I feel raw. I'm so full of love i can barely eat.
Everything splits into a crater and caves into my poor heart, calloused and shivering like ice. And oh my god, i love so much i am going to be sick.
My thoughts feel flattened out, the hills have gone still and smooth like planes of emptiness and my body is free. Suddenly i am split down the middle like a tree struck by lightning.
Sometimes i will look at him or her or them and i will want to say
" i hate you "
Or
" i miss you "
Or
" I love you. "
But something will kick me in the gut and i will recoil like a puddle in drought and say nothing.
I feel no control of my body, i feel no safety in your arms.
I've no language left to say it, my veins are busy but my heart is an atophy.
I am deaf, i am numb. Young and free and i can feel none of it.