I wake up to an earthquake. The whole world around me is shaking, harsh, constant vibrations that are painfully crushing through my head, crushing my head-against fucking plastic. Where am I?
As I slowly open my eyes, I recognize violet walls. Then loud music- my face is pressed against one of the walls that is vibrating with the musics bass. I want to move, lift myself up, but as soon as I try I think my eyeballs are going to explode with the white pain behind my forehead and I just groan and manage to move my head in the slightest.
There's the urgent will to throw up, cause my stomach in clenching. Then a foot nudges against mine and my gaze falls on Axl.
He's sitting just about a meter away from me, almost laying between the opened toilet and the other wall, eyes closed, looking absolutely pale, unmoving, as if he weren't even breathing at all. I suddenly panic, cause' he's looking damn dead.
I force myself to crawl forward, ignoring the pain and the nausea and my shaking fingers, my heart pounding with pure fucking fear. I take hold of his shoulders and pull him up.
"Axl! Axl! Fuck!"
It's loud, but I can hear my own high pitched voice, as I am too shocked to stay calm.
"No, no, no, no! Shit! Axl! You goddamn asshole-"
"What?!", he suddenly snaps, eyes still closed and I'm almost fucking crying with relief.
"Shit..fuck...you bastard...I...", I am so relieved I wrap my arms around him, pulling him against me, still cursing, but he aggressively wriggles free to take hold of the toilet seat and throws up.
I watch him, until he's done, breathing heavily, looking at me with watered eyes.
"Why the fuck did you wake me?", he's really sounding pissed, so I stare a little, suddenly feeling stupid.
"I...I thought...you were...dead..."
"What?!"
"You weren't fucking moving!"
And maybe I'm a little sensitive since I've seen to many people overdose, including me.
"I'm not fucking dead, bastard." He coughs, then leans back again.
I palm my face with both hands. "My head is fucking exploding."
"Same here..."
As I take the hands back down, I once again realize where we are.
"By the way...why the fuck are we in a toilet stall? And what's that shitty asshole music?"
Axl gives me an unbelieving look. "You forgot it?"
"I...uhm...yes..."
There's no hint of a memory right now.
"Ok...", he looks away from me, looking nervous, "I...you remember we went out with Adriana?"
"Uhm...maybe..." I don't.
"Well...oh. Yeah...how should I say it...", and he looks at me again with a strange, grim look, "I...fucked you."
"What?!" I immediately look down at me, checking my clothes and he gives an inpatient sound.
"I put you pants back on."
"What?! I...I mean...what?! Here?!"
"Yep. Here."
"But why was I..."
"You passed out."
I am too shocked to even answer, so he just continues.
"Don't give me that look. Not my fucking fault. Adriana drugged us."
There's a hint of a memory- Adriana sitting on my lap, grinding against me, dropping a pill on my tongue- "Oh."
Axl pukes, sounding damn pitiful, then talks again. "I...I don't know...what the fuck she gave us, but it looks like...we're coming down from it."
I close my eyes for a second, trying not to throw up as well.
"Ok. Ok. Wait...we went to that club...I mean here...Adriana gave us some weird shit..."
"We danced..."
"We... danced?"
"Nah...you almost fucking ate my alive."
"Huh?"
"You grabbed my ass, grinding against me until I was sure you were about to fucking come right there on the dance floor," I am blushing heavily, "so I dragged you away."
"Into a toilet stall?"
"Into that toilet stall, yes."
"No...that's fucking bullshit..."
For a second I think he's playing games with me to teach me a lesson, but Axl never lies and when I move from my knees into a sitting position again I grimace, hissing, cause' my ass hurts like hell and Axl really has the nerves to grin at me, mockingly.
"Believe me now?"
I just give an ashamed nod. Really? Axl fucking me. Inside of an toilet stall. He wouldn't fucking do that- "But you wouldn't do that."
"Yeah? Well I did. You asked me to. You begged."
I let enough hair fall into my face to be able to just ignore that last comment. I can't believe how calm he is, how he's talking about it that openly.
"Axl...why...I mean...last time you ran away. Why are you...you know..."
"Why am I that calm?!," a dangerous undertone , "Why not?! Why shouldn't I be calm? What to do about it? Nothing. Just nothing. Should I deny it? Should I? I mean I fucked you. I fucked you right up the ass, up against that wall," his voice sounds hysteric now, "and you moaned and you screamed and you fuckin' came and I fuckin' came and then you passed out and-" violent coughs, gagging and he throws up for the third time, interrupting himself with it before he could hyperventilate.
When he looks up again, he looks like he had been crying, lips shivering, desperate, helpless, unbelieving. Shit.
"Are you ok?", I ask and he nods with a clenched jaw.
"I think I've never been that dopesick ever before..."
Well, I did. So much worse. But he's knowing it, so I ignore the cold sweat, the shivers and just look at him, stretching my hand out. "Come here."
"No. Fuck off."
He gives a grim look, but I can sense he's almost about to cry, so I rob near again to sit directly beside him and pull him in an embrace, his head pressed against my chest and he allows it. As soon as his smell hits my nose in that intensity, more memories are coming back.
Music. Weird, loud, addictive.
His warm body against mine.
Lightning.
Waves of pleasure.
Pain.
'I will give you everything'
Axl on his knees.
My face pressed against a wall, moving to the music, grinding.
Mind shattering, intoxicating want.
Pain. Much fucking pain.
'You know where you are?'
'I'm going to send you to hell'
Thrusts. Sweat.
'Axl.'
'I want you so much.'
Hot breath on my neck. Moans.
'Hurt me. Fuck me.'
My mouth falls open in shock and I stiffen.
I guess Axl notices, cause' he lets out a shuddery breath. "Remember?", he asks then quietly and I nod, "Hm." But I don't know what to think or feel or say about it. It's too unreal.
I'm just stroking his back, totally surprised that he doesn't freak, but I am also fighting with the nausea again and by now I just need something to reduce the withdrawals, so I give Axl a last final pat to his neck.
"C'mon, we're going home."
"I can't", he whines and I don't fuckin' recognize his voice like that, "I'm going to throw up again."
"Whatever, puke anywhere you want. It's a shitty club anyway."
"You even know where we are?"
"L.A."
"Very funny, asshole."
"Going to take a cab. Come...", and I pull him to his feet.
Axl is leaning against a tree, gagging, making me feel pity for him as there's nothing left he could spit out. Dry gagging is one of the most unpleasant side effect of chemical drugs.
He's still pale, weak, leaning against me as we're opening the door. I just drag him with me into the room we share, wondering why it hit him so hard. Probably just because he isn't that used to drugs as I am.
He sits down on my bed, breathing heavily, sweating, and I pull out a bottle of Bourbon to take a few long sips, then hand it to him. "Here. Drink."
"Don't want to." A raspy, scratchy voice.
"Trust me, it's helping. You'll be able to sleep it off then."
He glares at me, but takes it anyway, drinking a few hesitant sips before falling back into the sheets with a groan.
"I'll take yours then...", I murmur, walking over to his bed, but he gives a snarl.
"Slash...can you...god, I hate myself for fuckin' asking, but I'm freezing to death..."
I watch him shuddering, looking embarrassed and I'm not getting it first, but then it hits me.
"Oh...you mean....you sure? I..."
"Stop stuttering, idiot. Just come 'ere."
So I get rid of my jeans, then lay down beside him, pulling the blanket over us both. Axl is trembling, his teeth clacking together, but his eyes are gloomy, so I lay a hand to his forehead to check his temperature and he's way too warm.
"You're feverish, Axl."
"Bullshit. I'm hungover from Adrianas fucking shit."
"You're having fever chills. That's not from the drugs. You're sick..."
"Ah shut up. I'm just tired."
"As you say...", I am propped on my elbow, watching him and he's still glaring, swallowing, then suddenly shows his teeth.
"Don't you even think about it."
"Heh?"
"If you try to kiss me, I'll kill you."
"What?!"
"Just sayin'."
"What a pity, was actually planning on raping you."
He gives a hard hit to my stomach with his elbow at the sarcasm in my voice, then lays still, coughing from time to time, sounding definitely sick.
"Dammit Axl...ya' going to infect me with the fuckin' flu."
No answer, so I lean over to have a look at his face, finding him already asleep, but still shivering heavily. I hesitate for a moment, but the sound of his teeth clacking together convinces me abruptly.
"Ah fuck it."
So I rob near to him, wrapping my arm around his waist, pressing my chest against his back from behind to keep him warm. He shifts, then stiffens and for a moment and I'm sure he's going to kick me out, but then he relaxes again and after a few minutes of laying there, feeling a little awkward, he stops shivering.
I close my eyes in relief, trying to relax as well.
It's just to keep him warm.
Just because he's sick...
Just...
He murmurs something in his sleep, then involuntarily turns around a little with his face against my chest.
Just because I don't want him to die...
I can't stop myself from inhaling his smell, stroking through his shiny, soft hair then stop in the middle of the movement, biting my lips.
Just because he's sick...
A sigh.
I stare at his lips.
Just...
Dammit.