I stood at Andrea's grave site and I was seriously so heartbroken. She has always been the one to help me whenever I was going through something , she was my best friend and I trusted her with every single thing , but she's gone now and I have no one to talk too , or maybe I DO! I just refuse to talk to someone who isn't her.
I stared at the flowers and the pictures that everyone had left for her and what's killing me is that I haven't been up here since her funeral , I didn't wanna face this shit , so I haven't been a good friend to her at all , not when she was alive and not even now , what does that say about me?
I know andrea seemed like a bitch , but that's only because I made her that way , I told her to get respect that she had to make people fear her or even hate her , she was such a sweet girl when she hung out with Jc and everybody else , I just got jealous because I felt like her and jc had something going on at one point , so I snatched her away from him , but I started getting obsessed with hurting his feelings and controlling her.
In that first week of her becoming friends with me and my friends , we started to date each other and those days and months weren't very good , I mean I was gay and she was a lesbian , so I found OUT! we were only doing it for the popularity and it worked , we broke up in front of everyone , but we still remained best friends.. the shit I did for other people's enjoyment. But anyways the point is that I could talk to her about anything , and that's what I DID! I told her how I felt about jc and that's why I really went over to his house that day , I didn't go because my parents forced me , I made that part up , I JUST needed to see him and shockingly , it worked out.
* 4 months ago*
'' Andrea , It's not easy to just come out and go for him , I've been a damn jerk to him and you know it.''
'' I still say that you should go for it , he likes you and I would know , I can see all over his face and your face , the way y'all are always at each other's throats , SOMETHING IS DEFINITELY CLICKING.''
'' why can't you take your own advice and go get jenn back?''
'' I fucked up , she hates me now , but YOU HAVE A CHANCE.''
______________________
'' you have a chance.'' that's what she told me and she was right , I had a chance and I got my boyfriend , but now I'm pushing him away over a mistake and an accusation? It's just not right , I am being immature.