Life continues and when I say that I mean my seclusion in my driven desire to start anew with the company continues. The only times I see the sun are when I have to get out for a meeting. I haven't set a foot at home in days and I don't think I sleep more than three or four hours every day.
Busy is a euphemism to describe my life right now.
But as if the company wasn't giving me enough work, the trial is making it even harder.
The date is around the corner so we need to prepare even more, polish my statement and work with the lawyers in our goal to prove Laura's guilty. Even if we have evidence, this can always be refuted so we need to present strong accusations that can't be denied and will condemn her.
Personal life, enjoyment or even basic things as a proper night of sleep have disappeared from my schedule. And I barely have time to feel bad about it. The biggest thorn in my flesh right now is Will. I honestly haven't seen him in days and even if he drops at the office to see me, the timing is never right. I'm either running to a meeting or discussing with the lawyers or too busy with work and I can barely exchange a quick hello. And I feel terribly guilty —when I do have the time to actually feel and worry about my own emotions— about that because I know he came here to make me company, to support me but I have completely neglected him. I swear it's not on purpose. I miss him, I wish I could spend time with him but I can't just drag him with me like a puppy or arm candy. He's not that and even if I trust him I can't just let him in when we are discussing classified information regarding the company. Although everyone here knows I've been trained my whole life to be where I am right now, I can't just carry my boyfriend with me when he's not even part of the company. That would take all the credibility I need for people to trust me with what I'm doing.
That leaves Will alone, waiting for someone who doesn't come home. Someone who doesn't have the time to see him. To be with him.
I'm so busy I even reply to his texts sometimes two hours later.
Nora told me that Will is making himself busy, which is a breath in the torrent of guilt I have to deal with. If he's busy then I don't feel that bad for abandoning him like this, although it doesn't make it better, but at least he is making something out of his stay here. I know he's resuming his activities, expanding his connections and getting ready to go back to university.
That is a shock for me when I do think about it. Will is still a student, someone preparing to become a working adult whereas I had to rush through my education, starting before I was supposed to. Whereas he has years before work consumes his life, I have already lost my time to work. Yes, in the future things should settle, but that won't be for a long while.
Sometimes I think that, perhaps, by the time my life settles and I have time to actually have something else aside from work, Will is probably going to start to work and fight to make a living on his own and won't have time for me. Or worse... he won't be around. I know Will wants to do so much for this world, he has so many dreams and so many places to go and help. And it's when I think about that when I wonder, when are we going to have time to be together?
It does break my heart a bit every time I think about it.
But I don't have that much time to think, which is the only thing I'm grateful for, otherwise I'd be feeling really blue and lost regarding my love life. I keep telling myself once the trial is over and Laura goes to jail I'll have time to organise my schedule and perhaps make time be with Will or find a way for us.
Perhaps I can go on with just two hours of sleep...
I'll see that when we get over with this trial. With that out of my agenda I'll only have the company to worry about and as we've just started with the reformation, it shouldn't be that bad, should it?
Or that I hope so.
❅ ❅ ❅
The trial day finally comes and yes, I am a wreck. Nora is at my side, trying to keep my grounded while Louise goes over last details with the lawyer. And for the first time in weeks, Will is at my other side, holding my hand and just being a stable presence. Waiting for the trial is probably the longest we've been together since coming back to London.
Laura hasn't been brought yet but the moment she steps in I tense up. It's both because I have to war the flashbacks of when she pushed me off the bridge and every other horrid thing she did to me, and because I have to control my rage.
Per usual, Laura looks flawless in a wrecked way. She manages to look heartbroken, wronged. I don't know how she can do that, like in dramas and movies where you know the look in their faces is just makeup making them look ragged. I see Laura and I know she is not honest, she's not really even worried because for the brief moment our eyes meet I see it, that confidence shining in her eyes, telling me she knows she'll get out of this and I'll fail.
How can she be so confident in this type of situation?
That look in her eyes makes me scared. What if we fail? What if even with all the evidence we've gathered the judge still claims it's not enough and declares Laura innocent? What do I do then?
Nora feels my discomfort and immediately grabs my other hand, giving me a tight squeeze as to remind me to breathe and calm down. I try to focus on that and push my fear aside, but it's so hard. I'm so focused trying to keep those monsters away that I don't notice Will moving until his hand is cupping my face and making me turn to look at him. Obviously, I'm surprised at first, shocked that he is doing this but as soon as I meet his eyes and see his smile, something different settles in my stomach, a calming and warm feeling that easily pushes the fears away. I look him in the eyes and I feel the longing I've blocked for weeks kicking in, punching me from inside out, reminding me how much I've missed Will.
The touch of his fingertips on my skin.
The warmth of his eyes.
The kindness of his smile.
The softness of his worry for me.
And as I look at him and momentarily forget about the situation we're in, I become overwhelmed with the intensity of what I feel for him. I haven't seen him in days, we haven't had a proper conversation in so long, but we meet eyes and it's like no time has gone by between us. If anything, I only feel more strongly for him.
Oh... that is why they say distance only makes the heart grow fonder.
The smile tugs at my lips, slowly yet naturally as I lean a bit in his hand, focusing only on the touch and never breaking the eye contact. Will leans in closer, still smiling, until his forehead is pressed against mine, our noses barely bumping, and that is when I close my eyes, taking deep breathes. I can smell the scent of his aftershave and that fragrance that is purely Will, and I can't believe how comforting it is. I want to let him wrap me in his arms and pull me close, because I've missed him so much, more than I realised.
"It's going to be fine, Blanca," Will whispers and I can feel his breath brushing my lips, making me wonder when it was the last time I kissed him. "She'll pay for what she's done."
I take a deep breath, doing my best to believe Will's words and relax.
However, soon I'm distracted and basically pulled away from the bubble Will created for me as I hear the trial will start. My heart immediately races in fear, anxiety and concern. But I stay on my seat and watch, closely, with my heart beating in my throat the whole time. I never let go of Will's hand and that keeps me from shaking. I know I'm squeezing his hand too tight, but he does not complain and he just holds me.
The lawyers make their presentations, eloquently, confidently. Laura's lawyer is charming, like her, and presents her as a big victim of misunderstanding and my selfish desire to have the company only for myself. Her side is painting me as the power hungry monster who is trying to use my accident as an excuse to kick her out of the company and depose her of everything, even when she has legal rights over part of the company. Her lawyer speaks and shows evidence of how I have never accepted Laura as my family and always antagonised her, witnesses come that keep painting me as someone I'm not. And they do it so confidently that even I start to consider that perhaps I did look like that, like someone who only hated Laura and who din't want to share her fortune.
It's terrifying the power lawyers have to paint a situation in a different light, how persuasive they can be. They make me doubt the truth I know, and if they make me feel like that, then how does the jury feel about it?
Although Laura might have an excellent lawyer who can play with words to make people believe anything, our lawyer does not only have a great speech but also unquestionable evidence, facts that prove Laura's crimes and that can't be ignored. Our lawyer doesn't only have the perfect words and most persuasive speech, he also has undeniable proof of everything he says.
I have to go and testify and tell them my side of the story. Of course I am asked regarding my feelings for Laura.
"I didn't hate her at first, and yes, I am aware I'm acknowledging I hate her now," I answer before the lawyer can even point that. "But it wasn't like that all the time. I did want to accept her as my mother because I much needed that figure in my life. However, after my father died and we were notified of his will, I eavesdropped her bath mouthing my father, angry because he hadn't left more to her. I learned that day she didn't marry him because she loved him but because of his money. I couldn't accept someone who used my father as my mother." I make sure to stare at the lawyer and then Laura as confidently as I can. "But even then I didn't properly hate her, that feeling only came when I realised she had tried to get rid of me, but honestly I was more scared than hateful. I started hating her when I realised she had stolen someone else's identity to fake my death. True hatred was born when she kidnapped me, when she told me how frustrated she was because I had survived, how she just wanted me to die. When she beat me up." I take a dramatic pause so my words can sink in the audience's minds. "True hatred was born when she pushed me off the bridge and sent me to my death. If my friends hadn't been fast I wouldn't be telling this story. And she can claim it's a fake and it wasn't her, but I was the one being brutally hit and thrown. I was the one who talked to her and saw her face as she just tried to kill me with her hands."
Even as I say all that, Laura controls her expression and only looks shocked, betrayed. But even if she does that, there's footage of what she did and we've made sure to bring someone who can prove the video is legitimate and not some manipulation as Laura wants to make everyone believe.
The trial goes for hours, we take a break in between but it continues, with every possible witness to prove every side of the story, until the lawyers make their concluding speeches in their last attempt to persuade everyone they are the ones on the good side.
And then it's just waiting for the verdict.
Will offers to take me away to distract me but I can't, I have to stay close, with my stomach tied in a billion knots to the point I feel like I'm going to throw up if I breathe in. But we wait, for what it feels a lifetime until we are called back inside to hear the verdict.
I'm shaking. Sweating. About to cry. About to lose my mind. I think I might faint any moment.
I don't really understand what the judge is saying, the words make no sense to me and I think he is speaking in another language I don't know. In all honesty it's because I'm waiting for one word and noting else matters.
Just one word. That's all I want. All I care about this trial.
One word.
And finally, what I was waiting for comes. Sweet, victorious and fair.
"Guilty," calls the judge.
And that is the moment the world feels right to me again.
❅ ❅ ❅
Yes, I know the wait wasn't worth this chapter but I couldn't skip it. I didn't write it before because I didn't have time and I also lost the outline so I didn't remember exactly what I had planned for this chapter. I had to work hard to remember. I'm sorry.
I'll do my utmost best to bring the final chapters within the week or next week.
Bel, xx