"So, that's everything. I believe it's what you would call a...Tragedy from the human perspective. But maybe the human perspective is...Limited. I don't know. That's why I'm asking you, Father. One last time. Am I doing the right thing? Am I on the right path? You have to tell me. You have to give me...A sign. Give me a sign. Because if you don't...I'm gonna ju-- I'm gonna do whatever I... Whatever I must."
Castiel knew what he had to do. She was ready, she had been ready for quite a while but he had put it off, completing his mission. He remembered when she first learnt of angels, how ready she had been to accept them, without knowledge of how ruthless they could be. To know he felt different like her, that she could rely on him. He'd died before but to know he was doing this to her and the Winchesters was a different death. A painful one.
Sam sat in the bar, his head throbbing in pain. He knew Robin, the bar owner, was looking at him with worry. He could feel it, knowing he had been looking for someone. Someone more important than anything else. He frowned as he reached into his pocket and brought out the picture. A smiling girl in a pink top and jeans. He could remember her not liking the fact he'd wanted to keep it, him laughing and saying it was cute. But he couldn't remember what she had said. It had been important to him. But after....his mind wasn't in the right place and he couldn't bring the words to his lips. He needed to hear them, to hear her say them. He could barely remember anything except for her.
He could only remember her name.
***
Monica couldn't move. Her limbs felt like ice and she'd long since forgotten what it was like to be conscious for more than a few minutes. Only the pain never left her, always by her side. She'd learned to let it in, to even hold onto it. Because she had given up on it ever leaving completely.
Crowley had tried over and over again to get Monica to remember what she'd seen. It had almost been two years since her first vision.She had been young and scared of what she could do. Monica remembered burying what her mind had showed her deep in the back of her memory. Because it was too much to bear, she could feel it ripping her apart. All she wanted to do was close her eyes, drift off forever. Something held her back. Or someone, she couldn't recall who they were. The door opened and a figure stepped inside. Her vision was fuzzy as they came closer.
"Lets try again" Crowley said, standing behind her. For a moment her hands tensed in panic before slackening as she slipped back into the darkness.
"Monica? Are you coming out of your room?" Robbie called from the other side. She sat with her back pressed against the headboard, staring blankly at the wall. She could hear him but her mind was further away. The images that flashed before her were vivid in a flurry of colours.
Ebony wings, bright green eyes, red blood, the car, the man , a kiss, then pain. She bit down on her lip, trying not to scream. Monica pulled the covers over her head. Robbie had long gone and she knew her parents were downstairs discussing her situation with their family doctor. Under the covers, in the pink haze of her duvet, she let the tears fall. She was scared, fearful that her mind was broken. Something had happened and she didn't know why it hadn't affected Emily.
Her room was littered with printouts of people who had survived being run down, but none had talked about visions of the future. That's what they were, images of what would happen. Robbie would drop a bottle of milk, Amber's boyfriend would break off their relationship. All she could do was watch.
"Screw you Jake!" Amber said from the other side of the wall. Monica heard the thump of her older sister throwing her phone. Monica wanted it to stop, everything to stop. What she had seen-
She couldn't breathe. Crowley shook her slightly but nothing happened. Fear seized her tightly, squeezing her lungs shut. Let go, let go,let go she screamed internally. But someone needed her, someone was looking for her desperately.
Sam?
***
Castiel knew Crowley was a snake; someone who only looked out for themselves, who took any opportunity to save his own ass. Nevertheless, Castiel was prepared to work with a demon if it meant they could be rid of Raphael. Even if it meant hurting his friends, his...family. He inhaled deeply before pushing open the doors of Crowley's laboratory, bottle of blood in his hands. He stopped in his tracks, inside was a sight he never could have anticipated.
"Hello,Castiel" Raphael said. Castiel had to take a moment before answering. Of course he did, Raphael was a she now.
"Raphael" Castiel muttered before looking at Crowley. He had a smug look on his face but he also looked fidgety. He was hiding something.
"Consorting with demons. I thought that was beneath you" he said changing the subject. Raphael chuckled and flicked some dust from his-her suit.
"You fool, Raphael will deceive and destroy you at the speed of a thought" Castiel argued, looking at Crowley. The demon shook his head and stepped in front of Castiel.
"This is your doing, mate. I'm just grabbing the best offer on the table. Now, you have two options. Flee or die" he said, mocking him towards the end. Castiel glowered at him before chucking the jar of blood at Crowley. The demon nodded appreciatively but Castiel saw nothing after as he disappeared.
But instead of leaving he quickly disposed of the two demons outside a door. It was another, smaller lab that Crowley had kept hidden for reasons unknown to Castiel. But he could tell she would be in there. Opening the door, he tried to stomach what he saw.
Monica packed her things in a hurry, shoving random clothes into her bag. The rest of the house was asleep and that's what she needed. To disappear when she wouldn't have to see their faces. Finally she closed her bag and put her blue overcoat on, wrapping her scarf around her neck and putting gloves on. It was cold outside and condensation had clouded her window.
"So you're running away" Amber said, standing in the doorway of her room. The light from the hallway illuminated her blonde hair but darkened her soft pixie like features. Monica had always envied her older sister for her elegant looks. Monica hauled her bag towards the door, standing in front of Amber.
"Just go back to sleep, don't you worry about me" she muttered. Amber took Monica by the shoulders.
"Of course I'll worry about you idiot...you're my sister. But if you have to go, then go....I'm not going to stop you" she said standing back. Monica nodded slightly and headed down the staircase two at a time.
"Monica" Amber hissed. She looked back and smiled. Her sister opened her mouth, the words forming on her lips but never said. It was like she was stuck on repeat.
Castiel unbuckled her from the chair and touched her wrists. The small blue and pink quartz beads bracelet still attached to it but the skin was bruised and broken. She was icy cold and barely breathing. He grimaced as he undid the apparatus but froze when she shuddered violently.
"Monica?" he said before remembering why he had brought her here. Her soul, her power was the key to setting everything right.
Slowly she blinked, opening her eyes. Blinking she focused her gaze onto his.
"Amber?...You're not my ...." she muttered before closing her eyes again. He lifted her from the surgical chair, holding her in his arms. He lay her on the table and brought out the jar of Purgatory blood. She swallowed and looked at him.
"You're going to open it then" she stated. Her voice, always strong, now wavered with uncertainty. He brushed some hair from her face, trying not to look at her for so long.
"Yes" he said as he painted symbols around her with the blood, then moving to do so on the wall behind her. Her head shifted to watch him closely.
"You were in it. My first vision....you took my soul" she said. He stopped and let his hand drop to his side.
"I'm gonna die, aren't I?" she said. He turned to her, almost wanting to stop. But he remembered Raphael was here. Instead he took her hand; she'd always given Sam strength. Maybe she could gave some to him.
"Tell Sam...I love him so much" she said and he looked down, a single tear dropping down his cheek. She squeezed his hand softly and breathed deeply before taking off the bracelet.
"Its not much....he'll know what I mean when you give him this" she said , slipping the bracelet into his pocket and closed her eyes.
Sam had chosen a spot by the lake and she watched him set out the blanket and packed lunch. She picked up a smooth pearl grey pebble. She examined it before someone's arms snaked around her waist.
"Hey" Sam muttered, kissing her neck softly. She smiled and turned to face him, kissing him. His cheeks felt warm in the cold wind and his stubble tickled her chin.
"I want to give you this" she said, placing the pebble in his hand. He smiled and looked at it.
"Weird colour for a stone, its almost silver. Thank you" he said, smiling.
"Its perfectly circular, going on forever and ever.That's what I think when I see us.We'll never end" she said. Sam smiled and slipped something onto her wrist.
"I wanted to get you something nice too, the beads are quartz. I know blue's your favourite colour and I thought it would look pretty on you. Its circular too" he added. She laughed and snuggled close to him. He put an arm around her and they watched the wind shake ripples across the clear surface of the lake. Circular ripples that went on forever.
They had been circular, infinitely in love. But that was broken now.
Castiel couldn't do it. He'd absorbed the souls in Purgatory, he had started absorbing Monica's soul but couldn't. It was too potent, even more so than Purgatory's souls. It didn't come easily, instead in tears and strips, ripping itself apart almost as if it was self destructing. In the end he couldn't do it.
As he carried her, he knew deep down her soul was badly damaged. She was somewhere faraway, not reachable to them yet. They wouldn't understand. But what scared him was that Castiel was caring less and less of what happened next. He felt all powerful. With the flick of his hand he opened the doors of Crowley's lab and stepped inside.
Dean and Bobby did a double take before Bobby reacted, stepping forward an uncontrollable anger.
"What did you do to her?!" he roared. He tried to move forward but Castiel had rooted him to the spot. Dean looked so scared it almost tugged at Castiel's heart but he brushed it aside. He had more important things to do. He lay Monica on the floor and turned to Crowley.
"You can't imagine what it's like. They're all inside of me. Millions upon millions of souls....thanks to Monica, she sacrificed herself for this"Castiel said.
"Monica....you did that-" Dean started but couldn't finish. His face looked ashen as he looked at Monica's still body.
"She's not dead yet" he told him,giving him some respite.
"Well, sounds sexy Cas. Exit stage Crowley" the demon said before disappearing. Castiel shrugged, he would deal with him later.
The look on Raphael's face was worth every ounce of pain. The fear in his eyes.
"Now what's the matter,Raphael? Someone's clipped your wings" he sneered. Raphael stepped forward, his hands out.
"Castiel, please. You let the demon free, but not your brother?" he said, almost pleading . He knew it hurt Raphael's pride to beg for his life like this and he smiled smugly.
"The demon I have plans for. You, on the other hand..." Castiel said before snapping his fingers. He brushed some flesh off his coat before turning to see Dean approach him.
"Dean" Castiel said, slightly surprised. Dean glanced at Monica before composing himself.
"You're full of nuke. Its not safe. So before the eclipse ends, lets get them souls back" he said, trying to sound calm. Castiel could hear the fear mixed with confused anger. Castiel shook his head.
"They belong to me Dean. I can't do that" he said simply. He bent down to touch Monica's neck. Still beating, her heart gave a weak pulse. There's still time.
"No,Cas, i-it's scrambling your brain. Look at Monica, you'd....you'd never do that"Dean said, his eyes never leaving Castiel's
"Listen to me. Listen, I know there's a lot of bad water under the bridge, but we were family once. I'd have died for you. I almost did a few times. So if that means anything to you... " Dean said pausing before he stepped closer Always ready to move back, as if he feared what he'd become. I would too.
"Please. I've lost Lisa, I've lost Ben, and now I've lost Sam. Don't make me lose you too. You don't need this kind of juice anymore, Cas. Get rid of it before it kills us all." Dean continued. Castiel wanted to but couldn't. It was like it was pulling at his soul. Castiel shook his head.
"You're just saying that because I won. Because you're afraid." he insisted.
He never got time to carry on talking as someone sent an angel blade through him. He knew it was Sam because the person groaned in pain, stumbling and falling. He turned to see Sam fall next to Monica. His eyes could barely look toward the woman he'd fallen in love with. Instead they looked towards Dean and Castiel. Dean opened his mouth but no words came out.
"I'm glad you made it, Sam. But the angel blade won't work, because I'm not an angel anymore. I'm your new God. A better one. So you will bow down and profess your love unto me, your Lord. Or I shall destroy you." Castiel said.
Sam looked to Monica. He could barely focus on her face but he knew it was over. Instead he slowly kissed her forehead before staggering to his feet. Bobby had already knelt and he started to. There was nothing else.
"Stop. What's the point if you don't mean it? You fear me. Not love, not respect, just fear." Castiel said.
"Cas..." Sam started. He had no idea who did it to Monica, how she could have been so strong but lying now almost dead next to him. Castiel held out a hand and for a moment he thought he was going to help him up. But he saw the bracelet in his hands and almost snatched.
The light coming from the window shone onto the quartz stones, casting a purplish glow on his hand.
They walked through the woods, the bridge broken. Dean jumped down and reached to help her. She laughed as he half spun her around. She turned and smiled at Sam, holding out a hand.
"Come on slow coach" she teased. He jumped down and held her hand. He still wasn't talk to Dean as much, they still needed to find Rufus but in that moment he felt happy. Fee was a better word.
The sunlight turned Monica's dark hair hazel, her skin aglow and smooth. She turned to smile at him again. When he looked at her, he felt something old. Love.
She wasn't Jess and never would be. But she was something strong. He knew then that he'd lose against Lucifer, that he'd end up in the cage. But in that moment, with her hand in his, his brother and the girl he was falling for smiling...
Sam Winchester felt that he never lost.
fin.