Part 14 –Truths
"Al-Miqdam ibn Al-Aswad reported: The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, would come during the night and he would greet with peace such that those who were sleeping would not be awakened but those who were awake would hear it."
~Muslim
Zaakir showered and dressed and then went to wake Maleeha up. He helped her into the shower, took out her bag for her and set it on her bed so that she wouldn't have to bend and search for what she needed. After she showered, he went to the bathroom, knocked on the door and then carried her to her room.
As she dressed, he made her a cup of coffee and packed up her toiletries in the bathroom and readied his bags, waiting on her. When she opened up her bedroom door, he offered her the cup of coffee and helped her to sit on a chair. "Do you want me to bandage it up again? It's going to be a long drive to Nelspruit – I mean, it's like three and a half hours at most, but if you're in pain it will seem like a lifetime."
She weighed her options as she sipped the coffee. "Please," she decided eventually. "Wrap it up again."
Zaakir packed the car and passed her handbag and waited for her to finish her cup of coffee before he fetched the first aid kit and the make-shift bandage. He wrapped her up and they started their journey. Zaakir made sure to give Maleeha some painkillers, once again, and then left. He wouldn't admit it out loud, but he was extremely concerned about her. He didn't want her to get sick or hurt. Throughout the drive, he constantly glanced at her, making certain that she was breathing and sleeping well, unhindered.
When he eventually reached Nelspruit, a beautiful city in the Mpumalanga province, Zaakir sighed with relief. He drove immediately to the hospital and got Maleeha admitted as soon as he was able to.
Zaakir and Maleeha spent three days in the hospital. Maleeha was merely terribly bruised, she suffered with a fever but thanks to Zaakir helping cool her down, or heat her up in the car drive to the hospital, it had helped her tremendously. She didn't hurt her internal organs too badly, and after a day and a half in the hospital, they were told that she could go to a hotel room but Zaakir would need to be vigilant. Between husband and wife, it was decided that they would not discharge Maleeha until she was given one hundred percent clearance from the hospital.
It was on the third day, that they were told that she could resume her normal, active lifestyle again. She would be able to go rock-climbing and all other extreme activities, as long as she stayed hydrated and ate regular meals.
"So, what's on the agenda for today?" Maleeha asked excitedly as she strapped herself in the car.
Zaakir shot her a bewildered look. "You're going to rest today."
She let out a gasp. "Nope. No way. Let's do something." She gave him a pouting, pleading look. "Nelspruit is so beautiful. There are so many waterfalls where you can walk right up to the mouth and dip your feet in. There are natural rock pools that formed from the rivers. There are so many scenic routes and places to go to. Please, let's do something!" Her chocolate eyes were almost filled with tears.
Zaakir groaned loudly, and wondered how he had ended up giving into her request. "Fine, but you are going now to the hotel room and going to have a shower and then we will go."
In her glee, she leaned over and excitedly pressed a cheek to his stubbly cheek. "Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!" she repeated over and over, not even realising her action, nor Zaakir's reaction to that innocent kiss.
The breeze ruffled Maleeha's light blue scarf, the sun kissed every inch of her face and exposed forearms as she stood eyes closed facing the ledge and arms wide open. She let her senses guide her and run wild in Nature, as she felt the fresh breeze pass over her and wrap her in a hug. All around her was greenery, and she caught the light scent of Zaakir's cologne ruining Nature's natural scent. She turned to face him with a smile on her face. "This is so beautiful!" she gushed excitedly as she pulled on his arm to stand next to her.
"I know," he answered dully. His eyes were on something that he found much more beautiful than God's Window. It was a creation of Allah. A particular girl that still had her hand wrapped around his forearm. The wooden structure fenced off with chain link bothered him slightly as he curled his arm around her waist and kept her flushed against his side. He wasn't certain that it was entirely safe, but thankfully it looked as if it had been recently replaced.
"Stop eyeing the other girls here!" Maleeha hissed as she noticed that he was distracted. "Look at the beauty of Allah's Creation!"
Zaakir felt like laughing! If only Maleeha knew that she was the one who captured his attention, not the other girls standing in cut-off shorts and strapless tops. "Sorry," he said half-heartedly and truly looked at the wonder before him.
Green beauty surrounded him. No harm was brought to this section of the earth by mankind. It remained completely undisturbed except for the trail leading up and the fence and ledge that was built for visitors to stand and admire. Quietly, Zaakir slid out his cell phone and snapped a picture of Maleeha smiling at the wonder before her. A young man tapped on his shoulder and Zaakir turned with a smile. "Hi. Sorry to disturb you, could you please take a picture of my girlfriend and I?" he asked Zaakir kindly.
Zaakir nodded. "Only if you return the favour." He took the camera from the man and waited for them to pose near Maleeha. He waited for a few seconds and then snapped a few pictures of the happy couple. When he passed the camera back to the man and his cell phone, he walked to Maleeha and grabbed her slightly roughly. "Let's take a picture!" he told her grinning.
Maleeha rolled her eyes at him. "Who is taking it?" he stretched out his hand and pointed to the young man. "Okay," she sighed.
Maleeha felt a tingling in her body each time that Zaakir touched her. The longer he kept his hands on any part of her body, the warmer and happier she became. She never imagined that she would be comfortable with him, but she was. She was completely able to lean into his touch and relax and smile. "Don't be a goof!" she smiled up at him.
They smiled at the young couple taking their photo. "Wouldn't dream of it!" he said as he leaned down and kissed her cheek.
Her mouth hung open and she wiped her cheek with the back of her hand as she stared at his back. His kiss was no longer unwelcomed, but she feared a lot. She settled by marrying him. Her fate was sealed and she had resigned herself to a life without love, a marriage without love, but she was not meant to be this comfortable with him. It would only lead her to pain and heartbreak again.
Zaakir thanked the couple and looked at the picture on his phone. It was over. For him. He could already see where his heart lay. The proverbial heart was packaged and waiting for Maleeha to open it and accept it. Yet, doubt and fear washed through him, making him question whether she would ever accept him, accept his love and allow him to make her happy. Would she allow him to be the one to walk into Jannah with?
He doubted she would let him do that, doubted that she would even let him be more than a friend to her, and he didn't blame her for a single second. It went without saying that he hurt her with his cruel words when he met her after years and in her own house. It was rude and ungentlemanly. His parents had instilled better values in him, he knew that, even though they hardly paid attention to him. He had embarrassed them that day, and he still felt bad over it – even after apologising to Maleeha's family in person and through apology gifts. The only person he had not apologised to was the one with his heart in her hands.
"Can I see?" she asked in an excited tone as she sidled next to him.
Hiding his heart's true emotions, he looked at her with mock annoyance. "What?"
Rolling her eyes, Maleeha sighed and gestured to his cell phone. "I want to see the picture that they took of us."
He let out an exaggerated sigh and passed her his cell phone. "There's a few," he told her. Zaakir stood close to her and waited to watch each of her expressions. The first picture that she saw was the last one that was taken. Both of them were posing and facing the camera, a generic smile on their faces. It wasn't a favourite of Zaakir. It was too 'touristy' in his mind. It was a simple, generic picture. It told nothing about them.
She swiped past three others that were identical, as the guy who took the photos wanted to capture as many moments of them. The next picture was one of his favourites. Maleeha was grinning broadly in the picture, his arm tight around her waist as he was smiling happily.
Next to him, Maleeha smiled at the picture. "This isn't a bad one," she told him as she looked up at him warmly.
He nodded, agreeing with her. "The next one is my favourite," he told her. Maleeha gave him a dull look. Then, she exhaled unnecessarily loud and swiped her finger across the cool screen, as if it were a heavy chore. A surprised gasp left her throat.
She was looking up at Zaakir, a beatific smile on her face and mouthing off to him. His arm was anchored around her waist as he was leaning closer to her. The scenic view was almost dimmed as the picture focused on their love that oozed out of a simple picture. Their austere action of affection was so humble, that it demanded your focus to be drawn to it, ignoring the way the scenery looked or the way the sun offered a warm and adoring ring of light around them. Your eyes were immediately drawn to their happiness and love.
"It's nice," she said after a long pause. Her finger slid across the screen again to the very first picture that the couple took. It was the part where Zaakir had kissed her cheek. Her mouth was wide open in shock, a smile dancing in her eyes and a silly, satisfied grin on his face as he held her.
"This...this is so inappropriate!" she blushed and handed the cell phone back to Zaakir as if it had offended her. "I can't believe that they took a picture of you being stupid!" she sputtered out awkwardly and walked off.
Laughing, Zaakir pocketed is cell phone and ran to catch up with her. "You are going the wrong way!" he teased as he wrapped his hand on her wrist and pulled her into the correct direction.
She bit her cheeks and Zaakir hid a smirk at her tough girl act. "Uh, no, I wasn't," she said in a tone that didn't make either one of them believe she was telling the truth. "I was going down by a different route." She huffed. "It's called being adventurous."
He chuckled. "I should try that sometime." Zaakir pushed a branch of his way. "Hide my shame with a lie."
"I can't win!" she huffed exasperated. Luckily, wisely choosing to shut her mouth on whether or not she was lying.
"Aaaaaah!" Maleeha screamed as she jumped up on the hotel's cheap bed. "Get away from me! Get away from me! Get away from me!" she yelled in fear, repeatedly.
Hearing her screams, Zaakir rushed out of the bathroom only wearing his pyjama pants and surveyed the room trying to assess the danger she was in. His eyes scanned the room just to come up with nothing. "What are you screaming for?" he questioned her irritably. "I thought someone was trying to kill you." Not that I would mind, he thought, but then he realised that he actually would mind. He grew accustomed to her annoying presence and...she held a part of him. But it truly went deeper than that, Islamically he was taught to be a generous and thoughtful person. She grew on him. Consumed him and caused him to be slightly fixated on her and her needs.
Maleeha ignored his jibe at her, she even ignored his sarcasm and mean words. Her fear went far deeper than her dislike and distrust for him. Her skin flushed at the thought of that thing being near to her. Her heart was beating an unsteady rhythm against her chest, frighteningly fast she was caught in a net of fear that gripped her so tightly that she could not think straight. "Zaakir watch out! It is right behind you!" she said fear palpable in her voice.
That haunting sound of its stick-like feet hitting the wall behind Zaakir only furthered her fear of it. Each tap-tap sound embedded itself deeply into her brain, replaying the sound over and over to torture her. Sleep would be a forgotten thing at night.
"What?" Zaakir asked as he turned around. His eyes followed the sound that was obvious in the room with them and it landed on a cockroach that was quite the biggest he had seen. With a yelp, he jumped in the bed next to Maleeha and as she tottered unsteadily, she grabbed onto him. He held her waist tightly an eyed the little critter with hatred he had never felt before.
The offending cockroach was at least seven and a half centimetres long and roughly one-centimetre-wide and it was moving at an astoundingly fast pace up the wall.
"I hate those things!" Zaakir said angrily.
"M-me too!" Maleeha stuttered. "Is there any bug spray?" she asked as she held his bare back in a tensed grip.
"No, there isn't," he answered her civilly. His eyes had scanned the room already and it helped him know that he wasn't lying to her, furthermore, he had a habit of scouring the cupboards in hotels to know where everything was. There truly was no bug spray.
He snorted mentally. No amount of bug spray could kill that offending critter. It was set on destroying Maleeha and Zaakir.
"There is no broom here either," she said upset, yet the fear never left her voice. The bug disappeared for a minute and Maleeha's heart started beating even faster. It was one thing to be looking at the annoying critter, yet it was completely another thing altogether when it hid. "We have to call room service, or maintenance, or something!" she said irritable.
"Go get dressed," he told her as he unwound his arms from her waist, but yet held onto her hand as he helped her down from the bed. "I'll call them in the meantime."
She nodded and grabbed the closest thing to her, which happened to be her abaya and deep maroon scarf. Walking into the small bathroom she splashed water on her face, then frowned at her reflection as most of it landed on her chest area of her t-shirt. "Such foolery, those stupid adverts promote senseless lies," she muttered angrily. It was her fault she had even attempted to copy their idiotic methods of advertising.
Once she threw her abaya over her pyjamas and tied her scarf neatly, she walked out of the bathroom to find Zaakir looking at her expectantly. "We are getting a new room as an apology. Get your things, we'll move as soon as someone comes," he told her emotionlessly.
She grabbed her things and shoved them into the bag and looked at him to find him already in a jeans and a t-shirt that matched her scarf. Before she could make a wise crack, simultaneously they both heard the horrifying sound of the critter that terrorised them and then the sound of someone knocking on the door. "Come in!" Zaakir yelled as he made Maleeha stand behind him, conveniently hiding her from the man that entered as well as the cockroach.
In any other circumstances, Maleeha would have laughed at Zaakir's overprotective nature and jealousy despite him not loving her, but at that moment she was too concerned about the critter that would occupy her brain for the next few nights.
She merely hung behind Zaakir, clutching her bags tightly and waiting for the moment the man would lead her out of the unsafe room. After what felt like a lifetime, Zaakir took her bag and his and pulled her with his free hand out of the room.
They went up two flights of stairs and turned right, passed several bedrooms before they were apologetically offered the room. Zaakir gruffly thanked the man and gestured for Maleeha to enter. She went in, but not without giving him a scathing look, knowing that he was only doing that because he was scared to find another cockroach.
It was, to her dismay, a single room with one toilet and shower and a double bed. "We have no other choice!" he told her defensively. "It is eleven o'clock at night and every other room is full. Come, let's go sleep," he told her as he hid a yawn behind his palm.
He dropped their bags under the single table that served as both a vanity and a coffee table, where half was separated by the dull gleam of the silver kettle. Zaakir waited until she pulled off her abaya and scarf and chose a side, before he kicked off his shoes and joined her on the opposite end.
"Relax," he muttered as he pulled the string to switch off the overhead light. "We've shared a bed before, and we both lived after that."
"Salaam," she told him, cutting off all conversation. "I want to sleep."
"Okay, moody pants," he chuckled silently. "Salaam." Soon, he was asleep.
Maleeha couldn't sleep. The sound of the cockroach's legs touching the floor earlier kept echoing in her ears each time she neared the pinnacle between sleep and staying away. Or, she just managed to fall asleep before hearing the accursed sound. Then, she would toss and turn, hoping for sleep to come and just forcefully drag her under.
It never came. And she found it infuriatingly annoying.
"Zaakir," she called him softly. She felt guilty – but she couldn't stand it any longer. It had been hours and she still couldn't sleep, yet he was sleeping peacefully and she didn't want to really wake him up. "Are you awake?"
Rolling over, he faced her and lifted his upper body to rest his head in his hand so that he could look down at her. "No, I'm still sleeping through all your tossing and turning," he answered.
She rolled her eyes at his sarcasm, but then kept them closed so that she didn't have to stare into his eyes. It felt as if he was staring into her soul and looking the true Maleeha, the one with secrets and despair rushing to the surface. The Maleeha who was not the independent girl she pretended to be.
"I can't sleep," she confessed, hoping that he wouldn't tease her for opening up to him.
"Yeah," he said sarcastically, "the tossing and turning were no indication." There was a teasing smile on his face, letting her know that he wasn't angry.
"Tell me a story," she begged, her eyes opened and pleaded with him.
He raised an eyebrow at her. "Do I look like a story teller?" he deadpanned.
She scoffed. "Nope." She was silent as she thought over everything that she could ask him to do. "Okay, fine, tell me, were you ever in love?"
Unknowingly, she closed her eyes, not wanting to see his emotions, but wanting to hear it in his tone of voice. Zaakir watched her closely as he answered. He couldn't say what it was that he was searching for as he looked at her responses and emotions. "Once," he answered her quietly.
For some unknown reason, Maleeha flinched as her heart tightened. She was grateful at that moment that her eyes were shut. "What was she like?" Maleeha was proud of the fact that her voice was steady, as if it didn't bother her.
She knew that he must have fallen in love before. She had. There was no reason for her to even suspect that he wouldn't have. But in her mind, all she could think about was the phantom expectations she would be measured against. She wondered about the phantom competition, or past that she had to measure up to. Were his parents happy with that girl? Did they know about her? Did they approve of her? What happened to her?
Zaakir could see her overthinking it, stressing over someone that was now a no one. She no longer even occupied a single thought of his, and it had been that way for years. With a smile, he took his index finger, trailed it across her cheekbone and then lightly tapped her chin. "Come now, don't sleep." He moved his finger back to her cheeks and traced patterns there. "If you close your eyes again, I won't tell you anything," he threatened.
She frowned. "Fine," she huffed and turned to face him, crossing her arms against her chest. "Just answer then."
He shook his head and smiled briefly before he took a deep breath to tell his tale. When he exhaled, he began. "She was simply amazing." The smile on his face made Maleeha feel insecure already, and yet nothing had truly been said about the phantom yet. "She was exceptionally beautiful. She was desired by every single person. She had luscious hair that would only be salon washed and blow dried. It was as soft silk." Maleeha bit hard on her back teeth, wanting to tell him to just stop. There was no need to continue. He continued, much to her disappointment. "She was intelligent and brave and bold."
Okay, so everything that I am not, Maleeha thought despondently.
"She was remarkable. She had this inviting charm and air of infallible confidence. She swayed her hips confidently, knowing that it was have everyone's eyes on her. She did everything, certain that she would be the school's envy. That she would be centre of attention and the talk of the school." His smile disappeared, in its place was a plea for Maleeha.
"You have to understand, Maleeha, I was only 18." He pleaded for her to understand, or to at least say that she understood his naiveté. "I was young and stupid and utterly foolish. I was arrogant."
She interrupted him with a grin. "You were? Nope, hubby dearest," she mocked, "you still are arrogant."
He laughed. "Okay, maybe I still am arrogant, but nothing like I was before, babes."
She rolled her eyes at his horrible choice of nickname. "So, I was saying before I was rudely interrupted. That I was in the mind-set and in the mind frame that she was 'the one'. You know, the person you can see yourself settling down with and building a life, having a home and children?" Maleeha nodded. He gave a burst of sarcastic laughter. "It turns out that she wasn't." A sneer covered his face. Then, a warm smile. "Or else, I wouldn't be here, half-sleep deprived, completely tired in this small, springy bed talking to you about her," he winked.
"Yeah, whatever," Maleeha bit out. Her heart was heavy and hurting. She didn't want to talk more about the girl he loved.
Zaakir saw the pain on her face. "She was a gold-digger, Maleeha. A terrible, heartless gold-digger." He brushed the hair that was around her face, clearing it so that he could see her eyes clearly. "I didn't realise that she was only using me, that she was only with me for my money. It was almost too late for me!" He looked at her with a sad smile. Despite there being no light in the room, both of their eyes had adjusted to the darkness. Maleeha could see the sadness reflected there, the regret. "You think that your almost-Nikkah to Yahya was bad? It was nothing! You still had a month before you married him. I was going to marry her in three days!" he fumed.
"Then what happened?"
He rolled his eyes. "I caught her in her bedroom half-naked with my company's rival. Kissing him and on top of him on her bed," he grinned at Maleeha who was pulling a disgusted face. "I'll spare you the details. But she was completely topless with a man that was 7 years her senior and she was just about three days from marrying me. So, you know how rich he was? Twice as rich as I was. That was why she was with him. Today, I own his company." Zaakir smirked, glad he had gotten his revenge. "But after her, I was done with marriage and dating and that entire thing."
Maleeha ignored that last comment. She knew it wasn't true. She was married to him. "So, how could you fall for her?" It didn't make sense to her how he couldn't see her for what she was.
He smiled at her and winked. "She made it seem as if she were an angel, but just that she liked to know that boys thought that she was pretty. She got me to believe that there was nothing wrong with being wanted, as long as she didn't give them that attention. She always made herself seem innocent and sweet and attentive." He snorted. "You know, if we fought, she never allowed me to go and sleep while I was angry with her. She always apologised and made up for it with little gifts and sweets and anything that I liked."
Maleeha let out a yawn, then a disbelieving sound of mockery. "And that didn't set off any red flags? She tried to stay on your good side, all the time and you never wondered why?"
He shook his head. "Retrospectively, it did. At the time, I thought she loved me for always. It seemed as if she wanted me and only me. It was as if she couldn't bear the thought of me being angry at her." He chuckled darkly. "I told you, babes, I was stupid."
Maleeha merely raised her eyebrows and yawned. "You did," she agreed. The heavy feeling of inadequacy didn't dissipate in her heart. Instead, it only grew heavier. She could not compete with a phantom, but she could never be someone he loved either. That thought, made her feel worse.
"Go sleep," Zaakir told her gently as she yawned for the third time.
"I'm not tired," Maleeha protested through a yawn, once again. "I still want to hear about her."
Zaakir laughed. "Sleep babes, there is nothing more to tell you." He pulled out the arm she was resting her head on and laid her on the pillow. "She was a menace, Maleeha. She broke my heart and trust," he told her softly. "Do you really want to hear about her?"
"No!" she answered quickly, and he hid a smile at her rapidly fired answer. She closed her eyes again, almost giving into sleep, but not before she asked the questioned that caused her the most unease. "Do you still love her?" she yawned.
"No," he answered with a smile. "Now, go sleep." Then, he brushed her hair neatly, away from her face and away from bothering her. Zaakir played with her hair for a few minutes and she was quickly asleep.
It was then that he was able to think about the gold-digger. Maleeha was all it had taken for him to realise that no all women are like her. His Maleeha was nothing like her. Maleeha was a naturally kind hearted person, but she could be sarcastic and fiery as hell. She could be mean spirited and she could pack a punch. Maleeha didn't try hard to be kind, it was a part of her personality. She never wanted anything from him. Maleeha never, ever, bother about getting on his good side, in fact, she may have been the only person to have done the opposite. She was the most infuriating and frustrating girl he had ever met. She was stubborn and opinionated and so hard headed at times that it was difficult to make her see reason. She was unpredictable and always did the thing that Zaakir would never have expected her to do. She was a conundrum and a walking contradiction and that was the reason that he knew he was blessed to have her.
He doubted whether he deserved her or not, but he would live every single day thanking Allah for granting him Maleeha. He may not deserve her, but he knew he was blessed beyond measure to have her as his wife, as his life partner and In Shaa Allah, his partner in Jannah.
He watched Maleeha as she slept and her troubled features finally relaxed into a smile. Her smile made him smile. Almost as if he were in a trance, he trailed his finger from her temple, down to her cheek, circling her mouth before going back to her ear. He repeated the path twice before he leaned down and placed a chaste kiss on her cheek. "I don't love her, Maleeha," he smiled as he whispered it to her sleeping form. "But I love you."
_+_+_+_
AN: Enjoy, because there might not be another chapter for a while. I know where I want this to go, but I need time to write it out.
So, what did you think of this chapter? Too fast? Did they admit (to themselves) that they love the other too quickly?