Even if I can't understand
I'll take the pain
Give me the truth,
Me and my heart
We'll make it through
If happy is her
I'm happy for you
"Hi guys." Nakangiting bati ko pagpasok namin sa pintuan ng hospital room ni Reggie.
Naabutan namin si Arch kasama si Lucas at ang ilan pang miyembro ng T.H.O. May mangilanngilan ding miyembro ng SUGDM ang dumalaw kung kayat nakipagkamustahan ako sa kanila saglit. Pagtapos kong makipagusap sa mga ka club members ko, pumunta ako sa couch at umupo sa tabi ni Arch.
"Wala ka bang balak magpahinga? Kami na muna ni Reg ang magbabantay dito kung gusto mo." Nagaalalang tugon ko kay Arch. Kahit kasi ngumingiti siya, pansin mo sakanya yung kalungkutan at pagod. Ilang araw na din kasi siyang sunod sunod na nagbabantay sa kuya niya. Bihira din siyang pumasok, buti nalang at inexcuse siya ni dean sa lahat ng professors niya.
He smiled a little. "Dont mind me. Okay lang ako."
I nodded in response. "By the way, have you eaten?"
"Hindi pa. Parang wala akong gana eh."
"Oh." Sabi ni Reggie sabay abot ng paper bag na pinaglalagyan ng binili nilang pagkain sa cafe.
Arch looked confused for a moment pero kinuha nya padin ito.
"Ikaw bumili ng mga to?" Tanong ni Arch kay Reggie ng makita niya ang laman ng paper bag
"Hindi, yung isa lang. Pinapabigay ng NAGMAMAHAL sayo yung isa." Sabi ni Reggie
Arch's face lightened up. "So? Sayo galing yung isa? Which one?" Excited na pagkakatanong ni Arch
Oh ayan. Bati sila as of now, pero for sure iba nanaman magiging ingay dito sa kwartong to mamaya.
Reggie's eyes widened. "B-bakit?"
Arch smiled genuinely. "Gusto kong kainin yung binigay mo."
"H-ha? Nako, uh- akin na- akin na yan." Nagpapanic na sabi ni Reggie habang sinusubukang kunin ulit yung paper bag
This time it's my eye's turn to widen, himala mukhang iaabort ni Reggie ang pagprank kay Arch. Sabi na eh, deep down may malalim talagang care tong dalawang to sa isat isa eh.
Di ko mapigilang matawa dahil ang cute nilang tingnang dalawang nagaagawan sa laman ng paper bag, ngunit di padin nagawa ni Reggie na makuha yung burger na nilagyan niya ng chilli powder dahil mabilis itong kinuha ni Arch.
"Ha! Got it." Arch said playfully habang nag tounge out na parang bata
Binuksan ni Arch ang balot ng burger, at akmang kakagatin na ito ng mabilis itong agawin ni Reggie mula sa kamay nya. Arch froze sa ginawa ni Reg, at nakanganga pading nilipat ang kanyang tingin kay Reggie.
Kita naman ang pagpapanic sa mukha ni Reggie kung kaya't kumagat siya dun sa burger na binili niya.
I snorted nang makita ang reaksyon ni Reggie habang nginunguya yung kinain niya. Halos maluhaluha na siya at namula ang kanyang mga pisngi.
Napahalakhak naman din si Arch nang makita nya ang naging reaksyon ni Reggie. Siguro ay narealize nya na kung ano ang meron dun sa burger kung kaya't ayaw itong ipakain ni Reggie sakanya.
"Look who got a dose of her own medicine?" Pangaasar ni Arch while still laughing his lungs out
Fuming with irritation, binatukan naman agad ni Reggie si Arch bago tumayo at kumuha ng tubig sa mini ref.
"Ow. Geez. You should not be classified as a woman. I think you're more qualified as a jungle man. Ang bigat ng kamay mo." Pagrereklamo ni Arch
Agad din naman siyang nakatikim ng hampas sa braso mula kay Reggie.
"Ow. Okay okay. I'll stop. Geez."
"Jungle man." Rinig kong pabulong na dagdag ni Arch
"May sinasabi ka?" Tanong ni Reggie ng nakapamewang
Arch startle slightly. "Ha? Wala ah. Ikaw Blue may sinasabi ka?" Pagpapalusot ni Arch
I just shrugged habang tumatawa. Hay. Kelan kaya aamin ang dalawang to sa isat isa? Halatang halata naman feelings nila dinadaan pa nila sa pagtatalo.
"Sarap nyong batukan dalawa. Umamin na kasi kayo sa isat isa di yung palagi nyong dinadaan sa away." Sabat ni Lucas na nasa kabilang bahagi ng kwarto
Natigilan naman silang dalawa. I looked over at Arch who's face went pale. Ang pisngi naman ni Reggie ay parang pinaliguan ng blush on.
Reggie groaned. "Uh. Ew. Not in a million years!"
I saw a flash of pain in Arch's eyes bago ito napalitan ng isa sa mga fake na tawa ni Arch. Kilalang kilala ko si Arch at Reggie at alam kong parehas silang pilit tinatago ang kanilang nararamdaman.
"I agree. Jungle man's not my type." Pang aasar ni Arch
The same flash of pain was seen on Reg's eyes before she rolled them and sat next to me.
I squeeze Reg's hand. "You okay?"
She smiled at me. "Offcourse. Why wouldnt I be okay?" She reassured me
I just sighed. I know them too well, at alam kong nasaktan sila sa mga sinabi nila.
Napabaling ang tingin ko sa nakahigang si Nate. He looks so peaceful. I wonder when will he wakes up. We really miss him. Halos mapatayo ako sa kinauupuan ko nang makitang gumalaw ang isang daliri ni Nate.
I shook Arch immediately. "Arch! Gumalaw yung daliri ni Nate!"
His eyes widened in shock, as well as the other people inside the room. Arch got up from his seat at nilapitan ang Kuya niya.
Bumuntong hininga siya bago siya humarap samin uli. He smiled faintly. "Still not awake."
My expression saddened for a moment before I patted the space next to me, encouraging Arch to sit.
Nang makaupo na siya niyakap ko siya saglit bago ko tinapik ang kanyang balikat.
"He will wake up soon. Im sure of that. His finger flicking is a good sign right?" I said, trying to cheer Arch up
"Anyway, asan nga pala sila Chloe? I think they need to know about this. It's still a good news afterall." Tanong ko kay Arch
"Lumabas sila kanina ni Alex bago kayo dumating, baka nandyan lang yun sa labas nagpapahangin." Sagot ni Arch
I nodded. I got up from my seat at saka kinuha yung pagkain na binili ko para kay Alex.
"Hanapin ko lang sila, ibabalita ko yung improvement ni Nate. Bibigay ko na din to." Sabi ko
"You want me to come with you?" Reggie offered
"No, it's okay. Stay here. And besides, you guys seriously need to talk. I'll be back in a bit." I teased them, and their cheeks turned a little red.
Lumabas ako ng silid at naglakad lakad trying to find Chloe and Alex. The white walls of the hospital didnt help, dahil halos lahat ng hallways ay magkakawangis. I stopped nang may makitang soda vending machine. Since I was feeling sere, I decided to buy some. I continued to walk, I was about to turn to another hallway but I stopped when I heard an all too familliar voice.
"Are you sure about that?" Chloe murmured
Alex let out a deep sigh before he nodded.
Chloe bit her lips, frustration can be seen in her face.
There was a mere silent before Chloe blurted out something.
"Alex?"
Alex looked at her.
Chloe squeezed his hands. "Kiss me."
My eye widened and decided to hid behind the corner. What the hell is happening? Tama ba yung narinig ko? Alex wont kiss her right? I gulped nervously as I silently watched them.
Alex looked hesitant for a moment. My heart beat suddenly went faster when I saw Alex leaned closer to Chloe. I felt like my heart was slowly shredding into pieces as the space between them gets thinner and thinner until their lips finally met. I felt my tears escaped my eyes. I was so shocked that I dropped the food and the soda that I was holding causing it to make a loud sound that is impossible to ignore. They immediately pull apart and turned their gaze on me.
"B-blue?" Alex said dumbfounded
Di rin mapaliwanag ang gulat na expression sa mukha ni Chloe.
Mabilis naman akong tumakbo papalayo sakanila. Pinunasan ko ang luha kong patuloy padin sa pagpatak habang tumatakbo. How can I be so stupid? Bakit ba ako umiiyak? Offcourse he still loves her. I should know that. I should not be crying. Were not even together. He doesnt even know my real gender. I thought to myself.
Pero bakit? Hindi man lang ba nila naisip ang mararamdaman ni Nate sa oras na malaman niya ito? Hindi porket hindi nakikita ng isang tao may karapatan ka nang lokohin ito. Even if gusto ko silang intindihin, hindi ko padin magawa. Siguro dahil, iba din ang epekto nito sakin. Napatigil ako sa pagtakbo ng may humatak sa braso ko.
Agad ko din namang nilingon kung sino ito.
"Blue." Alex said worriedly, catching his breath
I looked down. Di ko siya kayang tingnan ng walang tumutulong luha mula sa aking mga mata kung kaya't mas pinili ko na lamang na tumingin sa sahig.
He sighed before he held both of my arms. I winced back nang gawin niya ito.
I cant let him touch me at this moment, dahil any time pwede na akong sumabog at umiyak sa harapan niya. At ang pagkakahawak niya sakin ay di makakatulong sa pagpigil sa aking nararamdaman.
"Im sorry Blue. It's not what you think. You should not have seen that." Alex said, his voice trembling
I let out a soft chuckle though it wasnt filled with happiness. Instead, it was a broken laughter filled with all the emotions Im feeling right now.
"Youre right. I should not have seen that. But dont you worry, I wont say a word." Bumuntong hininga ako ng malalim at saka humugot ng natitirang lakas ng loob sa aking katawan bago ako tumingin sakanya mata sa mata.
With all of the courage left on my body I speaked once again. "You dont owe me any explaination Alex. So please, dont. Kung meron man kayong dapat pagpaliwanagan, si Nate yun. I hope you'd be honest with him once he wakes up. Trust me, keeping a secret to someone close to you is not a great feeling." Sabi ko and then I turned around, leaving him astounded.
-
Alex
Im sitting on the couch next to Chloe and Arch inside Nate's hospital room. There were other visitors whom Im not familliar with except for Lucas.
I looked over at Nate. A smile creeped on my lips when I remembered all the good things weve been through. He's been my bestfriend before Thomas. The four of us basically grew up together, Chloe, Nate, Arch and I. I always noticed how he looks at Chloe with admiration ever since we were little kids. Just like Nate, bestfriend ko din si Chloe kaya nga siguro siya ang unang nakapagpatibok ng puso ko. Chloe's presence always gives me warmth and belongingness. She was my first love, indeed. I was just so stupid enough to be fed up with rumors that Ive heard, ni hindi ko man lang sila nagawang kausapin nun. Umalis nalang ako ng biglaan dahil nasaktan ako sa isang bagay na hindi naman totoo noong mga panahon na yun. Noong makapagusap kami ni Chloe, inamin niya sakin na sasagutin niya na talaga dapat ako noon kaya lang bigla akong umalis patungo sa ibang bansa na hindi man lang sila pinakikinggan ni Nate. Hanggang sa nagbalak siya na sundan ako sa greece pero nakatanggap siya ng mga threat letters na pinagmukhang galing sakin. Noong mga panahon na yun, naging sandigan ni Chloe si Nate. Ilang buwan pa ang lumipas, napagkasunduan ng mga magulang nila na imerge ang company nila by setting up a fix marriage between them. They didnt hesitate to disssent, dahil ang sabi sakin ni Chloe nahulog na din ang loob niya kay Nate noong mga panahon na yun. Although I was hurt, hindi padin yun naging sapat dahil mas nangibabaw ang pagiging masaya ko noong nabigyang linaw na din ang lahat. I was actually surprised that day, kala ko I'd breakdown sa harap ni Chloe and beg her to come back to me pero hindi. Sa halip, naging masaya lang ako para sa kanilang dalawa. Siguro nga tuluyan nang naghilom ang sugat sa puso ko noong mabigyang linaw ang lahat. I have found my way back to the light because of one person. He had taught me how to love unconditionally, how to let go and how to forgive. And slowly without even realizing it, I have completely fallen in love with him. Kahit na masyadong kumplikado dahil pareho kami ng kasarian, handa ko na itong ipaglaban. I just cant put to words the love that I have for him, it's completely different on how I felt for Chloe. This time, it's deeper and felt more real. I just wish Nate wakes up soon, because I cant wait to tell him about this. Im sure kahit na ganito ako, nagmamahal ng kapwa ko lalaki he'll still accept me for who I am cause he's my bestfriend.
"Alex? You want anything? Bibili ako sa convinience store." I snapped out of trance when I heard Chloe
"Hmm. I'm actually hungry. I'll just go with you." I replied
"Arch, gusto mong sumama?" Pagaaya ko, as I got up from my seat
He shook his head. "Hindi na. I'll just stay here."
I nodded. "Do you want anything? We'll just buy it for you."
"Just buy me some candies." He said, smiling
I chuckled. He still hasnt change. He still love kiddie candies up to this day.
We excused ourselves out, and walked our way outside the hospital.
Nang makarating kami sa convinience store napadaan kami sa mga noodles section.
Para siguro akong baliw dahil ngumiti ako magisa at naramdaman ang paginit ng aking mga pisngi ng may makitang cup noodles. Naalala ko kasi si Blue. I sighed. Im really going crazy.
"Ang saya mo ah." Nakangiting pagpuna sakin ni Chloe
I smiled. "May naalala lang ako."
"Naalala mo dati? Hindi ka kumakain ng instant noodles. Lagi mong hinahanap yung noodles from japan. And you would always ask Grandma Lush to order noodles directly from japan." Chloe reminisced, smiling
I let out a chuckle as I remember some of our good memories. "I was that spoiled. Dont remind me." I said still chuckling
I decided to grab a cup noodles and bottled juice. Before I went to the candy station.
"Hey Chlo? What kind of candy would Arch want?"
"Just pick any. He likes anything that is made out of candy."
Following her advice, i pick out different variety of candies saka ito nilagay sa plastic bag saka ito ipinatimbang.
Nang mabili na namin lahat ng aming kailangan we decided na sa convinience store na din kumain. Chloe also bought cup noodles.
"I wish Nate was eating with us right now." Chloe blurted out, her voice breaking
Hearing this, I sighed at saka kumuha ng tissue. I did my trick at gumawa ng tissue flower. Binigay ko naman ito kay Chloe to cheer her up.
Nang makita niya to, napatingin siya sakin and smiled genuinely. The tears that was about to escape her eyes went away. I smiled. Im glad that it still works. Ganito lagi ginagawa ko when Chloe's feeling down, nakasanayan na to simula noong mga bata pa kami.
"Thankyou." She said
Nagpatuloy kaming kumain at nang matapos ay bumalik na kami ng Hospital. Habang naglalakad pabalik, di ko mapigilang mapaisip kung sasabihin ko ba kay Chloe ang tungkol sa mga nangyayari sakin. Tila naman napansin niya ang pagkabilasa ko.
"Alexis are you okay?" She asked worrily
I just let out a deep sigh in response.
"I know you too well Alexis. Come on, what's bothering you?" Chloe asked, and pulled me to the nearest bench in the Hospital's hallway.
Nang makaupo kami, muli siyang nagtanong.
"You know you can tell me anything right?" Worry was obvious in Chloe's tone.
Chloe is still my bestfriend, so I think I need to tell her. I sighed before I started speaking.
"Chlo--" I stopped and sighed again "--I think Im gay."
Her jaw dropped the moment I confessed to her.
Binuksan nya ng bahagya ang kanyang bibig upang magsalita ngunit muli din niya itong itinikom at napatakip ng kamay sa kanyang bibig. Nagulat naman ako ng biglang humalakhak si Chloe.
My eyebrows creased.
"What's funny Chlo?" I said, confusingly
Natigilan siyang tumawa. "Y-you werent joking?"
I sighed and ran my fingers through my hair. "I wish I was Chlo. Pero iba ang sinasabi nito." Sabi ko sabay turo sa puso ko
Muli siyang napatakip sa kanyang bibig at napailing.
"Does your mom and dad know about this already?"
I shook my head. "I havent thought about that. Gusto ko lang malabas lahat ng nararamdaman ko. I-Ive been keeping this for quite some time now."
"K-kelan pa?" Tanong ni Chloe
"Im not sure when it started. Basta naramdaman ko nalang isang araw iba na ang pagtingin ko sakanya." I tried to control the smile that was forming in my lips habang naalala ko yung gabi na naguusap kami ni Blue sa veranda ng hotel.
Chloe scrunched up her nose in confusion. "Sakanya? Who?"
"Si Blue." I said nonchalantly
Chloe sighed. "Are you sure youre not just confused? Let's try some things. Have you tried to see other girls?"
I laughed softly. "Ive tried everything already Chlo. Pero walang nagbago at sa tingin ko mas lumalalim lang ang nararamdaman ko habang tumatagal."
"Kiss me." Chloe suggested
"What? Chlo are you out of your mind?"
She sighed once again. "I dont know. What do you expect from me Alex? Ive known you all my life, and youre far from being gay. I think youre just confused. I just cant let you do something to yourself that youre not sure of."
I looked down, iniisip ng mataimtim ang sinabi ni Chloe. Am I just confused?
"I dont know Chlo. The feelings I have for him is strong that no matter how much I tried to resist it, it just keeps getting stronger."
"Are you sure about that?" Chloe murmured.
I let out a deep sigh before I nodded.
I saw Chloe bit her lips in my peripheral view, I can feel that she's feeling frustrated
I continued to look down, iniisip ko padin kung gano ako kasigurado sa aking nararamdaman. Am I just being dellusional? Tama kaya si Chloe? Confused nga lang ba talaga ako?
"Alex?" Chloe called, and I looked at her
She looked straight into my eyes and squeezed my hands.
"Kiss me."
My eyebrows creased. If I kiss Chloe, there can be a possibility that it can trigger the feelings I had for her and I'll know if Im just confused. I know this isnt right but I still got to know. I sighed before I leaned closer to her. Habang lumiliit ang space sa pagitan naming dalawa ni Chloe, ipinikit ko ang aking mga mata. Ngunit kasabay ng pagpikit ng aking mga mata, ay ang pagpasok ng imahe ni Blue sa isip ko. I think my thoughts tricked me as I imagined I was kissing Blue. My lips met Chloe's lips and I didnt feel anything but regret. I opened my eyes and was about to pull away from our kiss when I heard a loud noise from nearby. I turned my gaze sa kung saan nagmula ang ingay and was surprised to see Blue in the corner. His expression was full of pain, his tears were falling down his cheeks. Why is he crying? I felt as if my heart was being stabbed when I saw Blue hurting.
Why is he crying? Does he feel the same way as I do?
"B-blue?" Sabi ko, still in shock
When I was about to get up from my seat he quickly ran away from us.
-
AN: Another update. *sigh* I've put a lot of work sa chapter na to. Hope you guys would like it kahit na it's not really a feel good chapter. Please feel free to comment and please dont forget to vote vote vote! ⭐
Song of the chapter: Stone Cold by Demi Lovato