The next day at school, Friday, everyone was talking about the motocross race. Apparently quite a few guys were taking part including people from out of town, and it was going to be a tough contest.
"Hey, Philip, are you going to watch the race?" Tommy asked at lunch.
"I don't know. To be honest I don't really have a ride to get there."
"Oh, you need to come!" said Tracey seriously, "it's such an awesome night, the atmosphere is truly electric."
"Yeah, I can give you a ride, if you want?"
For a moment Philip glanced over to Lukas's table, busy and rowdy as ever, where Lukas was sat with Rose on his lap, people leaning forward eagerly to listen to what he was saying. "Thanks" he said finally, smiling at them. "That would be really cool of you."
That was how, at half six that evening, he found himself in Tommy's old jeep heading to the motocross track, which was about a half hour ride out of town. His phone and camera were safely in the pockets of his jacket- 'don't forget to text us on your way back again, Philip'- and there was a jittery excitement in his stomach.
When they arrived loud music was pumping from the concrete stands. The stands overlooked the track which was full of steep hills and precarious slides, tall floodlights shooting white light over the faces of already a few hundred people milling around. It smelt strongly of beer and hot dogs which were being sold from small concession stands, and the air felt charged and jangling from an excited anticipation, the rowdy noise of a crowd awaiting something special.
Somehow he lost Tommy and Tracey in the swirling crowd when they went to get drinks, but honestly he wasn't that bothered- instead he found a good spot right next to the chain-link fence at the front, so that he could film the race. When the riders lined up at the starting line, the roar of their collective engines undercutting the beat of the thumping music made the crowd go absolutely crazy, stamping their feet and screaming. It was impossible to recognise the individual faces of the competitors, but Philip recognised Lukas's white and black bike near the middle of the pack.
There was a countdown, a gunshot, and all of a sudden they were off- roaring over the sandy track and hurtling over the first jump, some of the riders doing tricks in the air. Lukas kicked both his legs out to the side like a few of the other riders, causing the crowd to scream even louder.
Tracey was right, the atmosphere was undeniably electric- Philip found himself whooping along with everyone else, even as he focused on keeping his camera focused and zoomed in on Lukas the whole way round. During the final lap, the crowd were beside themselves- people were shaking the fence and screaming their favourite's name, the tension in the air tangible. The large pack had broken up throughout the race, but Lukas was still in the front group- about seven riders all fighting to cut in front as the last yards started to fall away.
It was all over in a blur of dust and a howl of engines. Lukas had somehow managed to bag third; he pulled off his helmet as Rose's small figure darted out onto the track, laughing with exhilaration as she threw herself at him. Somewhere behind him, Philip could hear a group of people chanting Lukas's name- Lukas looked towards the stands and grinned at them, before his eyes scanned the rows until they rested on Philip for a moment. Filled with the triumph of the movement, Philip grinned at him and Lukas grinned widely back before Rose started talking to him and he quickly looked back at her.
Luckily, Philip found Tracey and Tommy waiting by the jeep- both of them were pumped from the excitment of watching the race. "Rose has just announced she's having a party at her house to celebrate, are you in?" Tommy asked as they set of.
Philip hesitated- parties weren't normally his scene, especially with his new classmates, but he thought of the look of blissful triumph on Lukas's face a moment before and found himself agreeing. The whole way there the three of them eagerly discussed the most exciting parts of the race, arguing about who they'd thought would win. "Lukas will definitely be getting laid tonight though, no doubt it" remarked Tommy, meeting Philip's eye in the rear-view mirror with a grin.
"Don't!" said Tracey, but she was laughing. Somehow Philip forced a weak grin in response, but he spent the rest of the drive a little quieter.
When they arrived, Rose's house was already absolutely packed. Which was impressive, seeing as it was huge- a gleaming white affair with a large porch, people already spilling out the front door into the garden.
As they walked up the drive Philip could feel the beat of the music thumping in his chest, in time with his heartbeat. Inside it was hot and crowded, full of loud, excitable bodies all gyrating and moving in time with the music. He spotted Lukas and Rose dancing in the middle of the room, surrounded by people. The triumph was still on Lukas's face, his hair line slightly damp as he took a sip of a beer bottle only to have it pulled playfully out his hands by his girlfriend, who leaned upwards to kiss him slowly. Philip stopped watching.
He followed Tommy and Tracey into the kitchen where they all got a drink- Philip stood and sipped his quickly, feeling awkward leaning against the counter and watching everyone else. A part of him was wishing he hadn't come, he felt so out of place. He spent perhaps half an hour talking with Tommy, Tracey and some other people he didn't really know- but mostly he was quiet and looked around, not knowing half the people they were talking about.
Eventually he muttered something about finding the toilet, moving back into the packed living room which seemed to also be the main dance floor, before a skinny brunette with green dangly earrings stopped him. "Hey!" she said, too loudly. From her wide smile and the tipsy way she swayed to the music he could tell she was drunk, but then again so was he. "Wait, don't tell me your name, cute boy. I know it. You're the new kid, right? It's, ah, Peter?" She frowned at him, giggling a little. "No, not Peter. Paul?"
"It's Philip" he told her, the beer and the music and the heat all combining to make him feel a little lightheaded.
"Philip, of course!" she beamed, punching the air like she'd just won the jackpot. "Knew it. Do you like dancing, cute Philip?"
"I'm actually looking for the bathroom-" he started to say, but she was tripping forward, pushed by someone from behind, to fall into chest.
"Whoopsie." Giggling, she straightening up, still holding onto his arm.
Clearing his throat, he said, "I'm really sorry, but I'm looking for someone. Maybe later?", before making his way past. She looked after him, head tilted like a confused puppy.
Making his way up the stairs was a little difficult, thanks to the empty beer bottles and making out couples blocking the way. Upstairs the landing was much quieter, apart from a girl having a tearful conversation on her mobile phone and another kissing couple leaning against the wall. Sighing, Philip chose the most likely looking door to his left and pushed it open.
Inside was pitch black, which completely disorientated his alcohol-muddled mind for a moment as he stepped forward. And knocked into a very solid and very real human. "Holy shit!" they yelped, as Philip yelped something similar.
Taking a hasty step back, Philip knocked into the door which swung shut behind him, before his fumbling hand finally located the light switch.
He was stood in a tiny laundry cupboard, barely big enough for one person. With Lukas Walenbeck.
The other boy was still wide-eyed, rubbing the arm that Philip presumed he had walked into. The shelves were pressing them close together, even if Philip was right back against the door and the shelves had to be digging into Lukas's back. "What the hell?" Phillip demanded.
"What the hell to you, too! Why did you just barge in like that-"
"Dude, this is a laundry cupboard! I didn't expect someone to just be standing here in the dark. Do you not realise how weird that is? Isn't your girlfriend looking for you?"
Ignoring this, Lukas asked briskly, "did you manage to get any footage of the race?"
"Yes" said Philip after a beat, still struggling to make sense of what was happening. He took out his camera and showed what he'd filmed to Lukas- fortunately, despite the jostling crowd the footage was good and clear.
Lukas whistled under his breath, grinning. "Oh, man. This is awesome. Thank you so much for doing this, the sponsors will lose their shit. You're amazing."
Smiling to himself, Philip slipped the camera back into his pocket. "I'm amazing?"
Lukas shot him a look, but he was still smiling. Pink was beginning to creep into his cheeks. "Shut up."
"You're the amazing one, by the way. On your bike, I mean- all those tricks you were doing were so sick."
Lukas was definitely very pink now, smiling down at the floor. "Thanks."
"So, are you going to tell me why you're hiding in here instead of enjoying the party that was practically thrown in your honour? I'm sure Rose is missing you very much."
Lukas immediately stiffened, his smile vanishing. "Why do you keep talking about Rose?"
"I don't know. Everyone was saying how you were going to get laid tonight, she threw you a massive party, and now you're standing alone in this cupboard."
"Fine. I am hiding from her" Lukas said shortly, his arms tightly crossed over his chest.
"I kinda already figured that out. Why, though?"
Sighing, Lukas closed his eyes for a moment. "It's tiring, okay? Always acting like the person they want me to be. I was only having a break for a few minutes, to get my breath back."
"You don't want to have sex with Rose, do you?"
Lukas's eyes flashed open and for a moment he looked so angry that Philip thought he might start shouting, but instead he sort of slumped over, expression pained. "No" he said finally, very quietly.
"Wait, you've never-?"
"No."
Philip was beyond shocked. In fact, a grin was trying to force its way onto his face and it was an effort to try and keep it off.
"You better not tell anyone that" Lukas said suddenely, fierce and all up in Philip's face. "Because if you do, I swear to God I'll..."
"You'll what?" Philip said quietly. "What are you going to do to me?"
For a few seconds Lukas glared back at him, breathing heavily. Inside his chest Philip's heart was beating hard, loud and hectic. Then, all inside of a heartbeat, Lukas moved forwards and pressed his lips to Phillip's.
There was barely any time for shock- Lukas was kissing him hard, open-mouthed and desperate, and the matching desire roared up in Philip as he kissed him back, pushing back even harder. Lukas shoved him back against the door and somehow they knocked off the light switch, but neither of them really noticed the sudden darkness. Lukas's hands were pressed against his chest now, and his mouth was open and demanding, tongue dancing inside Philip's mouth.
It was almost too much. It was too good, all at once. They were both breathless and rough and clumsy, completely undone.
Then, just as suddenely, Lukas shoved Philip away from him. For a second they both stood there in the darkness, hearts pounding, the music from downstairs distant and thumping. "What just happened?" Lukas said finally, his voice hoarse.
"You're into me" Philip replied in a low voice. "That's what happened."
"I'm not...that was a mistake" Lukas said roughly. "A mistake. That never should have happened." All at once he was barging past Philip and shoving open the door, pushing it shut behind him.
Alone in the dark cupboard, Philip leaned against the wall, stunned. One minute Lukas had been shouting at him, and the next they had been backed up against the wall, Lukas's tongue in his mouth and his hands on his chest...
Holy fuck.
Philip had imagined kissing Lukas dozens of times, but none of his best imaginings had come to close to what had just happened. He waited a few more minutes so that it didn't look suspicious, before slipping out the cupboard and heading back downstairs. In the living room, he immediately spotted Lukas pushed up against the wall with Rose, whose hands where shoved up his shirt.
Feeling a sudden rise of nausea, Philip shoved open the front door and strode down the drive. He couldn't be bothered to find Tommy and Tracey, plus the idea of talking to anyone right now was horrendous. He'd rather walk home.
It took a forty minute walk in the cold dark until he got home, and by then he was shivering and his head was throbbing painfully. When he rounded the corner, he saw that all the lights in the house were still on, despite it being nearly half one in the morning.
Shit. He was supposed to text Helen, and with all that had gone on, he'd completely forgotten. As if his night hadn't sucked enough already.
Both Helen and Gabe were sat at the kitchen table when he came in, pale and tired-looking, their faces pinched with worry. "Do you know how close I was to calling Tony and bringing the force out to look for you?" Helen said in a quietly furious tone as soon as she saw him, jumping out her seat.
"Babe" said Gabe wearily, holding up a hand, "let's not-"
"We told you to text us when you were on your way back- which you said would be no later than half ten! Did you forget your phone, Philip?"
"No" Philip said in a low voice.
"Did it run out of battery?"
"No."
"Then do you have any excuse at all for not texting us? Do you know the calls I get at this time of night about kids who were late coming home- Jesus, the stories that I could tell you..." Helen trailed off, pressing a hand to her face. Gabe stood up and rested an arm around her shoulders.
Philip could feel the guilt shrinking him smaller and smaller. He'd never wanted them to worry like this. "I'm really, really sorry. I just forgot. I honestly didn't realise how late it was."
"Is that alcohol on your breath?" Helen asked quietly. For some reason it was even worse that she wasn't shouting. "How much have you been drinking tonight, Philip?"
All he wanted to do was go upstairs and curl into his bed. "Helen, I'm sorry, I-"
"You're grounded" she said flatly.
"Fine. For how long?"
"Two weeks" Gabe replied, not looking directly at him. It hurt. "I think you should go to bed now, Philip. In the morning we'll talk about this properly, when everyone is a bit calmer and has had some sleep."
Wordlessly, Philip nodded and headed upstairs. He could still hear low voices downstairs- the reassuring tone of Gabe's low voice, the distressed murmur of Helen's.
They kept on talking for a long time.