I left Abbicott College with the biggest smile on my face. My new employer, Diane, waving me off from the library door with a grin that matched mine. I totally smashed my interview. Well, I assumed I did from the full-time job they offered with an immediate start.
Gosh, did it feel good to be working again?
My phone cried out when I reached the exit gate near the carpark where Matt - who drove by me on my way here this morning to offer me a lift- was waiting for me. I needed his level-head to ease my crazy nerves.
"Hello?" I answered, reading my sister's name flash across the screen. "Everything okay, Hanna?"
"No," she replied, sounding at the end of her tether. "Why haven't you answered my invitation for the hen party yet? It's on Saturday!"
I closed my eyes on a wince at my forgetfulness, feeling the bubbling of guilt build in my stomach. "I'm sorry, Hanna. It totally skipped my mind. You know that I'll be there."
She scoffed. "Well, isn't that charming, Tabitha? You know, if you don't want to be Maid of Honor, I can strip you of the title."
I'd hurt her. "No, I want it more than anything. Things have been a little crazy my end. It's this Saturday at seven, right?"
"Yes," she snapped. "I was hoping we could spend the day together, or is that going to be too much trouble for you as well?"
I frowned at her hostility. "Hanna? Is everything okay?"
I heard her sniffles and my hand gripped the phone harder.
"I don't bloody know! I'm an emotional mess. I can't sit still. I'm beyond tired. My boobs hurt like a bitch and whenever I smell Bruce cooking, I want to heave. I'll be happy when this wedding is over."
I caught myself in a smile. "You don't think there's a chance that you are...?"
"What?" she replied, sounding so fed up.
"You don't think there's a chance you're pregnant, do you?"
The line went into absolute silence. "You know I can't get pregnant."
"The doctor said that there was a twenty percent chance, honey," I whispered, not wanting to upset her.
Babies were a sensitive topic for my sister. When she got diagnosed with acute Endometriosis at seventeen, she underwent an operation to stem some tissue that had attached itself to every bit of her reproductive organs, but was told the chances of pregnancy would be very slim.
"Don't," she replied, and then her breathing hitched up a notch or two. "Tabby, what if I am pregnant?"
My lungs seemed to fill up with too much air as I forced the words out."There's only one way to find out. Go to the chemist on your dinner break and get a test."
The sound of her joyful shriek pulled a high-pitched giggle from me, wishing more than anything that I was there with her at this very moment. A profound sense of loneliness hit me, drowning me in the feeling. I had good people here, but sometimes there was a void that only family could fill.
"Sod my dinner break. I'm going to the chemist now," she replied.
I laughed. "Okay, but promise that you'll let me know either way?"
"I'll message as soon as I find out. Love you!" And she left the chat.
I glanced over at the carpark to find Matt sitting in his car, watching me with those constantly curious eyes of his. I lifted my hand up in the air to stick my thumb up and signal the good news regarding my job, which pulled a big smile from him.
Matt spread his arms out into a hugging gesture when he got out of the car to make his way over here. I all but skipped there in a happy trance. It felt good to have a bit of joy.
His arms circled my lower back, and he pulled me so my chest flattened against his so tightly I struggled to breathe. I tried to pull away when he shifted his face close to mine as if he were thinking about kissing me.
"No way, no." I moved my face to the other side. "You can't kiss me."
He blinked with his arms still hung loosely around my waist. "Why can't I?"
"I'm seeing Joshua," I replied, hoping that he didn't ask too many questions.
Neither Joshua nor I had had the dating chat yet, but it felt like the right thing to say in the moment. I wanted to be honest and upfront.
"The army guy?"
I frowned up at him and pushed gently at his chest to get him to release me. A streak of something unkind pushing through me. "You know who Joshua is. Don't be a dickhead. And I thought we were clear on our boundaries now."
"I'm not being a dickhead and we are clear," he said on a chuckle, eyes softening. "So, you're dating each other?"
I nodded, my lips stretching into a small smile. "We're seeing where it goes. Friends first."
"You like him, don't you?" he replied, teasing in his tone.
"Yeah, I do. There's just something about him."
He whistled and tipped his head back to look at the sky. "Look at that soft expression. My girl found the one?"
"I've known him five bloody minutes!"
His grin was almost insufferable. "Yeah, watch this space."
I moved towards his car and let myself into the front passenger seat while I let him know I needed a ride home.
The one... yeah, right?
...
Joshua ran his hand through his hair for the fifth time, fiddling with the ends in the rearview mirror. We were sitting stationary in the car outside his parent's house while he built up the courage to go inside. Megan and Damon were already in there, but it was taking Joshua longer to get out of the car. I pulled down the sun visor and checked my makeup for the third time.
"Your hair looks good," I said, wiping under my eye where my mascara had magically run. "Just like the other times you checked."
He sighed. "I'm stalling, aren't I?"
"Yeah, just a bit. Do you think we can go inside? I keep seeing your mum's head popping up behind the front window," I replied, watching the curtains twitch once more.
"Might as well get it over with then," he grumbled, unclipping his seatbelt.
We got out of the car and I fiddled with my maxi skirt while I waited for him to lock it, not letting on that I knew he was purposefully stalling again by pressing the key several times. I took hold of his hand as we strolled up the long driveway, giving him an encouraging little smile every time he glanced down at me.
Joshua's hand squeezed mine extra hard when his mum, Trisha, shot out from her hiding spot in the hallway when we stepped through the door. "For God's sake," he hissed, which caused me to place my palm on his back.
"Josh," she breathed out with tears already rolling down her cheeks. "My baby boy is finally home."
He refused to let me go. "Mother."
I cringed for her at his combative tone as it cut through the air.
Trisha tried to hold back on her emotions, not knowing where to put herself in the room. His dad, Mick stepping in here, closely followed by Megan and Damon who seemed as nervous as me. If he could just break through the wall and show his mum how much he had missed her love in his life.
"Why don't you come through to the sitting room, son? I've got some chilled beers for you," Mick said, wary eyes flicking all over his wife who was no longer in control of her emotions.
Trisha's bottom lip wobbled as she stood there looking so lost. "Yes, we bought in all of your old favourites."
I squeezed Joshua's warm hand. "That sounds nice, doesn't it?"
"I suppose so," he replied, letting go of my hand as he sulked off into the other room.
Megan dashed for Trisha and wrapped her arm tightly around her shoulders as she rushed towards the kitchen door. "Oh, mum. It'll be okay."
"No, it won't ever be the okay again. We've lost him. We've lost our strong boy," she shouted as she struggled to control herself.
I didn't want to impose on their mother- daughter moment for too much longer, so I took myself into the room where Joshua sulked off to, finding him sat on the long dark brown leather couch, holding a bottle of Budweiser in one hand and his mobile phone in the other.
Mick stood up from his seat on the armchair to give me a quick hug, before letting me get comfortable on the space near Joshua, settling a bottle of cold beer in my hands. It sent shocked tingles up my spine when Joshua spread his arm the span of the couch to encourage me to shuffle closer with his lips settling into my hair.
Mick couldn't peel his eyes from us as he stood watching for a good ten seconds until his face relaxed as a smile tugged at his mouth.
"How's work, Dad?" Joshua said, moving his head until he caught his father's attention.
Mick jumped into action, gobbling up all the attention he could do. "It's going well, thanks. Work is work, you know?"
"Not really, no," Joshua replied in an aggressive tone. "I've never had a real job."
"Josh." Mick sighed in time with Joshua's fingers digging into my shoulder. "Not now, please."
Joshua hissed through his teeth. "Oh, I'm sorry. Is this too much for you to handle? Am I too much of a deadbeat for you?"
I put my hand on his thigh and rubbed back and forth, only to have him brush my touch away.
"We're hoping to have a quiet catch up. Don't lower the tone, buddy. Your mother and I have been excited to see you. Won't you give us that at least?"
Joshua took a long swig out of his beer bottle. "Why should I? I don't owe you anything."
"Maybe not. But, your mother has slaved away in that kitchen all day. Making your favourite dishes in the hopes of you wanting to come back here again. If not for me, do it for her," Mick replied, his chocolate eyes fierce on his son.
"Fine." He glanced over at me, his forehead relaxing as he grabbed my hand back. "You okay?"
My eyes widened, feeling put on the spot. "I'm good."
Mick glanced over at me. "Megan told us you lost your job at the library. I'm sorry to hear that."
I shook my head. "Thank you, but I went for an interview at the college library the other day and was lucky enough to secure a place."
Mick slapped both of his knees, lifting his feet off the ground. "That's fantastic news, Tabby. Congratulations. You are such a hard worker. They'll be so pleased that they gave you a chance."
Joshua leaned in to kiss my temple. "You're going to rock this thing."
Silly flutters in my belly again.
"What are we talking about?" Megan said, joining the room with a tray full of sausage rolls.
Mick watched her put them down on the table in front of us before reaching out to take one. "About Tabitha's new job."
She reached for a roll too. "Ooh, great news, isn't it? I'm so pleased you went for the job around here instead."
"Oh." Mick covered his mouth when several crumbs fell out of it. "Were you interested in moving away?"
Joshua's arm slipped from the back of the couch to hold me a little tighter. I moved into his embrace in the hopes of it easing the tension reverberating from him and it did for a moment, only he held on tighter when I explained. "A few job opportunities came up, but I prefer being around these crazy sods."
Megan faked a gasp. "Now, that's just rude."
I stuck my tongue out.
A now composed Trisha entered the sitting room, the scent of roasted lamb wafting through to here as she took the space next to Mick. My stomach rumbled to let me know it approved of the smells of the cooking meat, which seemed to grab Joshua's attention when he grabbed a few sausage rolls to give over to me.
I couldn't seem to take my eyes off his hands as he licked the crumbs from his fingers before reaching over to brush the flakes of pastry that settled on my outfit.
"Are you two a thing?" Trisha asked, raising a neatly trimmed eyebrow.
Megan spoke up. "God only knows what they are, Mum. I can't for the life of me work it out."
A chunk of hair fell away from the clip holding it into a bun at the back of my head, so Joshua used that time to push the hair behind my ear. "Don't concern yourselves with our business," he said, drowning me in his affections today.
"I'm just so curious. There's always such mystery surrounding you two," Megan said, pulling her sock covered feet underneath her bottom.
Trisha fished for Mick's hand when she sent a toothy grin towards Damon when he came back into the room. "I'm curious too."
Megan rested her head on Damon's chest when he pulled her over to him. "I just want you both to find a love like mine."
Joshua stuck his fingers down his throat, which pulled a small laugh from me.
They were so hot for each other that it was almost sickening.
Megan rolled her eyes. "It's a nice feeling that I want to share."
"Ever the romantic," I replied with a smile.
She shrugged.
Mick sat back into the sofa, almost as if a weight lifted from his soul for his daughter. "I'm just pleased that you finally found a good guy."
Damon chuckled into the kiss Megan put on his lips. "I heard the horror stories."
"You have to kiss a few frogs before you find your prince. They mean nothing now," Megan mumbled with her head going back to Damon's chest where he removed the bobble from her hair so he could run his fingers through the silky strands.
A loud beeping noise sent Trisha shooting up from the couch.
"My roast lamb!" She skidded out of the room.
Which seemed to give Joshua the perfect excuse to dig his mobile phone from out of his pocket to avoid anymore awkward conversations with his family.