SOPHIA
I spent all of Sunday moping, but how could I not when Tori was in a coma and I couldn't visit her?
Everything going on recently with all the Dylan drama and now Tori getting worse was really catching up to me. I hadn't felt this depressed since I found out Tori had cancer.
Monday I didn't feel any better, and that was only made worse by the fact that I had school. I didn't know if I could keep up a positive, kind act around so many people today.
And on top of that I had to see Damon. After our fight on Saturday, and after he overheard who Tori really is to me, I didn't know if I could face him yet.
I felt so bad for how I treated him that day. All he wanted to do was help me, he even admitted that he cared about me, and what did I do? I pushed him away like I do with everyone else.
I wanted him to help me. I wanted to tell him everything, but it was hard. There was so much I hadn't told anyone. I was afraid that if I said it all out loud it would open all my newly healing wounds. The only time my past plagued me was when I slept and I couldn't afford to invite it back into my conscious life.
But I had to get it off my chest. I'd been carrying it around for three years and I couldn't do it anymore. I had to trust somebody with all this baggage and Damon willingly volunteered. I just had to find the courage to tell him.
I took a deep breath to rid myself from all my stressful thoughts, it would do me no good to think about everything during school.
With one last deep breath, I pulled myself together and got out of my car.
Everyone stared at me like usual, but instead of looking at me with admiration and envy, they were looking at me with concern and confusion.
I didn't blame them, I was dressed in a sweater and jogging pants. I didn't even bother to brush my hair properly, it looked like I just rolled out of bed. I'd never been quite this careless about my appearance before.
Once I made it through the doors whispers erupted behind me, no doubt about how I looked. I couldn't find the energy to care.
I made it to my locker and opened it to get everything I needed for class, but a quick glance at my tiny mirror made me freeze. I knew I looked bad but I didn't realize the severity. My eyes were bloodshot and the purple bags under them stuck out harshly against my sickly pale skin.
I shouldn't have come to school today.
I slammed my locker shut with more force than needed, which caused the people around me to jump.
I almost laughed at their fright but a sudden wave of sadness washed over me before I could. How could I even think about laughing when Tori was in a coma?
I sighed and went to class.
Today was going to be a long and painful day.
- - - - - -
I managed to get through my first class without snapping at anyone, but I didn't know if I could keep to myself much longer. There were countless rumours flying around about why I looked like such a mess.
I heard everything from 'Dylan broke up with her' to 'She's pregnant.' It was actually comical, in a sick way, to hear all these things people came up with because nothing was even close to the truth. The truth was so much worse.
I was about to stomp into Environmental Awareness class when someone caught my arm and spun me around.
"We need to talk." Damon said calmly, releasing my arm.
I gave him a simple nod and followed him to wherever he wanted to go. He could've been leading me to my death and I would've blindly followed. I didn't care.
But to my surprise he led us up to the roof of the school. I'd only been up there a couple times, and not many students people could even get up there.
"Spill." Damon instructed once we were seated.
I looked out at the view of the parking lot for a moment while I collected my thoughts.
Was I ready to tell him everything? Was I ready to say it all out loud?
But if I wanted to have peace with my past I had to stop pretending like it never happened. If I finally told someone, maybe I wouldn't have to carry all the baggage alone.
I took a deep breath to prepare myself, and started speaking before I could back out.
"Like you heard yesterday, my parents aren't actually my parents and Tori isn't my sister, she's my daughter."
"Why do you call Tori your sister?" He questioned gently.
"We're supposed to be the perfect family, no one's supposed to know my real story. It's easier that way." I explained the best I could. I couldn't tell if my explanation was enough because I couldn't bring myself to look at him.
"What's your real story?" He asked quietly, as if saying it any louder would scare me away, and maybe it would've.
"It's not good." I whispered.
"I need to know." He pleaded.
I took a deep breath, this was it. I was finally going to tell someone.
"It was freshmen year, I was fourteen, almost fifteen." I started.
He stayed silent so I continued.
"I was young, naïve and blinded by love for a guy who was an eighteen year old high school dropout.
"I met him at a corner store by my house. My mom wanted me to get some things from the store but when I checked out I didn't have enough money. I started panicking but the guy behind me saved the day by paying for everything.
"When I was done in the store I waited outside so I could thank the guy for helping me. He said I could pay him back by going on a date with him, so we exchanged numbers and the next day he took me out.
"That's how our relationship started. He was a great boyfriend at first, he would buy me things like flowers and chocolate. He respected my boundaries. He cuddled with me and took care of me when I was sick.
"Life was perfect, I was popular, I had the perfect boyfriend and the perfect family. But then everything changed.
"One day we were at his house and suddenly he got really angry after receiving a text. He asked me who Dylan was and I told him he was a friend of mine but he didn't believe me. He accused me of cheating on him. Apparently one of his friends sent him a picture of me and Dylan hugging.
"That was the first day that he yelled at me, and the first day he hit me."
I pause my story when I heard Damon suck in a sharp breath, almost like a gasp.
My story was only going to get worse, and I knew the memories were going to flash in my mind as I continued. Frightened tears fell from my eyes but I kept talking.
"After that day I tried breaking up with him but he wouldn't let me. He told me if I ever left him he would hurt everyone I loved. So I suffered for months, with him making up excuses to beat me even if I didn't do anything wrong. I wasn't living anymore, I was just doing my best to survive and keep everyone else safe.
"He turned into a completely different person as time went on. He looked forward to hurting me, and he would do it in places I could cover so no one would find out. He enjoyed the secrecy of it all and he loved seeing my blood on his floor.
"I couldn't handle the physical and emotional pain anymore. I didn't know what to do, there was no way out. So one day I grabbed one of my dads guns. Back then I thought it was the only way out. I sat in my bedroom for so long, crying and holding the gun to my head, and just as I was about to pull the trigger he walked in.
"He was furious. He took me back to his house and wouldn't let me leave. He went insane, beating me, cutting me, and then he raped me. I was there a month, and just as he was about to kill me the police showed up and arrested him.
"Eight months later I had Victoria."
When I was finished my story I was hysterically crying. It was torture to relive that horrible time in my life but it felt like a weight was lifted from my shoulders. Someone finally knew the truth, I didn't have to carry this alone anymore.
As I cried Damon didn't say a word, he just wrapped his arms around me and let me soak his shirt with tears.
I expected to be a complete mess for a very long time after telling my story, but being in Damon's arms calmed me quickly. I felt safe with him, something I usually didn't feel around anyone since everything that happened with him.
"I'll take you home." Damon finally spoke.
I nodded and sniffled away the last of my tears.
- - - - - -
I'd never been so happy to be home. All I wanted to do was curl up into a ball and sleep for an eternity. But I knew if I did that, I'd be attacked by terrible nightmares. So instead I invited Damon inside to hang out and watch a movie.
As we sat beside each other on my couch and watched Mean Girls, Damon's choice, not mine. I was beginning to feel better. I was proud of myself for telling someone the truth, and part of me couldn't believe I actually did it. I could finally be my messed up, broken self in front of someone.
And the fact that the someone was Damon was a whole other unbelievable thing. How did someone I hated with a burning passion suddenly become the person I spilled my whole life story to?
Well, almost whole life story anyway. There were some things I just couldn't bring myself to say yet. But maybe one day.
I shook away the horrible things I still kept to myself before they ruined my brightening mood. I'd deal with those secrets another day.
I turned to face Damon and after a moment he met my gaze
"I just wanted to apologize for the way I treated you the other day. You were just trying to help and I was being nasty to you. I'm really sorry. You didn't deserve that." I said sincerely.
He shrugged, "You lashed out at me out of fear when I pushed for information. You have nothing to apologize for."
I breathed out a sigh of relief. He was the most understanding guy in the world and I was eternally grateful for it.
"And thanks for listening to me today, I've never told anyone any of that before." I said after a moment of silence.
"No problem." He said with another nonchalant shrug.
I smiled at him and he returned it with one of his own. For a moment we just at there, smiling at each other. But then something in the air shifted, electrified. Our smiles faded and I didn't even notice us both moving closer to each other until we were just centimetres apart.
My gaze dropped to his lips. I wanted to feel them against mine, and I could if I just leaned in.
Just as our lips were about to connect the doorbell rang.
We jumped away from each other, the sound breaking the spell and bringing us back to reality like a bucket of cold water was thrown at us.
I hopped off the couch saying "I'll get it." And ran to the front door, swinging it open to reveal the mailman.
I almost laughed out loud, the mailman just interrupted my almost kiss with Damon.
He quickly extended his arm out toward me, which held a single envelope.
I took it from him and closed the door, then I looked down at what it was.
On the front it read:
To: Sophia Mackenzie
From: David Martin
No.
"Who's that from?" Damon suddenly asked from close behind me.
"Uh, n-nobody important." I stuttered.
"Yeah, sure." He said skeptically.
"I'm just gonna go put this in my room, you go and continue watching the movie." I told him, then ran up the stairs without waiting for a reply.
Once I was in my room I threw the letter onto my bed and started pacing.
How could he do this to me? Doesn't he know how much pain he's already caused me? Couldn't he just leave me alone?
I needed to stop freaking out before Damon got any more suspicious.
I took some calming breaths.
Who cares if he sent a letter? Maybe it said he didn't want anything to do with me anymore.
But seriously, just when I was starting to get over everything that happened to me, just when I finally got the nerve to talk about it, he decides to jump back into my life the only way he possibly could.
This was a new kind of torture.
I took one last calming breath, and headed back downstairs. Once I was sat beside Damon on the couch again he looked over at me.
"Are you okay? You look a little pale." He asked, his eyebrows pulling together in concern.
I shrugged like nothing was wrong, "I'm fine."
"Did you read your letter yet?" He questioned.
I shook my head.
Just thinking about what was in the letter sent shivers of horror down my spine. I'd be stupid to read the letter while Damon was here. If it was bad and I ended up freaking out, Damon would obviously try to figure out the problem. And for some reason I felt like I had to keep this from him.
- - - - - -
After the movie we decided to go up to the little music room in my closet and fool around on the instruments. I was having a lot of fun and it took my mind off the letter.
I think that was Damon's goal, I could tell he knew something was wrong with me and wanted to fix it. And he definitely succeeded.
After playing around in the music room for quite a while we ended up making dinner, boxed macaroni and cheese. We were too lazy to cook anything fancy.
Then, a little while after we ate Damon left.
Now I was sitting on my bed at ten o'clock at night, debating whether or not I should read the letter.
After a few more minuets I finally made up my mind, I need to open it or my curiosity will kill me. I needed to know for certain if it was bad.
So with shaking hands I opened the envelope and read the letter inside.
To my dearest star
I haven't seen you in years
With the pain that you've caused
You deserve to live all your fears.
I know what you want
Is me locked up till death
But we'll be together my love
Until your very last breath.
Yours truly,
XoXoXo