the morning light shines in my eyes and I cover my eyes with my arm. I groan when I hear everyone start to stir. I feel an arm wrap around my waist and I quickly jump up and back away. once I look back, I see a very hurt, kayden staring at me. I sigh in relief and slowly go back to him. once close enough, he wraps his arms around me tightly and nestles his face close to my neck. I can feel his warm breath touching my skin and I involuntarily shiver.
"i'm sorry." I whisper.
he pulls away from me and shakes his head,"you have nothing to be sorry about sweetie."
that's where he is wrong. I have everything to be sorry about. he's my mate and I've lost my virginity to his brother! And now I'm-I'm...no, I can't say it, then it will be real.tears start burning my eyes but I wont let them fall. I'm not gonna let it show
I'm weak. I'm used. I'm broken.
Just the thought of Anthony raping me again makes me wanna burst out sobbing. I wanna tell Kayden everything and I want him to hold me tight. But that's never gonna happen, because I will never tell him. I won't hurt him like that, physically or emotionally.
Kayden hands me some of my clothes he brought With him just in case. I quickly run behind a tree and get them on. Once clothed, I go back to Kayden, who is sprawled out on the blankets, and I lay beside of him. I close my eyes and feel his fingers run through my hair. I close my eyes and feel the Sparks from his touch.
After a while, Kayden stands and slowly picks me up. He seriously thinks I'm asleep again. A smile touches my lips and I crack my eye lids open.
"I have legs, you know. And they do work." I say amusingly.
"Yeah, but when I carry you; you won't trip on every single thing on the earth's freakin surface. You are fairly clumsy my little mate." He says with a smirk.
I playfully smack him on the chest and scoff.
"I'm not that clumsy! I've only tripped like...3....5....7....9......10...times. okay, I am clumsy." I lower my head in defeat.
Kayden laughs and holds me tighter,"your a clumsy mess, Tara. But your my clumsy mess."
I blush and try to hide my face in his shirt. He chuckles and my face reddens even more. We keep talking and laughing the whole way home.
________________
I see the pack house in the distance and a sigh of relief escapes my dry lips. The relief then turns to fear when Anthony appears as he walks up to us. My body stiffens and my jaw clenches. I just wanna be left alone, with my mate!! But noooo... I can't even have that!
My wolf is clawing at my insides to come out and rip his throat out! My eyes change from brown to pitch black. Wait, this isn't my wolf.... It's another side of me... My Feramors mangone side! Oh crap! I have to control it or I may hurt Kayden!!
I shut my eyes tightly and count my breaths. 123.4..5...6....7.....8......9........10.....
I'm okay... When I open my eyes, I see Anthony staring at me with amusement. Kayden looks down at me and his eyes narrow in concern. I give him a smile and then jump out of his arms.
I walk as calmly to the pack house as I can then quietly shit the door. My eyes keep changing from brown to black but I manage to control it.I need to learn more about my Dad's side of the family. I run to my room and grab the laptop Kayden got me earlier this week. I type in 'Feramors mangone' but nothing comes up. How stupid am I!? Only werewolves call them that! Stupid! But, I don't know them by any other name. Wait...I know...
I quickly type in 'rougarou' and click search.
Holy cow. I'm that?! I keep searching the Internet for more info.
Wendigo? Let me check that. I type in 'Wendigo' and click search.
My breath hitches in my throat. What? That can't be true! I can't be that!
I scream once this pulls up. I shut the laptop and run to my bed and pull the covers over my head. I'm acting so childish! But I can't be that thing! I'm not a--no! I'm not! I'm a werewolf! I'm not that!
You know what? Searching Google is getting nowhere! If I want to know more about my dad, I'm gonna have to go to the pack library and see if they have anything on it!
I rush out of the pack house and find a small cabin that is on the edge of blood moon territory. I open the door quietly and step inside. The place smells old and the lighting is terrible. I can tell this pack hates reading.
I look through the oldest books at the back of the library but nothing has what I'm looking for. I throw my head back in frustration and sigh. I'm never going to find anything I need! After 2 hours of searching I decide to look for 5 more minutes then head home.
I then pull out a very large book and notice something in the back of the bookshelf. I reach in and pull out a pocket-sized, leather book. The book was titled Feramors mangone. I freeze in place as I stare at this small book. I found it? I found it! Yes!!
I carefully open up the dusty book and start to read.
Feramors mangone were the original breed of werewolf. Their strength and speed are greater than any other. Many believe that Feramors are just a myth, but actually, they are as real as you and me.
Feramors can blend in with other werewolves but usually they like solitude. The only time they do come out of solitude is to find a mate but go back into solitude once they mate. They usually choose a common werewolf to mate with because they can't stand being with their own kind.
These creatures are commonly mistaken as the following: Wendigos, rougarous, Black Dog, and werewolf. But they are much more ferocious than all of them put together. They kill for pleasure. They usually like to torture their victims before slowly ripping them apart. Here is a sketch of a Feramors, made by a survivor of a Feramors attack:
Here are 3 ways to identify Feramors:
1;when agitated, their eyes turn black.
2; they have a fear of water.
3; usually they are rogues because of their need for solitude.
If you ever come face-to-face with them, pray it will have mercy on you, though if you do come face-to-face with one you will most likely die a slow painful death.
I slam the tiny book shut and stare at the wall. I'm a monster. I'm a monster! I stand up and put the book in my back pocket. My shoulders slump and I slowly walk back to the pack house. I'm surprised no one came looking for me. Usually there would be search parties everywhere if I wander around by myself.
My stomach angrily growls at me. Ugh... I'm starving! Once inside the house, I tip toe to the kitchen and grab a bag of potato chips. Mmmm....potato chips. As I head to my room I walk by Kayden's office and hear raised voices. What are they yelling about? Well, only one way to find out.I stop and place my ear on the door.
"We can't jump to conclusions!"
"Yeah! We weren't there to see what actually happened!"
"Didn't you see the bodies?! They were ripped apart, Just like the Feramors mangone kills its victims! And you said it yourself, Tara is hiding something!"
"She's not a Feramors, She's my mate! And I will not stand for you to talk about her that way!"
"We can't risk it Kayden! She could destroy the pack! Do you really want to put the pack at risk? For your mate you just found?"
"Don't you dare talk about your Luna like that! Kayden is right! She has no characteristics of a Feramors!"
"Arguing isn't going to solve anything! I say we find Tara and make sure she is a real werewolf. That way, everyone will be happy."
"If she realizes we're on to her, she will kill us all! I say we just kill her and be done with it!"
I hear a loud crash and a low growl erupts from the other side of the door.
"If you even think that again, I will rip you apart just like a Feramors!"
"Y-yes Alpha."
I suddenly hear someone coming to the door. I run down the hall and turn around, like I was walking to my room. I see Anthony emerge and then Daniel. I acted surprised to see them come out of Kayden's office and kept walking past it to my room.
Once in my room, I quietly close my door and slide down it. I need to get out of here. I can't hurt anyone else! I don't care if they kill me or banish me, I'm gonna tell the truth. I stand up and stride to Kayden's office. I feel tears stinging my eyes and fall down my cheeks as I stand at his door.
I roughly grab the knob and open the door. Kayden's eyes shoot up in surprise and he stands to his feet.
"What's wrong sweetie? Are you okay?" He asks as he strides toward me.
I stop him as he is about to grab my waist. I shake my head as I stare at my feet, watching a tear fall to the ground. I take in a shaking breath and look up into his icy, blue eyes.
"You deserve better Kayden." I squeak out.
"What are you talking about? Sweetie, what's going on?" He asks quietly.
I shake my head and more tears fall to the ground. He touches my cheek and I lean in to his hand. This will be the last time he ever touches me with compassion.
"I'm not who you think I am." I choke.
"I know exactly who you are, sweetie. Your my mate, the love of my life, and I love you with everything I got." He says smiling at me.
I start to cry harder and I step away from him.
"Would you love me if I was a monster?" I sob.
His face grows dark and he wraps me in an embrace.
"You're not a monster, Tara. How could you even think that?" He whispers in my ear.
I suck in a breath and pull away from him,"because I killed them."
He stares into my eyes, searching for the truth. He shakes his head and try's to touch me and i step away farther.
"I killed every man, woman, and child in that rogue camp!! I'm a killer! When they looked at me, I saw myself through their eyes. I'm a monster! They begged me not to kill them!! They begged me not to kill their children!! And I didn't even care! I killed every single one of them without remorse! And--" I yell before I can't go on.
I look at him through blurry eyes and take a step towards him. He instantly takes a step back and stares in horror at me. I fold my arms and look at the ground. He's disgusted by me. He hates me.
And I don't blame him.
"And I can't hurt you too." I barely breathe out.
I fall to my knees in surrender. I don't care anymore. I can't go on with him hating me. I want to die.
"I love you." I whisper before I start to sob uncontrollably.
That's the first time and last time I'll tell him that. And I know I won't hear him say those words back.
Because I don't deserve them.