*Avery's POV*
I left Luke's house crying and hurt. I can't believe he did that, I thought he was better than that. This was our first fight since becoming friends and it was scary. He was yelling at me and I was yelling back. I did say something that was super bitchy but I had no control over my words, they just came out.
But he still had no right to grab me like that. He should've held his composure. And we wouldn't have gotten in the fight if he wasn't being so nosey in the first place. I told him I didn't want to talk about my life and he should've left it at that.
It's not that I didn't trust him, although I'm not sure how much I trust him now, but it's hard to talk about all the shit I go through 'cause it's too painful to talk about. I haven't even told Dylan and he's my best friend.
I don't know what this means for us now. There's still the plan but I don't think I can stand being around him. My feelings for him haven't changed and I don't think they will. I know he's not the violent type but him grabbing me still hurt.
It took a while but I eventually made it home. I wasn't thinking about what my dad would say if I came home later without a heads up but luckily for me, I found a note on the counter saying he'll be gone for the next few days. I don't recall him mentioning a trip but I didn't question it. The farther away from me he is the better.
I was so worn out from yelling, crying, and that long walk that I went up to my room and laid in my bed. I took my phone out of my back pocket and turned it on to see text after text from Luke.
Luke: I'm so sorry, Avery.
Luke: I swear I didn't mean to do that, I don't know what came over me.
Luke: I'd never do something like that to you.
Luke: I don't want to let this ruin our friendship.
Luke: Please answer me so I know you're okay.
I rolled my eyes and shut off my phone. I didn't feel like talking to him right then. What I need now is a bit of time to think it all over and decide whether I want to forgive him or not and where we go from there.
It wasn't that late at all but I was really worn out. I was truly grateful that my dad wasn't here because I don't think I could take any of his harsh words right now. The only thing I could do to relieve some of my stress was sleep and I did just that.
-
I was extremely groggy when I woke up the next morning. I was still in all of my clothes and my shoes were even on. I felt around on my bed for my phone and I saw it was close to eleven o'clock.
I got up and went to the bathroom to shower. Once I had freshened up, I put on some clothes to lounge around in and went downstairs to check the mail before breakfast. I came back and noticed a note on the door. I pulled it from under the door knocker and headed to the kitchen before reading it.
Avery,
I waited outside for about ten minutes and you never came out. I rang the doorbell and knocked many times but either you were still sleeping or you were ignoring me. I hope you're okay and we really need to talk.
Luke
I crumbled up the note and threw it away. I don't want to talk to him right now, I'm still highly upset. What is talking gonna do anyway? It could turn into another argument. He might try to put it on me and say if I had just opened up in the first place we wouldn't be in this mess. Or that I shouldn't have said the shit I did about Brooke. I will admit it was wrong of me but my inner thoughts kind of just slipped out. But it's not like it's not true. She's an all around good person but you're pretty bad if you date your ex-boyfriend's best friend. That's just super petty and spiteful.
But who am I to judge? I'm trying to break them up and take her boyfriend. And then I have feelings for her ex but I don't know how I feel about him now. This one incident shouldn't change my entire thought of him but it's not something I'll forget. Him grabbing me this one time doesn't change the fact that I think he's a sweet, charming, extremely tall idiot; but I know now that when pushed to the edge, he'll lash out.
I don't need to be thinking about him right now. This is supposed to be my time to relax and clear my mind. I know I can't avoid him forever so I need to figure out what I'm gonna do about all of this.
*Luke's POV*
As I drove to Avery's place this morning, I was rehearsing various apologies in my head. She looked so upset when she stormed out of my house yesterday and she hadn't responded to any of my texts. I just want to make sure she's okay and let her know how sorry I am.
I arrived at her place and walked up to her door and rang the doorbell. I waited for about a minute before ringing it again. I rang and knocked for what seemed like the longest before I finally gave up. If she really wants to come to school she'll ride her bike. Maybe she just doesn't want to ride with me and I totally understand that.
Since she's not reading my texts, I wrote out a note and stuck it under the door knocker and headed back to my car. I sat in it for two minutes before pulling off in case she decided to come out after all.
I arrived at school a few minutes later and headed in after parking. It was much different not having her by my side. Before, I didn't mind being here because I got to spend time with her. Now, I'm dreading the day and I can't wait for it to be over.
My plan is to go to her place after school and check up on her. I know she probably doesn't want to see me but I can't keep carrying on without knowing how she is.
I walked into my first period just as the bell rang and took my usual seat in the back of the room. I slouched in my chair as the teacher began to speak.
I sat through the lesson zoning in and out. I couldn't get Avery out of my mind, no matter how hard I tried to focus. I can't stop thinking about how hurt she looked and how she may never think of me the same again.
I can't do anything right. I repeatedly cheated on my now ex-girlfriend, hurt the girl I've developed feelings for, and lunge at my best friend. I'm a terrible person and I deserve all the shit I'm going through right now.
After class, I headed to my second period, making sure to avoid everyone, especially Ash. I'm not in the mood to really talk to anyone.
"Luke." I heard someone say my name. He's definitely the last person I want to talk to.
I groaned and turned around. "What do you want, Devon?"
"Dylan." He stated.
"Same difference." I rolled my eyes.
"Where's Avery?" He asked. "I didn't see her this morning and she's not answering my texts."
At least I'm not the only one she's ignoring.
"I talked to her this morning and she said she's not feeling well." I lied.
He glared at me for a few seconds and crossed his arms. "I don't believe you."
"Well I don't care if you believe me or not. You can ask her yourself but oh wait, she's not replying to your texts."
I stepped around him and continued on to class.
-
It wasn't the same sitting at the lunch table alone. I missed her laying her head on my shoulder, her stealing a few of my fries, and just talking to her in general. I know none of her actions are real but they feel that way to me. All of my actions are real. Every compliment I pay her, every time we touch, every smile and kiss is real for me. There's this feeling in my chest that I've never felt before and I don't know how to explain it but only she gives me that feeling.
Brooke makes me feel a different way. She makes me feel warm inside and every time we had sex, I knew what we had was real.
These two different girls make me feel completely different things and I don't know which one I enjoy more.
"Hey," I looked up to see Cal, "you look like you could use a friend." He sat across from me.
"I'm just a bit distracted, that's all." I said.
"Where's Avery?" He asked, looking around.
"She's not here. She isn't feeling well."
"Oh." He nodded. "Well it's obvious her absence affects you. But you also look upset. Are you sure everything's okay?"
"I'm fine." I nodded. "I'm a little tired, that's all."
"Well to cheer you up, how about I tell you about how Michael got detention today? It's fucking hilarious." He chuckled.
He began to tell me the story, choking on his words often because he was laughing so much. Even though I wasn't feeling it, I still managed a small smile that I really needed.
Cal always has that affect on me, well anyone for that matter. He can make the saddest person smile and that's why I love having him around.
By the end of the story, he was a crying mess.
"No surprise there." I chuckled. "Mike's an idiot."
The bell rang, signaling the end of lunch.
"I'll catch you later." Cal said as we walked out.
"Later, man." I nodded and headed the opposite way to math.
-
I was happy and anxious when the school day ended. I didn't have to sit through class and pretend to listen anymore but I was also nervous about going over to Avery's. How would she react when she opens the door? Would she even open it? But no matter how nervous I am I have to talk to her. Leaving a problem to simmer is never good. It'll just get worse so talking now to resolve things is the best option.
I started up my car and made the journey to her house. Once I arrived, I got out of my car and slowly made my way to her door. I stood there for a few seconds before knocking.
I waited for what seemed like forever with no answer. I was debating whether to knock again or leave and try again tomorrow when she finally opened the door.
"Luke?" She asked.
"We need to talk." I said as I walked inside. I didn't want to wait outside and give her the chance to slam the door in my face.
She shut the door and turned to me. "I don't want to talk to you." She crossed her arms.
"Fine, then just listen to what I have to say. I swear that I didn't mean to hurt you like that yesterday. I wasn't even thinking and I'm so, so sorry. I was wrong to push you into talking about something you didn't want to talk about. I just hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me and hopefully we can forget about this." From all the rehearsing I did, I thought my apology would be better.
A few moments passed after my little speech and she hadn't said anything. She just stood there with her arms crossed, looking down at the floor.
"Say something, please?" I asked. The silence made me even more nervous.
"I don't know what to say." She shrugged.
"You can accept my apology and we can move on." I suggested.
"I can't, at least not right now."
"What?"
"Your apology was sweet and all but I still need a bit of time. I'll continue with the plan and everything but nothing extra. I don't want you to touch me unless I warrant it." She said.
"But Avery-"
"I think you should go now." She cut me off.
Instead of opposing and possibly making it worse, I just agreed. "Okay." I headed towards the door and opened it. "I really am sorry."
"I know." She nodded and closed it once I was outside.
That didn't go how I wanted it to at all. I didn't visualize us jumping up and down in each other's arms but I was hoping for a better outcome than that.
Why does it hurt so much? Why does my heart feel as though it's been ripped out? Why do I care that she won't forgive me? It was never this hard with Brooke. I will admit some times took a bit more than others but she always forgave me and I was happy. Avery rejecting my apology really hit me. I've never felt anything like this before and it's kind of scaring me. How come she has more of an affect on me than Brooke? Brooke was the first girl I've ever given a damn about and here Avery comes and makes me constantly question myself.
I don't know anything about all the new things I'm feeling but I do know that she has everything to do with it and I'm going to figure out why one way or another.