2.6: When The Languages You Know Are Limited
It's been around 10 minutes and 55 seconds since the last time I touched anything or anyone.
I know... I know... even if I deviated from my psyche and touched something, anything, there would be no reason for Ryder to notice it. But then something in the way he texted me made my whole insides burn whenever I re-read the text (FYI, I was on the count of 264 re-reads). It wasn't even a plea. It was an order. I felt like I was once again reminded by Ryder Black the Bad Boy from two years ago, not Ryder Black the (gentle and loving) Precious Person.
It was, surprisingly, a perfect amalgamation of good/bad/scary/fluffy feelings.
I even wished if I could levitate in the air so that my feet didn't touch the ground. It didn't feel right to say to him that 'yes yes I heed to your words' while I was probably still touching all kinds of germs and bacteria and probably some year-old gum under my feet. Wait, when Ryder said 'don't touch anything or anyone', did Oxygen and CO2 from the people around me counted too?
My darned Stars, this was all so confusing. All this stress definitely wasn't good for my skin and now I would definitely age prematurely.
Alex's house was huge enough to gather more than 50 people, and sure enough, there was probably a total of 68 to 76 people (people kept coming and leaving). I avoided all of them as I stood just outside of the door. Trisha and Lauren had tried to hard to make me come in, and I didn't particularly like standing in front of someone's house while facing the street, but I stood still and said to them to go ahead without me.
Finally, after 14 minutes and 33 seconds of totally zero interaction with anything or anyone, I could see Ryder's truck pulled over the street.
He immediately ran to my direction.
"What are you doing outside?" he asked, and then he saw that my feet were practically shaking because I couldn't sit still since my bladder was acting up and he clenched his jaw. "Okay, just get in. I'll scare anyone who's queueing in front of the toilet."
"I'm probably two minutes away from peeing involuntarily," I said honestly. "And I didn't touch anything or anyone beforehand."
"That's... okay... that's admirable, actually," he almost put a hand on my back, but I swatted his hand away.
"Don't give me any surprise touch because 95% of my concentration is holding my pee!"
And whenever he touched me or just simply within around my personal space, Ryder always made me function way less than I'd preferred.
After the toilet, I could finally regain a bit of my balance. The house was full of people, and as the night went on, I felt like the original amount had almost doubled. True to my hunch, there were way more liquor than what high-school parties ever offered. And way-way-way more trash kicked around on the floor.
Ryder held my hand and then guided me to find a spot that wasn't occupied.
"What were you thinking April? They dragged you here and you just said yes?"
"Yeah..." I nodded hesitantly. "Trisha mentioned that the guest-list doubled after she said that I'm coming, so...-"
"There you are!" Alex's blonde hair appeared and before long I could see his green eyes glinted at me. That was when I realized that he was sticking out his head so close to my head. "We've been looking for you."
In a split second, Ryder had already had his hand around Alex's collar. It was scary to see Ryder losing control like this. His dark eyes were glinting with a promise of pain, and his breathing was jagged. "What the hell were you thinking, fuckface?"
Alex was, through it all, still managed to be calm as Sith. "I think that my face is handsome enough to not warrant the 'fuckface' moniker."
"You invited April to your house!"
"I invited her to a party," Alex stressed. "Which, by the way, is open only to Greenville's students."
I made a mental note at how smart Alex was to imply that Ryder was not welcome here.
Ryder took a deep breath, and then with great difficulty Alex's collar down. "You're seriously pissing me off."
"I'm aware of that," Alex was still smiling, which for some reason made Ryder's mouth twitched even more. "But you're in my house so... behave."
Ryder exhaled once again, and then said in a demanding tone. "Someone get me a drink!"
Within ten seconds, there were a few red cups handed on Ryder's direction. Ryder took one of them and gulped the contents in a single thrust.
Alex whistled. "I'm still amazed that you have that kind of presence."
I already backed away a total of five steps and a half from Ryder. Instinctively, he had drilled within me that he wouldn't hurt me and that I should always feel safe around him, but whenever his Inner Darkness emerged, I couldn't help but whimper.
"Let me remind you that anytime I want, I can break all 264 of your bones," Ryder said menacingly to Alex. I didn't doubt his capabilities for one second.
"I know," Alex said, ignoring the fact that there was actually 206 bones in a human body. "Look, the reason why I invited April here is because I know she'll make a lot of new friends tonight."
"Bullshit."
"I know that you don't need anyone, Ryder. But maybe April needs to widen her circle of friends. People think she's cool."
"Fuck your circle. She's doing just fine."
Alex cringed a bit, but he managed to maintain his smile. "I don't understand why you're so mean to me. Your girl's scared out of her life."
"Fine I am," I mustered the last vestige of energy within me just to say that, but still old habits die hard. "No... No... I mean... worry about me you don't need to."
Despite the music, despite the constant thumping of some people dancing, I could hear some people whispering each other atrocities about Ryder.
"He's like loose canon!"
"I actually like those type of men. So hot."
"Not if he loses control all the time."
"He's so scary..!"
Ryder looked at me with his deep brown eyes. His hand was mid air, as if trying to reach for me, but no matter how much I willed myself, I couldn't go towards him.
And because I didn't want to faint the second time because of Ryder, I turned away and ran.
-
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For some reason, I ended up in a secluded room on the third floor (Alex's house was so big it practically had an elevator, but I didn't use it because there was a couple was doing synchronized pushup without underwear.). I was a bit out of breath since cardio had never been my forte, but ultimately a little more relieved because I found myself to be alone here.
The dimmed sound of the party was still blaring from underneath. It bothered me a bit, especially since I was very well aware that I had just left a very angry and very red-looking Ryder downstairs.
The room itself was small. It felt like it belonged to a small child, because all the posters on the wall were ugly crayon drawings and only parents with young children would want ugly crayon drawings on their walls.
It was also unusually tidy for a small child's room.
"You're here," a voice came from the opening door.
When Alex got in, I was in the process of hiding under the bed. "Urhm," I figured that I'd say hello since he caught me red-handed anyway. "Hello."
"Elegant as always, April," his green eyes was filled with mirth.
He closed the door behind him, and the moment I heard the sound 'click', my instincts were in an all time high.
WHAT IN THE GALAXY IS HAPPENING?!
"So, April," Alex began.
WHY DID HE NEED TO CLOSE THE DOOR?!
He thinned his lips, and then took a step slowly towards me. Every single of his move was slow-motion, but it made the whole thing even scarier since you never know when he was going to go fullspeed all of a sudden and jump you.
"Can't believe that I'd find you here, actually."
WHY IS HE STILL TALKING AND WHY IS THE DOOR IS STILL CLOSED?!
I couldn't believe that I would be in a situation in which I was trapped in a 4x4meter room with a boy whilst attending a party. Now, there were a few ways this could go:
1. If my life were a Romance movie, then Alex and I would start talk about deep stuff (hopefully something about the existensial crisis), then within one hour he and I would start tearing each other's clothes off and share a very heated, totally-non-awkward first kiss. (Look: The Notebook)
2. If my life were a Comedy movie, then Alex and I would somehow get involved in a random mission to save someone. Then other characters with questionable attributes would join our little band and we will share a lot of witty banters. (Look: The Big Lebowski)
3. If my life, however, were a Horror movie, then Alex would turn out to be a serial killer which intended to kill me and spill my guts to paint a picture on the wall.... oh my stars sweet holy beefcake of everything in milky way...
"DON'TKILLMEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASE!" before I could stop myself from all the impending embarrassment, my mouth had started running.
The next five seconds were filled with my hyperventilating and Alex intoning an elongated 'Errrrrrrrrmmmmmmmmmmmm'.
Fortunately, I managed to regain most of my logistic part in my brain in the next ten seconds, and I clasped both of my hands together. "I'm sorry!"
He blinked. "And I'm really confused."
"I'm sorry I was being so weird twenty seven seconds ago. My mind was all over the place and I have a very wild imagination."
Alex opened his mouth, he had a really feminine lips and for a brief second I wondered if he ever had to tattoo the color of perfect peach on his lips. "You know that your last sentence gives me soooo many room to reply in a sexual innuendo, right?"
"Because of the wild imagination thingy?"
"Yep."
"Poop it."
"Awww, and that's your rendition of 'Fuck it'. You're so cute I actually start to see why Ryder's all crazy about you."
I tilted my head. "Is that you trying to flirt with me?"
"It's just how I communicate, April. Don't let a few compliments get into your head," he smiled, but his smile didn't give me any comfort. "You might get heartbroken."
But I wasn't letting any of his words get into my head! I was just remembering how hard Ryder tried to flirt with me before I unwittingly confessed my feelings to him. I remembered how frustrated he was because I just wasn't getting it. I certainly didn't want to impose the same kind of frustration to Alex.
Of course he wouldn't let me explain my situation, because he was already right in front of me, his hands sticking out to help me get out from under the bed.
I accepted his hand and then sat on the bed. He motioned to the empty space beside me and I nodded. For some reason, I didn't need to 'teach' Alex any of the common courtesy of dealing with a very jumpy creature called April Hale. It was as if he knew my boundaries.
"You're good at this," I said. When Alex didn't give any kind of reaction, I decided that I needed to give more context. "At managing me, I mean."
"I know."
He really was unlike Ryder, whom most probably would blush (we blushed around each other a lot) and say something to cover up his chagrin. Alex's every move was calculated, and that's when I realized why I felt a certain kind of edge whenever I was around him.
Because I treated life as a river, he treated life as a chessgame.
"This room was my sister's," Alex said, and for the first time, he wasn't looking at me when he said that. Instead, he took the pillow from the bed and stared at it. "There's no photo of her anymore because what happened hurt the whole family, but I still remember her."
"Where's your sister?" I asked.
"Two hundred miles to the north, six feet below," was his answer. I didn't understand why he needed to elongate the answer when he could have used 'dead' and avoid any kind of misunderstanding.
I figured the more approppiate reply would be: "I'm sorry."
"I want to tell you something. But promise me you wont freak out, okay," Alex's voice suddenly held a certain tone that made all of my thought process came to a halt. "You have to promise."
"I promise."
"You promise?"
"I did promise."
Alex was inched closer to me, the determination on his face was perceptible. "You have to mean it."
"I do!" patience was something that I could honestly brag about myself, because it almost seemed like I had an endless supply of it, but for some reasons Alex's mannerism depleted all patience that I had. "I promise and I do mean it. Can you please just say it because you have just teased me about it and it's not right to tease and run like that."
Alex flicked his finger on my forehead.
I lost count at how many times I blinked as I processed this particular act. I hated how my whole body heated because of a simple trick of a finger, and I especially hated how he seemed even more amused that he managed to get a reaction out of me.
"That's three times you promised, April. So if you break your promise, you'll get three times as many karma."
"I don't believe in karma," I said with as much steel as I could muster, but I felt my temples wet from a sudden attack of perspiration.
"Her name was June, and she was three years younger than me," Alex started all of a sudden. "She's got a severe case of autism. Barely even spoke anything. And when the case is as severe as June's... sometimes it's even hard for her to walk because-"
"-because sometimes even the muscles sensory aren't receptive enough," I finished. "When my mom had three glasses of too many wine, she'd say that she was glad I was just on the spectrum and now the 'full-blown Kanner's'. It'd wreck her heart, figuratively and literally she would wreck her own heart, she said."
There was a thin smile on Alex's lips. "June died because she fell from the stairs."
I tried my hardest to show him how very sorry I was to hear a person with a mental disorder died because of an accident, but the most I could give him was furrowed eyebrows. I had no connections at all with June, and it was hard to incite sympathy when you hardly knew the person.
"So... urm. So, do I remind you of her, then?" I asked.
"No."
I waited for him to continue, but after a while, I decided that that was it. Talking about his sister obviously put Alex's mood in the bad side, and he kept looking at the floor. That was when I realized that the charisma I felt wafting from him was a practiced art, because when he wasn't putting an effort to it (like right now), he was just like any other guy.
"I'll look for Ryder," I said, reaching for the door.
"April," Alex started again just as I was about to twist the door knob. "I want us to be friends. Not because you reminded me of my sister. Not even because I'm interested in you romantically, because you're not my type anyway. I just have an instant liking towards you. As friends. That's why I tell you things. I want us to know each other."
That was three times he said he wanted to be friends.
"Okay," I said, feeling my heart swelled so much from all the imaginary cotton candy brewing within me.
The highs of getting a new friend was still with me as I descended the stairs on Alex's house. The party was still super loud, now people were actually screaming like they wanted to break their own voice-chords.
The living room was quite deserted, strangely, and I found myself a nice sofa to sit on. I was in the middle of sipping lemon tea when a girl bypassed me.
"Hey, you're that girl, right?"
I made sure that there was nobody else within the talking radius but me. "What girl?"
"That crazy guy's girlfriend," she hugged herself and then shivered. "You got yourself a real piece of work, sister. Your boyfriend's super hot and he's got all these sexy tattoos, but he's fucking insane."
"W-What do you mean?"
"Go to the pool."
I was never one to have sudden 'gut-instinct'. But when I looked at this girl and how she described Ryder, I was engulfed with a sense of urgency. I ran to the pool, getting lost a few times because the house was so Strooping big.
By the time I got there, the circle of people was breaking off. Obviously they had been there, and the circle had been way more dense than that, but the screaming had stopped and the people looked bored now. I looked at the floor and to my horror, I found a little bit of blood.
"Ryder?" I called out.
These people looked at me, and I saw Trisha's face. She held her gaze towards me and then shook her head. "It's admittedly really cool, what your boyfriend's capable of. But it's also messed up."
More people gave me the same kind of expression. I couldn't really tell what it was. Concern and fear and envy?
I pushed my way to the middle, and by the pool, just inches away from the body water, I found Ryder and three other guys, all black and blue and red and writhing in pain.
Ryder was the only one standing.
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AN:
Sorry I didn't manage to post on Wednesday like I promised. But I posted on Saturday which is like... 2 days late and not 2 years late so YAY ME .
We had heard how Ryder was such a bad boy for two books now, but in this book I'll really delve into how dark he really is. It's kind of giving me goosebumps, actually, here you got a really out-of-control boy and the only one who can stop him is this 'broken' girl.
And it's supposed to be a comedy.
this is the last chapter that i've prewritten, the next chapter will be all NEW materials for The Quirky Tale of April Hale. :) Thank you and sorry for the barrages of notifications.