- Death of a Bachelor
Author: Me (2017)
Summary: Married life for long-time single guy Harry Styles took a while to get adjusted to, but once he finally does he embraces a change that many others are quietly opposed to. Finding that he has to justify himself to try to put an end to the judgement, he reflects on his relationship, nearly kills a kitten, proves his commitment, and pens a song hoping that people will understand how he feels about not being a bachelor anymore.
Note: Inspired by "Death of a Bachelor" by Panic! at the Disco. if you've never listened to the song or the album, go give it a listen before or after you read this one shot. You won't regret it :) Also, happy belated 1 year anniversary to this #1 grammy nominated album!
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This is it, Harry concludes, she's the one. She's going to be the death of me.
She's got a tight grip on his heart, and he can feel it whenever she's speaking, when she's laughing, and when she sings. She was love's iron maiden and he was her jailbird. Harry admittedly knew he was doomed the moment he allowed her to hold his heart in the first place, and now a saccharine death awaits him in the hands of his true love.
Papers, wrinkled and torn, surround Harry's usually empty desk. His lyricism is becoming too much for him. He never aims to sugarcoat his relationships, both platonic and romantic. He always wants them to appear as they are to him: gritty, flawed, harrowing, safe, and in the rare occasion, worthwhile. His current, and by far most inspiring muse has also been his worst.
The entity he creates for her comes from a place of love and admiration, and goes against his moral principles as a writer. In other words, he could write pages upon pages about how she changed his life, but he'd never get anywhere as an artist, especially on a deadline.
She enters his study. It's a small room they both decided when they purchased their home to reserve as a separate room for music purposes. Harry's still staring at the wads of paper in front of him when she comes in with his beer that he'd ask for five minutes ago.
"Hard at work or hardly working?" She asks and quirks an eyebrow at the sight of his desk.
"I don't know what I'm doing to be honest." Harry sighs. "They're all beginning to sound the same; the message, the story, their purpose. I'm blocked."
"Well, maybe for now, but I'm sure if you give yourself a moment to rest then revisit all of this," she gestures at his desk, "on another day something will come to you. Something you didn't see today you might find tomorrow."
She runs her fingers across Harry's forehead, hoping to see the furrowed middle relax and when it did she gave him a kind and reassuring smile. Harry feels her hand with his and pulls her closer to where he was sitting. Resting on the arm of his chair, she hugs him into her chest, feeling his hair between her fingers as she uses the leverage to kiss the crown of his head.
Harry's mind travelled elsewhere for the few seconds she held him. He recalls the first time she ever held him this way.
It was several weeks after she admitted that she was in love with him.
Harry fell in love too, but at the time his perception of that feeling was densely subjected to the feeling of being plunged into cold water: a sudden, sharp, awakening pain; an oh shït, not again sensation. At the time Harry wasn't ready for a relationship and he admitted it to her earlier on to salvage her nubile heart.
In those several weeks Harry became too busy. He was grieving. He had lost a lot.
He didn't have to ask her to show sympathy for him, she did anyway. She came over for the first time in a while and it was the first time they'd been alone since the last time she'd been over. She barely made it through the main hall before Harry completely broke down in front of her.
A loss is someone else's gain, or so some say.
He decided he wasn't going to lose her too.
They didn't start their relationship smoothly, but in the end they still stayed together despite the numerous opportunities for life to screw them over. Harry sees it as a gospel of love; a true testament to the countless times they could both do something wrong, but come forward brave enough to do something right.
Today was one of those days where neither of them had a reason to argue with the other. He liked their petty arguments because it brought out wrinkles in their relationship for them to smooth out. He, of course, preferred them on their calmer days such as this one.
The following day was not so different, but the day afterwards he'd accidentally stepped on Gerald (their recently adopted kitten), and now she refuses to acknowledge him.
Harry spends his free time in the study more than he does with her now because every time he sits with her she's either glaring at him with beady eyes or staring lovingly at the small kitten in her arms who's more doped up on drugs than he once was. Harry feels bad, deep deep deep down. But he doesn't want her angry with him anymore. He knows she's angry with him because she doesn't come into his office to bother him twice a day anymore.
"I love you." He says to her that night and luckily she says it back. "I love you too." She murmurs softly, then pauses, "Gerald."
Harry sighs, defeated, but he leans in to kiss her anyway. She doesn't kiss him back but she still lets Harry hold her. Harry is thankful.
"God you're so whipped." Jack, his good friend and manager, didn't spare him as they were wandering through the pharmacy the next day.
"I almost killed our cat. She hates me right now so I'm doing whatever I can to keep her happy... at her happiest." Harry murmurs as he turns back to Jack for a moment. "You can't say shït when you're the same with Glenne."
"Yeah whatever, but it's different because it's you." Jack chuckles. "She's got you taking initiative," He pauses, "getting pain meds for the cat. One day you'll be getting her prenatal vitamins."
Harry whips his head to Jack who's caught up with him. Wide eyes and heart beating wildly, Harry and Jack meet at a glance and it's Jack who breaks the eye contact with a roar of laughter.
"You should see the look on your face."
Harry shakes his head and rolls his eyes at Jack. After collecting the pain medication Harry and Jack began their way out, but as Harry stole a glance at the aisle of baby diapers a few ways down he smiles to himself.
"So tonight everyone's heading to the good guy for Arden's birthday."
Harry made a face. It wasn't that he didn't like Arden. He just would rather stay at home and not wake up feeling disgusting. It was a frequenting choice these days, much to his friend's disappointment.
"I'll send my present for her later this week." Harry says, "Wish her a happy birthday for me when you see her though."
"What's your reason now? The stupid cat?"
"Gerald isn't stupid." Harry sighs, "It's not about the cat. I just don't feel like going out tonight."
"You know, there was a time when Harry Styles was a party animal. Where's that Harry Styles I know?"
"Dead, buried, and in hell where he belongs."
"Whatever man, everyone's going to miss you though."
"Yeah well, who won't?" Harry's smug response earned him a shove in the side.
The jolt had him ready to push Jack back, but his eye caught the sight of a camera. Sighing, he decided It was time to go home. The two parted ways. It was then that the one camera turned into two, then three, then four. They kept their distance, but were shouting out questions: Nice look Harry, where did you get that jacket? Where's Ariana? Are you going to her now? How's marriage treating you? He simply ignored them and drove off.
He arrives home and presents the white paper bag to Ariana who's sitting in the study on her laptop. He holds it out and is hesitant to say anything, but ends up blurting, "Love me again," while he waits for her to take it.
She takes the paper bag and sets it on the desk.
Later that night Harry was meditating in their room when she came in to bother him. She's carrying Gerald with her who's fast asleep. She asks him to look after Gerald while she takes a shower. It's the most she's said to him in the last twenty-four hours.
Gerald's fast asleep, clearly heavily drugged up again. The small kitten fit easily in his hand. Seeing the small ball of fur rise and lower as it breathed peacefully made Harry's heart burn. He can understand why she was so angry with him. Harry nearly killed the little guy. The kitten looks so small and defenseless and Harry didn't even notice he had stepped on him until Ariana screamed out bloody murder.
Harry continues meditating. Laying back with Gerald sleeping on his chest, he continues reading until he fell asleep.
When he woke up Gerald wasn't sleeping on him anymore. Harry notices the duvet draped over him which wasn't how it was the night before. Harry's panicking.
Did I unconsciously suffocate Gerald while I was sleeping?
A quiet meow catches his attention and he looks over the edge of the bed to find Gerald standing, walking slowly towards the bed. Harry sighs in relief.
"Oh thank God."
Harry checks his phone first before properly getting up from bed. He slept in and it felt amazing.
"Oh good, baby you're up. Breakfast is ready." Ariana speaks up from the door, catching Harry's attention.
"Are you talking to me or Gerald?"
"You, obviously."
"I honestly wouldn't know." Harry jokes, but the harsh reality was there and it lead to her laughing light heartedly at his expression.
"Yeah, that's true. Come along Gerald baby."
Like Harry, Gerald kept close to her as they made their way down the hall.
The two gather around the breakfast bar centred in their kitchen with the exception of Gerald who joins his brothers and sisters on the floor where lines of feeding bowls were waiting for them. Harry waits for her to finish checking in on the little ones before he stared to eat because he didn't want to be rude.
After the two ate their breakfast quickly in silence, Harry offers to clean up. He didn't really ask, he just took their plates to the sink and began to wash.
"While you're at it can you do the babies' bowls too?" She asks, impressed by the initiative Harry's been showing. Knowing it'd make her happy, he nods, "Sure thing."
"And," she speaks up again, "can you give them baths? I'm going to be in the study all day today so I can't do it."
"Sure." Harry nods again, giving her a poised smile.
When she turns her back to him Harry's smile drops as he cotninues washing their dishes. Harry did not like giving baths to their pets. Ariana knew that. It seems like every time he tries to get them to cooperate and sit still while he bathes them they always end up running amuck, which will no doubt happen again and the house will be in ruins. But the lengths of what Harry will do to keep her happy surpasses his ability to say no to her.
Once he finished washing the dishes along with the feeding bowls, his fingers had shrivelled into pale sausages.
Harry leads their pups and little Gerald to their patio. Knowing what's to come Harry changed into a pair of swim shorts before exiting onto their patio shirtless. His growing hair is pushed back with an elastic headband, revealing his tired expression for the animals to see.
He did the bigger ones first to get them over with. They were fussy at first, but Harry managed to calm them down. However, he still got wet in the process. By the time he reached Gerald it was well into the afternoon and Ariana hadn't bothered to come out and check on him.
As Harry cradles Gerald in one arm he massages the little fur ball with his other hand. He hisses, apparently hating Harry which he understood.
"I know little one. Sorry my hands aren't quite as nice as your mommy's. She's got the softest little hands doesn't she? You like it better when she holds you huh?"
That's something he and Gerald can both agree on.
"Don't worry Gee, daddy's got you. S'almost done, just got to make sure there's no dirt in your little paws. Gotta wash behind those ears too bud, sorry."
To entertain himself Harry gave Gerald a little Mohawk.
As Harry's rinsing Gerald, he hears the sound of the door being shut and looks up to find Ariana approaching him. By then Gerald had had enough of Harry and leaped out of his arms so he could run around the garden.
Harry stands up again and walks over to Ariana who holds a towel out for him.
"Thanks," he says as he takes the towel, "you all done in there?"
"No, but I needed a break anyway. Jack called; he left a message about the party you missed last night. He's expecting you to attend the next one."
"If he calls again can you let him know I'm not interested?"
"I hope you're not saying no because of me."
Ariana crosses her arms and studies Harry carefully.
"Or you're embarrassed or feel like I don't allow you any freedom."
"No one's to blame. I just don't want to go. I'd rather be with you over anyone else. Except maybe my mum, but you know what I mean." Harry chuckles.
"Okay, but your friends might be blaming me, who knows." She sighs. "But whatever, I don't care."
She does, Harry knew that, but he didn't want her to feel patronized.
"What they feel wouldn't matter to me anyway, if I knew. I love you, you make me happy, and they should understand that and be able to respect it." Harry shrugs, "If they can't then what kind of friends are they?"
"Don't ruin your friendships because of me," Ariana sighs, "that defeats the purpose."
"They expect too much of me. You on the other hand accept me as I am. I've changed a lot from the first time we met. You're all caught up, but they're not." Harry explains. "I'm a new person. That old me, the person who's always been lonely, partied as a distraction, who didn't trust anyone; he's gone, dead. To me anyway."
Harry wishes he could admit that he wasn't selfish when he made the decision to let his heart be toyed with again. It wasn't for her benefit, or to appease his inner conscience who didn't want to feel lonely anymore. Okay, perhaps that had a little to do with his choice, but it wasn't like he had any control in where his feelings went towards. When Harry knew he had fallen in love his first thought had been, of course, oh shit, not again, and second to it he thought the media is going to have a lot of fun with this, and he wasn't wrong.
He still stands in the front line fighting for his freedom to love. He still need to ask for some understanding and some respect. None of which comes in waves like the negativity that pursues him.
Harry isn't single anymore and he hasn't been for a while. He's let go of a lot of his habits for the sake of commitment. Harry knows he's changed. His friends remind him every time he sees them, and his fans too, they're outspoken about how so much has changed since the band ended. He hates having to justify his happiness to those who don't understand that his current life is making him the happiest he's ever been.
He isn't the riotous bachelor the media paints him to be anymore. He could be, but it isn't as fun as it used to be. Being with her tops everything he's ever done, every decision he's ever made, the people he's let into his life. Harry will always choose her. No drug, no party, no classification could convince him not too.
A life time with her is his happiest thought. Being happily married to someone he loves and respects at the expense of his bachelor days being buried with the rest of his past mistakes is worth it in the end. He looks forward to walking through the rest of life with her.
It still seems like no one understands how he feels; no one is truly happy for him. He wishes them to be. His friends, his fans, his ex's, the public, everyone who cares to think about him once in a while: Harry encourages them to understand what he feels.
She's always going to be the one, Harry thinks as he glances her way, and the small smile on her face for whatever reason made his heart ache, God I love her.
An adjustment needs to be taken place. His relationship has become a spectacle. Everyone's involved now. There's only one way he could get the message across.
His eyes lit up.
"That's it. I've got it." Harry rasps, nearly dropping his towel.
"What?" Ariana asks, partially muted by Harry's abruptness.
"The song," Harry says, "I know what I'm going to write."
Harry lunges towards Ariana and kisses her as passionately as one would allow. He lifts her off her feet and squeezes her tight, much to her dismay, wetting her in the process.
"Oops, sorry." He chuckles. "Hey," he pauses and holds her in front of him so he could see her completely. He cups her face and smiles down at her, "I love you." He tells her and his heart nearly swells twice its size when she finally says it back. Not to Gerald, but to him.
"I love you too Harry. Go write your song." She smiles and melts in his hands, but her attentiveness to her increasingly soaked shirt lead her to move away from him, "Now I gotta change because you made me wet."
"Wouldn't be the first time." Harry quips, kissing her cheek before rushing indoors.
Ariana shakes her head and enters after him. He's an idiot, but she loves him anyway.