittersweet moment since 1) my friends were concerned for me; and 2) I had to come up with a fairly decent excuse why there was another video of me confirming that Jace and I were together.
Oh, and my phone wouldn’t be mine of course if I didn’t receive another text from S… if you’re gonna try to ask me why I haven’t blocked S’s number yet, then don’t bother. I already did. But the messages still kept on coming.
Well, well, looks like someone couldn’t wait to do another one of their friends can they? Great job Andy, I wonder how your bodyguards would handle this. Good luck balancing your men—we both know you already have a hard time balancing your lies. Love—S.
Well, S’s got humor, I’ll give it that. But it still pissed me off that it knew so much about me. At least I have a reminder that things are already back to how it should be. No more safety from the loving McLunder house…
Jace and I were pretty quiet on the way home. He kept his straight face of nonchalance the whole ride, and I didn’t really mind. He then walked me to my dorm and asked me once if I was already okay to be alone and I said yes.
I made my way to Rummer, thanking Rose profusely for covering for me and relaying my messages to my friends. I then climbed up to the inevitable.
“Hey…” I said as I peeked inside our room. Cam kept his eyes to the book he was reading. “What’s up?”
He grunted sarcastically in response. Fine, he’s mad.
“Have you eaten yet? I have some cottage pie.” I said, lifting the Tupperware as I entered the room. Still, he gave me the silent treatment. I walked over to my bed and set my things down. I looked at his reflection on the mirror and he was still hunched. He only did that when he was pissed. Ugh, fine, I’ll just get on with it!
“Look, I’m sorry okay?” I said as I stood beside him. “I tried to text you guys, but the reception was really bad!”
“I know, Rose told us you were gone.”
“Okay. So you knew.” I said, feeling a little worn out already. I’ve been through a lot since yesterday, and I’m just tired and I wanted to get this over with. “What’s your problem then?”
“You wanna ask me what’s my problem?” he turned, finally looking at me.
“Yes. Cam I do. I already apologized and I meant it. I felt bad about it enough, and quite frankly, I don’t want you to rub it in my face.”
“Oh gee, well I’m sorry.” He retorted sarcastically. “As if we didn’t feel bad when we looked for you guys during lunch? It didn’t help that people were talking about your alleged fight with that Spencer kid. He said you got beaten, she said you broke her heart, he said Jace broke someone’s arm, she said you and Jace eloped.”
“What?” I gasped. I’ve never seen him so out of his self.
“Yeah, and then there’s this video going around of you and saying you are together. Its confusing Carter! Do you even know how hard it was to look for you?”
I was pretty speechless.
“What, you think you can just pop up here like some daisy? Sheesh! After everything you’ve put me through!”
“What? I didn’t know I was singling you out.” I asked, my anger rising as well. Where was he even going?
“Of course you were singling me out! I’m your roommate Carter for crying out loud! Do you think I don’t care if you go around missing in the middle of the day, let alone busting in the bathroom in the middle of the night? I’m not stupid! No one has diarrhea for two weeks straight! Do you think I don’t feel responsible for you? Sheesh Carter! How can you be so dense?”
“Dense?!?” I retorted, now I’m mad. “Well excuse me for not knowing that there was an implicit commitment between roommates!”
“You know what? You could’ve at least told me about him.”
What? How did Jace get into this conversation? “Why? I don’t remember you telling me your favorite color or whether you liked Barney the fucking purple dinosaur or not! Why should I tell you everything then? ”
“Don’t you trust me?” he said with so much stillness that I forgot what I was about to say. I looked at him dumbfounded. He sighed as he ran his fingers exasperatingly through his hair. “Don’t answer that.”
“Why don’t you just tell me what you want so we can get this over with?”
“You know what? Never mind. It’s not even worth it if you don’t get it.”
“Well excuse me for not being ‘worth it’.” I air quoted. “And excuse me for being such a dysfunctional roommate. Don’t worry you don’t have to see me again if you don’t want to.” I said quietly as I stepped out the door.
“You know what? Have a good night Carter.” He said as he slammed the door behind me.
What? Okay, I wasn’t expecting him to actually kick me out. I was just gonna go out for a walk! Ugh. So now, I’m officially dorm-less. Great. I stomped my way down to go to the reception area. I could probably ask if I could crash on one of the lobby sofas… or maybe even in her room! I’ve been there a couple of times already so it makes sense… where is she anyway?
From my peripheral, I saw the Hugher building. Oh, right. I have my other friends… well, Jace and Tyler would probably be mad at me for not telling them. Well, mad-er even. I always suspected that Liam had this sort of little crush on me, so I wouldn’t want to risk that confrontation… Ty would probably be mad at me too for not telling him I was gonna leave…
I then knew that I had only one other option: Jace. Besides, he didn’t have a roommate… maybe he could help me out. I knocked on his door with the knock I made not a few days ago and he answered on the last knock.
“Hey.” He said, surprised at my appearance.
“Hey.” I said back. “Can I stay for the night?”
“Sure.” He said a little confused, but he let me in nonetheless. “Come on in.”