The crowd of people surrounding us pushed forward when the music flooded the entire stadium with electric energy. Joshua's front plastered to my back as the palms of his hands rested on the swell of my stomach. Matthew Healy, the singer of 'The 1975', appeared on stage followed by a thick base and drums. I along with all the people flooding the area screamed, jumped and sung along when the song kick-started.
"I love this song," I said in Joshua's ear when he bent down to hear me better, brushing a kiss on my cheek. "It was Megan's too."
In memory of our crazy girl, we purchased tickets once we saw their tour was coming to Sheffield Arena, which consequently fell on Megan's birthday. Time flew by and before we knew it, three years had disappeared around us. A lot had happened in those years, starting with Joshua and I tying the knot. It was totally unexpected one night when we both got in from work with me cooking dinner and he doing some paperwork on the table.
"Hey, sweetheart," he'd said, pulling my attention away from peeling the potatoes in the kitchen sink.
"Yeah?" I said, not turning around.
"Tabitha?" he said nervously, this time, his voice sounding closer to me. "Might want to turn around for this."
I put the potato peeler down, dumping the spud in the water bowl as I turned around. "Sorry, yeah? Oh, my-"
Joshua knelt in front of me with a velvet box, and the biggest smile slapped across his face. "I love you to death. Please make me the happiest man alive and marry me?"
I'd said yes, of course. Next came the honeymoon which we spent touring in Australia, stopping in Melbourne to visit Damon and a few of Megan's friends. It was emotional, but so much fun, and I saw why Megan loved the place as much as she did.
Australia was so vast with many incredible things to see. If I didn't love living in England so much, Australia would be my next choice of home. Damon had moved on and found himself a girlfriend, a sweet, bubbly and beautiful girl called Xanthe. Knowing that he could do that thrilled both Joshua and I. Although, he had made it known to us that Megan would always hold a special place in his heart.
Joshua's job kept him busy most hours in the day. After having such excellent results from his personal trainer, he wanted to see if he could give it a go. A college course and two diplomas later, and he's a fully qualified coach who specialises in military injury. The reviews and results he's getting are phenomenal, taking him up the ranks in the business leagues. I couldn't be any prouder of him. My job the same at the college library, which suited me fine. I had no intention of leaving anytime soon.
When our lives quietened down late last year, something happened that turned that upside down. Finding out I was pregnant came as no shock, as all Joshua had talked about after the wedding was making our family a three. We tried for a while with not much luck, but just when I was ready to give up, our little miracle came into our lives. We found out we were having a girl in the February and it blew Joshua's mind and scared him half to death.
"A girl?" he'd said, looking at the ultrasound screen with wide eyes. "Are you sure?"
Our sonographer laughed. "Yes, I'm sure. Congratulations Mr Caswell."
Joshua looked at me. "A girl? Oh, no, I'll never survive this!"
I wiped off the gel on my stomach and gave him my best 'It will be okay' smile. "A little girl will be fun, you'll see."
Joshua's complexion turned pasty. "I'm buggered." He looked as if he may pass out. "I'm totally buggered."
It thrilled me to bits. A little girl. What a dream come true. It delighted my mother too for another female influence in the family with my gorgeously adorable three-year-old nephew, Harrison, running the roost. A girl would change the dynamics around a bit. Harrison was the light of my sister's life, and poor Bruce didn't stand a chance against the pair.
The song ended, and Joshua moved so his face was directly beside mine. I stared up into his concerned gaze and smiled. "Are you okay? Sweetheart, you zoned out on me then. You're not overheating, are you?" he asked, features softening.
"I'm all good," I said.
"Yeah?" He kissed my lips before going back to his position behind me. "You enjoying the concert?"
My eyes lifted towards the stage, seeing Matthew Healy throwing out the lyrics with the grace of an angel and rested into Joshua's hold. "It's great. Man, can this guy sing."
"I was thinking the same," he shouted into my ear. "Gives you the chills, doesn't it?"
In that moment, as if agreeing, our little girl kicked into Joshua's hand, causing him to press harder, always wanting her to do it again. The first time threw us both into acting like a pair of gawping idiots as we stood still waiting for it to happen a second time, and when it did, we squealed like children. Ever since Joshua used any excuse to be near my stomach, not wanting to miss a thing.
"Hey, Megs," he said, now touching in another spot. "Are you enjoying the singing too?"
As you've already probably guessed; we're calling our baby girl Megan, after her beautiful aunt.
"I think so." I winced when she got me in a sensitive spot. "She must know every song by now with the amount we play their album."
The music quietened as the band spoke to the audience, including us all in their funny banter and jokes. "It wouldn't surprise me." Joshua got back into position with his hands splayed over my stomach. "Let's see what they're saying. Don't want to miss anything."
...
Trisha rushed to my aid when Joshua and I stepped through their door the following Sunday afternoon, ready for one of her famous roast dinners. Mick waved from the kitchen, holding a kitchen towel and oven glove, asking Joshua if he wanted a beer and me some decaffeinated tea. They knew me so well. Tea had been my saviour throughout this pregnancy. I accepted and took myself into the sitting room, holding my swollen belly like I would topple over if I didn't. Seven and a half months and already a walking whale. Excellent.
"Tabby, darling, you look beautiful," Trisha said, coming to sit next to me, sending my husband through to get my drink. "Are you reading any of the advice books I gave you?"
If she's speaking of the pregnancy and childbirth books, she gave me then, no. I hadn't, but I nodded anyhow. "Yes, thanks so much. They're helpful to have around."
A little white lie didn't hurt anyone. "Oh, wonderful, darling. Did you read up on the pelvic exercises you can do to help push labour forward?"
"No." I gave Joshua the help me eyes. "I don't believe I got that far into the book yet."
Trisha took her mug from Mick as he passed it over and frowned at me. "You haven't? I swear it was in the first couple of chapters. Have you been reading it back to front?"
I laughed a little crazily. "Most probably with my brain right now. Don't worry, Trish. I'll re-read it tonight."
She picked up her mug, nodding, "You must, Tabby. I think it will help. I have experience in pushing a baby out of the vagina, and I can tell you now that it isn't easy."
"Mother!" Joshua looked traumatised and Mick a little queazy. "Way too much information. Jesus Christ."
"Sorry, son, but are you going to be Tabitha's birth partner?" she replied, completely unable to read a room.
He nodded, taking a sip of beer. "Of course I am."
"Then you need to know these things. What happens if you get stuck in a sudden traffic jam, and you need to birth the baby?"
Joshua looked ill again. So did I by the way my stomach swirled. "That's just plain silly. Stop scaring us. This is our first child. God, mother."
"I wanted-"
"Trisha," Mick shouted, giving me a concerned look. "That's enough. You're scaring poor Tabitha half to death. Let's not say anything else on the matter, shall we?"
Joshua passed me my tea, and I took two gulps, waiting for the sugar to take effect. "I feel sick."
"Are you going to be?" Joshua sprung up from beside me and grabbed my shoulder. "Come on. I'll take you to the loo."
"No." I waved off his concern. "I won't be sick. I just feel it."
"I'm sorry." Trisha pulled a face. "I didn't mean to come on too strong. I'm just so excited about this baby and want everything to go well."
I drained my cup of tea and rested my mug in my lap, still reeling. "Don't worry. You must understand how apprehensive both Joshua and I are about everything. I know you mean well."
"I do," she said, getting up to squeeze my shoulder. "I'll rein my enthusiasm in a touch. Are we still on for the Mummy and Grandma fun day? I've been so looking forward to it."
The local baby care unit organised an event where pregnant women take the grandparents of their child to do all sorts of activities. I'm taking Trisha as my mother already attended one with Hanna when she was pregnant with Harrison and said they were a waste of time. I didn't have the heart to tell Trisha this, however.
"You bet I am. I'm looking forward to it."
"Oh, goody. Let me get dinner ready, and I'll get you another cuppa. Mick, are you going to help me?"
Mick threw me a smile and left the room, following his wife's order.
Joshua's arm spanned the back of the couch when he turned to speak to me. "You're unbelievable with my mother. Thank you for being as patient as you are."
I stroked his t-shirt covered stomach. "It's my job, isn't it? Get on with the mother-in-law?"
He smirked. "Yours isn't the average mother-in-law, though, is she?"
I chuckled, rubbing my stomach when it pulled a bit. Little angel moving about in there. "Trisha's harmless. I love the bones of her, you know."
He took another pull from his beer. "Yeah, I do."
Trisha came back into the room bringing a photo frame with her. "Tabitha, I must show you this before I forget. Mick and I were going through some photographs and thought it would look lovely on your fireplace."
I gripped the frame and turned it over to find a picture of Megan and me, sat on this settee with bowls of snacks around us and duvets covering our bodies. Joy filled me at sight, and I tipped it to show Joshua who chuckled taking the photograph from me. The pain never came now when thinking of my best friend, only a fondness so deep it could stop you in your tracks.
"Baby Tabitha," Joshua whispered, looking closely. "Miss you Meg, love."
Joshua did this often, talking to his memories of her, and I encouraged it. It helped to clear his mind, even with little worries of work or my health. I often found him in our living room having a deep conversation with a teddy bear we kept back of hers. At first, I worried it was a strange thing to do, but seeing the way it helped him and having the therapist tell me it was one hundred percent a healthy process to go through in letting a loved one go. I went along with it, sometimes butting into his conversations.
I snuggled his side. "Yeah, miss you Megs, honey. I hope life's treating you well up there."
Trisha cleared her throat and looked over at us with glistening eyes. "She's watching over the both of you, and when little Megan arrives, she'll watch over her too. My girl cared for everyone, and she would have adored that baby."
"Yeah, we know it, mum," Joshua replied, snuggling me back. I couldn't get enough of his affection. "We knew in giving our little girl her aunt's name it came with a privilege."
Trisha nodded quickly. "I'm so proud of you both," she said, wafting at her face crossly. "Gosh, look at me getting all emotional."
Joshua gave a gentle laugh. "You okay, mum? Do you need a cuddle?"
"Oh, no." She brushed him off. "I'm silly."
I pushed at his shoulder. "See your mum's all right."
He rose from the settee and strolled with an extraordinary amount of grace towards his mother, taking her in his arms. In watching them, I reflected on the future, thinking I'd hit the jackpot with this one. They guaranteed nothing in life, but right now with what I had, I knew I'd be happy whatever the universe threw my way.
"Tabby, darling, come and get in on this hug," Trisha said, looking my way.
So, I did and never let them go.
...
I do hope that you've enjoyed this book as much as I've enjoyed writing it. Thank you for everything!
Much love,
Holly <3