After a long shower—better safe than sorry after the Alex incident—Devin got ready for bed. Putting on sweatpants and one of her old shirts, she brushed her teeth before staring at the mirror looking over her face. She wasn't going to let the boy die any more times than he already has. She wasn't going to dream of him dying.
She looked at her new door, Erik offered to fix it for her. Devin looked at the lock before turning to the bed and getting under the covers. She turned the lamp off and rested her head on the pillow, closing her eyes. Hoping that night would be different.
Devin was in a strange white room, there were no doors or windows, there didn't seem to be a ceiling either, but that could have just been from the extremely bright lights up ahead—almost blindingly bright. She looked down at her clothes, they were all white as well, she touched them to see if it was real.
But when she put her hands on the shirt she pulled them away quickly, she stared at the shirt where her hand had just been pressed against, seeing the stain left behind. She looked around but saw nothing, saw no one. It was only her. Devin was all alone.
She stared at her hands, they were hers, but what was on them didn't belong to her. She had blood all over them, and it was warm, dripping down her arms down to her elbows before dripping onto the floor. This couldn't be happening again. She squeezed her eyes shut, trying to get the image out of her head.
Devin opened her eyes once more and saw that this time she was in a field at night. Or a war zone. She wasn't exactly sure. All she knew was that she wasn't in the white room any more. There was smoke rising from cars, buildings, and rubble. A few dying red flares were on the ground, fizzling out. She looked down. This time in some black uniform. Some sort of training uniform. Like the one they use in the simulations for training.
Maybe this was just a simulation. Maybe she sleepwalked down to the Danger Room and started a simulation. But she wasn't sure how she could have done that. Just to be sure, she looked at her hands, they were clean. She sighed in relief. The blood wasn't real.
When Devin looked up, she saw other people in the same uniform march towards her. One held a gun out to her, her hands immediately went to take it. But she didn't will her hands to do so. She wasn't in control. As she turned around, to see where the rest were marching, the scenery changed to a destroyed building, a bright sun burning up ahead.
The same building.
Her body moved along with the crowd, her steps quickening as she managed to get to the front, walking through hallways and into an empty lot with rubble and dust everywhere. Parts of the walls collapsed outwards. Plumbing scattered across the ground.
Her breathing deepened as she lifted the gun up, she looked to where the gun was pointing, it was the boy. Devin so desperately wanted to scream. To tell him to run quicker or get back, but she couldn't. She was trapped watching as her finger pulled the trigger sending a bullet towards his chest before she could feel herself holding the trigger down until the magazine round was almost empty.
She looked back up to see herself running towards the boy screaming, a metal pipe wedged in her leg. Devin was the only one who fired the gun. But they all turned back around to leave. But as she did, the scenery changed again.
This time she was herself, watching the men leave. She furrowed her eyebrows in confusion. She wasn't sure why she kept jumping from person to person, place to place, view to view. First, she was in a room of white, then a battle ground, then standing across the room.
Was she the same person the entire time and now herself? Did she watch what happened to the man who killed the boy? His story? Was he conditioned and created for this purpose? Was he even human?
She turned to face the boy, she dropped to her knees holding his right hand, trying to take the pain away, trying to heal him. Devin choked out a sob and closed her eyes. She couldn't be reliving this again. When she finally opened her eyes, his skin wasn't the same dark colour it had been, but a white colour, almost a peach colour.
Devin looked up at his face, but she didn't see him. She saw Alex.
He struggled to pull his hand away, choking on his own blood, Devin tried to help but he pushed her away.
"Why did you do this to me?"
"Alex? Let me help you." Devin tried pressing a hand on his wounds to heal them.
"Why did you kill me?"
She looked up at him with blurry, tear filled eyes. She looked at her bloodied hands then to his chest. She tried to apply pressure but when her hands got close saw saw a gun in her hands. She was even more confused.
What was happening?
What was this?
A simulation?
A near death experience?
A dream?
A nightmare?
"You killed me, just like you killed him," Alex spat before choking, laying his head on the ground, his chest no longer moving and his eyes staring blankly at the ceiling.
"No." Devin shook her head, tears rolling down her cheeks. "No, Alex please!" She pleaded, hoping he would wake up. "Alex I need you to wake up! Please don't leave me! Please, please! I need you, Alex! I love you, you can't leave me like this!" Devin closed her eyes, resting her head on his chest before screaming up at the sky.
Devin woke up, sitting up right, her throat felt sore. Like she had been screaming. On instinct she looked at the door before quickly getting up, she knew no one was going to come to her, but she always had hoped. If no one was going to save her, shed do it herself. She opened the door and made her way to Alex's room. She was about to knock before she heard soft snores coming from him from the other side of the door.
She carefully opened his door seeing him on his back with his mouth open, his bare chest rising and falling, his sweatpants low on his hips and his blanket almost off the bed. Devin closed the door and slowly walked over to his bed. Sitting down looking at him.
Devin knew it was weird, but she had to be sure.
She placed a hand over his chest and felt the thumping of his heart. His snores came to a stop as he slowly began to open his eyes, he looked around before his eyes settled on Devin staring at her hand on his chest.
"Hey," he spoke with a croaky voice. She jumped, her eyes brimmed with tears, the bags under her eyes had become darker, her bottom lip quivered slightly. "You okay?"
"I had a nightmare about you and I wanted to make sure you were okay," she whispered back, still staring at her hand. She could feel tears prick in her eyes and she shrugged slightly. "I've never felt this way before...And it scares the shit out of me." Devin shook her head. "And I tried," she laughed forcefully. "I tried, but I can't stay away from you anymore."
"Look at me, you're okay, just breathe. I'm here. I'm okay, please just breathe." He grabbed her wrist gently, her eyes forcing her to look at him, he sat up more, brushing his hair back from his face. He pulled her closer to him, resting her head on his chest, letting her hear his heartbeat. "It's okay, baby, I'm here for you, I'm here, princess." He kissed the top of her head.
"You know, it hurt when I realised that you're not in love with me. But nothing can compare to the pain I felt when I saw you fall in love with her," she told him, wiping the tears from her face.
"Who?"
"Raven..."
"You're wrong." He shook his head.
"Tell me how I'm wrong, please educate me." Devin sat up and looked at him. Her hands resting on her legs.
"I'm in love with you, not her, it's you, it has always been you." She furrowed her eyebrows. "Nothing can change how I feel about you, no matter how badly I want to forget about my feelings for you." Devin opened her mouth to reply but closed it as he continued. "The sun could burn out, the stars could disappear and the whole world could die, but I'd still be utterly in love with you."
"But you seemed so much happier with her."
"How can you think I'm anything but hopelessly in love with you? You were never just my friend, people have obviously seen the way I look at you when you don't notice," he told her in a hushed tone, a soothing tone.
"I'm such an idiot." Devin forced out a laugh as she looked away from him.
"No, you're not."
"I'm so stupid to make the mistake of falling in love with my best friend and leaving without telling him how I felt." She looked back up to his face.
"You love me?"
"I wanted to tell you before I left. But I thought it was easier to say I might not come back so you could find someone better because I thought it would hurt less than if I saw you with someone else if you thought I would be coming back..."
"How did you feel when you came back?"
"Alex..."
"You can't leave me in the dark, you need to tell me these things."
"I felt like I could only ever love you. On the way there you were the only one on my mind, but when I saw you with Raven that day...I felt like I just witnessed death again, but instead of the boy, I saw myself. I saw my heart being ripped out of my chest and torn apart...Because I want to be more than friends."
Alex stayed silent, looking over her face as the curtains let in a bit of light from the moon, outlining her face. The tears rolling down her face shone against the light like stars. Alex sat up more, his eyes never leaving her face as he leaned towards her.
"Just say no if you want me to stop..." His voice was low as Devin felt his left-hand cup her face, bringing his own closer to hers.