3. Reconnecting
“Are you sure you don’t want anything at all? Really, it’s no trouble if you do,” Bilbo insisted for the fifth time since he had let me into Bag End.
“Bilbo, I’m fine, honestly.” I giggled. “Really, don’t try to overdo your hospitality.”
“Sorry. It’s just been so long and all.”
We sat in the den room in chairs across from each other. It reminded me of the den room back in my house, because the chairs were near the empty fireplace. There was a footrest in front of the chair Bilbo perched himself in.
There was an awkward silence between us. It was as if neither of us knew what to use to start conversation. Truthfully, I didn’t, and most likely Bilbo didn’t either.
“So…” I rubbed the bottom of my ear nervously. “What’s new with you?”
“Oh.” Bilbo’s shoulders slumped.
“Something bad?”
“My parents passed away.”
“I thought it was eerily quiet in here,” I muttered under my breath. “I’m really sorry, Bilbo. I wish I had been there to help you through the time. You could have asked me and I would have come running to help. If you don’t mind me asking, how long ago had that been?”
“A little over a decade for my father, less than that for my mother.” He rubbed his forehead. “Enough about me. What about you? How’s the married life working for you?”
“It’s something.”
“Isn’t it funny how you married before Cecelia?”
“It is,” I admitted, rubbing my neck. “I didn’t think I would settle down ever, let alone before her.”
“Have you started a family?”
“N-no.” I blushed. “Having children hasn’t been on my mind.”
“Are you considering it?”
“Bilbo, at the age I am at, there could be a slim chance I can start a family.”
“You never know. I personally think you would be a great mother, if you decided to have kids.”
I half-smiled. “That means a lot coming from you.” Bilbo kept stealing glances down the hall, towards the door. My eyes narrowed in suspicion. “Is everything all right?” I asked him timidly. Bilbo jumped as if I had poked him to spook him.
“Yes, everything’s fine,” he said shortly.
“I’m not convinced.” I folded my arms across my chest. “You seem jumpy. What’s going on, Bilbo?”
“Nothing.” He stole another quick glance down the hall.
“Bilbo Baggins, if you don’t tell me what’s going on—”
“Okay, okay, there is no need to get snippy.” He sucked in a deep breath, trying his hardest to not glare down the hall again. He leaned over, lolling his arms over his legs. “Earlier this morning, I was enjoying the air and smoking, and then, out of nowhere, this old man stopped by. It was the most unusual thing ever. He rambled on about looking for someone to go on an adventure with, or something to that degree. I tried to get away and retreat back inside, but he said my name.”
“This man knew you?” I stammered.
“Yes, it shocked me too. It turned out that the man was Gandalf.”
“Gandalf?” That name struck a very dull chord in my brain.
“Yes. You know him, I’m sure. He always brings fireworks whenever he comes to the Shire.”
“Oh, that Gandalf!”
“Yes, him. Anyway, he continued on about this adventure nonsense and left. I think he did something to my door, because I heard something unusual going on outside. Of course, I tried to see what it was, but then he was suddenly looking into my window. I tell you, Lily, I had never been so confused and scared in all my life.”
“Hmm, it seems random,” I mused. “Why would Gandalf come to you of all Hobbits and babble on about an adventure? If there’s anyone to talk about an adventure with, it’d be me.” I felt sort of jealous, hearing that Gandalf mentioned to Bilbo a chance of a lifetime.
Maybe Gandalf remembered Bilbo’s rambunctious past with his yearn for adventure. Well, that was certainly not the Hobbit I was looking at right now. No, this Hobbit was tame and not who my best friend was anymore.
“So now, I’m sort of paranoid, because I don’t know what that was all about.” Bilbo shrugged.
“Well, I see no reason for you to worry. Just go on about your day like you normally would,” I recommended. “After all, maybe he was drunk or insane or something.”
“Lily, he hardly looked or sounded drunk or insane.”
“Well, then, I don’t know what to tell you, Bilbo, except to brush it off and continue with your life.”
“I guess you’re right. He was probably talking nonsense anyway.” He cleared his throat. “How has your sister been?”
“She’s been fine,” I said stiffly. Talking about Cecelia with Bilbo was a bit touchy for me. Just because we were best friends didn’t mean that I could talk to him about everything. “She’s still living where she was before. She and I ride a lot together. We always pass by here.”
“I know. I see you both on occasion.” Bilbo looked away sheepishly.
“You do?”
“Yes.”
“Then how come you don’t come out and at least say ‘hello’? It wouldn’t kill you, you know.”
“Lily, you know why I don’t do that.” Bilbo’s tone was solemn.
My nostrils flared at the reminder. “It’s been years since then. There is always time to make amends; we have all the time in the world to do that.” I sat up straight in the chair, crossing my ankles.
“Maybe I shouldn’t have mentioned Cecelia to begin with.”
“You shouldn’t have,” I agreed tersely. “You know that it upsets me when you try to talk about her so nonchalantly after what you did to her.”
“You don’t know how much I hated myself for it long after I did it.” He rested his head against the back of the chair. “I wanted to make things up to her, but I knew she wouldn’t accept any apology, and I knew I would have to get past you first before I could reach her.”
“You hurt her, Bilbo.” My hands gripped the arms of the chair. “You had her and then you changed. You became distant from us and abandoned us.”
“You make it sound harsher than it was, Lily.” He flinched.
“Oh, I doubt that.” I rose out of the chair, my nostrils flaring heatedly. My hands clenched to fists at my sides. This wasn’t how I wanted this to go. “Maybe I shouldn’t have come here.” I turned on my heel and headed for the door.
“Lily, don’t act rash now!” Bilbo panicked behind me.
I burst through his door, jumping down the steps, untying Remy from the fence. I jumped into the saddle, gathering myself when I saw Bilbo trying to stop me. My eyes narrowed viciously, my gaze stopped him in his tracks.
“Don’t leave!” he pleaded. “We can talk this out. You’re overreacting!”
“I’m overreacting?” I retorted bitterly. “Ha! If you knew I would do such a thing, you should never have brought my sister into conversation.”
I kicked Remy, taking my anger out on him. I wished I hadn’t. He jerked forward, loping away from Bag End.
* * *
I sat near the roaring fire, gazing into its flickering flames. Ever since I had gotten home from my angry departure from Bag End, I wanted to be alone. Jack got the message from the moment I angrily burst into the house. I felt slightly guilty for barging in so rudely into my own house. I should have known better than to act so huffy like that.
Night had settled over the Shire. I could hear Jack bustling around in the kitchen, no doubt making dinner in an attempt to cheer me up. My stomach rumbled at the idea of food. I guess I had had enough alone time, so maybe it was time for Jack to make a move and try to get me to talk.
Sure enough, twenty minutes later, Jack lingered at the side of the chair I sat at; I could feel his presence beside me. I tore my eyes away from the fire to look up at him. I took the plate first, setting it on my lap before taking the tea Jack held as well.
“Thank you,” I mouthed as he sat on the arm of the chair.
“I’m guessing the reunion went sour?” he asked, looking down at me. I didn’t respond right away, I dug into the food in my lap. “Lily, you can tell me what happened.” He grabbed my hand, squeezing my fingers. “I’m here to listen; I didn’t come in here just to bring you food.”
Between bites, I recounted the meeting with Bilbo. I didn’t hesitate to tell Jack everything Bilbo and I discussed. I forced out how things went south when Cecelia was mentioned.
“…and that’s why I came back moody earlier,” I concluded, fingering the plate. Jack held my cup of tea.
“Hmm…I see” was all he said.
“Thinking back on it, I know it was my fault things went bad, not his,” I realized. Jack put a hand on my shoulder. I looked into his blue eyes, my heart aching slightly at my revelation. “He was only trying to make conversation, and I got offended. I’m the reason things went so badly!” I hit the back of my head against the chair. “I’m an awful person, Jack! The one time I want to reconnect with my friend who I haven’t seen in years, and I ruin it!” My lower lip trembled.
“Don’t get upset, Lily,” Jack cooed. “It’s in the past.”
“I know, and I really want to go back and change it, but I can’t!”
“Shh, settle down.”
“I bet Bilbo doesn’t want to see me again after that outburst.” I hiccupped. “I was so rude to him.”
“I’m sure he knew you didn’t mean anything by it.”
“I don’t know about that, Jack. I’m sure I upset him.”
“Well, you don’t know that for sure.”
“Are you trying to say that I should go back to Bag End and work things out with him?” I sniffled.
“That’s exactly what I’m saying.” A small smile played on his lips. “You can’t sit here fretting over something that possibly isn’t true.” He kissed the top of my head. “Go back to Bag End and talk things out with him. I’m sure it will work.”
“It’s not too late out to leave, is it?” I tried to see out the window.
“It shouldn’t be. Here, I’ll take your plate and cup, and you go visit Bilbo again.”
“Right.”
I scampered past Remy’s tack, debating on whether or not to work him again. Recalling how I had kicked him in my angry departure from Bag End, I decided to not. Most likely he wouldn’t cooperate with me after taking my outrage out on him.
I always hated and regretted my actions I committed under my anger.
I stepped out into the cool air. Judging by how dark it was, it wasn’t too late to go to Bag End, like Jack said.
Sucking in a large breath, I headed for Bilbo’s place, already planning my apology in my head.
**So it seems like Lily and Bilbo are at a bit of a rocky road with their relationship. And what did Bilbo do to Cecelia exactly? I promise you, you will find the answer to that later on.**