We all reach the house at about the same time, despite the fact that they refused to slow down even a bit for me. I'm still faster than them though, so it wasn't very hard to catch up to their skinny little running legs.
"Mom?" I call after I open the door to our home. "Prim?"
I guess it was weird for me to call for my mother as soon as I walk into the house, because she and Prim come running to me.
"Is something wrong? Oh, hello children," my mother says as she notices the three Hawthornes.
"Is it okay if they sleep here tonight? I figured they could play with Prim, and Gale can spend a little bit more time with Hazelle." I could tell that my mother is a bit hesitant to let them sleep at our house, since nobody really does that in this district, but as soon as she heard about Hazelle and Gale, all the hesitancy left her eyes.
"Of course you can," she smile at them, and they come up to hug her.
"Thank you so much!" Rory says, then looks at Vick and Posy, letting them know that they must say their thanks too.
"Thanks!" Vick and Posy both say at the same time.
My mother laughs. "You're welcome. Now, why don't we go find Prim? She's in the kitchen, trying to make a special mixture of herbs to cure sore throats."
As soon as she said that, all three children took off down the short hallway into the kitchen.
I thought my mother was about to tell them to stop running in the house, but she didn't. She only smiled, a real genuine smile.
"I have to go change, so I'll be back in a little while," I'm about to walk out the still-open door, but I turn around again and say, "Actually, I think I'm going to go visit Hazelle again. Is that fine?"
My mother turns to me. "As long as you're home before the crickets start to sing."
The crickets start to sing a little while after the sun sets. "Okay," I say.
Before I go, my mother gives me a hug and says, "I love you," into my hair.
There's a brief moment before I nod into her shoulder and say, "I love you too."
She pulls out of my arms and smiles. She nods, then shoo's me out the door.
All the way to the little hut in the Seam, I can't stop thinking about how I told my mother I loved her too. I love her a lot more after the Games, and now that she's out of her stupor of sadness, but do I really love her? I feel like I don't. I know I don't. But I won't ever tell her that. If I did, our entire relationship would start to slowly decay until there is nothing left of it. Even if we always live in the same house, which will happen if I do not marry, we might not speak. I'll always have to look after her from now on, make sure she doesn't leave me and Prim again.
I arrive at the hut. I slowly let myself out of the heavy jacket first, and set it on the back of a chair. Next I remove my hunting boots and slip on the pair of clean shoes I now must wear. I unbuckle the game bag, and it falls to the floor. Katniss roots pour out all across the floor. I forget that they were still in there.
I sigh and collect them all again, putting each one back into the game bag. I'll just take it with me; it's not really that heavy with only katniss roots in it.
Before I leave for the Hawthorne residence, I look back at the small building. Buttercup didn't even bat an eyelash when I walked in. I notice now that she managed to steal a katniss root from the spillage, though. Oh well, that's not a big deal anymore. . .
The walk to Hazelle and Gale is long. Too long. It feels like for every step I take down the dirt road, another foot of road is added. It's not a very long walk to begin with, that's why it's just a little more . . . odd?
Maybe I'm just walking more slowly. That's probably it, I'm just tired.
I feel like I haven't slept in such a long time, but that's basically the opposite of what's happened recently. Or not so recently. When I was sick, I slept often, but I haven't been sick as of late. Maybe I just think I'm sick. Perhaps by mind tricked my body into thinking that I was sick, and tired, and needed someone to always be with me.
I stop walking for a moment. Did I just think I need someone with me? No, I don't.
A small chill runs up my spine. I shudder, then start to walk again. Thoughts whirl around in my head, I turn them over and over again. It's not quite dark yet, the sun still has quite a ways to travel before dark.
I turn around, wondering where I am for a moment. My feet are no longer on top of a dirt path, but a paved cobblestone road. As soon as I look up, I wish I hadn't.
The bakery faces me, little lights burning up the sticky sweet frostings on cakes and cookies. They're much less impressive than I remember, and I don't dare to think about why. My shoulder slump forward, I can feel my eyes glaze over.
In an instant, I suddenly snap out of it. I realize what I'm doing, why I walked here. Suddenly I'm full of energy. I burst to the side, running in a full-out sprint towards Gale's house. As soon as I see it in my sight, I speed up just a bit faster. There's an instant that I think I'm going to ram into the door, but I manage to only slightly stumble on the doorstep. Hazelle saw my running from the window, I know she did. She smiles and I knock on the door, embarrassed.
She doesn't disapper from the window when the door opens. Gale stand there, looking down at me.
"Hey there," he says.
"Did you actually take care of the buck by now?" I ask, stepping past Gale and into the dimly lit room.
"Of course." Gale shuts the door and walks over to the counter where some coins sit, glimmering in the light.
He picks up two of the five coins and hands them to me.
"Here. These ones are yours," he says.
I look at him for a moment. "No," I say. "I don't want them. They're yours, you were the one who dragged it through the town."
"I already kept three of them," Gale insists, slightly agitated. "It's your share. This is fair. Just take it, Katniss."
I shake my head and turn to Hazelle, totally ignoring Gale. I can feel him fuming behind be.
"Hello," I say politely.
"Hello Katniss. I hope that my children won't be a burden on your mother," Hazelle smiles.
"They won't be. If they need anything, They'll ask Prim for it. They'll be fine, I'm sure," I say.
Hazelle walks over to me and Gale. "Why do you still have your hunting bag with you? I can see that you've already changed."
"Katniss," I say. I can hear Gale chuckling softly behind me.
"Uh, what?" Hazelle says confused.
I smile and unclasp the opening. "Katniss roots," I say, and hold the bag open so she can see what's inside.
Gale reaches a hand into the bag from over my shoulder and pulls out a root. I turn just in time to see him bite into it. "Starchy," he says, trying to keep his face from reacting to the raw vegetable.
"You're supposed to boil it first," I say, closing the game bag.
"That would make sense," Gale says, trying to swallow the root.
"They're called katniss roots, you said?" Hazelle asks me.
I turn around. "Yes, my father taught me how to find them."
"Could I try one?" She asks.
"Yes," I begin, "but you'll want to cook it somehow first. You don't have to boil it, but it should be cooked. Otherwise, it's harder to swallow and not nearly as delicious."
"I'll just go heat up the fire, then."
Hazelle adds a couple of logs to the fire, poking it with a long metal rod. She puts in the metal rack just above the fire itself, and grabs a pan from a hook on the wall. She hands the pan to me; it's cool to the touch. I undo the clasp once again, and take out a handful of roots. The pan is rather large, and I think of how hungry Gale must be from hunting, and I put in another two handfuls.
When I hand the pan back to Hazelle, she puts it on the rack. I just realized how hungry I am.
"So Katniss," Gale says nonchalantly. "How's it going with you?"
I laugh at how simple the question is, how many times it's been asked, how many possible answers there are. "That's an interesting question, isn't it?"
Gale looks at me oddly for a moment. "How is that an interesting question? I'm just trying to make conversation. It's a pretty commonly asked question, you know."
"But it's not a real question. You ask questions when you want to know things. But 'how's it going' has absolutely no meaning to it. It's just a way to start a conversation; you don't actually care about a direct answer to that question since it's not specific enough," I reply.
"Well you know, you can always start a conversation by telling someone how whatever they say will be wrong," Gale tells me. "It's nice to give a warning."
"Ah," I lift a finger, "That's not true. It's not a good way to start a polite interaction. And one doesn't give out warnings about one's personality."
I put my finger down. I can't help thinking about how much I sounded like Effie just then, lecturing Gale on "proper manerisms" and such.
Gale sighs. "Yup, that's what I'm talking about."
We stand there for a few moments, not really saying anything. I glance up at Gale's face every now and then; I can tell he's doing the same. The pause isn't an awkward one, and I can't really explain why. It's a content moment of silence, each of us looking around the walls and floor we know so well.
"Katniss, how do you know when you're done cooking?" Hazelle asks me.
I glance over my shoulder and mentally take note of how she asked that question. It was clever.
"When it smells good and turns a little brown around the edges," I pause a moment. "I think."
Hazelle's sweet laugh meets my ears pleasantly. "That's wonderful, I think they're done then."
When Hazelle pulls the pan from the fire, the whole room fills up with a lovely scent of earth and smoke and something else. Hazelle sets the pan down on a piece of cloth that's laying on the counter. She quickly touches one of the newly soft roots to see how hot it is. Then she picks one up and pops it in her mouth.
"A little hot, but very good," she nods contently.
Gale walks over to the pan and picks one up for himself, only to drop it a moment later.
"I wasn't expecting it to be that hot," he mutters. He picks up the same piece again, this time ready for the heat, and puts it in his mouth. "It's a lot better when it's cooked."
I take a piece from the pan too. Pretty soon, just a few small pieces stick to the sides and bottom of the cooling pan. They don't stay there for long though; Gale picks them off and pops all of them into his mouth at once.
"Thank you, Katniss," Hazelle wipes her mouth. "It was very good."
"I agree. Thanks, Katnip," Gale's fingers brush against mine on his way past me.
I feel a sudden sill when his fingers leave mine. All the sudden, I remember our kiss. It was sweet and warm and so different from anything I've ever felt before.
Subconsciously, I thought about needing someone today. I know, despite my wanting to, that by thinking that, I thought of Peeta. But Gale is here now, he's tangible, and I can have him. But does he feel the same way? Is that actually how I feel?
I shake my head slightly, knowing that I can't be with Gale. Ever. It's some unspoken rule between everything. I don't want to marry, I don't want to disappoint, I don't want to be useless, I don't want to know loss. Somehow, I feel as if I were to be a bigger part of Gale's life, I would be all of the things I don't want. Some of them I already am, I've already done them. But I'm still surviving, fighting until the end, even if I no longer have scars to prove it.
I walk over to Gale, who is now sitting on the floor, messing with one of Posey's dolls made from sticks and long grass. He looks up and smiles at me. I nod in response.
I can tell from the sound of sloshing water that Hazelle is cleaning out the pan. It's a comforting sound. I close my eyes and just sit for a moment, relaxed. I hear a flickering sound, then open my eyes.
I look over to the television set in the room. It had to Capitol's symbol on it, the anthem blaring. Then President Snow appears on the screen.
"This is a very important announcement, straight from President Snow himself." An off-screen voice scream at us. "All citizens of Panem are required to watch."
The voice stops talking, the live image of President Snow is still on the screen, smiling.
"Hello Panem," he says. It takes everything in me to keep from emptying my stomach at the sound of his voice, his tight face, his bloated lips. "The Capitol officials have decided to make this announcement known to all of this country's citizens.
As you might know, the most recent Hunger Games champion is Katniss Everdeen," he pauses here. My stomach muscles clench. I can feel Gale's hand against mine.
"However, there's been a mistake. Katniss Everdeen is not the Hunger Games champion. There is still another. Another tribute is still alive."