I run after him through the full street, barging against people, shouting at him all the way.
"Fuck! Wait you asshole!"
But he never stops, walking straight over the Rainbows parking lot and further and I keep on following him, until I finally catch up as he passed a few calmer streets, into an alley. I come walking beneath him, breathing hard, sweating in the warmth of the summer night. He doesn't even look at me, so I stop him with my hands around his shoulders.
"Axl. What the fuck?"
He wriggles free and keeps on walking, but slower.
"Fuck off."
"What did I do?"
No answer again, so I close my eyes in frustration, expecting him to punch me any second, but I keep on walking beside him anyway, along the alley, listening to nothing but some birds and the quiet rushing sounds of cars on the main road behind us.
"Axl...talk to me..."
"Why should I?"
"Because we can't go on like that. You can't turn me on, kiss me, let me touch you, then run away being mad at nothing."
He aprubtly stops.
"Yeah? I can't? You don't get it, do you?! What do you even want from me?"
I open my mouth, then close it again. Well...what do I want from him? I don't even know. I wanna stay friends, I want to get along with him like before. I want him to stop running away, stop being angry and stop changing his mind every few minutes. I want to kiss him whenever I want. I want him to kiss me back, take care for my still half hard dick that's painfully rubbing to the fabric of my jeans...
"I...don't know..."
And maybe that have been exactly the right words, because his face softens.
"Well, same here I guess."
We are still standing in front of each other, Axl leaned against a tree and I inhale the damp, sweet smelling air that's full of promises, an atmosphere that always floods me on warm summer nights. Like there's no need to sleep, no need to let the day end and take away all possibilities the day offered but you never took. There's still time. For everything that's changeable.
I step forward and lean against Axl, my chin on his shoulder and he lets me.
"I am tired of discussing and not talking to each other...", I say and he nods, but then steps back from me again in an instant.
"I am going home still."
Sure.
---
As soon as Axl disappeared into his room, I hurry to the phone. I am not getting the fucking situation under control and I know just one person that can help me. It rings for a few times, then a lazy answer, "Yes?"
"Hi there, it's Slash..."
"It's 7 am dickhead."
"Oh yeah, well I thought you would be awake."
"Just came home from work. What is so important? I am freaking tired..."
"I need your help."
"For what?"
"Uhm...Axl..."
"Oh dear..."
There's some rustling as she probably made herself comfortable.
"What happened?"
I sit down as well, absently playing with the phones cord.
"Nothing at first. Two weeks long...today he picked up a chick, sent her to ask me to join them, made her utterly drunk on purpose and when she finally passed out made a move on me..."
She laughs.
"That's not funny at all!"
"Sure...sure sorry...it's just...you two are hilarious...what kind of 'move'?" One last chuckle.
"He kissed me, touched my knee, telling me how horny he was."
I can hear here holding back more laughter.
"Adriana dammit I am desperate."
"But why?"
"Well...I...hm...", I am blushing but I can't leave that out, "I kinda made him come a little too early, the girl woke up, not getting what was happening, so we left. Outside he shouted at me and ran away. I followed and we talked for a little, then walked home...I guess we both still don't know what to fucking do..."
"And what should I do about that now?"
"Come here! Come back to fucking L.A. and help me..."
"Dammit Slash, you're a grown up man!"
"Yeah and that's the problem...if I were you I would have less problems with the motherfucker."
"Well, true one there..."
"So?"
"I...ah yes dammit. I would have been back in two weeks anyway, so I can make it one. But what then, sweetheart? What the fuck should I do with you two retards?"
"Don't know...just help me..."
"Help you screw Axl?"
"Well...," I think about it, shoving hair into my face, although she can't be able to see me, "...more or less...yes...
"Whatya' mean more or less?"
"I...I...I well...", I curse myself for stuttering like a goddamn weirdo, but I just can't say it, "you know...I thought h-he...maybe..."
A sigh.
"It's ok, I got it. So help you getting screwed by Axl..."
"God...", I am palming my face in embarrassment and would surely laugh at myself if I wasn't me.
"Oh dear what have I gotten myself into..."
I smile a little as I imagine her biting her lips in frustration.
"We have to clear something first. You don't want a relationship or something, do you?"
"No."
"Just sex?"
"Yeah I think so...I am not in love with him...just attracted...he's...dunno..." My voice got quieter with every word.
"What? Handsome? Sexy?"
"Yeah..."
"And he's a good kisser..."
"Yes..."
"He's damn good in bed...the way he looks with his hair all messy and his rough, deep voice..."
There are images in my head.
"The hisses, sighs...ya' know, he's damn loud with you..." I just dimly notice her seductive tone.
"Did he moan your name when you were alone? I bet he did...soft and lust filled...begging you..."
My breath speeds up at the image and she seems to notice as she laughs again.
"Having a boner now, Slasher?"
I have.
"No. Fuck you."
"Don't lie..."
"Stop it..."
"Alright, alright...", a giggle, "I'll be there at Saturday, we can go out then and make a plan."
"A plan?"
"We are going to fuck him when we return home drunk I guess..."
We are talking about Axl here...I still can't believe it.
"Can I go to bed now, sugar?"
"Ah yes sure, sorry..."
"See you."
I just nod and drop the telephone. Saturday...six days...
---
I am sitting on my chair with Adriana on top of me, pouring Bourbon down my throat, feeding me with some sort of pills. Some odd, small club we've never been before. It's damn loud, full, everyone is utterly drunk.
She's playing with my hair, pressing her face to my neck, biting down my earlobe. It's a sex filled atmosphere. Not just because of her- I am captivated in some strange, dream like haze; everything is filled up with sensual corporeality, a mass of moving bodies, like insects- crawling over each other, into each other, being eaten alive in their uncontrolled instincts.
Axl's there as well. He's on the dance floor, pressed against some brown haired chick, rubbing against her while she's fucking kissing another girl. I really don't know where the fuck we are...the music would be awful, electronic, synthesized, but I just feel like being in some fancy space bar.
"I think we're on fucking Mars...", I whisper to Adriana and she grins at me through a curtain of drugs.
"Yeah...we are. No one knows you, no one cares...", she stands up suddenly, reaching out for my hand, "come...we're joining..."
"Joining what?"
"Absentmindedness."
I slowly stand up as well, stumbling a little, as I seem to have had more than thought – of everything.
She pulls me with her to the dance floor as well, entering the sweating mass, pressing through entangled bodies until we are just beneath Axl and his sluts. They are still making out, Axl watches, moving softly to the musics beat. Adriana is pressed against me in an instant, hands brushing all over my back and my ass, her hips circling, rolling, giving pressure to my crotch.
My hands come around her waist and I move with her, being guided, eyes closed, giving in to it. The bass is vibrating in my chest, filling me up, speeding up my heartbeat and I can smell him. He's directly behind me, the saccharine smell of his after shave standing out from everything else. For me it's the trigger, the fuel- like everyone recognizes it.
There are hands on my thighs, lips on my neck and as I lazily open my eyes for a bit I see everything in weird lights. We are not really dancing, just rubbing against each other.
Heat.
Flesh.
Breasts against my chest.
Where the fuck are we?
Sound.
Want.
Vibration.
Adriana is soft and clinging. Fitting me. Filling me.
I know what's happening when she pushes me backwards, softly but precise and I feel another warm body against my back. The sweet smell increases- I am excited, my pulse flattering.
Give me something, give me everything.
Adriana still moves with me and I am captivated. I have my eyes closed as soon as Axl starts moving with us and I really don't dare opening them.
Absentmindedness. I don't wanna think.
There's another hand on my waist, timid, almost not touching, so I grab for the warm fingers, entangling them with mine, pulling his arm up, until he's fully embracing me from behind.
Adriana pushes more, encouraging me until I feel Axls erection against my ass. Dear god. I can't stop me from moaning with Adriana simultaneously giving a steady, harsh pressure to my cock- but it also doesn't matter, cause it's vanishing into the entity of music and people and sex.
A little more, before Adriana tucks at my shirt and turns me around, making me face him. I am still not opening my eyes, just feel his arms around my neck, his breath on my cheek, his cock pressed against mine- leather on jeans, my hands cupping his ass, probably making him tiptoe as I shamelessly grind us together in slow thrusts.
A touch.
A moan.
Maybe.
I go with the beat, I open my mouth in non audible sighs.
Licking, biting my lips.
C'mon...c'mon, baby- he licks all along my jaw.
We are surrounded by lights, an unreal fucking trip, just colors dancing over my closed eyes, bathing us in undeniable possession, passion, lightning. In my mind we are naked, sweaty, entangled.
'Did he moan your name when you were alone?'
He's breathing in my ear, maybe there are words, maybe I am fucking dreaming. You know where you are...you know where you are...did he say it? "You're in the fucking jungle, baby...", I whisper to myself, I whisper to him.
"We're in the fucking universe..."
This is not real.
"This is not real."
Raw power.
Where am I? Where am I?
Where-
I guess he's drunk. He smells like alcohol as his breath hits my lips, he smells of promises. You know where you are...I am in hell. I realize I am almost about to come as I softly let my tongue touch his bottom lip; soft, wet, sexy.
Please.
I am going to soil my fucking pants, but I don't care, just keep on rubbing...then he's gone and I am roughly pulled away at my wrist, all of sudden opening my eyes in surprise.
There are still people everywhere, no one noticed and with my senses partly coming back I recognize it's Axl dragging me away from the crowd. Before I am really aware of what's happening, we are in a fucking toilet stall, purple light surrounding us- it's what they use to prevent junkies on finding a vein. He looks at me through the dim light, eyes all shiny. I don't know what the fuck he had, but he looks drugged out of his mind.
I'm still in that trip like state as I watch his lips trembling and before I know it, I grab him by his hair and smash him against the wall, following in the same movement, claiming his lips in a beastly mix of bites and sucks.
He moans into my mouth and this time it's him grabbing for my ass to grind our crotches together. Now with the music being less noisy I hear him, I see him as he suddenly slips away, falling to his knees right in front of me, hands on my belt to open it.
I am involuntarily still moving to the music, missing the stethoscope lights that seemed to fuck my brain out, chaining him to me in those chopped, flashy images, movements being caught in their sudden unusual dissection.
I am moving, hips rolling, head lulled back to my neck as he takes me in his mouth.
You know where you are?....I am in fucking heaven.
It's sloppy, loose, unsteady- he's fucking bad at it, but that's exactly what drives me insane, cause' it's a constant reminder that it's him sucking me off. I don't know what I've done to deserve this, but I just moan, or am I screaming?
I don't know where and who the fuck I am with the wet heat, the swirling, burning tongue, his teeth scratching against my skin- unprofessional, unwary and so fucking sexy, I wanna shoot right down his throat.
I have thick strands of red hair tangled to my fingers, matching the light, golden lashes- "Please...please, baby...please..." I don't even know what I am begging for and he also can't hear me from there, but I am repeating it all over again,until he lets me slip out of his mouth and is suddenly standing again, sucking at my throat, at my jaw- "Please...please..."
"Don't beg...I'll give you everything..."
I grab for his hair again, pulling his head back, looking into his face, before licking his lips. He lets me first, then his nails are painfully scratching over my arms as he's moving, grinding, biting like a predator. Nails pressing into flesh, blood on my lips.
"Yeah, hurt me...please...please..." He's everywhere and I can't control my voice as I am constantly talking, whispering. I am totally out of my mind.
"Fuck me..." It's breathed, coming from deep within me, but as soon as a I spoke it out I realize it's everything I fucking want now. He gives a grin, a demanding, a dangerous one, before roughly turning me around, pressing me face first to the wall.
The music is inside of me, cocaine and alcohol rushing through my blood, making me give in, making me pray for fucking someone, anyone, no one, as he rams fingers down my ass- like he does with the girls, dry, mercilessly. It hurts but I am so hard for him.
Hard, precise movements. I am filled, I am still begging, nails slipping off the walls, my cock rubbing to the hard walls and I can't fucking take it.
Three, four more thrusts-
Everything is crushing down on me, electricity, bunched tension....just...
I think I am really fucking screaming as I come, almost blacking out, my legs shivering, my whole body fully grinding against plastic, going with the waves of pleasure, filling the gasps between the musics heartbeat.
Just when I think it's over I am sinking to my knees, bones painfully crashing against the floor...
Where the fuck am I?
We are ripped from the ground.
Shadows flickering, crawling, haunting...there are haunting me...
Where am I?
Where-