Taylor Swift: I got dumped by Jake Gyllenhaal last year. So I bought this hipster voodoo doll with a beard. I'm stabbing him right in his Gyllenballs. Still he won't return my calls. Why? I'm calling just to say that I've moved on with my life. This'll be the last time that I call tonight. Do you mind If I sleep on your lawn? I say I love you. We hates him. the precious, Smeagle. Ooooooooh One side of me gets the hint but PHPHHHHTPHHHPHHHT! This side is ogidy ogidy ogidy ogidy
Jake Gylllenhall: We were never ever ever actually together.
Taylor: Sweetie remember member member smoking crack together? We ate chalk and did bath salts and had sex with a tree.
Jake: Um we have never ever done any of that together.
Taylor: Like, we sort of did. My stuffed animals totally remember it.
Animal #1: Yeah, I remember that.
Animal #2: Me too.
Taylor: I swallowed a whole bottle of these pills, Flintstones. These voices in my head feel like a drill. Gollum! He's telling me that we have to kill your mom, but I can't seem to trigger this bomb. Darn.
Jake's Mum: MMMMMMMMM!
Taylor: I can't hear you through the gag. Ohhhhhh looks like, I just needed new batteries.
Jake: She can never ever ever be put back together
Taylor: Now he will never ever ever give me back my sweater. I've moved on and soon I'm gonna be a Kennedy Yippee! Their family curse gets worse and worse with every century. They got shot, his plane got lost and this ones dating me. If he ever dumped me ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever EVER! He will be dismembered. My precious!