He was standing there, by the window. I was standing by my door, the light casting a soft glow in the room. We stared at each other for the longest time.
“You love him.” It was a statement. Not a question.
“Yes.”
“Do you still love me?”
“How can you ask me that?”
His emotions flooded into the room. He was angry that I loved someone else. He was angry over the fact that my future would be short lived, that my time on this planet would be brief.
“Do. You. Love. Me?”
“Yes,” I said. “But you left me.”
More anger. “I had to.”
“You should’ve dealt with Jason first.”
“I realize that.”
“Sophie could have been hurt. All because you left to stroke your ego.”
“You think this is easy for me?” He strode across the room and stood in front of me. “I leave and you fall for someone else.”
“I fell for him long before you left. I just didn’t know it.”
“How could you not know?”
“Because, Michael. You’re not the only one who has to contend with their feelings. I waged a war everyday over how I felt about you. I wasn’t given a chance to figure out how I felt about Aidan. All there was was you.”
His eyes flashed at me. “How long? I know you’ve figured that part out.”
“Two weeks after I got out of the hospital.”
He pushed off the wall behind me. “And what about me?”
“You left me, Michael. I wasn’t enough to keep you here and I don’t blame you for that. You knew I was going to move on, it had to cross your mind.”
“But not with him.”
“Why not him?”
“He’s…he’s not right for you.”
“Why? Because you don’t like him? If I can’t be with you, Michael, who would you like me to be with?”
“NO ONE!” he yelled.
I was starting to get angry now. “I was with Aidan before you left…”
“Yes and I hated every minute of it. That’s why I left. You know that.”
“So you’d rather me be lonely for the rest of my short life?”
“Pick someone else. Anyone else.” Michael looked at me. “Pick me. Pick me now and I’ll come back.”
My heart stopped, I swear it did. “What?”
“Pick. Me.”
“I can’t. Michael. We’ve already been over this.”
“If you’re going to die anyways, then why does it matter what everyone else thinks? Pick me and I’ll come back.”
His sincerity was suffocating me. I was sure if I did pick him, if I said yes, he would come back. But then where would that leave Aidan? Could I do that to him? After everything? It was an easy solution. It would help him move on, move to the girl he was supposed to be with.
“I can’t choose, Michael. I love you both.”
He was on me then, pressing the length of his body up against mine. “You can choose you just don’t want to.”
He kissed me, lighting me up from the inside. I kissed him back, letting it all pour out. Unlocking the drawer that I kept on reserve for him and everything associated with him. He slammed a hand against the wall behind me as everything I felt, he felt.
All my despair, all my sorrow and heartbreak over him leaving. All the fear over what happened with Jason and killing Finn. I just dumped it out there. And he felt all of it.
I saw him packing up his apartment, switching out our copies of Robin Hood. The way he felt after he woke up from our first dream walk. I saw the memories he walked through, my conversation with Sophie while we were painting our toe nails. I gripped the front of his shirt, pressing myself closer. His hands found their way into my hair like they usually did.
He stopped kissing me and rested his forehead against the wall over my right shoulder. I opened my eyes and looked over at him. His eyes were closed and my curiosity got the best of me. I slid my hand up and just before my bare skin touched his neck, he pulled away from me, stopping a few feet from me.
“What are you doing?” I asked. “Come back.”
His breathing was labored and I watched as he tried to pull it all back together. He was on the edge of his control. I could feel the worry there. I crossed the distance he’d put between us. I didn’t want to let him think. Every time one of us did that, bad things happened.
My body slammed against his and my mouth automatically found his. I touched bare skin and his thoughts flowed into mine. He wanted me, so, so bad. If he wasn’t careful he’d do to me what he’d been dreaming about doing.
“Georgiana,” he said against my lips. “Stop.”
“Stop?” I said.
“Stop. Please. I don’t think…”
“I’m sorry.”
“I want to be with you. But not like this. Not in secret. You love him and I’m not the type of man that would…no matter how much I hate him, I couldn’t do that to you or him. I won’t make a dishonest woman out of you.”
“What if it’s what I want?”
“Then it will happen in person. Not in a dream.”
“Isn’t that what dreams are for?” I smiled.
He shook his head. “For us, dreams are meant for other things.”
He ran his hands back from my face and into my hair.
“When…when will I see you again?” I asked.
“Georgiana, you shouldn’t have seen me now.”
I shook my head. “Don’t say that. You don’t mean that.”
“I do. I left so you could be happy. I want to be with you, Georgiana. I love you but this isn’t healthy, what we’re doing. This pushing and pulling thing. We need to choose one and stick with it. I can’t check up on you and you can’t check up on me.”
“I don’t even know how I do it much less know how to stop it.”
“I can stop it. I was going to when I left but…I couldn’t bring myself to do it.”
He pressed his hand over the bite mark on my neck. I shook my head and pulled away.
“You can’t. I won’t let you.”
I tried with everything I had to wake up. Wake up before he could do something he’d regret later.
“You can’t. This is a mutual dream. You can’t get out unless we both want out. It keeps one from being trapped within the other.”
“Just let me go. Don’t do something you’ll regret later.”
“The only thing I’d regret is not seeing you in a dress.”
I shook my head as he drew closer. “No. No, no. You can’t do this to me again. You’re going to leave me with nothing.” Tears flowed down my face.
“You have everything, Georgiana.”
“I don’t have you.”
“You can’t have both. You can’t have both me and the boy. It’s not fair for anyone. It would be better if we severed all ties.”
I backed up into a corner, trying to get as far away as I could.
“Don’t.”
“It’s not like it would be gone forever. Think of it as a…antistatic. You can’t feel me. I can’t feel you. Eventually it will wear off but until then…”
I batted his hand away. “Don’t. Don’t touch me.”
“This is the way it has to be. If you’re going to be with him, then you need to keep me out of your head.”
“And what about my heart, Michael? Is there any antistatic for that? If you take this away from me, it’s going to feel like you’ve cut my chest open and tore out my heart. Can you really do that to me?”
He placed his hand on the wall behind me. He stared at me, feeling out my emotions, seeing if what I said was true.
“Sophie said we’re connected. Connected stronger than she’s ever seen before. She thinks there’s something else back boning the bond.”
He frowned. “There isn’t anything else. It’s just us…” He trailed off, his eyes going wide. “The prophecy.”
“What are you talking about?”
“I received a prophecy, we talked about this before. It’s one of the main reasons why…there was a small bit in your book.”
“I remember something about that…I’m in it?”
He nodded. “‘The Vampire who knows no love will only have his heart filled when the impossible happens. So will begin the fall of the Tainted Races and the rise of the Underworlders. A Slayer Hybrid will he love and loose. Her blood a taste sweeter than wine. To love is to hurt and to destroy. A choice she will make to decide the fate of the world. She will either make the descent, down to the dark, or climb the stairway, the light shines so bright. An abomination can only save him from an end so black.’ It’s all very cryptic and annoying.”
“But it’s the reason you stopped hunting and killing Slayers.”
He nodded. “That’s the only thing I can think of that could be strengthening the bond. It’s unusual as it is. I’ve only heard of a few cases like ours but even then, they didn’t have a prophecy…”
“Is there more?”
“There’s a lot more but that’s not the point.” He pushed away from the wall and turned around, facing away from me and sighed. “Alright Αγάπη, you win.”
I came up behind him and wrapped my arms around him. I pressed as close as I could get, knowing he would let me slip away soon.
“Don’t worry, Αγάπη. I’ll see you soon enough.”
“What does that mean?”
“You’ll see.”
He turned around and faced me. He tipped my head back and kissed me. It was a light kiss, devoid of all the emotion and feelings from earlier. It was soft and gentle.
“It’s time to go,” he said.
“But I don’t want you to go.”
He gave me a half smile. “You can’t always get what you want.”
“Isn’t that a song?”
“Something like that.”
“I love you,” I said softly.
“I love you too.”
I hugged him tightly and after a moments hesitation he hugged me back. I held on tightly, even though consciousness was pulling me back.
One second I was there and the next I was in my bed and it was daylight. I looked at the clock and it was an hour before I was set to get up. I changed into some jogging clothes and strapped my iPod to my arm. I set the music to heavy rock and went out into the apartment. Everyone was asleep so I grabbed my keys from the dish and clipped them to the one belt loop and tucked them into the pocket. I left the apartment and the building. I stretched and then I took off. I ran my old route, Seether, Stone Sour, Unwritten Law, Disturbed, and Breaking Benjamin keeping me company as I ran.
I took my frustrations out on the ground under me. By the last quarter mile I was running faster than I ever had. Tears were streaming down my face. The cold morning air froze them to my cheeks.
I collapsed on the ground in front of my parents building. I stared up at the morning sky, the sun lighting up the atmosphere with pinks and purples. I listened to my heart race in my chest and my rapid breathing.
Luke’s face entered my line of vision and I just blinked up at him. His lips were moving but Unwritten Law’s Seeing Red blocked out what he was saying. I pulled the ear buds from my ears.
“What?”
He rolled his eyes. “You could have at least left a note.”
“You knew where I was.” I patted his leg. “Could have joined me.”
“Then I would have invaded on your pity party. It was better if I left you to it.”
I held up an arm and he pulled me to my feet. I wrapped the ear buds around my neck.
“I was just working through some things.”
“And?”
“I think I got part of it worked out.”
He nodded. “Good. Now go shower. You smell.”
“Aw. That’s nice of you.”