Hi. Hello. What's up? Surprised to see that I actually still find the energy to write on here? Me too. I am fucking tired, mate. One of the reasons why is what I will talk about in this chapter, since my book is so incredibly amazing (that was sarcastic, obviously). I am still alive, sort of. I am also still uninteresting as fuck. So let's just ket to the point.
Reasons why I hate being an "adult".
1. It costs money. A lot of money. Seriously, for all of you still living at home enjoying someone else cooking for you, paying for gas, water, light and all that shit, be fucking grateful alright. Sure, I hate my parents too, but it's a lot less expensive living with them than it is on your own. Living on your own is kind of shitty, regardless of my room mate being a cool ass person. It is pretty fucking annoying when you go to college, yet have to work to pay for whatever shit the government wants you to pay for.
2. Dark humor is no longer considered okay. As some of you know, especially the ones that follow me on twitter, I have extremely dark humor. I joke about shit that you shouldn't joke about and I really don't care about what people think. Yet, when you are an adult, apparently it's not cool to joke about certain stuff. Some people actually think I am a sociopath. Some actually think I am the kind of person to put cats in the microwave to then pin them to my walls as decoration (I am a fucking vegeterian, isn't that god damn hilarious). So yeah. Not great at adulting right there.
3. You are supposed to be responsible. Yup. This is something I am very bad at. Sure, I am responsible when it comes to my friends, other people, my dog. I don't drink and drive, but I do get completely fucking wasted a lot. Apparently that's not something adults do. Apparently when you get drunk as often I as I sometimes manage to, you are an alcoholic. Yes, I have had people actually ask me that. Do I flip them off? Of course. Am I then considered being childish? Fuck yes.
4. You are supposed to be looking for a serious relationship. I have a shit of a dad. Let me just put that out there. If you have read my book, you know this. My dad is the biggest piece of shit in the entire world (apart from murderers, rapists, abusers, kidnappers, you get my point). Yet, he has no dedicated part of his life to find me a partner. Because according to him, his great genes (which is the biggest bullshit ever) need to be past on to the next generation. I am 21. Yes, 21. But I am apparently supposed to go find myself a wife, marry her, produce enough offspring to last through whatever fucking disaster and then continue living my life until I die. Are you fucking kidding me.
5. Having to think about your future sucks. I am not someone who likes to think about what's going to happen next. I don't like to consider my next steps. I go to college, I work at a small restaurant, that's all I can handle for now. I don't want to know what I will be doing next. How I am ever going to be succesful on this earth. I seriously have no interest in that. Shit's already tough enough, I don't have to trigger some sort of existential crisis.
6. Taxes. Enough said.
7. You have to learn a lot of shit. Sure, I have been taking care of myself since I was quite young. I know how to cook relatively alright, how to wash my clothes, take the garbage out, use a dishwasher, etc. But when you are considered an adult, living on your own, you are expected to know everything. Everything all at once. You learn so much shit at school, yet nobody thinks it is relevant to teach someone how to do boring adult stuff. It's not like when you decide to start living on your own as an "adult" you get send some kind of IKEA "how to" manual. HOW TO ADULT, A MANUAL BY THE US GOVERNMENT. Is that so fucking hard?
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That's all the complaining I will do for today. I would apologize for the cursing, but I am really not sorry. There's a lot to curse about when it comes to the adult life. I hope you're all doing great. Enjoy your childhood years, even though they might feel as shit. Soon, you'll be feeling shit AND have to do a lot of shit. All shit. Yes.
Stay different.
- Alex