****EVERYONE PLEASE READ THISSSSSS****
oKAY hi hi hello, this is just a disclaimer about this chapter. So I know next to nothing about Muslim culture and Pakistani's and all that so I'm seriously so sorry if I offend anyone by being stereotypical or rude or actually talking about a whole other culture. I skipped the actual wedding ceremony bc I wasn't confident enough to write about it. It's not my intention to offend anyone so I'm really sorry if I get things wrong, but I tried haha. I didn't want to be totally naive and do this white wedding bc I'm aware they are completely different. I did do research and my friend helped me but I know I'll still get stuff wrong. But this is supposed to be a casual wedding anyway and not extremely traditional so entirely fictional. BUT TBH GUYS THAT'S NOT THE MAIN FOCUS HERE LOLZ??? This chapter has a lot of super important stuff and the muslim stuff isn't really one of them. Sorry again. Oh also, you may want to make sure you are somewhere private where no one can hear you scream whilst reading the end of this chapter ...
*******************
Zayn
I stand outside in the afternoon air as the others all continue to get ready, a cigarette in my left hand and my right hand shoved into the pocket of my black pants. I hear footsteps behind me and I turn briefly to see Violet shuffling towards me, a small smile on her face.
I quickly advert my eyes, because I honestly can't bring myself to look at her. She looks absolutely incredible. Her hair is so lovely, so long and fresh, and every facial feature of hers is just enhanced with the make up. I've never been so captivated by a set of eyes before. It's amazing, really, how I feel about Violet now after seeing her so ... well, looking like a girl. Like a girl I'm used to, like a girl I'm attracted to. I try to ignore everything, but it's proving to be quite the mission.
Violet stands beside me silently and I immediately move to stub out my cigarette, knowing how she feels about the things. But before I can, she shakes her head. "No, leave it. It's fine," she tells me.
I glance at her before giving a small shrug and taking another drag. I make sure to hold it far away from her, though. "Everyone still busy?" I ask, using my head to point behind my shoulder.
"Yeah," Violet says. She stays looking ahead. There isn't much of a view from our house, just the street across the road with the grassy and covered in weeds land that's been 'for sale' since I was a kid. The sky's a pale blue, clouds everywhere. "It's nice here," she says after a while. "Peaceful."
For a minute or two we just stand there, side by side, in our wedding outfits, me in a casual stance with my cigarette slowly burning down and her with her feet apart and hands in front of her, clasped tightly. Then, as if someone's flicked a switch and therefore signalled Violet to come back into reality, she turns to me. "We should go."
I chuck away my cigarette and turn to her, shoving my other hand in my pocket. "We'll go in my car," I tell her. "The others can meet us there."
Safaa comes running out through the door. "Zayn, can I come with you and Violet?"
"Sure, Saf. Let's-"
"Safaa! Put your shoes on!" Mum yells.
Safaa sighs and walks back through the door again. Violet and I accidentally look at each other and awkwardly laugh and then, in this total sudden dream-like way, Violet reaches out to me and grabs the ends of my tie.
I look down as she starts looping it around. "Thanks," I say nervously.
She smiles a bit. "No problem. I used to do them for my dad all the time."
I just stare down at her as she focuses intently, her fingers skimming my neck every so often. "I meant what I said in there," I tell her impulsively.
She doesn't look up, but she stops tying for just a second before continuing.
"You really are stunning."
She glances up at me and her lips curl upwards and almost reach her eyes. She then pats my chest and steps back. "There."
I pick up the tie. "Looks good," I observe.
"Not as good as you do," she replies quickly, almost like she's scared of the outcome.
I raise my eyebrow slightly and she laughs before looking down. "You are handsome, alright? I'll give you that."
"Handsome and cute?" I say, remembering when we were at the children's hospital and Violet admitted to finding me cute.
She looks at me playfully. "Maybe."
Safaa comes running out again and latches onto my leg. I laugh and bend down. "Hey, love. You ready?"
She nods and I look back over at Violet. "Shall we go?"
"Let's do it."
I yell into the house telling somebody, whoever hears me, that we're leaving now. I get a 'okay, bye!' back from someone. Violet, Safaa and I all walk to my car and Safaa climbs in the back, Violet and I in the front.
"Where's the wedding?" Violet asks me as we drive down the streets.
"A hall just outside of the main part of town." I pull the car off the road and into a side street park, just across the road from the corner store. "I need some supplies. You guys want anything?"
"Can I have some candy?" Safaa asks. She smiles in mischief as she knows I'm the only one that buys sugary sweets for her. I'll buy anything for her.
"Candy. Anything in particular, babe?"
She hesitates dramatically. "M&M's. The peanut ones. Not the large bag, just the small one. Try and get one with more yellows."
I just look at her. "Are you kidding ... okay. Fine." I turn to Violet who just laughs and shakes her head. I hop out of the car and jog across the road, entering the small corner store.
The door chimes as I enter and I move down the confectionary isle, the counter down the other side. I find the bags of M&M's and start searching for Safaa's request. I pull bags off the shelves and try and get a glimpse through the tiny clear space to find the most yellow ones. I grab the bag of my choice and move up to the counter.
"Hey, how's it goin'?" I pull out my wallet from my back pocket and smack the bag of M&M's on the counter and point behind the woman's head at the locked up packets of cigarettes. "A packet of Marlboro Reds, thanks."
The woman fetches my packet and scans the items. "Sixteen pounds please," the woman reads.
I know how much my cigarettes are. I hold up the M&M's. "How much are these?"
"Six pounds."
"Six, six?! You only get, like, five in the whole bag!"
The woman just looks at me, a frown on her face.
I sigh. "Whatever, here." I hand her a twenty pound note and she hands me the change before ushering me off to serve the next customer.
I'm moving down another isle filled with magazines when a voice stops me.
"Zayn. Malik."
I spin around to face the condescending tone, one I, unfortunately, know too well. And there he is, dressed in his usual fucking hippy attire, the cocky smirk on his face that gives him this right to believe he's better than everyone else. I hate people thinking they're better than me, and I hate this guy. I always have.
"They told me you were back, but I just couldn't believe it," he continues, walking more down the isle towards me. "I thought Bradford had banned total fucked up losers from being in the town?"
"But yet here you are, Elliot." I try and move past him but he reaches out his arm to touch the opposite shelf and blocks me. I sigh and eye him down, showing him I'm not backing down.
Elliot gives a fake laugh. "It's nice to see you've still kept your brainless humour. It's a good thing Doniya didn't inherit that, huh? Tell me, how's Waliyha? She must be getting older now."
"Keep your hands off my sisters," I snap, giving him a cold, hard glare. It's bad enough Doniya slept with the guy and now I'm forever haunted. He knows he has a reason to annoy me, and he knows he can.
"Zayn, of course! But, can they keep their hands off me?" He picks at his nails, trying to look humble. "I've got quite a name around here. The girls all think I'm enchanting."
"Oh, is that what they're calling repulsive these days?"
Elliot comes over to me and puts a hand on my shoulder, one that I want to smack off, and smiles down at me. "I'm glad you're back, Zayn."
"Like I give a shit." I push him away from me.
"There's something going on Saturday night, down at The Patio. A little bonfire, your old mates. You should come."
I narrow my eyes at his pathetic excuse of a 'fun invite' to a 'fun get together.' "What makes you think I wanna spend the night with you? Or my old mates, for that matter."
"You know you want to. You can't escape your old ways." He walks backwards, eyes still on me. "Eight o'clock! See you there!" He smirks. "Tell Doniya I said hi." He then spins on his heel and disappears around the corner.
I head back out to the car and slide into my seat, chucking Safaa her M&M's and starting the engine. My mind's still focused on fucking Elliot. God, I hate that guy.
"What took you so long?" Violet asks, doing up her seatbelt as I pull back onto the main road.
"Hold up of some sort," I mumble.
I think she knows by the sound of my voice to not ask any further.
-------
The wedding goes by quickly. Throughout the whole ceremony I was tense and Violet kept glancing at me worryingly. At one point she even put her hand on my knee, which was shaking up and down, and asked what was wrong. I told her it was nothing and gently took her hand off.
I'm mostly pissed because Elliot knows he gets under my skin, and that I spend the rest of the day just thinking about him and his baggy green singlets and denim shorts and stupid curly hair. But, I'm also thinking a lot about Saturday night. A part of me wants to go.
Everyone sets up the tables for the reception and the food is brought out. As soon as the guests start mingling with the crowd, I take Doniya by the arm and pull her into the corner.
"I ran into Elliot earlier today," I tell her.
She gasps a little. "You did? I thought he moved."
"He's always moving, Don. The guy lives in a god damn trailer. You should know, you spent the whole night in it."
She frowns at me. "Stop making me out to be some slut!" She cries. "You always do this, Zayn. You always think you can protect me. I'm older than you. And I'm old enough to make my own choices."
"Oh, your own choices? Choices like losing it in a trailer to an absolute ass?"
"Better than losing it in the back of your mates car to a stranger." Doniya eyes me down, her cheeks sucked in. "Look, I don't get it. You used to be friends with the guy."
I sigh, pausing for a bit. "Used to," I repeat. "That was a long time ago."
"Well so was mine! So can you stop bringing it up? The past is the past, let it go, Zayn. You're pathetic." She pushes past me and heads back into the crowd. I lean against the wall and pinch my eyes closed.
"Zayn?"
They fly back open again at the small and worried tone of Violet's voice. She stands in front of me, fidgeting with her fingers, eyes fixed on me.
"Hey," I say.
"Are you okay?"
I laugh under my breath. "I'm fine."
"It's just that, well, you don't look it." Her mouth is in a small frown, her eyebrows creased. She's genuinely concerned.
I reach out and grab her shoulder, turning her as I step forward. "It's cool. Sorry. Just a little stressed. Have you talked to anyone?"
She turns with me and we walk together into the crowd. "What? No. I-I don't know what to say," she laughs.
"Come on, there's Hasan. He'd love to meet you." We walk to my cousin who's chatting to a group of people and I reach out and give him a huge hug from behind, screaming 'WASSUP?!' in his ear.
He jumps and spins around and bursts into laughter when he sees me, quickly wrapping his arms around me and slapping me on the back. The group of people he was previously talking to awkwardly shuffle off.
"Zayn! Holy shit, bro. You look good, man, you look good."
"Says the groom," I reply with a grin. Violet makes an awkward cough and I remember she's there. "Hasan, this is Violet, my, uh, girlfriend." I introduce. "Hasan's my-"
"Totally awesome cousin," Hasan finishes as he reaches out and kisses Violet's hand, making her blush. She blushes a lot, I've come to realise, at really any kind of flattery and interest towards her. "Pleasure to meet you."
"The wedding was beautiful," Violet tells him.
Hasan laughs. "Tell that to Amina's parents. They spent every minute of every day for weeks planning the thing." He catches the presence of someone to his side. "Hey! Speaking of the beautiful bride ..." He reaches out and snatches Amina from the crowd, who looks very surprised at the sudden movement.
"This is Amina," Hasan grins, draping his arm over her shoulder.
"Oh my god, you're beautiful," Violet gasps.
Amina laughs warmly. "Why thank you," she says lightly. "But I think you deserve the compliment." She then turns to me. "You must be Zayn, it's so lovely to finally meet you. Hasan brags about you, he really does."
"I do not," Hasan scoffs.
I lean forward and kiss Amina's cheek, holding her in a hug. "Pleasure's all mine," I tell her. "Violet's right, you look gorgeous. Beautiful ceremony." I smile. "You're a strong one to put up with Hasan."
"Oh, you're going to have to excuse me. My mum's calling. She's organising this whole thing!" Amina glances behind her shoulder. "Thanks for coming and I hope to see you again, Zayn and ...Violet, is it?"
Violet just nods and Amina gives Hasan a kiss before blowing one our way and moving off, the hundreds and hundreds of jewels covering her lehenga jingling as she does so.
"She's great, man," I tell Hasan.
Hasan watches as his bride moves off and then looks back at us, a huge grin on his face. "Don't I know it, man. Hey, you two should get something to eat. There's plenty of stuff. Please, the more I don't have to take home the better."
I laugh. "Sure. Catch you later."
Hasan gives me a fist bump and another smile in Violet's direction before walking off and getting picked up by another family member.
"That was Hasan," I laugh.
"He's nice. But, I'm going to need to pick up on his offer," Violet says. "I'm starving."
I guide her through the crowd and to the end of the room which holds about five or six tables, all laid with food. We grab our plates and napkins and start moving down the line. I glance back at Violet to see her piling on every single thing from every single dish onto her plate.
"What's this? Oh, I'll try it anyway. Oh! I've heard of these! I'll take one of those. Hmmm, I'll take that, too ..."
"Princess," I whisper, leaning down to her level as I look ahead and make sure no one's watching. "What the hell are you doing?"
She looks up at me from behind her food tower. "Trying the culture!" She cries. "God, it's just magnificent. I've never seen anything like it. Everyone's just so beautiful. How come I didn't get the thing on my hands? That patterned cool thing? I want that. And the music, it's so cool. And what was Hasan wearing? Because it was cool. Don't even get me started on Amina. And, oh, my god! Look at these cupcakes!"
"Okay, that's enough for you." I grab her arm and pull her away from the tables.
"Wait!" She cries.
"Coooome on." I pull her towards the end of a table that's empty and sit her down.
She frowns but starts digging in. I watch as she takes bites of things, just one, before putting it down and trying the next thing. I just laugh at her as I eat my own food.
"Oh. My. God," she cries as she takes a bit out of her next thing, her eyes closing in pleasure. "What is this?"
I finish my mouthful and put my elbows on the table. "Mantu," I say. "They're these dumpling-like things."
"They are so good, I'm going to cry."
"You're embarrassing, you know that?" I grin.
She smiles with her mouth full and then laughs, shyly looking down. "I'm sorry. This is just so different for me. I want to experience all of it."
I look behind me at the dance floor opening up. "All of it, huh?" I stand up, moving around to her side and holding out my hand. She eyes it nervously, gulping down her mouthful. "Want to dance with me?"
She looks at my hand, then me, then my hand. "I ... no one's looking," she stammers. "We don't have to act."
I grab her hand and pull her up. "I'm not acting." And with that I lead her to the dance floor.
A slow song begins to play as I manoeuvre my way through the people already dancing and find a clear space. My hand's still tightly holding Violet's as I spin around and stand in front of her.
"I can't dance," she blurts.
I hold her arm up and wrap my other arm around her waist, pulling her into my body. She takes a sharp intake of breath. "That's okay, me neither."
Her body relaxes then as we start to sway from side to side, our eyes fixed on each others. Her arms wrap around my neck and she's warm, everything about her is warm. She looks amazing under the dim multicoloured lighting and I can feel her heart beat quickly against my chest. I grip her waist gently, moving my hand under the sari to rub my fingers along her skin. I feel her twitch and I get a certain satisfaction in it being me that can make her do that.
Violet looks down at our feet. "Tell me how to move my feet," she says.
I look down, too. "Move them forward." At the same time, I move mine back.
"Then what?" Her voice gets quieter when she's closer to me, and it's almost as if she's scared using a tone any louder will ruin the moment. I know.
"Keep doing that." We do a sort of back and forth shuffle and she's focusing really hard on making sure her steps are right.
"I never got to thank you," I tell her softly. "For doing this for me. This dating thing."
She looks up at me in content. "You know, it's not as bad as I thought it would be."
I laugh a little. "Funny that."
"I like your family, Zayn," she says. "You're lucky to have them."
I look over her head but I can feel her eyes on me. "Maybe."
"I wish I had siblings. I wish I had Doniya."
I snort. "Take her."
"She loves you, Zayn. They all do. You just don't realise."
I look back at her and maybe she's right. But I don't realise; I can't. It's not that easy. And she's not one to talk, she hides a million secrets that are either as bad, or worse, as mine. I start thinking more about it, all the hurt she could've been through, and it makes me hold her just a little tighter. Because I care about her, and I'm not going to lie and say that I don't. I care about her like I've cared about no one before - no one but Safaa.
"What now?" She asks, looking down at our feet.
We stop swaying as I whisper, "This", and spin her around by her arm. She twirls for a second or two before she collapses into my arms and I hold her in a dive, her head near the ground. I'm the only thing holding her up and she knows it. She knows she needs to trust me, but something in her eyes tells me she already does. Something tells me she feels safe with me, and it means a lot.
For a while we just stay like that, totally captivated by each other. I hold her carefully, my hands gripping her waist. Then I pull her back and we pull apart as the song ends.
"Uh, we should go to your family," Violet says awkwardly, trying to move away from our current context.
I look over my shoulder to see them all sitting at a table on the other side of the hall. "Sure." She grabs my hand and I'm a little pleased.
"There you two are!" Mum cries as Violet and I sit down in two spare chairs. "You just disappeared."
"We were dancing," I tell her.
"Ooooh," Waliyha says and I reach over and hit her.
"You look great, Violet," dad acknowledges with a nod and she smiles and thanks him.
"You want a drink?" I ask her, not even waiting for her reply as I stand up and head back to the food tables. I'm filling up two cups with punch when someone comes beside me to do the same.
"Hello, Zayn."
I turn to see Hasan's sister, her smile wide. Ifra's older than me by about five or so years, so we've never been that close. But nonetheless she's still my cousin. But saying that, I have a lot of those.
"Hey! Good to see you."
"You, too! Hasan told me you had a girlfriend." Her eyebrows raise playfully.
That's how quickly it happens. You tell one person in the family and everyone else knows. I knew I shouldn't have told Hasan, he's the biggest gossiper known. He swore he'd keep my secret about stealing the cookies from his mum's gift box and ten minutes later I was in time out.
"Yeah, I do. She's here."
"I saw. You two were quite the view on the dance floor."
I laugh awkwardly. "Oh, ha."
She leans against the table and looks ahead at all the commotion. "Can you believe it? Hasan married?"
"To be honest, I'm still shocked. I keep trying to find flaws in Amina but she's perfect," I say.
Ifra laughs. "Me too! She's great, isn't she? Hasan's lucky to have her." She turns back to me and sips at her drink. "So tell me, how's things going between you and your girl?"
Your girl. It still sounds strange to me. I keep getting myself lost in this zone that's between acting and not acting. I've just decided it's easier to let things happen and not try to explain them. "We're good, yeah." I try to keep my answers short and open so Ifra doesn't feel the need to push any further.
Unfortunately, she does. "She looks nice. Must be going pretty steady if you brought her to a wedding and dressed her up. She looks apart of the family already."
"Well it would've been stupid if she was in a party dress," I tell her.
Ifra smiles at me, a smile I can't really figure out, then touches my shoulder gently. "Good for you, Zayn. I'm happier for you. See you later, have a good night."
I walk back to our table and hand Violet her drink before sitting back down. Everyone's engaged in some kind of conversation I've missed and they're not showing any signs of stopping anytime soon. I just sip at my drink and lean back in my chair, resting my arm on the back of Violet's.
"I must say, you two do make a lovely couple," mum says, looking at Violet and I. "You look so good together."
"You know," Doniya speaks up, "it's funny. I've never seen you two kiss."
My punch catches in my throat and I thickly swallow it. Now Violet sips at her drink. I hate Doniya. I hate her, I hate her, I hate her.
"Actually, you're right!" Mum cries.
"Oh, is she?" I say sarcastically.
"We're not really much for PDA," Violet speaks up.
"Come on, just give us a kiss now," Mum says.
Doniya smirks at me. "Yeah, Zayn. Kiss her."
"Really, we don't like to kiss in public," I say.
"We did lots of kissing before," Violet explains.
"Just kiss!"
"Lots of kissing," I agree.
"Not that much," Violet cuts.
"Oh, for fucks sake," Doniya cries. "Kiss your damn girlfriend, Zayn."
"Kissssss!" Waliyha joins in.
Violet starts to sink lower into her chair.
"Guys, really-" I begin.
"Kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss," they all chant.
"Oh, seriously? We're chanting now?" I cry. "Real mature."
"Who's the one that's refusing to kiss the person he's in love with?" Waliyha teases.
"I have a cold," Violet lies.
"Who cares!" Doniya yells.
"Kiss Violet!" Safaa cries and I give her a look to say 'Safaa, you're supposed to be on my side'.
"You're in love with her, aren't you?" Dad's gaze powers into me and a dark feeling arises within me. He's one step closer to finding out, and I'm determined he doesn't.
"KISS!"
"Kiss, kiss, kiss."
"Just kiss her."
"Kiss already!"
"Show her you love her!"
The yells all bang around in my mind and they get so loud I feel like screaming. They're all I can focus on and oh, fuck it.
In about one whole movement that takes five or six seconds, I'm lunging forward and placing my hands on either side of Violet's cheeks, turning her towards me. I get just a quick glance of her fearful look before I crash my lips onto hers.
What was meant to be just a quick kiss, doesn't turn out to be. Because now she's kissing back, her hands finding the back of my neck and toying with my hair. And we're kissing hungrily, passionately, eyes closed. Our mouths move in perfect sync and I feel like a hundred fire crackers have been lit inside my stomach. I rub my thumbs along the skin of her cheeks and I feel her, I feel her in my veins; feel her totally taking over. I can hear her heart like it's the only noise in the room. We're not acting anymore. We're not acting because this feeling is real, and it's more than mutual. We've been waiting our whole lives to be kissed like this. It's passion, it's desire, it's ... home.
I pull away from her for air and we just look at each other, our hands still fastened to each other like they're stuck there forever. She's panting, her chest rising up and down quickly, and her lipstick's smudged; her eyes wide and slightly glassy. I know she's thinking what I am; What the hell just happened?
The feeling, we both felt it, and we're both wishing we didn't. Our hands are quickly removed from their awkward places and Violet pulls right away from me and scrambles clumsily to her feet. "I need some air," she says breathlessly before running off.
I turn back to the table and see my entire family just sitting there, eyes wide.
"Now that was a kiss," Doniya approves.
I gulp down my drink, wishing it was straight alcohol so I can numb this feeling that won't go away. My lips are burning and my skin's alive and just generating this powerful energy and holy fuck I just kissed Violet.
and oh my god, it's happened. IT'S HAPPENED. ARE YOU ALL ON THE FLOOR BC ME. And I know you cant possibly think anything can be better than this, BUT THERE IS!! AHAHAHA!! THERE'S WAY MORE BETTER THINGS TO COME OMMMGGG HHAHAHAH. I apologise for any damage I may have caused to things around you with this chapter. I actually can't believe I just wrote that I've been waiting forever to and now it's here??? what??? AND ELLIOT!! Y'all just thought he was random character but I always have a plan. Ohhhh yeeaaaahh. Fuck I actually cant tho THEY KISSED AND THEY FELT THE THING THE THING YOU FEEL. I know, I know. i FEEL U. You better ALL comment on this bc this has to be the moment you've been waiting for. ily all ily all ily all xxxxxxxxxxxxx (Chapter 49 and they finally kissed omg)