*****Btw anything in italics is what the character is thinking.*****
Shane's POV
I was really worried about Joey. I had never known about his problem and I could never tell. Who knew that someone so happy, so amazing could be so hurt. I want to make him feel better but I don't want to force him. I would do anything for this boy, no matter how much money or time it would take. He was my everything at the moment and I wasn't going to let him push me away like he did to others. I genuinely cared about him, through thick and thin, and I always will.
I didn't know what to say to Joey after what happened in the car. Do I ask him about it? Do I leave him alone? I did what I could do to help him. So I did what sounded right. I gently knocked on the door, whilst slowly opening it.
"Joey?" I asked nervously
"Yea?" He seemed consumed into his computer. Maybe I should go. NO! You guys need to talk about it. For both of our sakes.
"We need to talk"
"About?" Is he seriously trying to play dumb. I know he wants to avoid the topic but it a mandatory thing. I can't let him be this way. I didn't really know what to say. I was still in shocked about what happened in the car. I think I took too long of a silence because Joey broke away his gaze from his computer to my face. I was nervous and just spoke what came to my mind. "Why...?" A long, long hesitation of quietness filled the room. He finally answered, but yet again he was acting dumb.
"Why what?"
"Joey, cut the bullshit. You know exactly what I'm talking about." He sat in silence. He had set down his laptop and placed it on the bedside table just before. Now he stared down twiddling with his fingers. I know he wasn't going to do or say anything so I spoke up.
"Joey you know I care about you. I don't get why."
"Look, there just a lot of stuff going on" he said in a sad yet stern voice. I didn't know what came over Joey but he seemed different. It was like I never even knew him. He acted strange. To be honest, I was a little afraid.
"Like what Joey? Please tell me. I want to help you"
"Yea well maybe I don't want to be helped" I gasped at his answer. I never met this side of him. Never, and I wish I never had.
"Why are you doing this to yourself?"
"Because I deserve it.....remember October 22nd?"
"Yea". What had happened was his girlfriend of 2 years had committed suicide. She and him were the cutest couple, I thought they were going to get married at some point actually. She and him had some drama going on between them, not sure what it was because he never fully told me. But the last thing that happened was their phone call. She called asking him about something and Joey refused. The last thing she said to him was 'I love you' and he replied with an 'I have to go, I'm busy' speech. After they had hung up, around 7pm she committed suicide. He was heartbroken. Complete depression and I went through it with him. Him being upset made me upset. He said that he was feelings better and that he wasn't depressed about it. I can't believe I was stupid enough to actually believe him.
"It wasn't your fault Joey. It was hers. She had problems that couldn't be fixed. You couldn't have done anything."
"You don't know that Shane! Maybe if I've asked her to stay or said 'I love you' maybe she would still be here!" He spoke with such distress and despair. I couldn't help but feel bad for him. He deserved better. Tear by tear rolled down his face. He was on the verge of full out crying so I pulled him close into an embrace. I stroked his stiff, soft hair with my fingers. His hair always had that 'special smell'. Sounds weird but it was true.
"Is that the only thing?" I asked in such concern
"No..." He seemed lost in thought. "My videos aren't doing so well. Everywhere I turn their hate comments. They keep saying I'm gay, and stupid, and ugly". I could hear his voice deepen as more tears and a small yelp rang out.
"Joey look at me" I said. "Joey...." He finally looked at me. His beautiful green eyes looked as if I was staring into a black hole. His usually bright green eyes were now darken with fear and sadness.
"Joey you are perfect. You are an amazing guy who anyone would be lucky to have you. You might not be the smartest person but you're not stupid. You aren't necessarily gay, but that shouldn't upset you like it does. And you are definitely not ugly. You face is flawless and your body is amazing. Don't listen to the haters because they are stupid ass mother fuckers who don't know what they're talking about. Joey Michael Graceffa, you are perfect to me"
For the first time in years, I saw a true genuine smile from Joey. The way he looked at me sent shivers down my spine. This boy was making me go crazy. I mean, of course I didn't mind. But I think he would.
He stilled seemed a bit out of it
"Thanks so much Shane, I knew I could always count on you", he said. He stilled seemed a bit out of it but I would always be there. He held me in his arms. He was so warm from all him getting worked up. His toned body made me feel insecure but I didn't really mind, considering I was holding Joey and Joey was holding me.
"I'm sorry I'm just a mess. I didn't mean for you to find out this way"
"Joey it's ok. But why is self harm you're escape?" His head lower down and his hold ceased and he sat up again. Every time Joey was in deep thought he would twiddle his thumbs, which was exactly what he was doing.
"Because it lets me feel. I don't know if you noticed but I'm not happy. I haven't since that day. Cutting is a way to escape from the real world and go into a wonderland. Sounds weird and stupid but it's true.
"Joey, I want to help you. I want you to get better." I told him.
"Sometimes I think I want to be happy but then other times I know I shouldn't because I don't deserve it"
"You shouldn't think that way because you do. You know you do, you just don't want to admit it. I hate seeing you like this and I would do anything to make you feel better." He nuzzled his head into my chest and I held him as tightly as I could. I wasn't going to let this boy slip away, never.
It was about 1am when I realized the time. I then told Joey about him getting some sleep and he agreed without a doubt. He slowly sank into the bed and covers himself while cuddling into his pillow. I started walking out the door when I heard him call my name. "Shane?"
"Yea?" he asked.
"Thanks. A lot."
"Anything for you". I slowly made my way, now to an empty bed, with corny. I didn't know what to think. I was alone for the second time in life. I sat there staring at the ceiling recalling what I had said to Joey only an hour before. Joey Michael Graceffa, you are perfect to me.......anything for you. Those words rang in my head until my eyes had had enough and I dosed off to sleep.
A scream quickly awoke me from my sleep. I looked at the blurry alarm clock and it read 2:37 am. I didn't know where the voice came from but I was still alarmed. The voice yelled again and it none other than Joey
"SHANE?!" I heard again coming from his bedroom
"JOEY?!" I yelled back rushing out of bed into the guess room.
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Ok so don't kill me for the sad chapter. I'm sorry I just wasn't feeling that well today. Don't worry, things will get happier.
DUN DUN DUN. Cliffhanger! What do you think happened to Joey?! Why was he screaming?! ALSO! Do you guys want longer chapters? I tried to make this one long but I didn't want it too depressing for only the 3rd chapter. Tell me what you think. (You can comment more than once if you want).
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