A/N: Before you start the chapter I want you to check out this beautiful poem written by @starlights_pen. This is by far one of the best poems I've received by far and speaks volumes!!! Thank you so much hon :)
The Price Of Skinny:
My hip bones jut out
But my belly's still fat
So I'll skip one more meal
There's no harm in that
I'm dizzy and tired
Every single day
But skinny takes work
So I'll be okay
I hide from mirrors
They say what I don't want to hear
And I can't hate a reflection
If it isn't there
I cover my body
In large shirts a sweaters
I'm too fat to be seen
So I ignore the scorching weather
The guilt weighs me down
And my secrets are hard to keep
My heart hurts violently
And this addiction runs deep
What started out
As a desperate plea
To simply be pretty
Has completely consumed me
I'm weak and ashamed
I hate what I've become
But it's worse when I stop
What on earth have I done?
It's all consuming
This secret I keep
But I accept my lasting pain
The price of skinny is steep
WARNING: This is an obnoxiously long chapter AND it hasn't been proofread AND there IS triggering material towards to middle-ish/end-ish.
RECAP (since it's been more than a minute): In the last chapter Demi was being her usual lying ass self. She lied to Aidan, she lied to Jordan, I'm sure she lied to twenty other people as well because let's be real, all that girl does is lie. She convinced an unwilling Aidan to attend the winter ball with her, anddddd....that's it. I think. Idk. I haven't looked at this book in a month.
Enjoy the story!
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Something wasn't right.
I sat in front of my dresser, staring at my reflection in the mirror trying to place where the sudden wave of unhappiness had come from.
It had hit me out of nowhere. Just a half an hour ago I was relishing in the happiness of Majesty's ball growing closer and closer in minutes. I was happy when I woke up in the morning. I was happy when I went on a Starbucks run with Kenzie. I was happy when I talked on the phone with Aidan, and even happier when Briella snatched it away to carry out her own conversation. I was happy when I examined the dress I would be wearing that night. I was happy when I got in the shower.
I was happy until the moment I sat down at my dresser to stare at my reflection. That was when my happiness was zapped away.
And I realized how unhappy I was.
I shut my eyes and sank my head into the palms of my hand. The all too familiar prickling feeling behind my eyelids began and before I could regain control of my sudden spiraling emotions I was crying.
It was a forceful kind of cry, the kind that was accompanied with heavy, rapid breathing. My hands began to tremble, and my heart rate picked up at a speed that most certainly wasn't normal.
I jumped to my feet and tried to pace it off, but I could barely get my body to move. I started to panic at how difficult it was to breathe, but no matter how fast my breathing picked up I wasn't retaining any oxygen.
I ran my fingers ran through my hair and tried to settle down, but there was no calming down. Not with the situation I had put myself in. I could smile and pretend to be this happy, bubbly character who had no care in the world. I could lie to my parents, I could lie to Deacon, I could lie to Kenzie and Majesty and Jordan and Aidan, but no matter how hard I tried I couldn't lie to myself. Not when I was the one looking in the mirror when the mask cracked, and the misery surfaced.
I grabbed my brush off the dresser, and before I could think about it I was hurling it.
Hearing the glass shatter was oddly satisfying. My eyes scanned the broken shards that littered the floor and the dresser, and then they studied what was left of the broken mirror. I smiled dryly, simply at the pure irony of the mirror I had grown to detest, finally reflecting me in a manner I could agree with.
Broken and shattered.
"Demi?"
I glanced over my shoulder to see my mom in my doorway.
"Mom," I quickly wiped at my wet face. "Hi?"
"Are you okay? What's going on? Are you crying?" She looked at my mirror and her eyes widened. "Did you smash your mirror?"
"Uh," I glanced over my shoulder. "Um yeah. Yeah I guess I did."
"Why?" She walked further into my room until she stood in front of me.
I shrugged. "I don't know."
Mom looked over at the shattered glass and then back at me, a worried look in her eyes. "Are you okay?"
"I'm fine," I looked away from her penetrating stare.
She stepped closer and gripped my chin, tilting my head so I was looking at her. "You don't look fine."
"I- I am," I cleared my throat. "Why wouldn't I be?"
"Because you smashed a mirror?" She raised her eyebrows. "Because you're crying?"
"I'm not crying," I pulled away and turned around to rub at my eyes. "I'm just having an allergic reaction to the dust in this room. I mean, my God there's enough in here to suffocate a person. Do we not have any dusters or sweepers or-"
"Demi."
"What?"
"I thought we were past that."
"Past what?"
"You know what."
I fell silent, unsure what I was suppose to say to that.
"Honey, if something's going on you can tell me-"
"Nothing's going on," I cut her off abruptly. "I'm fine."
Mom seemed to hesitate before going on with a gentle edge to her voice. "Are you sure? Because it's okay not to be. Fine, that is."
I didn't answer.
"People aren't fine all the time, and if you aren't than that's okay. It's nothing to be ashamed of. We can talk about it-"
I turned back around to face her with what I hoped was an expressionless look on my face. "I don't have anything to talk about."
She nodded, looking completely unconvinced and I started to grow even more defensive over my lie.
"I haven't gone off the deep end, Mom," I said with an agitated edge to my tone. "I haven't relapsed if that's what you're getting at."
She began shaking her head quickly. "No. No, that's not what I was saying. I just-"
"Really? Because that seems to be what everyone's saying," I snapped. "Everyone seems to think that I'm derailing or something. Everyone keeps probing me about my mental state, and what I'm doing twenty four seven. I can't even take a pill or skip a meal or go to the bathroom without somebody inadvertently asking me if I relapsed. I understand the trust isn't so high up with you people when it comes to me, but a little faith isn't going to kill anybody. I am just so sick and tired of everyone breathing down my neck! This isn't a way to live for god's sake! If I do end up relapsing it's gonna be because of all of you since that's what you want so bad!"
I paused long enough to realize how loud I had gotten towards the end of my rant. Mom stared at me, a mix of confusion and even more worry growing in her light brown eyes.
"Demi, wha-"
"Everything okay in here?" Deacon asked, walking into the room with a odd look on his face. "I heard yelling."
"So?" I asked, raising my eyebrows. "Do you have to put yourself in everybody's business?"
Deacon gave me a confused and slightly irritated look, while Mom's frown deepened.
"Demi," Mom said, disapproval lacing her tone.
"Whatever," I turned around, a heavy sigh leaving me. "Can you both get out? I have to get ready for this ball. Sorry about the mirror, Mom. I'll clean it up."
"Okay," she said in a somewhat anxious tone. "But we're going to talk about this later."
"Like I said, nothing to talk about."
I waited until the door clicked shut before I sunk down to my knees, a heaving sigh parting my lips. Somewhere in the back of my head I knew I had been out of line with the attitude, but at the present moment I couldn't find it within me to summon up a single ounce of care or regret.
So instead of dwelling on it, I began picking up the broken pieces of my mirror. Not seeing the point in taking any particular care to prevent the shared glass from cutting my skin.
¥ ¥ ¥
I stared at my reflection in my full length mirror. The sleeveless lavender gown I had chosen for myself was fairly simple. The tight bodice wrapped around my upper body was embedded with rows of silver crystal beads that matched the strappy heels I had picked out. The skirt of the dress started just above my waist and dropped in a delicate flow that grazed the floor.
Kenzie had suggested, well it was more than suggestion. She more or less demanded that I curled my hair and pinned it up into a half and half hair style. While I did not appreciate being told what to do, I grudgingly had to agree that the style suited me. I even went as far as applying a generous amount of make up to my face.
I probably would have done something fancier with it, if I knew how to do make up. Years of refusing to learn had crippled me, and tonight wasn't the night to experiment on myself. I would probably end up looking like I clown if I tried to do anything more complex than a simple foundation, mascara, and eye shadow combo.
My eyes scanned the finished product that was myself up and down. Just days ago, hours ago even I was disgustingly excited about tonight. I was excited to do my hair and make up and to get dressed up, but now as I studied myself and began to pick apart everything that was so clearly wrong with my appearance I found that my mood and attitude had changed completely.
I smoothed my dress down and tried to block out my timorous thoughts. I could do that. I could definitely do that. If only for one night.
I jumped when the door swung open and turned around to see my mom step in.
"Oh," I smiled. "Hi."
"Hi," she beamed, looking me over. "Aw, Demi you look beautiful!"
I giggled nervously as she pulled me into a hug. "Um thanks. Thank you."
She pulled away and grasped my hands. "I love this dress. Although I personally would have gone with emerald to match your eyes."
I suppressed an eye roll. "So you've said ever since I picked it out."
"But this is okay too," she nodded. "Better than okay. It's beautiful, and so are you."
"You already said that."
"Well, you do!" She sighed and looked me over. "You really are such a pretty girl. Thankfully you and your brother take after me in the looks department. Don't tell your dad I said that."
"I won't," I chuckled. "I- Mom, I just wanted to apologize again for the dresser mirror. I-"
"It's okay," she held up a hand and gave me a smile. "Really. It's just a mirror, Demi. We can get you a new one."
I nodded. "Okay."
She paused. "But I- I still can't help, but wonder why you broke the mirror to begin with, and why you went off the way you did"
"Umm...I'm PMSing?"
It wasn't a complete lie. I had been suffering from some major cramps for the past two days. My friend was due any day now.
"Oh," she blinked and the smiled. "That's great! I mean, it's not great. That sucks, but it's great to know you aren't crazy for no reason."
I forced a smile and nodded. "Yeah..."
The doorbell ringing saved me, and I perked up a little. "That's probably Aidan."
I headed out of the en suite. I grabbed the lavender clutch on my bed that held my phone, the check that had my donation on it, and everything I else I was prepared to need if the situation called for it.
My mom followed me out of the bedroom and down the stairs, but not before racing to grab her camera in her room. I picked up speed and raced down the steps, hoping that I could get out of the door before she popped up, but my plans were foiled when I saw my dad at the front door.
I groaned loudly. "Dad. Step away from the door."
"This is my house, Demi," he reminded me. "Don't tell me what to do."
He glanced at me, and then a double take. A frown turned his mouth down as he examined me.
"You look nice," he said, sounding more displeased than he should have.
"You say that like it's a bad thing," I smiled slightly.
"It is a bad thing. You're attending a function that will be mainly filled with teenage boys. You have absolutely no right to look this beautiful," he said firmly. "Go change. Preferably into a snow suit. It is winter after all."
I laughed and shook my head as my mom walked down the steps. "You're crazy. Don't worry, I'm attending the ball with a gentleman."
"There is no such thing as a teenage boy who is a gentleman. Don't be naive."
"You would know," Mom scoffed quietly, playing with her digital camera.
"That's right I would know."
"Dad, you like Aidan," I pointed out.
"That has nothing to do with anything."
I rolled my eyes and stepped around my dad as the doorbell rang again. I smoothed my dress down before twisting the doorknob and pulling it open.
My heart fluttered in excitement as I took in Aidan standing in my doorway. He was dressed in a striking black tux that made him look even more heartbreakingly handsome than he usually did. If I hadn't been salivating like a wild animal, I would have been incredibly insecure just from being in the same room as him.
"Hi," I smiled almost shyly.
"Hey," he said slowly.
Aidan's eyes carefully raking the length of my body, and I couldn't help but blush under the look he was giving me. It was full of awe and yearning and delight. Under his gaze I felt temporarily secure.
Temporarily.
"Wow," he blinked, taking my hands carefully. A crooked smile grace his lips. "Wow, Demi. You look- wow."
I laughed and lowered my eyes, my cheeks burning a brighter red than before. "Than-"
A loud "Aww!" cut me off, and then I heard an obnoxiously loud snapshot.
"Mom!" I spun around to give her a look.
"What?" She asked innocently. "That was a cute. Could you guys do that again, only this time Demi I need you to shift your body a little bit to the left an-"
"Mom, this isn't a photoshoot," I said through gritted teeth. "Stop it."
"Deacon let me take pictures of him before he left," she whined before flashing a smile at Aidan. "Hi, Aidan."
He smiled at my mom and nodded. "Hi, Mrs. Lawson."
"Elizabeth," she corrected him. "Mrs. Lawson is his mother," she motioned to Dad with a slightly unpleasant look on her face.
I could barely suppress my giggle at the contempt in her voice. To say my grandma and mother did not get along was an understatement. They never did figure out how to get along.
"Aidan," Dad stepped forward with an outstretched hand, pushing me aside.
"Hello, Sir," Aidan greeted, shaking his hand promptly. "It's nice to see you again."
"Nice to see you as well, Aidan. Excited for tonight?"
"I can't say that I am," he said with a heavy sigh and a side eyed look my way. "I'm being forced to go."
I stuck out my tongue as Dad nodded with a solemn look on his face.
"Yes, one of the many downsides of having that special woman in your life. Don't worry, eventually you'll learn how to reign her in."
"Excuse me?" I folded my arms across my chest.
"What the hell does that mean, John?" Mom asked at the same time, her eyes narrowing.
"Uhh...nothing. Nothing. No, I was just- I was joking," he chuckles nervously and cleared his throat. "Okay. The two of you. Get out."
"Not before I take pictures," she motioned Dad aside and held up her camera. "Get together you two."
"This really isn't necessar-"
Aidan grabbed my hand and pulled me to his side, wrapping an arm around me tightly "Come on, Dem. It's fine. Life is all about capturing moments."
"That's right, Aidan," Mom nodded. "Demi, why don't you have this kind of outlook on life?"
"I'm sorry I'm not the child you wanted," I rolled my eyes.
"Me too," she held up her camera. "Smile!"
After the mini photoshoot in the foyer Mom finally allowed us to leave, but not before Dad gave us a warning to "behave ourselves". Although when he said that his eyes were on Aidan.
I buckled myself into my seat when I climbed into the car. "So no motorcycle."
"It somehow didn't seem appropriate given where we're going and how we're dressed," Aidan shut the driver's door with a smile. "More so how you're dressed."
He leaned over the console, and I moved forward to meet his lips halfway automatically. It was sweet and short kiss, but it had me smiling all the same.
"You look beautiful," he said, looking me over again. "Honestly. Absolutely breathtaking."
"So do you," I smiled, touching the lapel of his suit. "I mean- not the beautiful part. The breathtaking part."
"You don't think I'm beautiful?" He feigned hurt, placing a hand to his chest. "That fucking hurts."
I smacked his arm and sat back in my seat. "Oh shush."
He chuckled and started the car, backing out of the driveway carefully and then taking off down the street.
"I got something for you."
I perked up. "You mean like a present? Where?" I looked around eagerly. "Where is it?"
He laughed and switched on the car light. I watched him open up the compartment that the console held and pull out a blue Tiffany & Co. box that was wrapped in a white bow.
I took the box when he held it out for me and studied it carefully. "If I ask for the price of whatever's in the box will I lose my shit?"
"Probably," he answered honestly.
"Mhmm," I nodded. "Well, then, I guess I won't ask and live in blissful ignorance."
I untied the bow and lifted the lid, excitement prickling at my fingertips. A soft gasp escaped me when I peered inside.
I picked up the piece of jewelry and carefully examined the sparkly sterling silver bracelet that had diamond encrusted charms attached to it. Five to be exact. A pair of ballet shoes, a cupcake, the letter 'D', a heart, and a key.
"Oh my god," I breathed, running my finger against the bracelet softly. "This is amazing."
"So you like it?" He asked, sounding pleased.
"I more than like it," I held it up to the light and watched it sparkle. "I love it. It's so beautiful....wow...what's the occasion?"
"No occasion. I just wanted to get you something."
"Well, I didn't get you anything," I frowned, looking up.
"I didn't ask for anything."
"Neither did I."
He paused. "Are you going to start a fight with me?"
"Ummmmm," I pretended to think about it. "No," I smiled and looked back down at the bracelet. "This is too good of a present to get mad over. The charms are adorable."
"I figured you'd appreciate them."
"How could I not? Although," I lifted the key up with my index finger. "I don't get what the key is suppose to mean."
"Oh. You have my heart, and that's the key to it."
I placed a hand over my heart. "Oh..."
"That was good right?" He grinned.
"Yeah I-," I paused and took a deep breath to calm myself, but it didn't help the tears that prickled at the back of my eyes. "It's...thank you. Thank you so much."
"You're wel- are you crying?"
"No," I blinked rapidly which only caused more tears to fall down my cheeks. "I'm not."
Aidan gave me a perplexed look that also contained worry and anxiousness. "Yeah you are. Demi, what the fuck? Are you okay? Why are you crying?"
"Its just- that's so nice of you," I blubbered. "And- and this is such a beautiful present. A-and you- you're s-so sweet."
"Okay," he reached over and caressed my cheek. "That doesn't mean you have to cry. Don't cry, Cupcake. This was suppose to make you happy."
"I am happy," I sniffled. "That's why I'm crying."
"That...doesn't even make any sense."
I laughed and dabbed my eyes before I leaned over to place a kiss on his cheek. "Sorry. I'm honestly fine. I just...I love it. Thank you."
"You're welcome," he shot me a look. "Just don't cry anymore. I don't care how happy you are."
I chuckled and undid the clasp of the bracelet to put it on my wrist. "I'll do my best."
¥ ¥ ¥
I stepped into the foyer of Majesty's house, my hand curled around Aidan's, and I my breath was almost completely taken away.
The entire interior had been transformed into a winter wonderland. There were decorative snowflakes that sparkled from where the hung on the high ceilings. Green and red lights trailed along the walls and twisted around not only the sky high columns but the railings of the grand staircase in front of us as well. Two Christmas trees that were frosted with fake snow were on on either side of the staircase and pots of flowers lined up the steps. Elegant music drifted down from the second level and wafted around us.
There were quite a number people milling around us in the spacious hall, either mingling with their peers or finalizing their checks that would be donated to the organization.
Aidan whistled. "This house looks even bigger than the last time I was here."
"Yeah, it does that," I nodded.
Aidan untangled his hand from mine to pull out a pen and check book from the inside of his jacket. He flipped open the brown leather that covered the leaflets inside and glanced over at me.
"Who should I make this out to?"
"Canines for Disabled Children," I answered promptly, peering over at what he was writing. My jaw almost dropped at the amount of zeros on the check. "Um wow. That's a generous donation."
"What can I say?" He shrugged. "I'm a generous fucking guy."
I rolled my eyes at the statement and pursed my lips thoughtfully.
"I know you told me never to ask about your second job, but I have to know. How much do you make working for...who you work for."
Aidan kept his eyes glued to the check as he signed his name. "You know, Demi," he began in a quite brisk manner. "It's actually considered very rude to ask a person that question."
"I don't think it's a rude question."
"Of course you don't," he ripped the check out from the book and pocketed what was in his hands. "You lack tact."
My jaw dropped. "I do not. I'm an incredibly tactful person."
"No, you aren't," he shook his head, taking my hand to loop my arm around his.
"That's a really rude thing to say," I frowned as he guided me up the grand staircase the security guy at the front door told us to head up.
"It's not ruder than asking someone what their income is."
"That's debatable."
Aidan laughed like I said something extremely funny, which I didn't, and pulled me through the large double doors on the second floor.
The ballroom the Dillions reserved for special occasions was even more impressive than the entrance hall. The crowded room was enormous with ceilings so high it could rival the Sistine Chapel.
Well, not really, but it was still pretty high.
The Christmas lights were suspended from the ceilings weaved around the two rows of huge crystal chandeliers which were composed of a beautiful solid gold that I had a feeling was very much real. The solid gold repeated itself in an array of patterns against the ivory walls and across the red carpet that was spread out across the floor. Four Christmas trees decorated with lights and ornaments were pushed into each respective corner of the room. Fake snowflakes were even littered on the ground.
"Wow," Aidan said, voicing my own thoughts out loud. "What do Majesty's parents do again?"
"Her dad is one of the top neurosurgeons in the country, and her mom is a defense attorney with several of her own law firms in several states," I paused. "And several countries including Amsterdam."
"Something special about Amsterdam?"
"Yeah it's where the iconic bench that Hazel and Gus kissed is."
Aidan stared at me in confusion.
"From the Fault in Our Stars?" I rolled my eyes. "Come on, keep up Aid."
"My apologies," he snorted.
"Demi!" A familiar voice squealed.
I looked up and grinned when I saw Majesty's mom rushing up to where we stood.
"Diana," I squealed back throwing my arms around her as soon as she reached me. "Hi! How are you?"
Her thin arms squeezed me tightly before pulling away, her pearly white smile shined brightly. "I'm great. You look amazing. How are you?"
"Thank you. You look amazing too," I smiled admiring her deep red gown that matched her black and red African head wrap. "And I'm great."
"Are your parents here?" She asked.
"No," I shook my head. "Mom has a late shift at the hospital, and Dad is...well, Dad. They send their love though, and their money."
She smiled a little with a regretful nod.
Majesty dad walked up in a calmer manner than his wife, a charming smile on his face. "Hi, Demi."
"Hey, Howie," I smiled.
His smile dropped instantly, and he fixed me with an unimpressed look. "Haven't I told you not to call me that?"
"Yeah," I paused. "And?"
He rolled his eyes, but pulled me into a hug nonetheless.
Majesty's parents were just as gorgeous as their two daughters if not more. It was hard to believe they were in their mid-fifties when they looked like they could be in their early thirties.
When I pulled away I pulled Aidan closer to my side. "This is my boyfriend, Aidan."
Diana lit up even more while Howard frowned.
"Oh, so this is Aidan," she smiled and held out her hand. "It's nice to meet you. You are so much cuter than Demi said you were."
I groaned silently as Aidan lifted his eyebrows. A stupid smirk made his way onto his face.
"Oh, really?" He said, glancing my way.
"I never said that. Don't get a big head," I shot Diana a look.
She shrugged innocently, a sweet smile on her face.
"Well, thank you," Aidan smiled. "It's nice to meet you, Mrs.-"
"Don't call me Mrs., call me Diana," she cut him off abruptly. "Mrs. makes me feel old, and I am not old."
Howard snorted which earned him a swift kick in the leg.
"Ow," he whined. "Seriously, Di?"
She shrugged and loosened her grip on Aidan's hand.
"Dr. Dillion," Howard stretched out his own hand. "I would say it's nice to meet you, but I would be lying."
"Howard," Diana snapped.
"What?"
Aidan shook his hand with a slight smile. "Well, it's nice to meet you, Dr. Dillion."
He nodded and dropped his hand, looking him up and down. "So...what boyfriend number are you?"
My jaw dropped again, and Diana hit his arm.
"Ow!" He exclaimed. "Stop that!"
"What is wrong with you?"
"What? I've lost track."
"Oh, that's nice, Howie," I rolled my eyes.
He ignored me and gave Aidan a look. "Demi is like our third, annoying and sometimes unwanted daughter. If you hurt her, I'll have to kill you."
"No, he won't," Diana assured him with a warm smile.
"Don't speak for me, Diana."
I could tell Aidan was suppressing a smile as he nodded solemnly. "I understand, Sir."
"Annoying and unwanted?" I repeated.
Howard shrugged. "Not as annoying as Kenzie."
I paused. "I can live with that."
Diana smiled and motioned towards the ballroom. "Go on and enjoy yourselves kids."
"Not too much though," Howard stared at Aidan. "I have eyes everywhere."
"Noted," he nodded.
I shook my head and pulled him off. "He's joking."
"I don't think he is," Aidan glanced behind him.
"He's all talk," I assured him with a smile. "Honestly. As long as you don't meet Kenzie's dad your limbs are perfectly safe from being ripped apart."
He paused. "Is that...a joke?"
"Ummmm...sure. Oh look," I pointed to the small stage in the center of the room. "There's donation box. Come on."
We weaved through the crowd, my hand gripping his tightly so I wouldn't lose him into the sea of people.
"Is this real gold?" Aidan asked, sounding a little appalled as we reached the box set up on the small stage.
"I'm pretty sure everything they own is real gold," I smiled, pulling my check out from my purse and sliding it into the slot.
"What a way to live," he muttered, sliding his own check in.
"I'm sure you could afford to live the same way," I said casually. "I mean with what you make...which would be...?"
He smiled and tapped my nose. "Nice try."
"You'll slip eventually," I shrugged, turning away.
I had barely stepped off the stage when I was attacked by a small brunette dressed in a peach color gown.
"Demi!" Kenzie squealed. "You're here! Didn't I tell you to text me when you get here?"
"I literally just stepped in," I squeezed her back before pulling away from the hug.
"You look gorgeous," Kenzie said in clear approval. "Almost as good as me. Not quite, but almost."
I paused before smiling and nodding, deciding to just accept the compliment. "Thank you."
Kenzie's eyes drifted over to Aidan who stepped down next to me. She squeezed my hand and shot me a look that clearly said, oh my god he's gorgeous, I hate you. I squeezed her hand back, and nodded gave her a look that said, I know!
"Hello, Aidan," Kenzie beamed, holding out her arms for a hug.
"I don't hug people," he said flatly, giving her a wary look.
"You hug Demi," she pointed out.
"Demi is my girlfriend."
"And I'm her best friend. I'm just as much in this relationship as either of you, if not more."
I choked on my laughter as Kenzie flung her arms around Aidan. He shot me a look, and I shrugged. I had yet to find a way to control my friend. It was best just to go with her.
He sighed deeply and patted her back a little awkwardly which was even funnier to me. My laugh earned me very foul look from my boyfriend.
"You look very nice, Kenzie," Aidan complimented her, after finally managing to peel her off.
"I know right?" She looked down at her dress in admiration.
"Have you seen Majesty?" I asked, looking around.
"Briefly," she shrugged. "She disappeared to God knows where with Jordan."
"Oh?" I asked, my eyebrows shooting up. "Wha-"
"There you are, Kenz," Deacon cut me off, halting beside Kenzie. "You took off out of nowhere."
"I saw Demi, and Demi is more important than you," she said, an unapologetic note to her voice.
I grinned as Aidan chuckled.
"I'll pretend that didn't hurt like a bitch," Deacon frowned, slapping Aidan's hand in a hello. "Hey, man."
"Hey," he nodded.
"Demi," Deacon pulled me into a one arm hug. "You look great."
"Thanks," I smiled. I felt a little bit of the guilt I harbored for snapping at him resurface and really hoped he hadn't thought too much of it.
"You mind if we talk," his hold on me tightened. "Alone."
I shifted uneasily on my feet and glanced over at Aidan who had his eyes on me. His neutral expression morphed into a confused one as he took in what I guessed was nervous look on my face.
"Umm I don't want to leave Aidan alone here-"
"He's not alone, he's with me," Kenzie assured me, the hint completely going over her head.
"Awesome," Deacon said, pulling me off before I could further protest.
"What?" I asked, shaking his hold when we stopped several feet from where we were standing.
"You get one opportunity, and one opportunity alone to tell me what's going on," he said in a flat voice.
I blinked. "What?"
"What's going on. With you," he fixed me with a look. "Let's go."
"Umm nothing is going on," my eyebrows furrowed. "Are you okay?"
"Demi," he exhaled sharply, the exasperation clear as day in his voice. "I'm being serious."
"So am I?"
"Why did your smash your mirror?"
I laughed a little. "Oh, is that what this is about? You can relax, Deac. I was just frustrated."
"Frustrated people don't smash mirrors."
"That's highly debatable."
"I've also been getting this off vibe from you for a while-"
"Deacon, I hope you know we aren't actually telepathically connected," I rolled me eyes.
"And there's what you said to Mom," he ignored me. "Earlier? When you yelled at her for no reason about relapsing? Yeah, I heard that. You sounded less like a person annoyed that a supposedly forgotten past continues to be brought up, and more like someone who was scared that something going to come out."
I pressed my lips together tightly. If I didn't speak, I couldn't be incriminated.
"You don't eat breakfast anymore," he continued. "And after every dinner you disappear into the bathroom and run the shower for five minutes."
My heart rate picked up speed, and I had to fold my arms across my chest so Deacon wouldn't see my hands shaking.
He looked me over slowly, a painful look in his eyes and a shaky note to his voice. "You're thinner than you were four months ago. A lot thinner."
Deep breaths, Demi. Deep breaths. He doesn't know anything, but if you freak out he will.
"I asked you this question a couple of months ago, and you looked me in the eye and told me no. I'm going to ask you again, and this time I want the truth: Have you relapsed?"
I took a needed moment to make sure my voice was steady before I answered, and shook my head. "No."
Deacon stared at me, his green eyes piercing mine. "I don't believe you."
"Then don't believe me," I said through gritted teeth.
"Do you want to end up dead?" He snapped. "Because that's exactly what's going to happen if you keep this up."
"I'm not doing anything," I snapped right back. "But it's nice to know you have so much faith in me-"
"Shut up, Demi," he cut across me furiously. "Just shut up. This has nothing to do with my faith in you. I have all the faith in the world in you, and if you want me to keep having faith in you, you're going to tell me the truth right now."
"I haven't relapsed."
"You're lying."
"Where's your proof?"
Deacon faltered a bit, and after more than a moment of silence I nodded.
"That's what I thought."
I turned away and walked back over to where Kenzie and Aidan stood laughing and conversing.
"She did not," Aidan laughed.
"I swear to God," Kenzie nodded in a fit of nonstop giggles. "She literally fell into the creek, and she walked into it with such purpose. I asked her what the purpose of that was, and she told me she felt like 'Jesus'."
They cracked up even harder than before, and if it had been a few minutes ago I would have slapped Kenzie for daring to tell one of my drunken incidents I had made her swear never to repeat. Now, I just couldn't be bothered to be upset about it, when there were more pressing matters to be upset about.
"Oh, hey Cupcake," Aidan grinned.
"We were just talking about you, " Kenzie smiled.
"Thanks for that, Kenz," I muttered.
Aidan's smile faded a fraction. "Are you okay?"
"Fine."
"Demi," Deacon walked up. "We're not done talking."
"Yes we are," I glared at him. "Why don't you just fuck off, Deacon. I mean really. I don't need this type of harassment right now."
"Oooh," Kenzie tilted her head. "The attitude on this one."
"Shut up, Kenzie," I snapped.
"Um excuse me, Demetria," she pointed a finger at me. "I didn't do shit to you. Don't take out your frustrations on me."
Jordan and Majesty stepped into the circle before I could respond.
"Hey!" Majesty threw her arms around me. "You're here! You look beautiful!"
I smiled a little and hugged her back before stepping back to admire her emerald dress. "So do you. More than beautiful."
"What about me?" Jordan asked, shoving a sandwich into his mouth from the platter he was holding.
"The best dressed," I smiled.
"Why are you holding a tray of sandwiches?" Kenzie asked.
"He stole it off one of the caterers," Majesty rolled her eyes.
"I didn't steal it, I borrowed it," he corrected her. "I'll give it back. Once I'm done."
"You mean once you've cleared it completely?"
"Exactly," he nodded to Aidan. "Hey, boyfriend #231. Have a sandwich."
Aidan snorted, taking a sandwich, and I scowled. "That's not funny, Jordan."
"I think it's hilarious," Kenzie laughed, grabbing two sandwiches off the platter.
Majesty handed me a sandwich as she took a bite out of the one she grabbed for herself. "Here, babe."
"Thanks," I noticed Deacon staring at me and made it a point to shove half of it in my mouth.
I barely paid mind to the conversation floating around me as I focused on not vomiting where I stood from the sandwich I was eating. It got to the point where I couldn't physically handle the feeling of the food in my stomach, and had to make a beeline for the bathroom.
"I'm going to get a drink," I announced. "This sandwich was dry. You guys want anything?"
"A coke spiked with vodka would be amazing," Kenzie requested.
"I'll do what I can," I glared at Deacon who stopped me from walking off. "Move. Unless you want to follow me and make sure I'm not doing anything suspicious. Like breathing."
"Demi-"
I marched off without bothering to let him finish. As soon as I was out of the ballroom I bolted up the steps to the third floor and ran into the first bathroom I saw. I slammed the door shut and shoved my finger down my throat to hurl the sandwich back up and kept at it until the only thing coming up was blood and stomach acid.
I flushed the contents of the toilet, and then sat down on the cool marble floor. A tight feeling seized my chest, and before I could grip the portion of self control I had allowed to slip from my hold I was crying those fast, hard tears I was crying hours before.
I didn't know how long I sat there like that before someone came in. I barely noticed the intruder until they sat down beside me and pulled me into a gentle, comforting hug.
"It's okay," Aidan's soothing voice said softly in my ear. "It's okay, Demi. You're okay. You're fine."
"No, I'm not," I sobbed. "I'm not okay. I'm not fine. I- I'm-"
"Shhh," he rubbed my back, pulling onto his lap. "Shhh. It's okay. Just cry for a bit."
I buried my head into his shoulder and did just that. I cried. I cried until I had no tears left to cry, and dry sobs were the only think wrecking through my body. Eventually I quieted down a bit, but it wasn't until it was completely silent that I decided to lift my head.
"Feeling better?" Aidan asked, one of his hands moving in a gentle circle on my back.
"No," I replied, in an awfully stuffed voice. I sniffed to try and clear it, and pressed my fingers to my temple where a headache was beginning. "Sorry."
"You don't have anything to be sorry about."
"Yes, I do," I sighed and rubbed at my puffy eyes. "I lied about being two weeks clean."
"I know."
"I know you know, I was just trying to-," I stopped and looked at him. "Wait, I'm sorry?"
"I know," he repeated calmly. "I know you aren't clean, and I knew you weren't when you told me. You can't lie to me, Dems. I know you too well."
"Oh," I frowned. "Well...why didn't you say anything?"
"Because you would have lied if I did."
"True...," I laughed a laugh that lacked any humor and ran my hands over my face. "That's all I do. I lie like there's no tomorrow. Pretty ironic seeing as everybody says I'm so bad at it."
"Well, maybe it's time to stop," Aidan began gently. "Lying that is."
"I can't," I shook my head. "I just...I can't."
"Why not?" He asked. "Demi, you can't keep living like this. You're no longer just at the edge of the cliff. You've dived off of it."
"I'm aware."
"If you're aware then why can't you just ask for some help?"
I stared at the floor blankly until my eyes started to water. "Because I'm scared."
Aidan's arm tightened around me. "What are you scared of?"
"Everybody's going to hate me," I said shakily.
"What? No one's going to hate you."
I nodded. "Yeah. Yeah they are. Not only have I been lying for months, but I- they all think I'm better. They think I'm cured, and that I'm on the road to recovery. When they find out I'm not they will be angry, and they'll be disappointed and hurt, and-," I paused as my voice caught. "And I don't want to disappoint anybody. I don't want to hurt anybody. My friends, Deacon, my mom, my dad..."
"But you're hurting yourself," he said softly. "This is hurting you. Physically and mentally."
"But isn't that better? To hurt myself, so that I don't hurt anybody else?"
Aidan studied me for a moment, and seemed to think about my question before shaking his head.
"No because when you end up in the hospital again, or if you...," he paused for an uncomfortably long heartbeat. "If you...if you end up killing yourself from this, that's going to hurt them even more. For the rest of their lives they'll wonder why they didn't see the signs. They'll wonder why they didn't push the truth out of you a little bit harder. I'll wonder how I could just sit back and watch you end your life without a word to anybody."
"Aidan..."
"The truth will always come out, Demi," he sighed. "It's not about if. It's about when, and it's about how. I can't lie to you and say nobody will react strongly to what you have to say. I can't say nobody will be disappointed, and I can't say nobody will be hurt...but I promise you that if they find out on their own, they will be angry. The truth can only hurt for so long. A lie leaves an ugly mark that'll never go away."
He wiped the tears that had dripped down my cheeks, and I gripped his hand tightly.
"You're right," I whispered.
"I'm always right."
I laughed a breathy laugh and shook my head. "Debatable."
Aidan smiled and smoothed a strand of my hair behind my ear before standing up.
"Come on," he said pulling me up with him.
"I can't go back in there."
"I wasn't planning on taking you back in there. This is the perfect excuse to make my grand escape. Plus you also kind of look like Hell."
I swatted at his chest, and walked over to the mirror to examine myself. My make up had ran in such an appalling manner that I indeed looked like Hell.
I rinsed the make up off and patted my face dry before turning to face him. "Better?"
"Much," he grabbed my hand and kissed it gently. "Come on, m'lady. It's time to bust you outta here."
"And where are we going?"
"Somewhere safe."
¥ ¥ ¥
I laid curled up in Aidan's arms in the bed of his truck. My pretty lavender dress had been thrown aside somewhere, and I wasn't as worried as I should be about its whereabouts considering it cost me well over a hundred dollars.
I studied Aidan and I's twined fingers and glanced up at him, only to see him staring at me.
"Why are you staring at me?"
"Because when something is beautiful, you tend to stare at it."
I blushed and rolled my eyes. "That wasn't smooth at all."
"What did I tell you about lying, Demetria?"
I stuck my tongue out, and then rested my head on his bare chest.
"We should just stay like this forever."
"Forever? That's a long time, Demi."
"I know...would you mind spending forever with me?"
"Not at all. In fact," he grinned. "It wouldn't nearly be enough time."
I smiled. "How about forever and ever then?"
"Add an extra ever, and you got yourself a deal, Cupcake."
I smiled and propped myself up a bit, so I could press a lingering kiss on his lips.
"That's all I get?" He whined when I pulled back.
"You got a lot more than that, like, five minutes ago," I rolled my eyes, reaching over him to grab my bra. I paused, pulling the blanket draped around me closer to my body. "Close your eyes."
He laughed out loud, like I said something comical.
"What do you mean turn around? I've seen you naked. What were we just doing moments ago?"
"Don't worry about what we were doing moments ago. Close your eyes."
He scoffed, but shut them nonetheless.
I pulled on my underwear and then the dress that was in the furthest left corner.
"Okay. I'm done."
"I was peeking just so you know," he said, sitting up and pulling on his own clothes.
He laughed as I shoved him.
"You're such a child," I grabbed my purse where my phone was to check the time. "It's one AM," I said, a little surprised.
"Time flies when you're having fun," he grinned, tapping my chin.
I smiled and started to climb out the truck. "You should probably take me home now."
"Yeah," he nodded, following me out. "You thought about what I told you?"
I nodded. "I have, and like I said before you're right. Telling the truth is my best option."
He gave me a knowing look. "But...?"
I sighed. "I have to build up some nerve. Psych myself up. I don't know how long that's going to take."
Aidan gave me an understanding nod. "I get it. Don't push yourself, you gotta take baby steps, and acknowledging the fact that you have to tell the truth is a good first step. The rest will come easily."
I nodded, climbing into the truck.
I really hoped he was right.
¥ ¥ ¥
After kissing Aidan goodnight I made my way up the steps, making sure to skip the squeaky stair. I sighed, yearning my bed. The night had been a long one, and I was ready to lose my unkind reality in a deep sleep.
I switched on the light upon entering my room, and almost screamed when I saw someone sitting on my bed.
"Oh my god," I placed a hand on my heart. "What the hell, Deacon? Are you trying to put me in an early grave? My heart almost gave out! What are you doing, sitting in the dark in my room anyway? I told you not to do that anymore."
Deacon, who sat on the edge of my bed, looked up with alarming bloodshot eyes and raised his right hand. My heart halted in my chest when I saw the small white bottle he was gripping.
"Here is my proof," he said flatly.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
A/N: Dun Dun Dunnnnnn
Okay, okay I know it's been a month, and I know everybody wants me dead, but need I remind you that I am a college student? When I'm not buried in school work, I'm crying and contemplating whether or not I should become a stripper or get a sugar daddy.
I kid. I kid. (Not really)
Anyway, I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter despite the depressing beginning, middle, and end. Y'all can expect shit get exceedingly worse from now to the end of the book. Including a...nah you'll find out later. LOL.
Vote if you liked, and comment your thoughts/opinions. I really do take everything into account. Some of you have seriously inspired chapters, story lines, and plot twists.
I love you all, and I'll try my very best not to take too long to update again.
xxx,
Jess
P.S. DEMI. ISN'T. PREGNANT. So y'all can stop being so melodramatic in the comments lmaooo